Eulerpole Posted May 3, 2014 Share Posted May 3, 2014 Hey everyone, I honestly had no idea where to place this because I feel it could fit in several sections. I am currently full of regret and want to tell you all what happened, hopefully writing off some of my pain and gaining confidence to tell her in the process. Here is what happened: I live in a house with 3 other students. Two of them are girls, and unfortunately they have come to hate each other over time, leading to our current situation, in which one of the girls (lets call her girl B) does not really come home for anything else but to sleep. Myself and the other guy I live with, we've become very good friends with the other girl (girl A). She is amazing, one of my best friends. But two nights ago, I betrayed her. You all probably feel where this is going. I came home more drunk than I had ever been two nights ago and found girl B on my way to the door, she had gone out too. For some reason I ended up kissing her and sleeping with her. I wish I could rewind time so I could stop myself from being the absolute idiot that I am now. I basically put a fantastic friendship at stake for something as stupid as sleeping with a girl that I don't even like nearly as much.. I've been banging my head into the wall all day because I feel like I might lose my friendship and possibly even my roommate. I sometimes try to convince myself that it is not that bad, we were just two singles spending the night with each other and the other girl is in a relationship. But then I tell myself to man up, see how bad the situation is that I have gotten myself into and try to convince myself that I should come clean as soon as I see her again. What would you advice me? I should tell her, right? I know for sure that things will never be the same, but I should still tell her, right..? Link to post Share on other sites
cupic Posted May 3, 2014 Share Posted May 3, 2014 I can understand you are trying to be sensitive to Girl A, having slept with Girl B, someone she doesnt like very much. So to better form a response, do you have romantic feelings towards Girl A? She's already in a relationship. Are your feelings strictly plutonic? It sounds like you believe you have betrayed her more than just as a friend. Something that might be more complicated is that you slept with a roommate, which can lead to all sorts of awkward moments later on. Make sure you and Girl B are on the same page, you were both consenting adults (i hope) who felt a common attraction for one night and a) you wish to persue a relationship, b) FWB, c) pretend it never happend and never talke about it again. If girl A is really a friend, she should be able to look past a drunken one night stand, even if its with someone she dosen't like. Again, this is assuming you are both on a truely plutonic level here. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Eulerpole Posted May 3, 2014 Author Share Posted May 3, 2014 (edited) Thank you for your swift response, Cupic. I mainly feel very bad to her as a friend. She (girl A) sure is very attractive so I am sexually attracted to her, but I have never said or done anything that would show her that I feel this way. However, I have been in love before and that surely felt very different. I am also quite sure that she is not interested in me in that way, I just don't think I am her kind of guy. I just really value our friendship. Most of my friends I have met during my education, which means that we share many common interests. Girl A is very different from me in many ways, which makes her a really interesting person for me, and one I really enjoy spending time with because she is hilarious. I do not think there is any 'danger' of this secret coming out unless I tell anyone. I am quite sure girl B will not tell anyone because it will not do her any favours (the opposite, actually). I just want to keep our friendship. I know I will keep it by not saying anything, I think I might lose it by coming clean, but I think I cannot live with such a secret. If I had to pick any of the options you gave me, it would be C. I am not sure what girl B wants, although I think it is not a relationship. I surely hope so. Do you think I should tell girl B how I feel about what we have done? Edited May 3, 2014 by Eulerpole Link to post Share on other sites
Frank2thepoint Posted May 3, 2014 Share Posted May 3, 2014 I came home more drunk than I had ever been two nights ago and found girl B on my way to the door, she had gone out too. For some reason I ended up kissing her and sleeping with her. What a segue. It's like straight out of a cheap romance movie or a pornography. I sometimes try to convince myself that it is not that bad, we were just two singles spending the night with each other and the other girl is in a relationship. But then I tell myself to man up, see how bad the situation is that I have gotten myself into and try to convince myself that I should come clean as soon as I see her again. What would you advice me? I should tell her, right? I know for sure that things will never be the same, but I should still tell her, right..? Concerning the emphasis, you did nothing wrong. You did not hurt anyone through the scope of an intimate relationship. You and the girl are single. You guys had sex, good for the both of you. Hopefully from this, you two can build a lasting relationship from it. Concerning the fact that you are friends for girl A, yes you did betray her trust because you did side with her over girl B. Why was there sides among roommates is beyond me and it's something you know. Since you are friends with girl A, I suggest you be honest with her. Don't dump immense details, just sit her down and mention it to her. If she asks questions, then answer them truthfully. Who knows, maybe since she is your friend, she might not even care about it anyway. Out of curiosity, why do the girls hate each other? Link to post Share on other sites
Grumpybutfun Posted May 3, 2014 Share Posted May 3, 2014 You are roommates... It really isn't anyone's business who you are sleeping with as long as you or girl B isn't in another serious relationship. Be discreet and don't worry about their drama...it isn't about you so compartmentalize what you did sexually with what is going on between them. It seems you have a little crush on girl A but she is in a relationship so don't pursue it. Be a good man and don't blab about your sexual liaison with girl B, it isn't kind. Stop getting into their girl problems. Stop thinking about it and let it go, it isn't important, Grumps 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Frank2thepoint Posted May 3, 2014 Share Posted May 3, 2014 If I had to pick any of the options you gave me, it would be C. No. Don't pretend nothing happened. Be honest with everyone involved, especially to yourself. I am not sure what girl B wants, although I think it is not a relationship. I surely hope so. Do you think I should tell girl B how I feel about what we have done? Yes. Just talk to her, tell her how and what you feel. If she feels the same, then go for it. If she is confused or does not want anything, just respect her wishes, and let her go as an intimate partner. Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted May 3, 2014 Share Posted May 3, 2014 "...or at least it feels like it"?! Of course you cheated! You better hurry up before girl B mentions it in an argument or the like. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Eulerpole Posted May 3, 2014 Author Share Posted May 3, 2014 I think you understand me wrong, Frank. I have no intentions with the girl I've slept with, I am not in love with her and do not want a relationship or FWB with her. The night happened, which is a shame, but it will stay just that, one night. I don't think girl B would mention it in an argument since it is more like a 'cold war', they avoid each other and barely see one another. I think I will talk to girl B tonight and see how she feels about it all. I'll let you guys know what happens tomorrow. Link to post Share on other sites
BetrayedH Posted May 3, 2014 Share Posted May 3, 2014 I'm with grumpy on this one. I wouldn't ask Girl B how she feels about being a one-night stand. If you don't want to sleep with her again, then don't. But don't ask her how she feels about you betraying Girl A by sleeping with her or that you regret it. That's just plain awkward, if not rude. And it's none of Girl A's business who you are sleeping with. Why in the world do you feel compelled to make it her business? Like grumps said, stay out of their girl drama. Link to post Share on other sites
atlg8r Posted May 5, 2014 Share Posted May 5, 2014 As a woman, I am not really sure why this is a problem. It's not really Girl A's business who you sleep with, IMO. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted May 5, 2014 Share Posted May 5, 2014 You can't cheat on someone (girl A) if you are not dating her. Get it out of your head right now that you cheated on her. You had consensual sex with a willing adult (girl B). That's all. Stop beating yourself up & don't let anybody else beat you up about it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Eulerpole Posted May 5, 2014 Author Share Posted May 5, 2014 I guess you are all right. Thank you guys very much for giving your opinion. Link to post Share on other sites
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