mikey Posted February 6, 2001 Share Posted February 6, 2001 OK, I could really use some advice here. I've been seeing this really cool girl for a while now and things have been great, if pretty up and down at times. We've both been involved with other people in the past and have told eachother something of our pasts. But i have found it diificult to deal with her still being in touch with ex-boyfriends. She still phones and emails one guy (and has met up with him at least once) who she was seeing before me and she hasn't told him that she's now seeing someone new (she told me this). Another is someone she was in love with and has been friends with for years and sees every month or so. I have told her it makes me feel uneasy but said to her that I wouldn't want to tell her not to be friends with whoever she wants to, but although she tells me she loves me and only wants to be with me, she doesn't seem to take any notice of my concerns. I don't think she is unfaihthful to me but i wish i could lose the jealousy. Any ideas on how to handle this? Link to post Share on other sites
katie Posted February 6, 2001 Share Posted February 6, 2001 I understand that you may be jealous of her ex boyfriends but if she says she loves you she probably means it, except maybe she is not ready to be serious or ready to commit so she finds totally normal to meet with these guys.I would suggest that you take things slowly ,like a said you two are not engaged yet. Therfore, you should be more acceptable of her ex-boyfriends because they can have a platonic friendship. I'm still friends with one of my ex boyfriends and my boyfriend never shows any jealosy. My boyfriend says he trust me and that's why i really love him and I would never think of going back to my ex. Be trustful and you'll see how things will get better. if you act jealous you may end up being lonely. Good Luck! Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted February 6, 2001 Share Posted February 6, 2001 You are the only one who had control of your feelings so you are the only one who can handle the jealousy. I will say that jealousy stems from insecurity so if you feel this way in a relationship, it won't work. If you are just an insecure person, you are the wrong person for her. As a practical matter, I think it is wrong for a lady (or a man) to have more than very casual and infrequent contact with ex lovers. I see that it serves no useful purpose and there is no meaning to such an association. Even when there is some close feeling of kinship, unfortunately that has to be ended when someone is involved in another relationship they want to nurture. You cannot tell her what to do or how to live your life. If this really bothers you, move on. She knows how you feel and it seems not to have any affect on her. That sort of says a lot right there. Link to post Share on other sites
mikey Posted February 6, 2001 Share Posted February 6, 2001 Thanks Katie. I like that advice. Link to post Share on other sites
Rogue Posted February 6, 2001 Share Posted February 6, 2001 This sort of bothers me a bit too. There's nothing wrong with seeing ex's ,it's just not a good idea. Also, when you told her it made you feel uneasy, she didn't seem concerned. I mean, if she was really serious about you wouldn't she care that you're angry? Is it really worth it to risk a current relationship to keep track of an already finished one? Not in my book. I think your jealousy isn't about infidelity.I think you're jealous because she is probably giving some affection to these guys that might not be proper. I think you're worried about where her mind is regarding your relationship and you're maybe mad that she's not treating what you have together with enough respect. If that's how you feel, then I agree with you. I wouldn't like being in your shoes either. Ex's are a really sensitive point in relationships, and it's not a good idea to have them around you too much. If she had to choose between her ex's and you, who would she choose? You should find the answer to that question. Personally, I wouldn't put up with this. I could understand her being there if her ex was having a hard time in life or for other exceptional cirumstances. But I would let it be the exception, not the rule. Let's be honest! We can't really be true ,close, platonic friends with our ex's.At least not in the extent we can with someone we haven't been intimate with. There's a line between friendship and lover , and once it's crossed you can't be "just friends" anymore.Your whole perception of that person has changed because you've been intimate with them.There's always the small residue of romance left over, or maybe a tinge of attraction or even resentment. Either way, those things don't exist with friends you've haven't been intimate with. She's still her own person, free to do whatever she wants. If she wants to see her ex's then she is free to do so. But she has to realize, YOU too are a your own person, free to do whatever YOU want. If this bothers you enough, if she ignores your feelings enough, you are free to leave the relationship.Or you are free to stay and ignore her feelings and do things that make her uneasy. Let her know that. Freedom is a two way street. Link to post Share on other sites
No more games Posted February 9, 2001 Share Posted February 9, 2001 She is keeping them incase you dont work out..plain & simply I hate this situation why is so many women just cant & wont let go of relationships that have ended or died..Why dont you start hanging out with your ex girls or even get a women to play an ex & go & hang out with her & swap mails etc & see how fast your girl cracks it..its all bulls*** I call it keeping your options open. Its selfish came that mostley women play. Man the fact that she hasnt told her ex about you is a sure sign of her intentions..kick her to the curb. OK, I could really use some advice here. I've been seeing this really cool girl for a while now and things have been great, if pretty up and down at times. We've both been involved with other people in the past and have told eachother something of our pasts. But i have found it diificult to deal with her still being in touch with ex-boyfriends. She still phones and emails one guy (and has met up with him at least once) who she was seeing before me and she hasn't told him that she's now seeing someone new (she told me this). Another is someone she was in love with and has been friends with for years and sees every month or so. I have told her it makes me feel uneasy but said to her that I wouldn't want to tell her not to be friends with whoever she wants to, but although she tells me she loves me and only wants to be with me, she doesn't seem to take any notice of my concerns. I don't think she is unfaihthful to me but i wish i could lose the jealousy. Any ideas on how to handle this? Link to post Share on other sites
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