my boyfriend is infatuated with me??

[samantha0111]

I have been dating my boyfriend for 5 months. He is pretty good looking and has a decent job. He is 29 and I am 7 years younger than him. We met each other while I was visiting the beach.

He is a different guy, quiet and reserved but with me he is always so romantic and flirty.

He is pretty caring and loving and we can talk a lot on lots of things.

He takes me out on weekends and we ve been to a few hilly areas as well.

The problem is my boyfriend's sexual needs. We haven't had sex and I really don't want to have sex with him.

He has accepted this and does not make advances at me but he never stays in the same room at night.

I feel bad about it but he says I have no idea what my face does to him and he finds it really difficult to control himself

He makes it up by kissing me A LOT and sometimes I hug him and tease him only because I get a bit out of control as well.

Hes pretty protective about me.

I also feel guilty about neglecting him because he will always ask if I am OK and If I want anything.

I rarely asked him about his needs and last night when I did, he said how did I feel the need to ask if he has eaten or not.

My inhibitions is because of my ex whom I loved a lot and I haven't moved on from them. I only accepted my bf because I was also attracted to his charm and looks.

We share our birthdays in the same month and we are from the same state as well.

I can feel he wants me. He always has this intense gaze at me which sometimes makes me a bit uncomfortable, because his eyes are so piercing.

 

I am not avoiding sex because of any religious reasons or anything.

 

Because of no intimacy between us except kissing and hugging, he is extremely protective and gets jealous very easily.

 

What do I do? My boyfriend loves me or just infatuated?

Edited May 3, 2014 by samantha0111

[bubbaganoosh]

Since your not over your last relationship, your current boyfriend is paying for it by giving you 100% and getting a whole lot less in return.

 

It was up to you to let him know that you were not interested in taking this any farther than dating and nothing serious.

 

Now this guy has put more time and effort in a relationship that has no chance of getting out of the starting gate and in the long run, your going to hurt him worse so how about doing the right thing and being honest with him before it gets worse. You owe him that much.

[samantha0111]

Since your not over your last relationship, your current boyfriend is paying for it by giving you 100% and getting a whole lot less in return.

 

It was up to you to let him know that you were not interested in taking this any farther than dating and nothing serious.

 

Now this guy has put more time and effort in a relationship that has no chance of getting out of the starting gate and in the long run, your going to hurt him worse so how about doing the right thing and being honest with him before it gets worse. You owe him that much.

 

Will sex help? Will be physical with him help me love him and get over my ex?

[Keenly]

Poor guy has no idea that you don't even like him... that's absolutely awful.

[cupic]

Will sex help? Will be physical with him help me love him and get over my ex?

 

I dont think that's anything we can answer on this forum. But I do agree with Bubba's statement 100%. I personally dont believe you are ready to be in a relationship, especially with someone who is so intense. You need to deal with your own demons first. Your're not over your ex. Work on that, find out why you're not there yet. It's not fair for your BF (not sure how you can actually call him that if you're still so hung up on your Ex).

 

Alos, simply having sex to appease your partner is no way to start a relationship.

And having said that, sex is an important part of any lasting and loving relationship. Even the best guys will only wait so long. He's 29. He's probably learned to control his yearnings, and puts more value and effort into an emotional relationship. But at the end of the day, yes he will eventually want to have sex, and it will probably become a deal breaker sooner than later.

[bubbaganoosh]

Will sex help? Will be physical with him help me love him and get over my ex?

 

NO! All you'll be doing is giving him more hope and when it comes crashing down it will be worse.

 

You don't need to be in love to have sex. Were talking about what's in your head, not between your legs. Be honest with him and let him know that the relationship can't go any further until you get your former BF out of your system.

 

Chances are he'll be hurt but at least your being up front rather than stringing him along.

 

I understand what's going on in your head. You can't shut your feelings for your old BF like a light switch. But until you get over it you can't give 100% to the new guy.

 

Put the shoe on the other foot and ask yourself if you would like to be treated that way.

 

Your not a bad person. Your just not over your old boy friend.

[Allumere]

Huni, if you don't have genuine feelings for this guy and are still recovering from your last relationship then you need to let him go. It sounds like he may have some genuine feelings for you and it doesn't sound like you feel the same. No, having sex with him won't make things better unless you want him (and I mean want him more than those moments of being horny).

[samantha0111]

I dont think that's anything we can answer on this forum. But I do agree with Bubba's statement 100%. I personally dont believe you are ready to be in a relationship, especially with someone who is so intense. You need to deal with your own demons first. Your're not over your ex. Work on that, find out why you're not there yet. It's not fair for your BF (not sure how you can actually call him that if you're still so hung up on your Ex).

 

Alos, simply having sex to appease your partner is no way to start a relationship.

And having said that, sex is an important part of any lasting and loving relationship. Even the best guys will only wait so long. He's 29. He's probably learned to control his yearnings, and puts more value and effort into an emotional relationship. But at the end of the day, yes he will eventually want to have sex, and it will probably become a deal breaker sooner than later.

 

How is he very intense? He knows about my ex and our relationship. but he still accepted it without any issues.

[giblesp]

You're on a rebound, you don't love this guy and you don't want to connect with him deeply.

You need to be alone and process your pain. What you're doing to this man, and what he's allowing be done to him, is not healthy. Its needy on both your parts, and cruel that you can be 'with' someone and openly say you still love your ex.

 

End it with this man for both your sakes. Get over your ex, THEN consider meeting someone else.

Edited May 3, 2014 by giblesp

[ExpatInItaly]

How is he very intense? He knows about my ex and our relationship. but he still accepted it without any issues.

 

That's on him, then. But you're certainly not doing yourself any favours by staying with someone who is invested when you're not into it. Simply put, don't get involved with a guy when you haven't moved on from the previous one. It's not fair to him or to you.

[DArtagnan2]

Being in a relationship is more then about the sex, altho society has falsely put it up there are something that is out of the norm if not done early on in the relationship. Labeling the relationship as a problem almost immediately. Of course, this situation has circumstances surrounding it where, if those barriers didn't exist, it appears you would have already been with him.

 

There is nothing wrong with stating your beliefs, wants and needs when entering in to a relationship. You aren't doing anything wrong, altho you are letting your mind take you to that very thought. Its simply something you are putting a value on as it appears, he understands and is Ok with how the relationship is as it stands now. He isn't making comments, forcing any unwanted moves and his intense looks could be him just being into you and you are reading what you are in to it. When kissing or of the like, the gaze between two is usually something that happens whether sex is involved or not. He may just be smitten.

 

One poster commented about you not having feelings for this guy, I didn't read that anywhere. All I saw as the potential problem is that you are not over your ex. Usually, one who is not over their ex, will not do well in a relationship until they are ready to allow someone in to their life in all capacities. Even those who don't have sex for religious or other reasons, would still not be any good getting involved with someone who is healthy minded and ready for a relationship. So you need to leave the sex part out. You are really the only one putting a value on that and its unnecessary.

 

Dating is Ok, even if you aren't over your ex. Its all about what you want and can handle. A casual relationship with a good person, with or without sex doesn't constitute any issues. Be real, honest and true to not only him, but yourself. As long as you are, and he is Ok with where you stand, I dont see the problem.

[DArtagnan2]

oh and as for the "protective" part and being jealous because you two aren't having sex may not be something that is happening because you aren't having sex. He may just be someone who is controlling, protective, insecure on the inside (but doesn't show it), or anything else. So it may just be a character trait of his regardless. Something that should be looked at more possibly as an issue with him, not because of the lack of intimacy. That to me, would just be an excuse.

[Phoe]

You should be honest with him, and break up with him.

 

He sounds like a very loving and caring man, and he deserves to be with a woman who adores him back.

 

 

You are not over your ex. You are using your current boyfriend as an emotional tampon to ease the pain of losing your ex. That is very cruel to do to him.

 

 

Let him go now, don't drag it out even more, you will just hurt him even worse...

[tlegend]

I do feel that if you are in a relationship but not in it with your heart, you should really exit that relationship.

 

On a side note - I find it absolutely hilarious that the regular posters here are adopting the phrase "emotional tampon". Such a comedic gold mine.

[cupic]

I do feel that if you are in a relationship but not in it with your heart, you should really exit that relationship.

 

On a side note - I find it absolutely hilarious that the regular posters here are adopting the phrase "emotional tampon". Such a comedic gold mine.

 

Actually, this whole thread seems to reek of Troll. I just read her other post on LS here http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/473603-going-back-daughter-ex

 

So, are you dating multiple men?

[Keenly]

high time you end the bs and stop depriving him of sex

 

 

Because pity sex is just what every man wants.

[Darren Steez]

Two conflicting posts. So OP are you dating two men?

[Leigh 87]

Wtf.

 

 

 

You're keeping a guy around for company? Sans sex?

 

 

 

Good god.

[J2911]

I have been dating my boyfriend for 5 months. He is pretty good looking and has a decent job. He is 29 and I am 7 years younger than him. We met each other while I was visiting the beach.

He is a different guy, quiet and reserved but with me he is always so romantic and flirty.

He is pretty caring and loving and we can talk a lot on lots of things.

He takes me out on weekends and we ve been to a few hilly areas as well.

The problem is my boyfriend's sexual needs. We haven't had sex and I really don't want to have sex with him.

He has accepted this and does not make advances at me but he never stays in the same room at night.

I feel bad about it but he says I have no idea what my face does to him and he finds it really difficult to control himself

He makes it up by kissing me A LOT and sometimes I hug him and tease him only because I get a bit out of control as well.

Hes pretty protective about me.

I also feel guilty about neglecting him because he will always ask if I am OK and If I want anything.

I rarely asked him about his needs and last night when I did, he said how did I feel the need to ask if he has eaten or not.

My inhibitions is because of my ex whom I loved a lot and I haven't moved on from them. I only accepted my bf because I was also attracted to his charm and looks.

We share our birthdays in the same month and we are from the same state as well.

I can feel he wants me. He always has this intense gaze at me which sometimes makes me a bit uncomfortable, because his eyes are so piercing.

 

I am not avoiding sex because of any religious reasons or anything.

 

Because of no intimacy between us except kissing and hugging, he is extremely protective and gets jealous very easily.

 

What do I do? My boyfriend loves me or just infatuated?

 

 

 

After reading this , I'm going to be completely honest to you about what I got from this post .

This is just my interpretation here and I am always honest with my thoughts so I hope this isn't going to offend you here .

 

My thoughts now after your post :

Your bf thinks that highly of you and respects and loves you so much as to not attempt to push you towards having sex with him so much that he won't stay in the same hotel with you so he pays for two rooms . You repay him by refusing to sleep with him after teasing him bc you like control. I don't think that is right much in my opinion . Your bf sounds like he may like a girl to be controlling to him like a sub likes a dom in a way. He must like this to stay in this with you.

 

Doesn't sound like you are over your ex and it doesn't sound like to me that you respect this guy much at all so why stay in this ?

 

I'm not trying to be harsh , I just interpreted this post this way .