countryrider13 Posted May 3, 2014 Share Posted May 3, 2014 How does one get past them? A little about me, so you can give advice. I'm 32, have a history of bad relationships (like most I suppose or else we'd still be with the ex's) As a young child I was molested. Then growing up my dad has been faithful to my mom as far as I know, but do know he almost cheated on her, plus he's not very affectionate towards her, hasn't been for years. As I got older I married a man for the wrong reasons and got really hurt. He went to jail for a sex charge (not from me) and I just haven't had luck in general with guys, they've either lied or cheated. And my ex husband on top of it was verbally abusive. Ok so that's the short version without going into much detail. Currently I've fallen in love with a wonderful man. he's so different than anyone I've ever met. Normally my gut instincts are correct and they tell me he's sincere, I have nothing but full trust in him. And we're engaged to get married in 2015. My problem is my own insecuritites...I'm insecure about myself at times in my own skin. We live apart but saving up to get a place of our own. So we live in different towns. We work 2 different shifts and I'm putting in a lot of hours, we don't get to see eachother much. maybe couple days every week or so. I also get insecure that what if he gets disinterested in me cause of lack of our time together? We talk daily, but I still worry that seeing eachother so little may make him start talking to others casually which may turn into something more cause he's lonely without me. I've had this conversation with him, and he reassures me that he loves me, will do anything for me, will try his best for the rest of his life to give me what I haven't had growing up...which is the feeling of being loved and accepted. What is your advice? I'm reaching out to counseling and waiting for one to call me back this week. Link to post Share on other sites
BetrayedH Posted May 3, 2014 Share Posted May 3, 2014 I get the sense that you're making up a problem where there is none. You've been betrayed before so you'll know when something sketchy is going on. If/when it does, go ahead and investigate. In the meantime, enjoy your engagement. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
dichotomy Posted May 3, 2014 Share Posted May 3, 2014 (edited) Perhaps there is a positive way to channel your insecurities. Next time you feel like saying "I am insecure and worry that you will hurt me or cheat or me or leave me - you wont will you?" Try saying this "I have been so burned before by weak men, I am so happy I choose a real man like you with honor and strength and fidelity,I respect and love you so much, you are the best man for me". What this does is (as he knows) mention that you have sore spots, but also helps reinforce those qualities in him you already see and want to marry. Saying this will make him stand up tall, puff out his chest, and feel it in himself as well. Getting therapy for your insecurities would be great, best gift you can give your husband is to put the past behind you, and be the best wife you can be - strong secure confident and not a drain on him. He needs a partner and that has his back - as much as he has yours. If he is dealing with loliness right now not seeing you enough - talk to him about the future with him, what it will be like and more, and some phone sex might be in order as well. Best wishes P.S. a tip for you - lots of sex after the wedding (even after babies) and always respect - men want this more than love...(trying saying this - "its not that I love you because i do - but I respect you as a man...you got my back and I got yours...oh and you rock the bed too":love:) Edited May 3, 2014 by dichotomy Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted May 3, 2014 Share Posted May 3, 2014 As another poster posted you have been cheated on and lied to so you know deceit....so you do know truth too when you hear it and you said that this guy is unlike anyone you have met before, you recognise your insecurities and you adore him and he adores you, so let yourself be happy.....i am happy for you so you be happy for you... its hard when you have been lied to a lot, the only positive thing can say is, you can spot deceit with that feeling you get of it being off or not right.....my teens have given up lying to me they just come out with it now.....even if dont want to hear it i know its truth....because i know at heart level when they lie you do know its not your fault if people lie to you or try to deceive you doesnt make you the person who should be insecure because you have been with dishonest people and you prefer honesty.......you have to believe that now you get to be with an honest person and also appreciate honesty for all its worth ...which is a lot...congratulations on your relationship with a good guy ...i hope that you can overcome your insecurities enough to relax and be accepted and loved by a guy who truly does love you......best wishes for many years to come...deb Link to post Share on other sites
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