no initiative on his part

[i.want.out.]

Hello all,

so at work, there's this new guy whom i fancy. I smile at him, he smiles back. That is it. Why? Because, whenever he comes round me, all I do i smile back at him because I am serving customers and cannot talk. I told him that I can't talk because of that. He said 'alright'. I want to learn more about him, but I feel like all he does is come next to me to smile at me. He came so often to look at me, and if I caught him, he would either pretend he was not looking, or smile at me. If I want conversation to happen, I have to start it. I wish he could show some initiative, like ask me something!

Sometimes, I think maybe he thinks I am an easy girl, and my interest in him only serves him to boost his ego? He does not come and say bye when he leaves. I am fed up that he is not showing more interest!!!!

 

 

I am also worried that if I go to him very often and start talking, he will stop having respect for me? (maybe he is traditional?) I am sooo confused.

 

Thanks for any advice given.

[R3d]

I am fed up that he is not showing more interest!!!!

 

 

I am also worried that if I go to him very often and start talking, he will stop having respect for me? (maybe he is traditional?) I am sooo confused.

 

Folks, this is what happens when men don't make the first move.

 

As for you OP, he's probably a shy guy. With shy guys, you usually have to make the first move or make it painfully obvious that you like him.

[Keenly]

Hello all,

so at work, there's this new guy whom i fancy. I smile at him, he smiles back. That is it. Why? Because, whenever he comes round me, all I do i smile back at him because I am serving customers and cannot talk. I told him that I can't talk because of that. He said 'alright'. I want to learn more about him, but I feel like all he does is come next to me to smile at me. He came so often to look at me, and if I caught him, he would either pretend he was not looking, or smile at me. If I want conversation to happen, I have to start it. I wish he could show some initiative, like ask me something!

Sometimes, I think maybe he thinks I am an easy girl, and my interest in him only serves him to boost his ego? He does not come and say bye when he leaves. I am fed up that he is not showing more interest!!!!

 

 

I am also worried that if I go to him very often and start talking, he will stop having respect for me? (maybe he is traditional?) I am sooo confused.

Thanks for any advice given.

 

 

Excuse me while I wipe the spattered portions of my brain off of the wall and ceiling.

[Targetlock]

if you like him, make a move why is that the guy has to make the first move? shouldn't stand around waiting for him.

[i.want.out.]

Excuse me while I wipe the spattered portions of my brain off of the wall and ceiling.

 

 

 

This happened only very recently. He was like this before I said it. Sorry, my message was not clear.

[spiderowl]

if you like him, make a move why is that the guy has to make the first move? shouldn't stand around waiting for him.

 

Because that's the way it's done. If it isn't, then confusion abounds. At least if we know who should make the moves it's very clear. I know women can take the initiative and they often do, but there are so many guys who are suspicious of a woman who does this and end up not respecting her because they think she must be easy or desperate or something. This dating rule has a purpose, like why we all drive on the same side of the road. If some start changing the rules, chaos would ensue and people would stop dead in their tracks in confusion.

[Frank2thepoint]

Here we go again. The wheels keep spinning but there's still no traction.

 

Hello all,

so at work, there's this new guy whom i fancy. I smile at him, he smiles back. That is it. Why? Because, whenever he comes round me, all I do i smile back at him because I am serving customers and cannot talk. I told him that I can't talk because of that. He said 'alright'. I want to learn more about him, but I feel like all he does is come next to me to smile at me. He came so often to look at me, and if I caught him, he would either pretend he was not looking, or smile at me. If I want conversation to happen, I have to start it. I wish he could show some initiative, like ask me something!

 

Alright, the guy is shy or a dullard. Maybe both. But he is still coming over to your area and smiling...like a dullard. Nevertheless, he is doing something, he is showing some interest. You can't deny this. He is doing the best he can. Yes it would be great he can utter a single sentence, phrase, word, vowel, or just a sound. But that does not mean you should put him down, get frustrated. For some people it is very difficult to have the confidence to approach someone they are interested in. This guy is doing some half-assed trying at least.

 

My suggestion is the next time he does this, just say "Hi, do you need any help with something?" It's a small push to grant him an opportunity to talk to you. Yes it's frustrating, and you sound like you have a lot of pride that you are unwilling to initiate a simple "Hi", but you still should try. Because someone has to try. And no there is no rule, law, or gender requirement that the man has to initiate all the time. Just swallow your pride for a moment, and let curiosity take over.

 

 

Sometimes, I think maybe he thinks I am an easy girl, and my interest in him only serves him to boost his ego? He does not come and say bye when he leaves. I am fed up that he is not showing more interest!!!!

 

This is some paranoid, insecurity talk. You're projecting something onto him, which is untrue, and no evidence of it even existing except in your head. But if you are getting fed up with him not saying anything, see my aforementioned suggestion.

 

 

I am also worried that if I go to him very often and start talking, he will stop having respect for me? (maybe he is traditional?) I am sooo confused.

 

Wow. Holy f*cking sh*it, wow. Do women really think this way? Is this innate? Is this how women are raised by parents?

 

 

Because that's the way it's done. If it isn't, then confusion abounds. At least if we know who should make the moves it's very clear. I know women can take the initiative and they often do, but there are so many guys who are suspicious of a woman who does this and end up not respecting her because they think she must be easy or desperate or something. This dating rule has a purpose, like why we all drive on the same side of the road. If some start changing the rules, chaos would ensue and people would stop dead in their tracks in confusion.

 

Okay, I'm done here. There is nothing more for me to do after reading this.

[R3d]

LOL, Frank2thepoint. I agree man. ****ing rage quit. I am laughing out loud, seriously.

Edited May 4, 2014 by R3d

[Teraskas]

Because that's the way it's done. If it isn't, then confusion abounds. At least if we know who should make the moves it's very clear. I know women can take the initiative and they often do, but there are so many guys who are suspicious of a woman who does this and end up not respecting her because they think she must be easy or desperate or something. This dating rule has a purpose, like why we all drive on the same side of the road. If some start changing the rules, chaos would ensue and people would stop dead in their tracks in confusion.

 

I've said it once, and I'll say it again:

 

This is so full of ignorance.

Drop the need to hide behind gender role insecurities.

 

Since when should men be deadlocked into the role of initiating ?

Last time I checked, when a woman initiates, she isn't exactly devaluating herself or coming off as desperate.

If anything, it shows she's got guts, confidence and doesn't appear to be a princess passively sitting on her rear end waiting for everything to be handed to her.

[regine_phalange]

Poor guy is probably just respecting what you told him about having to work. And he still comes and smiles at you. If this is the case, personally, Id like the fact that he is respectful. Say hello to him, how are you, etc. In the worst case, it would be just some work public relations.

[Stillits]

Well I can just say, if that had been me, I would have started a conversation with him when I was available. Yes, I would approach him. Perhaps he perceived you to be disinterested because you told him you don't have time to talk.

 

Why is it that in almost anything but dating, the woman should go after what she wants? A great job is not going to fall into her lap. Well, for some people and sometimes a great guy is not going to fall into her lap either.. If you want something, be assertive and show confidence. I don't care if I "change the dating rules and chaos ensues" by doing this.. If a guy doesn't appreciate this, chances are he is not going to appreciate the rest of my personality.

 

I never had a bad response on approaching a guy anyway. It didn't always lead to something other than a pleasant conversation, but even that can be worth it. Don't be scared.

[thecrucible]

if you like him, make a move why is that the guy has to make the first move? shouldn't stand around waiting for him.

 

 

 

'cause it's a man's job. If a guy can't even fulfill the criteria of 'being a man', how is he supposed to be attractive? Sure a girl could make a move but it's flattering for the guy to make the move. If the guy isn't prepared to make the effort to make a move, then he's not worth it.

 

 

But I do think as long as a woman has given a guy a green light, that's as much as she needs to do. I think in this case, she should keep talking to him to show she is interested, and so he doesn't get the impression that she is brushing him off. He probably perceived her comment about not having time to talk that way.

[AdrianCrawley]

Hello all,

so at work, there's this new guy whom i fancy. I smile at him, he smiles back. That is it. Why? Because, whenever he comes round me, all I do i smile back at him because I am serving customers and cannot talk. I told him that I can't talk because of that. He said 'alright'. I want to learn more about him, but I feel like all he does is come next to me to smile at me. He came so often to look at me, and if I caught him, he would either pretend he was not looking, or smile at me. If I want conversation to happen, I have to start it. I wish he could show some initiative, like ask me something!

Sometimes, I think maybe he thinks I am an easy girl, and my interest in him only serves him to boost his ego? He does not come and say bye when he leaves. I am fed up that he is not showing more interest!!!!

 

 

I am also worried that if I go to him very often and start talking, he will stop having respect for me? (maybe he is traditional?) I am sooo confused.

 

Thanks for any advice given.

 

So you are confused about someone who keeps smiling at you but does nothing else ? Who knows why he's smiling... Since you're the one who wants something, he has to make the move.

I have a girl at work that kept smiling at me. Well, at first they all did, the ones around my age and younger. Then there was just this one left, the others got used to me being there. So because she kept smiling, one morning we started talking. And the following week I asked her out to have a coffee and a chat, to get to know each other a bit. Aaand... she said she was busy. And then she stopped smiling. And you know why ? Because I was the one who wanted something. So it was her move, not mine.

[Frank2thepoint]

But I do think as long as a woman has given a guy a green light, that's as much as she needs to do.

 

Please define this. Expand and offer examples so others can understand this. Maybe the OP has not given any green light.

[iiiii]

I find it sexier when guys make the first move too. But it's only fair to let them realise that making a move would be welcome. Initiating conversation is a start! Eye contact and body language can also be pretty strong hints that attention would be welcome.

 

If that fails then yes, you might need to do the asking. If he disrespects you for that (and I know a small minority of guys will assume you are desperate if you go "begging" for attention) then he is not worth your time, because he is a jerk. Seriously. If he has that attitude, he isn't worth it. There are lots of nicer guys out there.

[Omei]

Excuse me while I wipe the spattered portions of my brain off of the wall and ceiling.

 

Hilarious lol I do enjoy your posts.

[Scales]

'cause it's a man's job. If a guy can't even fulfill the criteria of 'being a man', how is he supposed to be attractive? Sure a girl could make a move but it's flattering for the guy to make the move. If the guy isn't prepared to make the effort to make a move, then he's not worth it.

 

 

But I do think as long as a woman has given a guy a green light, that's as much as she needs to do. I think in this case, she should keep talking to him to show she is interested, and so he doesn't get the impression that she is brushing him off. He probably perceived her comment about not having time to talk that way.

 

cause it's a mans job? Is a woman's job to stay in the kitchen? What is this nonsense? Glad a guy's worth is determined by his ability to make a move instead of who he actually is. He could be some great guy who is probably nervous and a bit shy like a normal person would be. Like a woman who can't make a good sandwich, throw him in the trash because they aren't worth it.

 

There is nothing wrong with her making the first move. She doesn't want to because its uncomfortable and requires you to risk rejection. Should men always be the ones to risk rejection to show that they are strong and confident? Why can't women be strong? Is it such a turn off that you have to make the first move. Look out everyone, the guy might be timid. The worst kind of person obviously. Worse than fat women or women who can't cook.

[Keenly]

'cause it's a man's job. If a guy can't even fulfill the criteria of 'being a man', how is he supposed to be attractive? Sure a girl could make a move but it's flattering for the guy to make the move. If the guy isn't prepared to make the effort to make a move, then he's not worth it.

 

 

But I do think as long as a woman has given a guy a green light, that's as much as she needs to do. I think in this case, she should keep talking to him to show she is interested, and so he doesn't get the impression that she is brushing him off. He probably perceived her comment about not having time to talk that way.

 

What a copout answer.

 

You're too afraid to approach a man and feel the rejection he faces often, so you are hiding behind the outdated passive behavior that women used to exhibit.

 

Funny how we want to keep the gender roles that work in our favor.

[Valen]

Because that's the way it's done. If it isn't, then confusion abounds.

'cause it's a man's job. If a guy can't even fulfill the criteria of 'being a man', how is he supposed to be attractive?

 

Then get back in the kitchen, woman!