Being jealous and insecure?

[PuppetLife]

I'm not sure why I feel so insecure. But I feel like I would lose my friends any time, no matter how close we are. So basically I get to know these two girls, A and B, few years ago. And they were so close to each other and I would always feel left out. And about a year ago, A leave to another school because B made a new best friend, C, and so A and B kind of drifted away from each other. And I became closer with A. Even though she moved, we still talk everyday. Whereas with B, I became closer as well because we have many classes together, but because she is so close with C, I never feel like good friends with her. And well, before A moved, I would never feel jealous because B and C are best friends. But for some reason, I feel really jealous and left out because they are so happy with each other, and I'm like the third-wheel. I would tell myself that it's ok to just be their friends and not their best friend, but sometimes I just can't control my emotion. Like when they tell me they are going somewhere I would say " that sounds fun, I really hope you enjoy it!" but deep in my heart I feel terrible and want to cry because I'm not invited. And like, I feel like they know each other so well, but I don't know much about them at all. But C is moving to another country soon and A said she wants to move back. And again, I used to be fine with A and B being close, but now I'm just like so jealous and stuff. Like I hang out with A at the weekends, and I would worried that B will hang out with A as well and they will bitch about me behind my back. Or like, I saw A posting a picture of B and herself, saying "I really miss this girl", I would get really jealous. I understand that I have no control over that, and I should be happy for them because they are such good friends. But I can't help thinking they will bitch about me when I'm not around, they will laugh at me, they will ditch me once they are best friends again, they might hate me secretly, or hate my personality or even things I did. I hate feeling that way but I just can't help it. I don't want to feel jealous and so insecure, I feel so ugly for feeling this way. Please give me some advice, I feel terrible.

[Ebman]

It seems like you are suffering from that terrible affliction called "giving a **** what other people think". It's a young persons disease. As humans we grow out of it and slowly become more comfortable within our own skin. Eventually you'll realize that other people's opinions about you are non of your business. If they judge you its a reflection of who they are and not of you. Friends come and go.

 

 

You should have friends for various purposes. For example I had a friend that was awesome to party with. He wasn't very good conversation and a bit dim witted but we had tons of fun together by going out dancing and playing pool. Then there was my other friend that was an amazing mental connection. He was on the same intelligence level as me and we could discuss the biggest load of nonsense for hours. Then I also have some online friends and text friends. They play a different part in my life. Trying to attach yourself to one "best friend" is an immature way of looking at friendship.

 

 

You are an independent person and always have to be your own best friend first and foremost. After that start building a network of friends that you can confide in and/or share your human experiences.

[darkmoon]

you need to be okay with being on your own, I hope that you are, now and again you will find that you are solo, no big deal, no reflection on the person on their own, only if you keep getting side-lined by new friends do you have a need to worry

 

 

and where are some new friends, that is what I need to know, you need to plan a bit, make some decisions about where to look

Edited May 5, 2014 by darkmoon

[Smilecharmer]

Be someone whom you would want to be friends with and it will make you a better friend and more likely to attract and keep friends. Stop worrying so much about what others think and learn that your worth has nothing to do with others but how you view and feel about yourself.

[PuppetLife]

but I don't know what to do. I'm so tired and I get so upset for many little things about the friendship. I don't know what to do and I want to stop feeling that way

[darkmoon]

see a counsellor, I say this because friendships, even ones that are outworn, should not be upsetting you like this, srsly, a counsellor can help you

[mea_M]

Awe! Don't be insecure! It's useless. Hold you're head high, be proud of who YOU are and forget about how others view you! Got it?

 

Mea :-)

[PuppetLife]

And then again, today I feel so horrible. So many things just happened at once. B and C had a fight and B got so upset, but last time when she had a fight with me, she simply ignore me, like completely. And then C got angry because she wasn't invited for a study thing B and I had at the weekend. And she got so unhappy about it. But I never said anything when they hangout without me every weekends, and they don't ever invite me! And like, when they see something funny, they would insult me as a joke, and sometimes, as a joke is okay. But I feel like they are always putting me down for fun and always complimenting each other. I mean, I don't mind them complimenting each other at all, but why put me down for fun? Another thing that got me so upset today is that, they are planning to go somewhere tomorrow, and I know I couldn't make it. And C was like "Oh well, I don't care I have B and my other friend with me." And I know it’s my problem that I can’t make it, but I still feel upset. Like, I don’t want to become those kind of friends who will only be there when they can get benefits or show a image of me not putting effort into the friendship, but I really can’t do anything, because my parents are quite strict. I really want to participate but I just can't. And these had happened many times. I'm really tired and confused. Help me.

[ja123]

It sounds like you're having an anxiety attack. Step back from "A", "B", and "C". Take a break from them for a few days.

 

 

Don't get involved in their disputes.

 

 

You are loveable and friendship worthy.

 

 

You need to think outside of the box and start looking for friends "D", "E", "F"...

 

 

Broaden your social base, so you don't feel so desperate.

 

 

Be proactive about it. Join a club or a hobby class that you enjoy, so you can meet other people and at the very least have social contact within a structured environment which will cause you less stress.

 

 

Don't expect too much. Take it as it comes and enjoy what you're doing.

 

 

Don't forget #1. That's you!!!

 

 

Book Recommendation: "Feeling Good" by David D. Burns

[PuppetLife]

OK, so I took a trip to a place where I have no WIFI. To be honest, I do feel more relax. But every time when I stopped, like I'm in a car, or like when I'm eating. I started thinking about how I'm being left out. I remembered before I left, they said they are going to a theme park. I couldn't really control myself, and I was quite upset about it. My friend noticed something is wrong and she asked me if I'm upset because they are going without me, I said no. Because I knew I would start a fight if I admit it. And so, when I was on my trip, I think about how much fun they had without me, and I just can't hold it anymore. I understand that friends aren't there for hanging out, they are there when you have troubles, they are there to help you, at least that's what real friends do. But I can't get over this problem, I JUST CAN'T!

[PuppetLife]

I think I'm really going crazy, everything seems so terrible for me. So B called me and asked me how was the trip. And when I said hello, she said she was C. I noticed that her voice didn't really sound like C but i didn't want to embarrass myself if it was actually C, so I didn't say anything. And so I just talked to her as though she is C. After a while, she said she is B and she sounds so annoyed to the fact that I didn't realized it was her and thought she was C. I felt really bad and now I just can't stop thinking about how she might dislike me or something like that. Am I going crazy?

[ja123]

These girls are mind-f*cking you.

 

 

Drop them now!

[nescafe1982]

I think I'm really going crazy, everything seems so terrible for me. So B called me and asked me how was the trip. And when I said hello, she said she was C. I noticed that her voice didn't really sound like C but i didn't want to embarrass myself if it was actually C, so I didn't say anything. And so I just talked to her as though she is C. After a while, she said she is B and she sounds so annoyed to the fact that I didn't realized it was her and thought she was C. I felt really bad and now I just can't stop thinking about how she might dislike me or something like that. Am I going crazy?

 

That is so mean on her part. And pointless. And MEAN.

 

I don't think this person is truly a friend. I mean wow, what a mean thing to do to someone. She's manipulating you... I'm not even sure to what ends, but you're feeling crazy because that was her intention. You're not going crazy. Someone played a mean joke on you.

 

I would not talk with this person anymore.

[PuppetLife]

But the thing is that, I don't want to lose this friend. She is mean to me sometimes, but there are times when she seems like a great friend to me!

[PuppetLife]

So a lot of things happened, and I'm not sure if I'm normal feeling what I'm feeling...

Ok, so again, B and C.

B doesn't have a phone and C does.

B made a facebook account for C and add everyone they know, but she didn't add me. She had snapchat, she added everyone she knew from school, but not me. They like to take selfies, and when I want to be included in the picture, they tell me to take the picture for them. But other than these things, from time to time, they can be great friends that make me laugh. But when I'm alone, I will start thinking about how I feel left out.Yet, I tell myself that at least I'm not alone. But it's like a terrifying feeling of losing them, or being hated by them.

Like, when we work, they work together. They make new friends, and decided to hang out after school. But they don't tell me about it. I know that I don't have to be included in everything they do, and still be their friends, but it's really hard.

Please give me advice. I don't want to drift away from them.

Is it normal to feel like that? help.

[johnpatric]

This post is like mind game.. in short what you want to say..?? please go to the point.. please don't play this kind of alphabetic game..

[UnderAttack2014]

Yes absolutely it's called the third wheel... When friendships are between three unfortunately it is common for two to bond more and one to feel left out..

 

I had it in school, gosh 20 years ago and I am sure it will still be there in 20 years time! Threes are difficult it leaves one out. Can you make new friends separate to them? Find yourself your own best friend? Doesn't have to be at school, can be online or at a club or something.

 

Chin up honestly it's not personal even though it feels like that and you will get though it.. I know exactly how you feel though having been through it!

[xxmusical]

I'm sorry OP, but they are not your real friends. If they are, why wouldn't they add you on FB and whatever else? Why wouldn't they include you in their photos? Because they do not value you. You can find better friends. You deserve better friends.

 

Yes, it is hard to maintain a 3-persons friendship because two would often be closer than the other one. I have gone through this, but regardless, my situation is different from yours because my friends included me no matter how close they were. As for you, B and C rarely include you in their activities. Reading your other post, they have insulted you, excluded you, made fun of you... They are not friends.

 

I understand the feeling of afraid to be alone...but you must learn to get over it, learn to accept it, learn to make new friends. Once you take the first step, it's not so scary after all.

[PuppetLife]

Also, now that I think about it, I think I also have some problems. Like, I'm not really an outgoing person, and I don't really open up with them. So this might be one of the reasons why I'm not best friend with them...But I don't really know how should I improve.

[nescafe1982]

OP, you've posted about these two individuals before. And you received advice about them before.

 

I don't think the advice is going to change. These two are not very nice to you. You would be better off making new friends with people who are nice to you.

[SpiralOut]

I think this "friendship" is chipping away at your self-esteem. It is also making it harder for you to make friends with other people. Any nice person who looks at this girl will see she is mean-spirited and will stay away from her, and might stay away from you too simply because you are associated with her.

 

A real friend would never make you feel jealous and insecure on purpose. Ask yourself what are you getting from this friendship?

[Always Pondering]

Make new friends!

 

Sorry to say but like the other posters have said, your "friends" aren't very nice friends at all by the way you describe them.

 

One of my "circles of friends" involves 3 people and I will admit that I am closer to one person than the other but not by that much. The difference is not even as close as it is yours.

 

You don't have to "improve" yourself for others, just simply make friends whom you are more compatible with without having to change yourself for others.

[SpiralOut]

Also, now that I think about it, I think I also have some problems. Like, I'm not really an outgoing person, and I don't really open up with them. So this might be one of the reasons why I'm not best friend with them...But I don't really know how should I improve.

 

It's probably a good thing that you don't really open up with them since they don't sound like very nice people. They would just make fun of you even more if you did that. You're not doing anything wrong. These girls just aren't the right friends for you.