Author jesienna31 Posted May 14, 2014 Author Share Posted May 14, 2014 (edited) I'm guessing my opinion may be a little unpopular but from what I understood, it's a favour he did the OP and her work colleague (through the OP). Out of politeness I would send him a brief note saying thank you. I don't see how it can do any harm if OP is sure about going NC. No matter what he says or replies, OP will have done her part, which is being polite and educated (even if he hasn't always been nice to her, I think it's the right thing to do, but not to be taken ANY FURTHER than that). Depends on what stage of healing you are OP. Early stages we're more fragile and more prone to their bullsh*t. Awww... really??? Confused now.... in a way I would like to say thank you but at the same time I don't want him to think I broke it off two days ago and now I am trying to find excuse to contact him and message him... what do you say? I don't want to confuse him as well as myslef. We work in the same building so there are little changes but.. are.... that I might bump into him, although I am trying as much as I can to avoid it. I was thinking maybe to say thank you then if out of politeness and professionalism at work we would need to have this "small talk". Maybe then I could say ... that by the way... thank you for all that help few weeks back. Edited May 14, 2014 by jesienna31 Link to post Share on other sites
Sub Posted May 14, 2014 Share Posted May 14, 2014 As you weren't the one who benefitted from the favor, I don't see why you'd have to thank him. It will just feed his ego if you do. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
jellybean89 Posted May 14, 2014 Share Posted May 14, 2014 do NOT contact him. Favour or not, contacting him will only open the door for more communication...he writes back "is there any way I can help" or "how are you" or "wish things didn't have to be like this", etc...and all it takes is that tiny bit of communication to resume things. It is only a few days out -- you even said you didn't know if you could go through with ending it....do not contact him. The situation is between your friend and the xMM... you are the middle person. The friend can contact him but NOT YOU. Do not allow yourself to go down that road. Plus, the friend is also a co-worker of his, right? Let them deal with this and stay out of it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jesienna31 Posted May 19, 2014 Author Share Posted May 19, 2014 (edited) Broke up with MM of 2 years last week... we had a very calm break up, no Dday, just the fact that I couldn't cope emotionally anymore with the reality of him and his wife expecting a baby. I felt it was wrong and for me emotionally hurtful as well. We left in peace... but I see it now mostly because I stretched myself to be very understanding ... I guess I did it myself... i wrote myself off together with any of my needs and expectations to accomodate him. His needs and his schedule ALL.THE.TIME. I didn't matter anymore.. I was just a toy. I reread a lot of emails that we exchanged... I recall how hurt I felt when I was typing some of them but because i didn't want to rock the boat i usually twisted my words not to sound too demanding, to be always very easy on him... Why did I do that? Why did i let myself to be so blind??? Why didn't I listen to what my emotional rollercoaster was trying to tell me... that he never had any feeling for me... that I was only his toy all this time that he manipulated to get what he needed. The break up as well... I left it with a feeling of respect for him.. this is what he wanted... leave and have a feeling that he wasn't a jerk in my eyes. The few days of NC are opening my eyes... by a tiny bit every day... I start feeling so angry.. not only at him but also at myself that I allowed it all to happen and be treated like a doormat. How do I overcome these feelings? How do i face them? How do I let him know now that I did not leave in peace... and that I see it all so differently now... Edited May 19, 2014 by jesienna31 Link to post Share on other sites
Michelle ma Belle Posted May 19, 2014 Share Posted May 19, 2014 (edited) Congratulations for having the courage to break things off with this man. You should celebrate this more and dwell less on beating yourself up for having stayed so long. Most OW don't get this kind of clarity so kudos to you. As for how to deal with your escalating anger about the situation, let yourself FEEL IT. There is nothing worse than trying to run away from dealing with how sh*tty you're going to feel about things. It will only prolong the inevitable. It will be very uncomfortable but it does pass provided you remain NC and keep yourself out of harm's way. Now for how to let your MM know that you're not as OK with things as you lead on, don't bother. What are you hoping will happen if you tell him? He certainly doesn't care enough about you and it won't make any difference at all. Honestly, forget about him and work on healing yourself, making peace with things and work on raising your character so as never to find yourself in this kind of situation again. Good luck. Edited May 19, 2014 by Michelle ma Belle 2 Link to post Share on other sites
harrybrown Posted May 19, 2014 Share Posted May 19, 2014 Do the 180 and cut him out of your life. There was no future with him. Do something for yourself now. and when you are ready find someone that can and will share a future with you. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author jesienna31 Posted May 19, 2014 Author Share Posted May 19, 2014 Thank you for replies... I feel really angry and hurt... but somehow feeling too numbed now to cry. I can't let it out even if i liked. Anyway, yes, you are right, moving on would be the best thing to do now.. and taking care of myself. Hard... Anyway the only worry for me is that he works so close to me, I can easily bump into him... how to react then? Be normal or try to avoid him? Would you say "hi" or would you just ignore...? Show him the anger or cover it up so he doesn't know? I am shacking every time I am leaving my office in worry I might see him somewhere around and I would loose my ground... Link to post Share on other sites
Speakingofwhich Posted May 19, 2014 Share Posted May 19, 2014 I'd just try to focus on doing my job the best I possibly could and if there are things I could do that were convenient to stay out of his way, I would. However, if I happened to cross paths with him I'd be courteous but "busy." I wouldn't share my anger with him. At this point that would be my own new stage and the less he was involved with me processing the A, the more separation there would be between him and me. I'd like that. It would signify the new person I was becoming that he isn't a part of. Also, it's great that you're seeing the R with more clarity! Just encourage you to keep heading in the right direction! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author jesienna31 Posted May 19, 2014 Author Share Posted May 19, 2014 I'd just try to focus on doing my job the best I possibly could and if there are things I could do that were convenient to stay out of his way, I would. However, if I happened to cross paths with him I'd be courteous but "busy." I wouldn't share my anger with him. At this point that would be my own new stage and the less he was involved with me processing the A, the more separation there would be between him and me. I'd like that. It would signify the new person I was becoming that he isn't a part of. Also, it's great that you're seeing the R with more clarity! Just encourage you to keep heading in the right direction! That is just beautiful what you said here... It is great help to have an honest and outside view on how to process best these feelings during this difficult time. Thanks for support. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts