CIE Posted February 7, 2005 Share Posted February 7, 2005 Title basically explains it. My LDR GF seems to have developped an attitude problem and odd behavior in the last few months. First of all some back story, im 20 shes 18, she wont come see me and wont allow me to go visit her. So basically all we do is talk and chat and play online computer games together. Problem 1: The computer games seem to mean more to her than I do. We play alot of massively multiplayer games, basically around 1000 people in the same game at once. Often she will ask to play alone or on her own. Problem is she goes and has fun with strangers leaving me behind. She gave me some reasons saying "I work and have school, all my free time i spend with you i want to have fun on my own". I thouht it was a good reason but still, before she had to beg me to stay home and not go out so i could play with her. I would say 98% of the discussions weve had in the past 3 months were about that one game we play that i dont really like but play anyway because she loves it. Problem 2: She has weird mood swings and overreacts to some of the mistakes i do. I admit it, i make mistakes and I take responsability for them. But she will often insult me or be extremely upset over very minor things than can be easely corrected. She often blames me even when i am not in the wrong. A good example of this is something that happened in one of these games. We were having fun together and the discussion got a little 18+ if you get my meaning. We kept that up for maybe 10 mins when she said she had to brb. She often goes brb for extended periods of time (20-40min) so i didnt think anything of it. 20 mins later she came back colder than an ice cube and no longer in the mood. This happens fairly often so i just shrugged it off somewhat disappointed. If that wasnt weird enough she gets upset at me. She had supposedly sent me a message saying shed like to be alone for a while, but i never got the message and took screenshot to prove it. She got extremely upset at me saying i never listen etc even though i told her i had never gotten the message. I kinda felt there might have been something else bothering her so i asked her why she was so upset and if everything was alright. I got 20 minutes of silence and she finally replied to me changing the subject completly to, you guessed it, the game! I can understand shes stressed from work and school. Im not saying she being unreasonnable about wanting to do other things with her free time then spend it all with me. But that example struck me as very odd and also was a turning point for me at how completly different she has become. I blame this game, shes addicted to it like crack. Still i cant help but feel that she didnt just snap at me like that just for a message i didnt get. Anyway enough ranting on my part, just give me your opinions on whats going on >< Link to post Share on other sites
Merin Posted February 7, 2005 Share Posted February 7, 2005 Is this a online LDR only? Link to post Share on other sites
Author CIE Posted February 7, 2005 Author Share Posted February 7, 2005 pretty much, id saw off an arm to go there or have her come here for the better part of a day but she wont have it, Saying she cant take time off school and work, and that parting would be too hard etc... Personally i dont buy it much, i have work and school but we get breaks and its not like wed have a 7 hour plane ride (could drive there in a day and no jet lag) Link to post Share on other sites
johan Posted February 7, 2005 Share Posted February 7, 2005 Probably what you don't want to hear, but: I'd say leave her alone. Don't try to contact her. Back way off until she makes it clear she cares about you. She's openly rude to you and excludes you at will. Then you persist and tolerate her rudeness just so that she'll hopefully act nice again. Stand up for yourself and prepare to move on. EDIT: DON'T drive to see her. If she's not inviting you, you aren't wanted. Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted February 7, 2005 Share Posted February 7, 2005 What's going on? Sounds like she is creating some distance while she goes about the process of emotional detachment from you. This will continue for a time, and the more you fight it - the worse it will get. Eventually, she will just cut you cold. It is the inevitable slide toward the breakup. You can blame the addictive game, but in your position in a LDR which sounds to be almost entirely online - there really is no way you are going to be able to know for sure if that's the reason. Even if it is the reason, you can also consider that there's probably another person involved which may have helped her addiction along so to speak. So, whether its an addiction to a game or a person - its really a moot point. She's slipping away from you, regardless - particularly if she has insisted that you and she not see each other in person. What can you do? All you can do is let her know how you feel about her and that her behavior is hurting you. Be specific about the things she is doing, and try to articulate to her exactly how you feel. If she reacts negatively, then you can thank her for a great time that you two had together but that you can't handle being treated this way. Then you can ask her to not contact you again, and begin the process of deleting her from your contacts and from your heart. Once a process like this starts, there is very little the other partner can do to stop it. You can speak your mind, and lay your heart out but you can't control how the person who is withdrawing is going to react to it, but at least you can say you tried. Link to post Share on other sites
Author CIE Posted February 7, 2005 Author Share Posted February 7, 2005 Well i am quite a forgiving and patient person. But i guess the real reason is half the time i know she doesnt mean it, or rather i hope she doesnt mean it. Im saying that because 10 minutes later she'll act like everything is dandy! I never got an "Im sorry for yelling when it wasnt your fault" and i dont really expect her to. Link to post Share on other sites
Merin Posted February 7, 2005 Share Posted February 7, 2005 Originally posted by CIE pretty much, id saw off an arm to go there or have her come here for the better part of a day but she wont have it, Saying she cant take time off school and work, and that parting would be too hard etc... Personally i dont buy it much, i have work and school but we get breaks and its not like wed have a 7 hour plane ride (could drive there in a day and no jet lag) Okay.. Well honestly because the 2 of you have never met IRL then as much as you really feel you know her.. essentially all you know is what she tells you. While I'm not saying that online dating/chatting/relationships don't work.. I'm saying that there has to be a time when the relationship is taken off line and into real time where 2 people can actually spend time together and get to really know one another... IF this were me and the person who was suppose to be my GF/BF whatever the case may be and they didn't want to actually meet me.. made a lot of excuses as to why that was/is that would be a big red flag to me, I would wonder if this person had misrepresented themself and honestly.. (Again if it were me) I would move on. Good Luck Link to post Share on other sites
Author CIE Posted February 7, 2005 Author Share Posted February 7, 2005 Johan - I had no intention to drive there anyway. I may have trouble letting go but im not the stalker type haha Link to post Share on other sites
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