Intel Posted February 7, 2005 Share Posted February 7, 2005 I've known this girl from work for about 9 months. She's one of those girls who has a bunch of 'guy-friends'. She's had a BF since we met and I had a GF. 2 months ago, my girlfriend and I broke up. Since then, I've been talking to her via e-mail, phone or instant messaging. Sometimes she's really flirtatous though, she'll say things like "You know I love you" and she'll always try to hug me and stuff. Anyway, I was going to test her to see what she'd do if I tried to get her to do something with me outside of work. For some reason, she told her boyfriend that she was going to do something with me and he had a problem with it...he told her "no way". But, she ended up coming over to my house and just hanging out for about an hour. She also calls me every once-and-awhile just to talk. She sometimes complains about her BF saying that he doesn't like to "talk" and that she should be with someone who will "talk". She even told me that the only reason she dates him is because he's nice to her and she's afraid to be alone (meaning, she wouldn't be able to find someone else). Lately, I've been joking with the notion that she would never want to date me (if she didn't have a BF) and she seems to feel differently. She'll say stuff like, "How do you know?" and "You're the one who wouldn't wanna date me". Well, the other day, she called me to tell me that she has a present for me (it's my birthday soon). She comes over with it and it came with a card that said "I could never forget the b-day of someone as charming, kind, thoughtful, understanding, warm, interesting, intelligent, & attractive as you are". Then the gift she got me was a gift-certificate to my favorite restaurant. I was pretty suprised. It seems like she went out of her way to make me feel good. But i'm not sure whether she's doing it for me to be one of her 'guy-friends' and because she knows I just broke up with my GF...or if she's really looking for something more?? Thoughts??? Link to post Share on other sites
DinNJ Posted February 7, 2005 Share Posted February 7, 2005 I wouldn't do a thing as long as she has a boyfriend still. Cause right now her 'rep' is going down fast... Dating him... sleeping with him, but flirting with you. So at least you know what she's capable of ....and that's straying from her relationships. I wouldn't make a move and it sounds like she could be quite interested, but I wouldn't do a thing until she's free of her boyfriend. And even then, I wouldn't 'rush' into anything serious with her. Sounds to me like she's starting to build an emotional attachment to you. The 'talks' you have with each other are filling her void that she's missing with him. Just make sure she doesn't drag you into something she or you can't handle. That's my 2 cents. Link to post Share on other sites
P1xie Posted February 7, 2005 Share Posted February 7, 2005 Whether she wants you as a friend or boyfriend shouldn't matter. She is with someone and you know this. Think about this if she leaves her current boyfriend for you what makes you think she wouldn't do the same to you in the future. How would you feel if you were that guy and she was going behind your back? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Intel Posted February 7, 2005 Author Share Posted February 7, 2005 I WAS that guy. That just happend to me. I know how it feels...it sucks bad. But if she would be happier with me, and I would be happier with her....then that's the only justification needed. I'm confident that she'll break it off with this guy sooner or later - whether I'm around or not. I'm just wondering if what her intentions are. Link to post Share on other sites
P1xie Posted February 7, 2005 Share Posted February 7, 2005 What was your x girlfriend's intentions. Sounds to me you found two of a kind. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Intel Posted February 7, 2005 Author Share Posted February 7, 2005 I'm not implying at all that I would take part in her cheating on her BF. I'm just wondering what her deal is. Link to post Share on other sites
DinNJ Posted February 7, 2005 Share Posted February 7, 2005 Dude, weren't you the guy with the 'kill me now' posts... over your girl that got pregnant by some other guy??? If remember correctly, you are. Her intentions are.... proving she's a 'mess' and she's showing it pretty well now. Put your sneakers on and RUUUUN!!!! Far from her.... she did you Wrong with a capital W. She's totally messin' with your head and her own... stay clear and watch yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Intel Posted February 7, 2005 Author Share Posted February 7, 2005 Your memory serves you correctly. I'm not talking about the same girl though, if that's what you're thinking. You're probably right about just saying 'screw it' and just letting it go. Seeing as how my head is just as messed up as anyone else's right now. Link to post Share on other sites
DinNJ Posted February 7, 2005 Share Posted February 7, 2005 Ooooooh... rightto' Cool, a new girl for you. Sounds to me like she could be interested... but still leave it in her hands.... and keep the ball in your court... again, she's WITH someone else. And I don't think you wanted to get involved in it right now. You got enough on your mind. Link to post Share on other sites
clynn Posted February 7, 2005 Share Posted February 7, 2005 Be straight up. Tell her you'd love to go for dinner with her (gift certificate she gave you)...but she'd have to be single. It probably has an expiry date. Use it with someone else if she isn't available by that time. Otherwise, keep it cool until then. But no problem in letting her know you're into her. Some people are just more "right" for some people than others. And maybe that is the case in yours. But you want her to be available before you start dipping your foot in her pool. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Intel Posted February 21, 2005 Author Share Posted February 21, 2005 Well, just to serve and update of this situation...over the past couple of weeks, I've been talking to her and she would sometimes express her relationship situation in an 'odd' way. She said things like, "sometimes I think I should be single"...blah blah blah. I asked her if she wasn't dating this dude, would she want to date me and she just said, "maybe". Anyway, this one night, I saw that she was online (AOL IM) so I sent her a message, it wasn't actually her online it was her BF. He told me right away that it was him (I guess he somewhat knows of me, or knows who I am). I talked to him for like 10 seconds and then signed off. Then the next day, she sent me an e-mail saying that her BF wanted to meet her for lunch to "talk about things". She assumed it meant her relationship with him. Later that evening, she IMed me and explained what happened. She said that her BF was checking her email and stuff and he was really having a problem with her having all these "guy-friends". She said that he was saying that he felt like he didn't know her anymore and was almost crying. SO...she goes, I don't think he's gonna let me have anymore guy friends, but we can still go out to dinner (with that giftcard she got me). But ever since then, she's kinda been ignoring me when I go online. She won't IM me anymore and she usually signs off shortly after I sign on. But then when I see her at work, she's all touchy-feely and chatty with me like it ain't no thing. The other day, she asked one of my co-workers if I was working. And for some reason, this sparked a conversation about me and her. The co-worker told the girl that she needs to realize that she has feelings for me and vice-versa. She said something like, "he (meaning me) doesn't like me like that...blah blah blah..." After hearing about this, I decided to just ask her..."do you like me" (Yes, it sounds like elementry school but what else can I do). She goes, "I think you're nice...but you know I have a BF" and I said "I know you do. But, I've learned that doesn't necessisarily mean anything". Then she just said, "I gotta go walk my dog...we'll talk about this later". Later came, and I asked her if she was gonna answer me. She just totally avoided the question. She would not answer me. She kept pretending like she didn't know what I was talking about. Then, she would just change the subject. I think she either doesn't wanna hurt my feelings...which by the way, it wouldn't really hurt my feelings anyway....or she just thinks that I don't like her like that so why should she say she likes me if she 1. has a BF and 2. doesn't think I'll like her back. One thing's for sure, the older I get...the more I don't understand the female mind. Link to post Share on other sites
latesleeper Posted February 21, 2005 Share Posted February 21, 2005 Hey Intel, I think the best thing for you to do is stop being her "guy-friend." It's obviously hurting her BF a lot, and it's not helping her or her relationship with her BF. I think she needs to get her priorities straight and find out what she wants. It seems like she doesn't know and therefore acts differently one way and another. Please give yourself the respect not to be treated this way. And not to be indirectly but knowingly hurting someone else. If she doesn't know what she wants, even if you get into a relationship with her, you are likely to end up hurting. Just my thoughts. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Intel Posted February 21, 2005 Author Share Posted February 21, 2005 I'm not doing anything though. I never flit with her or hit on her. She does it to me. I don't talk to her unless she talks to me first. I'm not trying to be a "home-wrecker" or anything. Link to post Share on other sites
latesleeper Posted February 21, 2005 Share Posted February 21, 2005 I know. As a woman, I just feel angry that she's so wishy-washy, namby-pamby. Glad you can see through her. It depends on your personality, I guess, but it would be nice to see someone tell her -- get your priorities straight OR what are your motives? OR whatever you're on, don't get me involved OR leave me out of your loop please Heh, just gabbing. Link to post Share on other sites
SuperFantastico Posted February 21, 2005 Share Posted February 21, 2005 Leave it alone man. Too much trouble with that one. She dosnt know what she wants and is a bit of a cock tease i think. Her boyfriend is a bit of a retard too but she is more of one for going out with a guy who will search her email, and ban her from her friends. Find anouther bird. If you really want to see what she thinks of you. be all chatty for two weeks, then avoid her for two weeks. See what she does when you come back again after the two weeks you were away. Its a fun little experiment. Really messes with people and might give you the upper hand.......uh in theory.... And by being away, i mean just saying hi and walking by her and being 'busy' all the time. Then show up and be all chatty and flirty for the next 2 weeks. You can rinse and repeat a few times. Will confuse her and women love a puzzle or when guys are a challange.......uh....again in theory......and yes this would be considered mild mind games. Link to post Share on other sites
westernxer Posted February 22, 2005 Share Posted February 22, 2005 Superfantastico's right... stay away from her. Did you say you work with her? Strike one. Big no-no. Don't fish from the company pier. I've seen it happen and it's hell when things turn to ****. I'm just glad it wasn't me. Did you also say she has lots of guy friends? Strike two. She probably tells them the same sob story, and they're waiting for her as well, like a bunch of sharks lurking at the edge of the bay. Their advantage is they don't work with her. She obviously thinks highly of you, based on the nice gift, but not enough to leave her boyfriend over it. If she's chatting with you about her love problems, then it's more than likely you're a friend and nothing more. The damage has been done... and it's too late to reverse it. Worse yet, when things are on the rocks between her and the boyfriend, she's going to hook up with someone else before giving him the boot... and she'll ask for your opinion before requesting your approval. Strike three. Of course I could be wrong, but the odds are still in my favor, 99-1. Link to post Share on other sites
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