What Do You Settle For

[Leigh 87]

I didnt settle, not at all! I pinpointed the girl I wanted and I put my blinkers on and pursued her! She was the only one i wanted! Everything else was settling! It was no, Romeo and Juliet story though cause she had no intention of being with me, no intention of setting up a home, no intention of having kids. But i dunno, i guess to me i set my sights and she didnt have a big say in the matter, haha, took me a good four years (thats like 1461 days dude!!) but its worth it, to have what i have now id of pursued her for 8!! I've got the girl and the family i've wanted since i was 15!

 

 

BUT.....However much i love her, even if she was the only girl in the world i ever truly loved there would of come a point one day - dunno where, cant even imagine it, but i know its there - a point where i'd of married a girl i at least liked, and got on with, and been a good loyal husband to her and of raised a family together! There was nothing that would of ever taken kids of the table for me, i think the drive to be a dad would of won out in the end if i'd had to choose!

 

 

 

I always enjoy hearing your lovely stories about your fiancé and your boys:o

 

So you're basically saying that you KNOW without a doubt that she is the girl for you that you will likely love like no other?

 

Do you think you could ever meet someone you felt that way about again?

 

Do you consider it a once in a lifetime sort of wow factor you had/HAVE with her?

 

Do you think it happens twice in a lifetime?

 

I feel like giving up if anything were to happen to my lovely boyfriend.

[Valen]

Why do you think you won't find that girl that thinks you are the best?

 

I'm just being realistic. It doesn't happen to everyone as proven by divorces and breakups and the many lonely seniors who die without a spouse. You and your husband are among the lucky ones. But for the rest of us, we might never experience that kind of love.

[Valen]

I didnt settle, not at all! I pinpointed the girl I wanted and I put my blinkers on and pursued her! She was the only one i wanted! Everything else was settling! It was no, Romeo and Juliet story though cause she had no intention of being with me, no intention of setting up a home, no intention of having kids. But i dunno, i guess to me i set my sights and she didnt have a big say in the matter, haha, took me a good four years (thats like 1461 days dude!!) but its worth it, to have what i have now id of pursued her for 8!! I've got the girl and the family i've wanted since i was 15!

 

 

Since 15? Did you really got married at 15? You chase her for 4 yrs when you were around 10-14yr of age?

 

Curious, how did you pursue her? Did you face countless rejection? How did you handle them? What finally turn things around for you? Take time to elaborate cuz your story sounds interesting.

[Shepp]

I always enjoy hearing your lovely stories about your fiancé and your boys:o

 

So you're basically saying that you KNOW without a doubt that she is the girl for you that you will likely love like no other?

Yeah, I know for sure I won't love anyone else like I love her! I know she's the one for me because I've never felt the spark I feel with her with anyone else!

I've had my fair share of girls intrested and they wee nice and pretty, and all the rest of it and much less complicated but they just weren't her!

That's how I know!

 

Do you think you could ever meet someone you felt that way about again?

Not the same way, because for one Alex is Alex and I love her for who she is and even if I loved someone else I guess Id love them a different way! And because, you couldn't repeat the history we've got with someone else and I think y'know we were kids, we grew up together, I don't just know what makes her tick, I nderstand what makes he tick, I've been there!

 

Do you consider it a once in a lifetime sort of wow factor you had/HAVE with her?

Yeah, I can't find the words but... shes one of a kind I don think anyone who met her would fail to say that - love her, hate her, she always makes an impact!!

She's my firecracker, she rocks my world and I guess I'm her rock!

 

Do you think it happens twice in a lifetime?

I feel like giving up if anything were to happen to my lovely boyfriend.

No, I'm sure some people love again in a different kind of way.

I can see the furure but wherever life takes us I swear now, a lot of my heart will always be hers!

[Shepp]

Since 15? Did you really got married at 15? You chase her for 4 yrs when you were around 10-14yr of age?

 

Curious, how did you pursue her? Did you face countless rejection? How did you handle them? What finally turn things around for you? Take time to elaborate cuz your story sounds interesting.

 

Hahah noooo! The girl i've wanted since i was 15! I was 15 when we first met!

 

Haha i'm sure i've taken enough of the good people of LS's time with my story in my past threads but err, I was her "best buddy" as she'd of put it. She didn't reject me as such, she just had a lot of stuff going on, it was kind of that whole in-another-life-we'd-be amazing-babe-but-im-just-too-screwed-up deal.

Sucked, but we really were good mates - i genuinely enjoyed her company regardless, and there were enough....moments when i knew she felt it too, i felt that I would - I knew i was always right on the edge of getting her to be like "yeah okay, lets do this".

[Valen]

Hahah noooo! The girl i've wanted since i was 15! I was 15 when we first met!

 

Haha i'm sure i've taken enough of the good people of LS's time with my story in my past threads but err, I was her "best buddy" as she'd of put it. She didn't reject me as such, she just had a lot of stuff going on, it was kind of that whole in-another-life-we'd-be amazing-babe-but-im-just-too-screwed-up deal.

Sucked, but we really were good mates - i genuinely enjoyed her company regardless, and there were enough....moments when i knew she felt it too, i felt that I would - I knew i was always right on the edge of getting her to be like "yeah okay, lets do this".

 

I see. Good for you mate. You definitely took the road less traveled, glad it worked out for you.

[Leigh 87]

I am so loving being with a guy who was super into me from date one.

[littleplanet]

How many of you prefer to stay single unless you find someone who is essentially that "once in a lifetime" type of love, or "the one" as some people infer?

 

Does anyone else, besides me, opt out of the normal, low passion relationships and strive to have it all? Intense passion from day one WITH a person who is also your best friend? I have come to learn I don't want a bug pay check, good looks or anything of the sort. I just want instant and intense passion, mutually, along with a wonderful person... where we both respect and admire one another as people and have similar values.

 

I have been an only child of parents who have lived overseas from when I was still a child. I have a huge capacity to love friends/family and animals and to fall in love romantically, YET I just don't see what is bad about staying single for years, since I have learnt to live happily alone without my parents in the same country from age 9 or 10?

 

I miss my bf like crazy but I have done long distance with relationships before and can manage without him, where as my best friend cries if she finds out she has to spend a week away from her sweetheart:lmao:

 

Before I met my current partner I felt t would be most ideal and positive for me to meet my needs via being single. I am happier single than I am partnered with a guy that I don't feel is the rare : love of your life. I realise that most people prefer the style of love where they don't start out smitten or that into a person but rather "grow" to love them deeply through mutual respect and affection. I do realise I am an anomaly. Lolz, I would honestly rather be single for life then settle for a relationship that lacks; instant electric chemistry, the feeling of being " best friends" who also happen to feel passionate about each other in a romantic way.

 

Short of those things, being "best friends" with a person you're crazy about, I would soooooo much rather remain single for the rest of my days.

 

Is it weird that I don't feel it's even a bad thing to be alone for life than settle for a love that I know is LESS that what is POSSIBLE? I have heard a man say that since he met "that girl", he has never felt that way about another. Not since before or after meeting her. I want to be "that girl" to the man I end up with.

 

I am asking for how other people view love and relationship and their search for the right person. I am NOT welcoming criticism of my own view, thankyou, as I am very happy and comfortable with how I feel about my own love life. This thread is because I want to hear about how YOU view love and relationships, and whether or not YOU hold out for that once in a lifetime one, or if you're need to have a family supersedes finding intense passion AND a loyal companion in one package?

 

 

Well, I tend to agree with you (all gushing aside.)

I tend to believe that there is a one and only, to whom all others compared are stuff and nonsense. My life has sort of proven that to me.

 

To me - it's all about balance. Romance, love, like, chemistry, understanding, acceptance, desire.

 

Some folks find this and it scares the whiskers off them. Maybe because it's a lot to lose..........maybe because you're lucky if you find it once in life.

[Leigh 87]

Well people claim that we all settle to some degree as in no one find the perfect partner who is movie star good looks, rich, successful, etc etc...

 

I have only ever wanted a man who I had the instant fireworks the way you see in the movies, and who was also a wonderful man who adored me and had staying power. A man I fell head over heels for and who felt the same way about me.. who didn't need "time to figure out which girl he wants to keep seeing.... Who lost interest in other women from day one.

 

I found that. To me it literally feels like a Disney movie each day.

 

Although thank GOD, my boyfriend is so normal and he shows he is crazy about me and adores me, yet he is not blowing up my phone 50 times a day. He doesn't get paranoid or mad if I am busy and cannot respond to him, if I wake up and leave my phone at home and am not keen to check messages, he doesn't let me not getting back to a message phase him. Yet we still talk every day.

 

We are crazy in love without being needy or stupid lol.

 

I do acknowledge that most people don't need a fairy tale love story and outright dissuade their own children, family and friends from looking for instant sparks. Many people liken that to the crash and burn style of relationship that is drama laden or lacking in substance.. " so he gave me butterflies but he was boring" is the common sort of thing people tend to preach to others.

 

Yes I know seeking out that 1 in a million fairy tale love is stupid to most people, and I know it is not a sure bet. Many people will never find the natural, instant fireworks AND a great lasting love. The great love of the century. Partially because, well, they don't think there is anything more special about the head over heels, crazy in love style of love that gives you butterflies right away AND that lasts; to them, they are just as contented in their slower burning relationships that have also lasted.

 

I want what I want and I am not scared to go after it since I have no need to HAVE to have kids or settle down.

 

I am also not scared to blindly tell folks that " yeah. Well I am single because I am holding out for that once or twice in a lifetime deal, where both people get butterflies right away and are super smitten immediately and stay that way"

 

There is a middle ground I think.. in between instantly being smitten and feeling butterflies and never really feeling any intense passion..Middle ground is: still being smitten, into each other and feeling butterflies but after TIME spent together. After one or more months dating, people can develop intense feelings of passion, when they were not all that giddy to begin with.

 

 

 

Anyone else have any contributions?

 

Have you all really not seen many instances of two people who were instantly besotted with each other and had the fireworks AND also lasted?

[somedude81]

I am so loving being with a guy who was super into me from date one.

 

Do you ever feel that he likes you too much, or that is his feeling for you are stronger than your feelings for him?

[Leigh 87]

Do you ever feel that he likes you too much, or that is his feeling for you are stronger than your feelings for him?

 

We are on a pretty even keel. I've had guys who were more into the I them. . And vice versa.

I've hated being the one more into the guy.

[somedude81]

We are on a pretty even keel. I've had guys who were more into the I them. . And vice versa.

I've hated being the one more into the guy.

 

Would you prefer the guy to be into you more than you are into them, or would that make you feel uncomfortable?

 

I've often heard that women don't like it when a guy likes them more than she likes him.

[Leigh 87]

Would you prefer the guy to be into you more than you are into them, or would that make you feel uncomfortable?

 

I've often heard that women don't like it when a guy likes them more than she likes him.

 

 

 

Ugh. When the two guys who would have moved mountains for me at the drop of a hat texted or called me I was never happy or excited, I didn't feel more towards than that of a friend; I don't get giddy or excited when a friend calls? Although I am glad I have friends and like when they think to call me. That was about it with those guys.

 

I would always get disappointed when those guys called as I would rather hear from a guy I am excited about dating:lmao:

 

It was annoying if anything having these guys so into me, since I wished the guys I WAS into were that into me:lmao:

 

I was like damn, if only I cannot feel excited about these guys, if I was the type who allowed a very slow burn style of love I would have these men who completely adore me! Why am I INSISTING on only dating guys I get butterflies with?

 

I witness for the first time last year, what it looks like when two people both crazy about each other and EQUALLY into one another. It was just so nice and effortless for them, my friend has literally NO doubt in her mind that her bf completely adores her and was very smitten with her from day one of meeting. I vowed that I would never settle for less. Lets face it, I am of an age and I am not ugly to that many people so I feel that I can chase that fairy tale.

 

I am cool if I don't end up with it, I really love a lot of areas of life that I am looking so forward to focusing on. No need to settle for something I fundamentally don't want. I don't mind going without kids and keeping all my earnings for myself and future altruistic projects. However, I have also realised I would love the fairy tale of a guy who is head over heels from me from date one and wants a little him and me together. Well worth financially losing out.

 

Since I absolutely do not need a relationship I already know I would be happy alone and therefore can afford to wait forever if need be, to find "that guy" who is smitten from day one.

 

I definitely don't recommend this to friends or family unless they ask me my honest opinion on love to which I normally say:

 

" well, most people have partners who they were lukewarm about initially but who, over a period of months, grew to be the greatest loves of their lives"

 

The difference was... they didn't get that giddy, excited feeling when they first met, and took longer to fall in love than the instant fireworks people who had the infatuation and chemistry to push them along (not that this type of love tends to last long term)

[Leigh 87]

hmm also, when the guy is a little less into the girl it possibly keeps them on their toes.

 

The guys who were super into me, I wasn't that into back and I guess the lack of challenge would be seen to be a cause of my disinterest.

 

I personally don't believe that theory to be true in my case; when I feel it I feel it, I get excited by their calls, I get butterflies before meeting them and it is normally with guys who start out really into me also.

[ayala]

If I'm single, I'll date a bit, sure.

 

I just don't let them experience everything I have to offer.

No more physical contact than a hug, no spit sharing (haha), and definitely no invitations over (doesn't matter who does the inviting. Exclusive for relationships or platonic friendships for me).

 

A date here and there to get to know a person is fine.

As far as relationships go, it has to be someone I could potentially see a relationship with or if I fall in love.

 

I've become more pickier about the people I become close to due to past experiences.

[salparadise]

It was annoying if anything having these guys so into me, since I wished the guys I WAS into were that into me

 

And that in a nutshell is the answer to everything... the 42 of female attraction.

[Leigh 87]

And that in a nutshell is the answer to everything... the 42 of female attraction.

 

 

Prove it.

 

Seriously. With the really nice guy who was crazy about me, wealthy, etc...

 

I felt NO spark. NO romantic fire.

 

I felt 100% platonic.

 

I did not want to kiss him or sleep with him for the two months I was with him.

 

Why should I enter into a relationship where I have to wait months to generate the " I want to sleep with you" feeling, when I PREFER to instantly be excited about dating a guy?

 

There is nothing inherently wrong about wanting to feel excited about the guy you're dating.

[Leigh 87]

I don't have a thing for bad boys or guys that are out of my league.

 

I am open and receptive to feeling chemistry from "nice guys" so I don't HAVE to settle for a relationship there is a weak natural spark, little chemistry and where I am frankly, not at all excited at the thought of kissing my date for weeks into meeting him.

 

Chemistry is either there or it is not; you CAN manufacture it to some extent but it is never as intense as naturally born chemistry.

 

I don't think it is wrong for me to CHOOSE to only date guys I feel excited about dating from date one.

 

NICE guy have given me butterflies too.

[lucy_in_disguise]

Interesting thread.

 

As I get older I find that I am very risk-averse when it comes to searching for love. I think i mistrust my own and others' emotions, so above all else, I seek out dependability. Unfortunately, the guys I perceive as most dependable tend to be difficult to form emotional connections with.

[Untouched]

I have hardly any experience with dating or "chemistry" but I don't really understand this discussion.

 

Isn't dating supposed to be either to just have fun, or to search for your life partner? If I was searching for my life partner, (I am not yet, but expect to in a few years) I would not keep dating a person once I knew he was not "it."

 

For now, I am looking for enjoyable experiences with guys through dating. So far, my experiences have not been so great, so I am not dating those guys any more. Now I have had a very good experience, so I am going to date him some more.

 

I am not thinking and gauging amounts of chemistry or what I am "settling" for. I think I can tell if it is a good thing or not. I hope anyway!

[man_in_the_box]

I'm happy with my girlfriend and our 5.5 year relationship - no idea why I should ditch it all to chase some chemistry or sparks high.

[Els]

Would you prefer the guy to be into you more than you are into them, or would that make you feel uncomfortable?

 

I've often heard that women don't like it when a guy likes them more than she likes him.

 

My SO was, in the initial stages (when he was courting me). It was a turn on, to be honest. Although he did do it smartly - wasn't clingy or needy, just put a lot of effort into pursuing me. Clinginess or neediness are generally turn offs, yep.

[somedude81]

I am so loving being with a guy who was super into me from date one.

hmm also, when the guy is a little less into the girl it possibly keeps them on their toes.

 

The guys who were super into me, I wasn't that into back and I guess the lack of challenge would be seen to be a cause of my disinterest.

 

I personally don't believe that theory to be true in my case; when I feel it I feel it, I get excited by their calls, I get butterflies before meeting them and it is normally with guys who start out really into me also.

Logically, these two statements seem to contradict each other.

 

Though now I understand, that you are loving being with a guy who was super into you from date one, as long as you are into him, more than he is into you.

 

It's a good point to make that when a guy is less into the girl, it keeps her on her toes. Women need to feel that they like the guy more than he likes her. And yet in the vast majority of cases, it is the guy who likes the girl more. Which of course makes perfect sense that the guy likes her more, he's the one who had to pursue her. If he didn't like her, he wouldn't have asked her out in the first place.

[Leigh 87]

Logically, these two statements seem to contradict each other.

 

Though now I understand, that you are loving being with a guy who was super into you from date one, as long as you are into him, more than he is into you.

 

It's a good point to make that when a guy is less into the girl, it keeps her on her toes. Women need to feel that they like the guy more than he likes her. And yet in the vast majority of cases, it is the guy who likes the girl more. Which of course makes perfect sense that the guy likes her more, he's the one who had to pursue her. If he didn't like her, he wouldn't have asked her out in the first place.

 

 

 

 

Oh no honey.

 

I don't think I am more into him than he is me. I feel it is very mutual.

 

I am thrilled with the fact we BOTH seem equally smitten.

[Leigh 87]

I'm happy with my girlfriend and our 5.5 year relationship - no idea why I should ditch it all to chase some chemistry or sparks high.

 

 

 

Some lucky couples still feel the spark and chemistry after 5 years.