What Do You Settle For

[somedude81]

Oh no honey.

 

I don't think I am more into him than he is me. I feel it is very mutual.

 

I am thrilled with the fact we BOTH seem equally smitten.

 

Then mutual is fine as well. As long as he doesn't like you more than you like him. Right?

 

Things need to be equal, or you liking him more.

[man_in_the_box]

Well I'm sincerely happy for them. There's always those that do better whether it comes to love, career, social status, accomplishments etc. I can't always be the best. As long as I'm happy with what I have or aiming to acquire for what I think is achievable and necessary then I'm satisfied.

[Leigh 87]

Then mutual is fine as well. As long as he doesn't like you more than you like him. Right?

 

Things need to be equal, or you liking him more.

 

 

I am seeking a big, mutual love.

 

I don't want it to be evident that either one of us are " more in love".

 

I wouldn't be satisfied if one or us were more/less into the other...

 

I want someone who is crazy for me as I am him, basically.

[Leigh 87]

Well I'm sincerely happy for them. There's always those that do better whether it comes to love, career, social status, accomplishments etc. I can't always be the best. As long as I'm happy with what I have or aiming to acquire for what I think is achievable and necessary then I'm satisfied.

 

 

 

I am curious, if you don't feel much in the way of passion, does your partner essentially feel like a best friend and life partner?

 

Are you sure there are no periods of passion or sparks?

 

Did you start off with fireworks or did you start off more viewing her as a friend and growing to love her through her values and personality opposed to the instant romantic spark some couples feel?

[clia]

Logically, these two statements seem to contradict each other.

 

Though now I understand, that you are loving being with a guy who was super into you from date one, as long as you are into him, more than he is into you.

 

It's a good point to make that when a guy is less into the girl, it keeps her on her toes. Women need to feel that they like the guy more than he likes her. And yet in the vast majority of cases, it is the guy who likes the girl more. Which of course makes perfect sense that the guy likes her more, he's the one who had to pursue her. If he didn't like her, he wouldn't have asked her out in the first place.

 

This is not true for all women. It's a bad idea to generalize based on one sample point.

[Potz4prez]

This is not true for all women. It's a bad idea to generalize based on one sample point.

 

Eh, that's just how dating works. Everyone wants to date up. If a girl is dating up, she will like the man more than the "up" man will like her... because he also wants to date up, not down.

 

If a guy obviously likes her more than she likes him, that's a sign that she's dating down. No one wants to date down. Dating across is fine, when both parties like each other equally, but that rarely happens - humans always find excuses to distinguish ourselves from others.

 

All that matters is how much the girl likes the guy, because it's much easier for her to find another suitor if she decides she's tired of dating "down" guy. The guys feelings don't matter in this dynamic.

[Leigh 87]

Eh, that's just how dating works. Everyone wants to date up. If a girl is dating up, she will like the man more than the "up" man will like her... because he also wants to date up, not down.

 

If a guy obviously likes her more than she likes him, that's a sign that she's dating down. No one wants to date down. Dating across is fine, when both parties like each other equally, but that rarely happens - humans always find excuses to distinguish ourselves from others.

 

All that matters is how much the girl likes the guy, because it's much easier for her to find another suitor if she decides she's tired of dating "down" guy. The guys feelings don't matter in this dynamic.

 

 

I prefer nice guys who are average or bellow to hotties because I figure they will treat me better.

 

I actually have felt the strongest chemistry for fat/average men.

 

I've had a lot of hot guys take a liking to me too but I instinctively prefer a guy who can't go out and get a bunch of hotter chick's than me, throwing themselves at him.

 

I go for personality and character... How they treat me is key.

 

my current bf has a very hot bod, he is in much better shape than me admittedly so I dated up in the body department lol. We are of equal attractiveness in the face.

 

I need in stand sparks and naturally high chemistry, however, I am one of the few females so it seems that can feel those fireworks for average looking men.

 

I have no interest in the "hot" guys even though I believe that at my age of 27 and with my nice smile, I could have them.

[Keenly]

I instinctively prefer a guy who can't go out and get a bunch of hotter chick's than me, throwing themselves at him.

 

 

Looks like I'll be moving

[Leigh 87]

Looks like I'll be moving

 

 

 

Do u like that not all chick's are shallow and want hotties?

 

Is that what you mean.

[Keenly]

Do u like that not all chick's are shallow and want hotties?

 

Is that what you mean.

 

That's wayyyyy too deep. I just want women to throw themselves at me

[Leigh 87]

That's wayyyyy too deep. I just want women to throw themselves at me

 

 

 

You're American so...

 

People do tend to throw themselves at men with accents.

 

 

um mm girls that throw themselves at guys are.. Funny. ... I prefer to wait for guys to scout me out.

[somedude81]

This is not true for all women. It's a bad idea to generalize based on one sample point.

 

Which sample point would that be?

 

Leigh's? Or my own?

 

Of course, it's a pattern I'm just now starting to notice. I will never forget hearing my ex saying that she thought I liked her so much, more than she liked me, and that it made her feel guilty.

 

It makes absolutely zero logical sense to me.

 

If I really liked a girl and she was absolutely crazy for me, I would think that was completely awesome.

[Leigh 87]

Which sample point would that be?

 

Leigh's? Or my own?

 

Of course, it's a pattern I'm just now starting to notice. I will never forget hearing my ex saying that she thought I liked her so much, more than she liked me, and that it made her feel guilty.

 

It makes absolutely zero logical sense to me.

 

If I really liked a girl and she was absolutely crazy for me, I would think that was completely awesome.

 

 

I need the guy to be absolutely crazy about me..and I also need to feel it about him. I am not sure why people think this is some elusive thing to find. Likely because people have too high standards if you ask me. I like to read a lot but I don't need a guy who reads or studies. I don't care if I dated a guy who voted conservative. Even though I am more to the left. I don't care if he was fat and had bad skin.

 

ALL I ask for in a guy is:

 

When I meet him, there is high chemistry

 

I do not care if he is overweight

 

I don't care if he has bad skin

 

I don't care if his teeth aren't perfect although very yellow, very crooked teeth are my only physical deal breaker besides being physically deformed.

 

He is a decent person

 

He treats me well

 

He is not dumb

 

He has at least a minimum wage job OR he is studying towards one

 

AND that he is CRAZY about me and I am ALSO just as smitten with him.

 

 

 

 

I NEVER have trouble finding guys who I have good chemistry with and who are loyal; they just end up realising that chemistry aside, they are not into me beyond the natural high we generate.

 

 

 

 

Perhaps if other girls like myself could feel hot chemistry for guys who were perhaps overweight or deemed unattractive by most peoples standards, and who were on a low wage, they would also luck out like me and fall hard for a guy who is just as crazy about them AND who not only has fireworks with you, but who also treats you well!

 

 

 

And I don't have to limit myself to men who my friends think are " unattractive". I am 27 and have my pick from guys who are cute.

[somedude81]

Leigh, you're great. I wish more women were as open as you are.

 

Dating would be so much easier.

 

There just isn't enough of you to go around.

[Leigh 87]

Leigh, you're great. I wish more women were as open as you are.

 

Dating would be so much easier.

 

There just isn't enough of you to go around.

 

 

LOL thanks.

 

I just find myself feeling pretty hot chemistry for such a wide bracket.

[man_in_the_box]

Did you start off with fireworks or did you start off more viewing her as a friend and growing to love her through her values and personality opposed to the instant romantic spark some couples feel?

 

Yes, that's how we got together. We used to be friends and after some time so confessed she wanted to be more - I had not anticipated that but on the other hand I thought why not give it a shot. Maybe it works out great.

 

Sure it wasn't always without a bump in the way but in the end were working very well out as a couple.

 

I am curious, if you don't feel much in the way of passion, does your partner essentially feel like a best friend and life partner?

 

Are you sure there are no periods of passion or sparks?

 

I find this more difficult to answer. I remember being excited about having a gf - but then again I've never had one at that point. I wasn't really occupied with girls at that time at all. I was not particularly obsessed with her though and I also told her that when we got together. She knew my perspective and that it wasn't this typical romantic start-off point.

 

I'm not even sure if I actually know what sparks are. I experienced high-school butterflies for some girls when I was quite young but how relevant is that? I haven't experienced such feelings in 10 years. Perhaps I'm just dysfunctional in that regard.

 

What she has become is definitely something I'd say is my other half. I'd give the world for her.

[Eclypse]

I guess you could say I settled a lot in my last relationship. It got boring, she didn't want to do much. I was in a rut and didn't want to leave. Then I started talking to my current gf. It gave me the push to leave that old relationship. I couldn't be happier now. There's so much passion. Sparks fly in a way they never did with my ex. My current girl is perfect, both physically and intellectually.

 

I'd be quite sad if I "settled". That's a very self defeating attitude. There are of course things which are more important than others. I wouldn't date a fat chick. I wouldn't date someone mean, or someone who was dull. My gf is none of those things. She has a severe hearing impairment though, which makes communication difficult if we're not right next to each other. She was worried that it would turn me off her. I had to reassure her I still loved her just as much

[Eternal Sunshine]

For me, a lot of my feelings depend on how the guy feels about me. If I have some interest and the guy makes it clear that he is crazy about me, my interest grows. Sort of the opposite of PUA logic. If I receive any lukewarm, mixed messages, my interest dissapears and I move on easily.

 

I am very happy single and I need a guy that would utterly adore me and me him to even consider a relationship. As for intense sexual chemistry from the start, I have had it with most unsuitable guys: we had nothing in common, no intellectual connection, not into me enough etc.

 

I am completely at peace at the thought of being single for the rest of my life.

[Leigh 87]

I guess you could say I settled a lot in my last relationship. It got boring, she didn't want to do much. I was in a rut and didn't want to leave. Then I started talking to my current gf. It gave me the push to leave that old relationship. I couldn't be happier now. There's so much passion. Sparks fly in a way they never did with my ex. My current girl is perfect, both physically and intellectually.

 

I'd be quite sad if I "settled". That's a very self defeating attitude. There are of course things which are more important than others. I wouldn't date a fat chick. I wouldn't date someone mean, or someone who was dull. My gf is none of those things. She has a severe hearing impairment though, which makes communication difficult if we're not right next to each other. She was worried that it would turn me off her. I had to reassure her I still loved her just as much

 

 

my boyfriend memory problem but it just makes me loves me more.

 

And I'm usually quiet impatient:lmao: so I must really love him lol.

 

I had intense sexual chemistry plus he is a lovely guy.

 

I'm so glad Eclypse, that you managed to find a girl you have better sexual chemistry with plus who is also bright to match you:lmao:

 

it's nice to introduce him to my family and have my family remark how obvious it is that he adores me.

 

I deserve it though. I'm a nice girl after all.

[Leigh 87]

For me, a lot of my feelings depend on how the guy feels about me. If I have some interest and the guy makes it clear that he is crazy about me, my interest grows. Sort of the opposite of PUA logic. If I receive any lukewarm, mixed messages, my interest dissapears and I move on easily.

 

I am very happy single and I need a guy that would utterly adore me and me him to even consider a relationship. As for intense sexual chemistry from the start, I have had it with most unsuitable guys: we had nothing in common, no intellectual connection, not into me enough etc.

 

I am completely at peace at the thought of being single for the rest of my life.

 

I thought I would be single for some time. Not forever though. My dress sense garners too much attention lol..

 

Not sure why but it just didn't ever cross my mind that I wouldn't find a guy.... who was crazy about me. And vice versa.

 

I think it could be partly attributed to you being very academic perhaps? You not only need the sparks and guy who is crazy for you... you also need intellectual compatability?

 

I thought I would be single for a year or two.

 

I have a feeling you won't be single forever. ...

 

Relationships mostly fail so there will be a highly intelligent, cute man that is soon to be single and available at some stage.

 

He will probably wonder why you couldn't find anyone.

[GoodOnPaper]

Eh, that's just how dating works. Everyone wants to date up. If a girl is dating up, she will like the man more than the "up" man will like her... because he also wants to date up, not down.

 

If a guy obviously likes her more than she likes him, that's a sign that she's dating down. No one wants to date down. Dating across is fine, when both parties like each other equally, but that rarely happens - humans always find excuses to distinguish ourselves from others.

 

All that matters is how much the girl likes the guy, because it's much easier for her to find another suitor if she decides she's tired of dating "down" guy. The guys feelings don't matter in this dynamic.

 

Have to second this, especially the bolded part. I was always the "down" man (even though I didn't think I should have been) and the one dumped -- one two-year LTR but the rest within 6 months. When getting together with my wife, I was the "up" man and that's lasted over 20 years.

 

Even though my satisfaction level could be higher, I hesitate to automatically consider that "normal" = "passionless" like what has been implied in this and other threads. As a man, there are upsides to moving on to the next stage in life even if things in the bedroom aren't as intense as what I think they should be or my feelings of inspiration aren't what they could be. Learning how to take on more responsibility has made me a better person and satisfies my provider/protector instincts. My life is full -- too full -- and that's a better state then when I was single and felt my life was way too empty. Plus, I've never had to question whether I like the partner I've spent the last 2+ decades with. However, I know this perspective doesn't have nearly as much value now than it did in our parents' and grandparents' generations.

[Teraskas]

I thought I would be single for some time. Not forever though. My dress sense garners too much attention lol..

 

Not sure why but it just didn't ever cross my mind that I wouldn't find a guy.... who was crazy about me. And vice versa.

 

I think it could be partly attributed to you being very academic perhaps? You not only need the sparks and guy who is crazy for you... you also need intellectual compatability?

 

I thought I would be single for a year or two.

 

I have a feeling you won't be single forever. ...

 

Relationships mostly fail so there will be a highly intelligent, cute man that is soon to be single and available at some stage.

 

He will probably wonder why you couldn't find anyone.

 

Couldn't help but also picture myself in this situation...

Believe me, my attire of black leather clothing has only grown exponentially these last two years.

Trust me, if there was anything I could do to proactively end my single life status, I'd jump at the first opportunity.

I just feel that at this point I've done all I can with regards to that, and HIGHLY doubt I'll ever come across anyone will be crazy about me, rather than the other way around as it has always been.

 

It's ironic though because my friends feel that my intelligence is higher than that of the average Joe.

As a result of my current situation, they've conjured up the following phrase:

"Hero, villain, conqueror, savior...You are none of these things, and much more at the same time."

Combined with the vomit inducing "You'll find someone when you're ready / least expect it / stop looking / etc. etc." Ofcourse it's easy for them to say that when they're in relationships.

[Keenly]

Couldn't help but also picture myself in this situation...

Believe me, my attire of black leather clothing has only grown exponentially these last two years.

Trust me, if there was anything I could do to proactively end my single life status, I'd jump at the first opportunity.

I just feel that at this point I've done all I can with regards to that, and HIGHLY doubt I'll ever come across anyone will be crazy about me, rather than the other way around as it has always been.

 

It's ironic though because my friends feel that my intelligence is higher than that of the average Joe.

As a result of my current situation, they've conjured up the following phrase:

"Hero, villain, conqueror, savior...You are none of these things, and much more at the same time."

Combined with the vomit inducing "You'll find someone when you're ready / least expect it / stop looking / etc. etc." Ofcourse it's easy for them to say that when they're in relationships.

 

Dude... trust me, you'll find one.

 

I've been talking to / been on one date with this girl that I can tell is really into me

I'm starting to be pretty into her as well. I'm a really random person with a blue sense of humor, and I like to talk about nerdy stuff.

 

Most girls hate interacting with a guy like me, and I don't have much of s taste for interacting with them.

 

This girl and I intersect.in an extremely playful way that I've never seen before, and she really likes my personality. the same personality that droves most women away.

 

 

A girl that will be drawn to how you are is out there some where. Its just a huge pain in the ass for you two to find each other.

[Phoe]

For me, a lot of my feelings depend on how the guy feels about me. If I have some interest and the guy makes it clear that he is crazy about me, my interest grows. Sort of the opposite of PUA logic. If I receive any lukewarm, mixed messages, my interest dissapears and I move on easily.

 

Same.

 

 

My last ex only ever showed moderate interest in me. So I only gave moderate interest back. Meh. And when we broke up I didn't miss him. Because the whole vibe of the entire relationship was "meh".

[Phoe]

Dude... trust me, you'll find one.

 

I've been talking to / been on one date with this girl that I can tell is really into me

I'm starting to be pretty into her as well. I'm a really random person with a blue sense of humor, and I like to talk about nerdy stuff.

 

Most girls hate interacting with a guy like me, and I don't have much of s taste for interacting with them.

 

This girl and I intersect.in an extremely playful way that I've never seen before, and she really likes my personality. the same personality that droves most women away.

 

 

A girl that will be drawn to how you are is out there some where. Its just a huge pain in the ass for you two to find each other.

 

Totally off topic, but must say I am VERY excited for you!!