OCGirl Posted February 7, 2005 Share Posted February 7, 2005 FWB and I are still at it. It has been 1 1/2 years. No FWB is normal but wondered if anyone had some input. FWB is very possesive of me (we are only sharing benefits with each other still). He goes through mood swings it seem like every 6 months...almost like he starts having feelings for me and tones down his treatment of me such as pet names etc. Benefits are seldom but doing "relationship" types things are an everyday thing and have been for 1 1/2 years. Seems like he's always accusing me of cheating on him if I disappear for a day going to the point of testing me by leaving me alone with his friends etc. Everytime he's been drinking with or without me..he says he loves me and that I don't understand how he feels about me. I know he isn't with anyone else because he's always with me or calling me to just go out with him. Does dancing lessons with me, introduces me as his lady or girlfriend. It's just odd to me. He's also the type I can't ask about this behavior because he gets defensive about it all. He's told me many times when he figures out how to handle his situation with his child and ex threatening him with not seeing his child if she finds him with anyone (she's dating but adiment he not be), I would be his perfect love. We have tried stopping contact but he comes right back. We are best friends but I see me losing him in the end over all this because I sense he has more than friend feelings. Anyone have suggestions...HELP!!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
clynn Posted February 7, 2005 Share Posted February 7, 2005 Sounds like the whole gross ex-situation has to be figured out before your situation with him can be. And there isn't a lot you can do to control that. Except maybe distance yourself somewhat and tell him why. But then sounds like you don't really want to do that. In which case you gotta just chill and go with the flow. he otherwise sounds pretty decent and that he is really fond of you. Link to post Share on other sites
beachsocal Posted February 8, 2005 Share Posted February 8, 2005 OC GIRL... You broke the golden rule of FWB. You started doing way too much with your friend and he got emotionally attached to you. Now, maybe he's in love...hence jealousy. I completely (100%) understand that guys look at it as just sex and girls want a friendship, but a FWB is unfortunately more sexual based. Here is what I am looking for...not as a advertisement, but I think this is a guideline for FWB. 1. Meet once, maybe twice a month. 2. We don't talk about work, spouses, lovers, etc. 3. It's fine to go out to eat, movies, etc. 4. You keep your friends, I keep mine...don't share them. 5. It's okay to buy a gift, but nothing too personal. I'm sorry if someone doesn't agree with these. But, when you become too involved with someone you get emotionally attached and inevitably someone gets hurt. I did have a FWB a few years ago. It was perfect because we always seemed to hook up in between relationships (so we never cheated). And, when we met it always just ended up being a lot of kissing, fondling, and sex once. Then, we wouldn't call or write each other for a few weeks or two months... She'd be dating and I wouldn't or vice versa. Another 2 months would go by and we'd hook up again. But, I tell you its incredibly hard to find a FWB. I thought I'd give yahoo a try, but either girls are into F*ing everyone or they have been hit on by so many weirdos that it makes me seem like a weirdo. I also made the mistake of meeting/dating someone immediately when I moved here...so I really don't know too many people in San Diego/Orange County. Any way, if someone thinks I'm not too out of line they can email me at [email protected]. Even you OCGirl Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted February 8, 2005 Share Posted February 8, 2005 I've had my FWB for 6 years, off when I was in LTRs, on when I was single. Beachsocal is right - in FWB relationships, boundaries must be VERY strictly enforced. My FWB and I hook up with other people, we even compare notes and talk about it and introduce each other to "potential booty". OC Girl, you don't have a FWB. You have a pseudo-relationship. Anything that involves committment, is no longer FWB. Link to post Share on other sites
clynn Posted February 8, 2005 Share Posted February 8, 2005 I guess I'm confused more about what it is that YOU Want? Link to post Share on other sites
Author OCGirl Posted February 8, 2005 Author Share Posted February 8, 2005 Well, I do have to agree with everyone on this. NO matter how many times he denies, I guess the truth is in the signs and gestures. Sorry Socal, lol I only hookup with him. On my end, I got started the FWB relationship because I know and trust him. I thought he would never feel anything towards me. I am like a man when it comes to sex. I don't have feelings attached to it. To answer you Clynn, I don't know what I want. Maybe some truthfulness in the situation? I rather him be upfront so I can set things straight than feeling like I have to walk on egg shells with his trust and jealous issues. Link to post Share on other sites
clynn Posted February 8, 2005 Share Posted February 8, 2005 Sounds like you don't want a relationship in any case. Link to post Share on other sites
Author OCGirl Posted February 18, 2005 Author Share Posted February 18, 2005 Not sure Clynn. My feelings at times can be that way but I am good at seperating feelings and looking at the bigger; possibly losing someone who I could never imagine not in my life. The later, will always be most important in my book. I do think thats the reason I would never be with him and vice-versa. Who knows, in time, things may look different. I do know for now, he needs to get his life in order, hmm maybe I am weird? lol Link to post Share on other sites
clynn Posted February 18, 2005 Share Posted February 18, 2005 how is his life out of order? what does he need to do to get it in order? Link to post Share on other sites
Author OCGirl Posted February 19, 2005 Author Share Posted February 19, 2005 He has a child and the situation is not very stable with the mother. Link to post Share on other sites
SuperFantastico Posted February 21, 2005 Share Posted February 21, 2005 Walk away disco stu not today. I'd have to agree with otter on this one. You're FWB is bungled up. Too much trouble there. Better to cut it off now, and find anouther FWB or an actual boyfriend. Hey why is it im the only friggn person without a FWB. Crap I get Friends without benifits FWOB ?! Bah!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author OCGirl Posted February 21, 2005 Author Share Posted February 21, 2005 lol Poor SuperFantastico! Sorry you can't find an FWB! lol Hey, FWB was cool until he started trying to be my BF without the title. So maybeyou are lucky! lol I guess it's bound to happen in FWB relationships when they go on for long periods of time. Just sucks because FWB and I are extremely close but maybe if I disappear again if will come back acting right again. lol I sound mean! lmao Link to post Share on other sites
SuperFantastico Posted February 21, 2005 Share Posted February 21, 2005 might be the only way. But if you dont wanna be his girlfriend, either way you gotta cut down on seeing him at least. Link to post Share on other sites
Author OCGirl Posted February 21, 2005 Author Share Posted February 21, 2005 SuperFantastico - I have to give you credit for that website! I read that and wow! Sums up my FWB to a capital T! lol I don't want to seem heartless. I do, somewhere in my heart have feelings for FWB and would probably be with him if he did decide to declare his feelings while not in a drunken state or in his jealous ways. I have pushed those feelings so far away because I doubt that will ever happen. See, FWB (barely has benefits) is consistant with calling while drunk expressing these feelings and being very angry if I try to convey to him that he doesn't mean it at the time. He does exactly what the website says, deny deny deny. lol I agve up and take the calls and play along so I don't get a headache any longer. Maybe after reading that website I am the problem? lol Link to post Share on other sites
SuperFantastico Posted February 21, 2005 Share Posted February 21, 2005 Ha ha lol. Well actually this is a website about FWOB. Or 'just friends'. Your guy there is already light years beyond what these(we) poor shmucks have gotten. I think you should just cool it with him for a while. Let him collect himself. Maybe he might actually say those things he says when he is actually sober!? Link to post Share on other sites
Author OCGirl Posted March 5, 2005 Author Share Posted March 5, 2005 Nutshell update: FWB and I are now FWOB. I have cut down on friend time also. (so hard!) FWOB tries to act as though this "breakup" of sorts doesn't bother him but the jealousy continues. Lost his cool over a picture on my webpage of me and some male I met. FWOB also decided to temporarily lose his cool over a phone number in my car which is right away caught himself and followed up with the fact that he has no right. (cough) BS Transition is hard but I am really trying. There is so much there no matter how much he keeps denying it but at least, I pray lol, maybe this can help him focus on figuring out his feelings for me and for his daughters mom. We shall see. Link to post Share on other sites
SuperFantastico Posted March 5, 2005 Share Posted March 5, 2005 Good for you OC. I know its a really hard thing to do, but the BS hes been throwing your way is no good for either of you really(mostly you ) Keep it up. P.S. For extra fun throw a rolodex in your car filled with guys names. H A HA HA!! Man will that throw him for a loop. P.S.S. .......er so is the OC really like the TV show........... Link to post Share on other sites
Author OCGirl Posted March 5, 2005 Author Share Posted March 5, 2005 lol Supser... you're so funny and cute! Link to post Share on other sites
SuperFantastico Posted March 5, 2005 Share Posted March 5, 2005 What ever do you mean Link to post Share on other sites
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