newby Posted February 23, 2005 Share Posted February 23, 2005 ummm HB, i dont really know what to make of that, are you accusing me of playing ugly little games? what do you mean someone that loved ME so much? is that what you are saying? i'm really confused by this post, could you explain what you mean. Link to post Share on other sites
LadyRLD Posted February 24, 2005 Share Posted February 24, 2005 You were just having a setback. Remember this. This is what helps me. "You are Free". Your MM is stuck. He made his bed and he has to lie in it. You are free to do with your life as please and you are not stuck or with a man that you have to cheat on because you want the single life. You have to believe this because it's true. Your MM in a weird sort of way envies your life because you are free. Remember you dumped him so he has to keep his ego somehow by treating you like s&*t. He's just an immature idiot. He's trying to make you feel what he feels like. So you feeling like crap thinking that he didn't love you or why he could just act like he doesn't care; Is exactly how he feels about you (how could she just dump me, was I not good enough in bed, is she sleeping with someone else) are all going through he's messed up mind. Or "how come she hasn't fallen to her knees and begged me to come back yet". "I am the man, she can't just dump me like I was nothing" I will show her by treating her like she doesn't exist." blah, blah, blah....... Don't let him get to you. You dumped him. You let him go. I keep repeating this because you took control of the situation and got out of it, like a strong woman. He is totally jealous of you and your single life. He is mad because he no longer has the power over you. He's mad because you can just dump him. You are not married to him and you don't have any babies by him. You could just walk away. He was hoping that you would feel like you need him so you wouldn't be able to just walk away. Oh Well, that bit him in the ass. His plan didn't work. Smile. Walk with your head up and forget that he exists. He is no longer worthy of a space in your memory banks. Ignore his ass. Link to post Share on other sites
LadyRLD Posted February 24, 2005 Share Posted February 24, 2005 You were just having a setback. Remember this. This is what helps me. "You are Free". Your MM is stuck. He made his bed and he has to lie in it. You are free to do with your life as please and you are not stuck or with a man that you have to cheat on because you want the single life. You have to believe this because it's true. Your MM in a weird sort of way envies your life because you are free. Remember you dumped him so he has to keep his ego somehow by treating you like s&*t. He's just an immature idiot. He's trying to make you feel what he feels like. So you feeling like crap thinking that he didn't love you or why he could just act like he doesn't care; Is exactly how he feels about you (how could she just dump me, was I not good enough in bed, is she sleeping with someone else) are all going through he's messed up mind. Or "how come she hasn't fallen to her knees and begged me to come back yet". "I am the man, she can't just dump me like I was nothing" I will show her by treating her like she doesn't exist." blah, blah, blah....... Don't let him get to you. You dumped him. You let him go. I keep repeating this because you took control of the situation and got out of it, like a strong woman. He is totally jealous of you and your single life. He is mad because he no longer has the power over you. He's mad because you can just dump him. You are not married to him and you don't have any babies by him. You could just walk away. He was hoping that you would feel like you need him so you wouldn't be able to just walk away. Oh Well, that bit him in the ass. His plan didn't work. Smile. Walk with your head up and forget that he exists. He is no longer worthy of a space in your memory banks. Ignore his ass. Link to post Share on other sites
newby Posted February 25, 2005 Share Posted February 25, 2005 LadyRLD, you are just so lovely! thankyou, you are right, he is trying to keep control of me and it isnt working anymore. i AM free, i am feeling so much better, just hit a rough spot, i think it takes a little while to actually get into the no contact thing and i have gone back and forth a little bit i suppose. thats just 'feeling' the situation i think, making sure you are only taking on what you are emotionally able to cope with. it really wont matter soon because after all i am ending it because i know it cannot blossom can only suffocate and die in the tiny container it has to be kept in. i dont want to die with it, thats why i am breaking free. all the questions that is just part of the process too, but it is progressive. it hurt me that he couldnt communicate about this and leave things with mutual loving good wishes, that he had to treat me like an enemy or something, i only wanted to talk about things, i do wish him well in his life and i do hope that if he feels guilty for this he can forgive himself and put loving energy back into his marriage if he does want to continue being married like he must do there is no point in putting negative energy into it. if that is the decision he has come to from this then i dont think thats a bad thing. i hate it that he misconstrues me as the sort of person that would not understand that, thats what gets me. it is like he only sees me as a bit of himself that made a mistake, he cannot see me as a person and i think that is a shame because then there was no point to 'us'. i feel that when two people come together in life it is for a reason and you can either choose to 'see' that person or not. i did learn things from him because of who he is and for me i learnt to feel again. nothing is ever all bad. Link to post Share on other sites
SummerRae Posted February 25, 2005 Share Posted February 25, 2005 Oh Newby, girl, we need to talk sometime! You are so wise. Wiser than you know. You really put things in perspective when you said, "Nothing is all bad." That's true, so true. There were gifts that we got from these men, even if they weren't all pleasant. The fact that you are seeing the good (in a very healthy way) and the bad of the situation, tells me that you are closer along the path of healing than you think. You are cleaning that wound thoroughly girl, and that is why ALL your questions are good questions. I did the EXACT same thing. Went round and round in my mind about everything. I thought about his wife. I was obsessed with the question "did he really love me?" and "does he really love his wife." (Wow, I put that last one as a statement, not a question... by accident? or is it because all his behaviour really does leave one wondering WHO does he love??? Love is one of those mysterious abstract concepts that everyone seems to know but no one can fully describe. I really believe that each of our relationships teaches us something, makes us grow in some way. That is the gift. If we can take all the pain they caused us and turn it into something good: as in become more compassionate people, judge others AND OUR SELVES LESS, then of course this lesson has been a good one. I have learnt soo many things it's hard to list. Last night I was speaking to this guy friend of mine and he asked if I have problems trusting now. I said, "No, because there are not too many people like my ex out there and if I really do the work, I don't think another one will come into my life." I just won't allow it. Hindsight is a bi!ch but foresight, foresight is your best friend. It's only through experience and loss of inocense that we develop Foresight to the fullest. N e ways, sorry for digressing. Newby, girl, you're awesome, keep up the good hard work and KEEP US POSTED!! Link to post Share on other sites
newby Posted February 25, 2005 Share Posted February 25, 2005 wow summerrae!! thankyou! yes i completely agree, turning hindsight into foresight is the key, and just getting over these things more quickly. its not like i haven't been here before in various ways (never a mm), but now i am more ready to just get over it. not that it is easier, just knowing that it is neccessary, and facing the facts more willingly. somebody said something about getting spiritual, i have been doing lots of that anyway, i am now in the process of eliminating everything negative from my life which is why he is going. i might not feel the benefits straight away but i am trying to have faith that they are coming. can i ask how long it has been for you? Link to post Share on other sites
LadyRLD Posted February 25, 2005 Share Posted February 25, 2005 You are sooo lovely too. That's why he's so mad at ya. Stay beautiful and strong. Your posts and daily journal is helping more OW than you know. Keep on posting. Remember this: Even though he doesn't show it, your MM did care about you in a mysterious way. And still does. If he didn't he wouldn't have a problem communicating with you. He has a problem with rejection. So the questions you are asking yourself you can feel safe to assume that he did care. But Like you said not worth the energy thinking about it!!! On to something or someone new now :0) Have you been on any more dates? Link to post Share on other sites
MsMree Posted February 26, 2005 Share Posted February 26, 2005 And i can relate to exactly how you feel - if my MM acted like he didn't care, that he never cared - I WOULD BE CRUSHED - when i've initiated NC he has always broken it - if he didn't - AGAIN, CRUSHED. Thanks for your honesty!! It is a refreshing thing to see. NOW... F*ck Him!! DO YOU!! You are a WOMAN, not a sniveling little girl - Repeat this to yourself over and over again! "I am a woman - not a sniveling little-girl" (BTW, I never thought you "sniveled" - i just think it is a cool MANTRA!) hehehe! Link to post Share on other sites
LadyRLD Posted February 26, 2005 Share Posted February 26, 2005 MsMree. I couldn't of said it better myself Link to post Share on other sites
newby Posted February 26, 2005 Share Posted February 26, 2005 thanks lady and mree! you guys are the best! yes it is a cool mantra, i like it! ha ha, i DID get a bit worried-"is she implying i am a snivelling little girl?" i havent been on any more dates, i am going to tho, just gotta excercise for a couple more weeks and get feelin an lookin gooood again i am actually feeling pretty bad but 'fake it till you make it' sounds good i will do that, its true the worse you tell yourself you feel the more it becomes you your identity etc your self carved role in life, may as well tell yourself you feel great tell yourself he is missing you like crazy tell yourself all the things you want to be true except one-NEVER TELL YOURSELF HE IS GONNA LEAVE HIS WIFE ONE DAY- HA HA! Link to post Share on other sites
SummerRae Posted February 26, 2005 Share Posted February 26, 2005 Originally posted by newby may as well tell yourself you feel great tell yourself he is missing you like crazy tell yourself all the things you want to be true except one-NEVER TELL YOURSELF HE IS GONNA LEAVE HIS WIFE ONE DAY- HA HA! hahaha, newby, yeah, i think that was good advice. Tell yourself EVERYTHING you wanna hear, but NOT that one, lol. Link to post Share on other sites
TheFaithfulWife Posted February 27, 2005 Share Posted February 27, 2005 Newby, I think you are a brave lady. I am proud of you. I hope you will continue to pull yourself up, brush yourself off and show the world that you can be in a better place. I saw you read my post to Curly and I am sorry that it made you feel depressed. I am in an odd position here but I am sincerely hoping that you can keep up the fight to regain your life without the MM. You deserve better! Stay strong, Be wise, and learn from the past. TheFaithfulWife Link to post Share on other sites
newby Posted February 27, 2005 Share Posted February 27, 2005 to the faithful wife it only made me depressed because it is the truth, it is far better to hear the honest truth, something you will never get from the mm we can all deal with the truth once we know what it is Link to post Share on other sites
newby Posted February 27, 2005 Share Posted February 27, 2005 to the faithful wife p.s your post did not really depress me it made me glad that i am not stuck with him, i am glad i never married him! Link to post Share on other sites
LadyRLD Posted February 28, 2005 Share Posted February 28, 2005 I will feel a lot worse if I were married to the cheater. Link to post Share on other sites
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