movingon45 Posted May 9, 2014 Share Posted May 9, 2014 My therapist told me to do something, any action, whenever I feel the need to text my ExMM. We need to replace the action with another action to fill the void. Also not to equate forgetting to moving on. she said that I will never forget my ExMM unless I have Alzheimer's. Best of luck to us! I was doing well for 2 weeks, but then I saw his back and his wife and daughter last Saturday and that triggered me. I started to miss him even if I don't want him back. I ended up deleting him from my contact and deleting the text app that we use. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author JL123 Posted May 9, 2014 Author Share Posted May 9, 2014 I had one moment of weakness this afternoon where I really wanted to text him to tell him that I missed him.........instead, I took out my phone, and I deleted his contact information. Gone. Just like that. I like the idea of an action to replace texting him. What actions have you found worked well? I need a list of things I can do that are "mind fillers" not just things to do. It will have to be something that will actually take my mind away from wanting to text him. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
movingon45 Posted May 9, 2014 Share Posted May 9, 2014 I had one moment of weakness this afternoon where I really wanted to text him to tell him that I missed him.........instead, I took out my phone, and I deleted his contact information. Gone. Just like that. I like the idea of an action to replace texting him. What actions have you found worked well? I need a list of things I can do that are "mind fillers" not just things to do. It will have to be something that will actually take my mind away from wanting to text him. Whenever I feel the itch to text, I watch How I Met Your Mother online. The idea is just to break the cycle and the itch I think. She said that it can be as simple as standing up or putting your phone far from you etc. and then the moment will pass. It is so hard I know! Yes, deleting def helps to delay the process. She told me to read up on cognitive therapy. I still think of him and I think that mind fillers will be very hard to do. At least though it's just thinking and not doing something with that thinking. Link to post Share on other sites
Author JL123 Posted May 12, 2014 Author Share Posted May 12, 2014 So we broke NC after a week - he begged and begged to talk, said he was having a very tough time and just needed to talk. That I am his best friend and he is grieving right now. I am grieving too and also have no one to talk it out with, but how in the heck can we remain friends after all that we have been through? Is this his way of weaseling back in? Or can we really stay in touch? Only I suppose it has to be secret since he told his W he would not speak to me again. So I think I just answered my own question, we need to stay NC right? The other question I have - why do you think MM really don't leave? Is it just the hassle? Or do they really want to work their marriage out? He keeps saying its for the kids and he is scared he will not see them enough if he leaves. Thanks, as always for your words of wisdom! Link to post Share on other sites
snappytomcat Posted May 13, 2014 Share Posted May 13, 2014 RUN,dont walk run as fast as you can and don't look back,he just wants to weasel his way back,its all about him,hes a cake eater good luck 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author JL123 Posted May 13, 2014 Author Share Posted May 13, 2014 He says he is even going to talk to his wife about it. haahaaaaaaa! Good one right? Link to post Share on other sites
snappytomcat Posted May 13, 2014 Share Posted May 13, 2014 is he for real,its insulting that he thinks hes so irresistible to you,that you would want to keep him in your life. you and the wife deserve better,im a bs with a heart of gold I love everyone,but I would never want my husband to contact the xow,that would be the end,he just wants to be married,and have a fwb,on the side what a total jerk,stick to nc,I know its hurts but it will get better,and you will realize how much better it is to have him gone from your life Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted May 13, 2014 Share Posted May 13, 2014 So what I am looking for is any advice on keeping NC. What do you do to make SURE you do not break it? Don't answer a text. Don't cave? Make it impossible for him to contact you. Change your number, your email address, block him out that way if he contacts you, you won't know or be tempted to cave. Get busy, spend time with friends and family. Work out, try new hobbies. Grieve the loss. Read on here, both OW/OM and in the infidelity section. Reach out and help others this way you're helping yourself and learning stuff along the way. Read this, it'll help you understand NC and make you want to stay in it. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/coping/337989-no-contact-nc-guide-long-walk-consolidated-discussion Link to post Share on other sites
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