Thinking of throwing in the towel...

[Reknilp]

Well this is my first post here and I haven't a clue where to start so please bear with me.

 

Me and my wife have been married since February of 2005 and lived together since the early part of 2000. I have no children with her and she had two kids. When we moved in together they were 2 and 5. One boy and one girl.

 

In the past year or so things have totally went downhill quick. I guess I will start by explaining what has happened in that year.

 

A little over a year ago my step-daughter started dating a boy from school. All was well until I thought they were spending entirely to much time together. By to much I mean there wasn't a day that went by that he was over at our house or she was over at his house. She was 14 at the time. When I would speak up I would quickly get shot down that I was overreacting. So I learned to cope with it.

 

After a few months of dating my stepson and stepdaughters boyfriend became good friends. He spent the night at the house but stayed upstairs and her bedroom was downstairs. I wasn't really fond of the idea but as long as he stayed away from her at night I was fine.

 

The sleepovers became so frequent to where he never left. She let he move in and never left. I'm guessing some of you are trying to figure out where his parents are at. Well I'll put it this way, his mom isn't the sharpest tool in the shed and his dad is a fugitive from justice. Currently I believe he's hiding out in Mexico somewhere and no that's not made up. His dad was a drug smuggler for the Mexican cartels and served time for it. I will not though think less of the boyfriend because of the actions of his father.

 

After a few months of him living at our house my wife was laid off, about a month before Christmas. We were able to scrounge up the money to make sure the kids were taking care of. After Christmas things started getting real tight financially. I told my wife that he needed to go back home because we were barely making it as it was. That conversation soon turned into a war of conversations. I was told that if I didn't like then I could leave but he was going no where. This right here is where stuff started going downhill quick. Everything that we used to do as a family now had to include him. I used to take my SD(stepdaughter) out for dinner at least once a month, just the two of us. My wife wouldn't let me take her out for dinner if I didn't include her.

 

It pretty much went this way for a couple months. In the meantime she(the wife) started a part time job which I believe has went full time.

 

Back in February I came home and it was just my wife. I asked where she was at and she told me she let her go with her boyfriend to his aunts house over an hour away for weekend. We never have met her and didn't know where she lived in that particular town.

 

In Sunday night they come strolling through the door. The boyfriend says he has been summoned(sp?) to court. Apparently while down their somebody knocked on the door and when his cousin opened the door the stranger punched him in the face.

 

I was furious. We ended up arguing back and fourth. The wife, stepdaughter and her boyfriend against me. I ended up finally kicking him out of the house. Well it wasn't really kicking him out as much as it was that I pissed him off by talking about his family. I didn't think it was bad, more or less in told him his family lived on a neighborhood I didn't feel comfortable with her being in. I've never had someone knock on my door and get punched when I open it.

 

Well me and my wife haven't uttered more than a few words since kicking him out.

 

My stepdaughter recently underwent surgery. Non life threatening, just a sport injury. I've been carrying health insurance on everyone through my work for over 8 years now. I didn't know she was hurt until they walked through the door with her on crutches. I didn't know she was having surgery until my mother in law told me. I didn't know she had her surgery until after the fact. Neither her or her mom would inform me of anything.

 

There's more I could include about this but it would probably take me hours to write.

 

Needless to say I've pretty much had enough. I've really only got one friend to talk to about this and he says I can talk to him whenever but I'm guessing he probably getting tired of hearing my gripe and complain.

 

I've come the conclusion that I'm going to file for seperation next spring. Lord only knows if I'll actually be able to last that long.

 

Not sure if this really matters but on top of all of this we haven't been intimate with each other in over a year and a half and probably less than five times in the multiple years before that.

 

I haven't actually came out and said I want a divorce but I'm guessing it's a mutual feeling between the both of us.

 

I'm guessing some would suggest we go to counseling but I'm not a big fan of talking to a compete stranger face to face about our problems.

 

I apologize for the extremely long post. I need to quit writing know, I can feel my blood starting to boil again just thinking of all this again.

[Candy_Pants]

The time for counseling has come and gone. Excuse my language but she's made you her bitch. She doesn't respect you.

 

File before next spring.

[No Limit]

I can only agree with the poster above me. You're no longer the father in this family, they have no respect for you and your word has no meaning at all, not even to be considered in the slightest.

 

Get out of there. Else you'll loose more than just your sanity.

[M30USA]

If you wanna talk to someone who's been the bee-otch of the house before, send me a PM. I've been there and done that.

Edited May 6, 2014 by M30USA

[Reknilp]

I would love to leave right now, I really would.

 

A few years ago we lost a car due to a repossession. We were both working full time jobs but were primarily living off of my income. Where her money was going is a complete mystery. I blame myself partly because of not putting my foot down plus we were living beyond our means and I will take partial blame. Not long after it was taking we had to file bankruptcy. Between the balance due on the car and her medical bills we had no other choice.

 

Back in January things started getting better or so I thought. I had around $2000 saved up for my move. Things were better, minus the sex. We were laughing talking and doing things together like we used used to. After a few weeks she asked me to help her get a new car, new to us that us. Well being the pushover I am I fell for it. I gave her $1500 and helped her get a Hyundai Sonata that was just two years old. About two weeks after getting the car things went back down hill. I could beat my head against the wall for being stupid enough to fall for it.

 

Now my credit is horrific and I'm trying to get it back up. I just applied for a credit card and was approved for a $500 limit. I'm going to put about $100 on it a month, probably gas or groceries and hope that helps a little in the meantime.

 

I have two dogs, a pit mix and a beagle mix. I've talked with a couple apartments that allow pits and explained my situation. They told me to either come in with a couple months rent to put down or have someone with great credit consign with me. My dad has a outstanding credit history but don't want to ask him for help. We get along fine but I guess I'm being stubborn.

 

So I'm hoping to save up enough over the next year to furnish an apartment, gotta love Craigslist for this, have a few months rent to make a deposit and have a little left just in case the court orders me to pay alimony.

 

As far as alimony goes I haven't a clue how it works. I'm pretty much the bread winner in the house with only a high school education. She had an assosicates degree and should be making $25-$30 in her field but refuses to leave her $15/hr job. I've heard through friends that the court will take her education into account but I'm taking what they say with a grain of salt.

 

I've been trying to find a support group where I live for marriage problems just to have people to talk to but unsuccessful so far. If anyone in the Triangle are in NC know of one can you pass the information along.

Edited May 6, 2014 by Reknilp

[2sunny]

Since it doesn't look like a partnership based on respect and common goals - it may be best to set her free!

 

She wants to rescue the boyfriend and make decisions alone for the kids, ok, let her!

 

Don't give her anything if you aren't ordered by the court.

 

Let her figure out how to support the mess she's created all on her own.

 

She is operating on her own - so let her see how it goes when you don't support it.

 

File later? Noooo, I can't see how waiting makes it better. You will be able to afford it when the entire family stops eating up all you make.

 

I can't see how this is a loving relationship - so you may as well change it now and let go of what's dragging you down.