Wife divorcing me, including her family?

[Ohelamor]

Hello, so I'm posting here on behalf of my brothers situation. Ill try to mk a long story short or maybe not ugh! he was married to his elementary school sweetheart. They hv one son who just turned 20. Its thee bizarrest thing...after 21 yrs of marriage she suddenly came home one night acting weird, telling him she was not happy & wanted a divorce. He soon found out she was seeing someone who ya guessed it, works with her. The bizarre part is this. It's as if he was married to a stranger! & it's left him puzzled as to what he did wrong. They had a great marriage or so he thought or so her family thought & our family thought! They were always so loving to each other right up until the day before she left. He now realizes she'd played it off very well. The mystery part is, she was always a loving, caring mother, daughter, sister, friend, best friend, co worker & I can attest to this, a great sister in law!! A week before she suddenly abandoned him & their son, she asked me to tag along to a tanning place, I was excited we'd be going to do that together. But here's the thing despite being so wonderful she decided to not only suddenly without notice abandon her marriage & son, she's suddenly cut out her sister whom she was close with, her brothers her best friend, friends & co workers, she now acts like she don't know them on the level she did. She won't come for bdays & holidays. Etc. so bad that her sister wld cry & her sisters husband went down to her job to confront her why she cut everyone out. She doesn't even return text messages. My brothers devastated & puzzled so is her family & friends. To gain a better understanding my brother has asked around to ppl she knew to get any info to help with closure. He's dumbfounded so is her family. He's thinking midlife crisis? Depression? He's not sure. She did lose her mom a cpl years back, did that hv something to do with it? Who just abandons not only their husband but their child & their family?? My brother is forced to live with her dad now because she left him with their bills & he attends her family functions & holidays. Any thoughts on this??? Oh & my nephew now has begun questioning if she ever really loved him. It's a sad situation. Don't get what kind of person does this. Obviously one who smiled in our faces & lived a lie?

[M30USA]

Hello, so I'm posting here on behalf of my brothers situation. Ill try to mk a long story short or maybe not ugh! he was married to his elementary school sweetheart. They hv one son who just turned 20. Its thee bizarrest thing...after 21 yrs of marriage she suddenly came home one night acting weird, telling him she was not happy & wanted a divorce. He soon found out she was seeing someone who ya guessed it, works with her. The bizarre part is this. It's as if he was married to a stranger! & it's left him puzzled as to what he did wrong. They had a great marriage or so he thought or so her family thought & our family thought! They were always so loving to each other right up until the day before she left. He now realizes she'd played it off very well. The mystery part is, she was always a loving, caring mother, daughter, sister, friend, best friend, co worker & I can attest to this, a great sister in law!! A week before she suddenly abandoned him & their son, she asked me to tag along to a tanning place, I was excited we'd be going to do that together. But here's the thing despite being so wonderful she decided to not only suddenly without notice abandon her marriage & son, she's suddenly cut out her sister whom she was close with, her brothers her best friend, friends & co workers, she now acts like she don't know them on the level she did. She won't come for bdays & holidays. Etc. so bad that her sister wld cry & her sisters husband went down to her job to confront her why she cut everyone out. She doesn't even return text messages. My brothers devastated & puzzled so is her family & friends. To gain a better understanding my brother has asked around to ppl she knew to get any info to help with closure. He's dumbfounded so is her family. He's thinking midlife crisis? Depression? He's not sure. She did lose her mom a cpl years back, did that hv something to do with it? Who just abandons not only their husband but their child & their family?? My brother is forced to live with her dad now because she left him with their bills & he attends her family functions & holidays. Any thoughts on this??? Oh & my nephew now has begun questioning if she ever really loved him. It's a sad situation. Don't get what kind of person does this. Obviously one who smiled in our faces & lived a lie?

 

Cutting people out of your life, in itself, is not bad. What is bad is cutting people out for an unwarranted and unfair reason. What is her side of the story?

[Ohelamor]

She hasn't said much, just that she wasn't happy & the good oL it's me not u!! She's given no explanation otherwise. She's always been close to her son & her own family that's why it's weird she's just cut off her son & entire family & were trying to figure it out. Just for closure for my brother.

[Buckeye2]

The mystery part is, she was always a loving, caring mother, daughter, sister, friend, best friend, co worker & I can attest to this, a great sister in law!!

 

 

 

It sounds like everyone thought so highly of her that she can’t face them with her guilt. It would be easier for her if everyone thought she was a little less perfect before this.

[M30USA]

In my case, my ex was physically abusuve to me and her family clearly was okay with it. Her dad even told me I shouldn't have called the cops. What should I have done? Give her a blank eye? It was ridiculous. Her family had a mafia mentality and, regardless of how in the wrong one member was, they always took their side. This is why I cut them out. To this day they probably think I betrayed them. They can think what they want and be blind to their own little world.

 

I understand my situation might be entirely different. I'm just giving you one possible reason a person might do this. It's interesting that my ex-wife's brother ALSO had a girl (his fiancé) spontaneously take off on him a few weeks before wedding. I'm wondering if she did it for the same reason and saw their mafia-like family dynamics before it was too late.

Edited May 7, 2014 by M30USA

[mrs rubble]

My ex Hubby's sister did pretty much the same, it turns out she has a methamphetamine addiction she was trying to hide.

[Ohelamor]

Oh wow!! Yeah something like addiction might do it. Never thought of that aspect

[mrs rubble]

A sudden change in behaviours can indeed be attributed to an addiction, don't go making accusations or start questioning, look for other clues too if you think this could be a possibility. Money issues, avoiding eye contact, lies etc.

[Hobbes' wagon]

Hi. Sorry to hear what's been happening, I hope everyone will eventually be better...

 

First of all, I do hope your brother will come to this site or other sites personally, when he'll feel a bit better! It would make helping him much better, and you can still stay and help him post here etc.

 

Secondly, some thoughts:

1. As others have said, drugs might be involved

2. It's possible that she has had some underlying mental illness/condition, which has now been triggered by something, and cutting off people is one of the consequences of that - is there perhaps such a history in her family?

3. As others have said, perhaps cutting off everyone is a coping/defense mechanism due to her guilt

 

Whatever the reasons are, some things should be done in any case:

1. Get your nephew and your brother to therapy/individual counselling! It is paramount, especially for their son

2. Your brother should go see a lawyer. If for no other reason, at least to learn how he can protect from any debts she will create while she's living elsewhere.

 

Best wishes