William Posted July 12, 2014 Share Posted July 12, 2014 As a reminder, since we're downstream and I note a number of bans out of this thread, please remain adherent to the topic and discuss the resulting relationships from affairs with one's affair partner, good, bad, or indifferent. This respects our guidelines, the thread starter's inquiry and, most importantly, preserves your membership here. Thanks! Link to post Share on other sites
Author goodyblue Posted July 12, 2014 Author Share Posted July 12, 2014 Well we're trying but today I've been triggering- with trust issues over the smallest things and accusing him of things This is the first bad day in a while... I'm sorry that's happening. I think trust issues tend to be within ourselves and not necessarily anything our partner is doing. I mean, clearly if there are reasons, that is one thing, but sometimes, we just don't trust because of our own way of thinking. I hope you have a calmer day. xx Link to post Share on other sites
Baby123 Posted July 12, 2014 Share Posted July 12, 2014 Thanks for the support. I think its hard to trust someone who hurt you. But at the end of the day I remember he was a good man in a bad situation and he has done everything he ever promised me. Its just hard. He is lovley, I'm just having a bad day for the first time in a while and hes been really nice and understanding. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
cocorico Posted July 14, 2014 Share Posted July 14, 2014 Thanks for the support. I think its hard to trust someone who hurt you. I think this is the crux of trust issues in many post-A Rs (whether reconciled Ms or those As where the fWS treated the fAP poorly). In those where we were treated well, we can understand the issues intellectually without ourselves having to take on board the pain of emotional betrayal that BS and this fAPs who are badly treated have to. Which is why that post-A "meaning making" I posted about elsewhere matters so much - if you construct the meaning together, you gain insight in a way that helps you to put it "out there" in a more objectivised way, whereas when you construct the meaning individually, it's easy to subjectivise it and focus on the experience of it being done *to you*. I hope you're able, as a couple, to work through those issues and that the bad day recedes quickly. Link to post Share on other sites
Got it Posted July 14, 2014 Share Posted July 14, 2014 We are coming up to our first wedding anniversary and I can say we are happier now than we have ever been. Does that mean we live in lala land expecting things to be sunshine and roses forever? No. We work very hard on our relationship and expect the other party (and our selves) to give 110%. While I have always read other's stories to gain insight I have never forgotten that we are all individuals that chose our own paths. And I am a stubborn cuss to feel confident in doing things my way. I think the baseline, no matter what has happened, I don't recall ever doubting his love for me. It wasn't assumed that would be the be all and end all but I never doubted it. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
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