fitzgirl Posted February 7, 2005 Posted February 7, 2005 OK, this might sound a little wierd... Over the past two years, my mom has really become addicted to religion. My father and I can rarely have a conversation without her bringing up the subject. Come to think of it, we can rarely ever have a conversation about anything with her at all without her getting offened, defensive, our bent-out-of-shape! Over the past three years she's been out of work, trying to find what it is she really loves to do... and even though she's found several things she's passionate about doing, she's very reluctant to get out there and start doing them for a living. She's frightened and unmotivated. When we try to help her, she gets frustrated and angry, and thinks up every excuse in the book to not go through with it. In the meantime, she spends most of her day researching religion on the internet and in books, and her only friends seem to be those on message boards such as these, only religion-oriented. When I go to Netflix to add a movie to our queue, I see a list of literally over one hundred religious films and documentaries... not to mention all my movies have been pushed to the bottom of the list. She's become extremely prude, obsessed about her weight, even though she's not fat... Instead of seeing the positive in things, she looks for the negative... always putting things down that don't fit her criteria. for example, She saw a photo of my friend, who happens to be gay, and said he looks evil (she's extremely homophobic). She believes that anyone can believe in what they want, to each his own, but if anyone contradicts her beliefs, she blows up in a rage. When I do, she calls me an athiest... even though I consider myself agnostic. She can't take a joke, and takes everything so seriously. Whever I try to shoot the breeze with her, or talk to her about a problem Im having, she has this glaze over her face, like she's really not paying attention to what I'm saying, or if she misunderstands me, and it offends her in the least bit we're back to square one, and I'm so sick of the arguing. The worst part about all this is that when my father and I call her on it, she denies it and gets really angry! Bottom line is, that it's really hurting our relationship. My dad's at the end of his witts as well about the whole situation. We're both at a loss. I'm not as close to her as I once was. I'd like to be able to help her. I know she's very unhappy, with low-self-esteem, and is probably going through a "what does it all mean" phase... but she's searching obsessively for something unattainable, and not focusing on the reality of things... like getting a job. I really want for her to be happy, but I think she's using this whole religion thing as a crutch... something to hide under because she's affraid of the real world. I've suggested therapy to her... she said she's open to it, but then again, she won't do it on her own. She says things but never follows through on them. If anyone has had a similar experience, or any advice, please let me know! Thanks :-)
Pocky Posted February 7, 2005 Posted February 7, 2005 I know she's very unhappy, with low-self-esteem, and is probably going through a "what does it all mean" phase... but she's searching obsessively for something unattainable, and not focusing on the reality of things... like getting a job. I really want for her to be happy, but I think she's using this whole religion thing as a crutch... something to hide under because she's afraid of the real world. I've suggested therapy to her... she said she's open to it, but then again, she won't do it on her own. She says things but never follows through on them. One thing I'd like to point out is that you view your mother's religious search as something that is unattainable. Religion is a very personal topic and part of the problem you're having may be in the way you approach your mother regarding religion. I'm not sure you, or anyone else, is in a position to dictate whether or not something is attainable when speaking about religion. While you may be agnostic and still searching (or waiting) for religious proof, some people have already accepted these beliefs as their own. Your mother can't make you religious and you can't make your mother agnostic. Both of you probably need to consider some mutual respect within your relationship. As far as solving the problem with your mother not focusing on getting a job, if religion is her main interest right now why don't you incorporate religion into your attempt to help her see that there are other priorities in life? You didn't specify which religion she's interested in, but I will make the assumption that regardless of what she's researching there should be an authority figure present in the structure of that religion. If it's Christianity, why don't you suggest attending a church with her? Help her to get comfortable and once she is, you could approach the administrator of that church and explain to him/her your concerns regarding your mother. If she is so focused on religion, she may find it easier to accept "reality" when it's coming from someone she feels holds the same values as she does.
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