jenkruger Posted May 6, 2014 Share Posted May 6, 2014 How do you folks feel about keeping your maiden name or taking your husband's name? I'm getting married in a few months and I'm going back and forth on it. I'm afraid I will feel lost with this new identity! But I want me and my husband to be a family and limit any confusion in the future (ie banking, buying a house, etc.). However, going through a name-change can be a bit of a hassel as i've heard. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted May 6, 2014 Share Posted May 6, 2014 I kept my name. I own my own business & my brand is tied to me. Changing my name would be like starting over. Socially I sign everything with his last name. I joke that I have an alias & I love it. My drivers' license, passport, etc. are all in my name. Since our names are close it does confuse the health insurance people & new doctors because I get my coverage through my husband but other than that, it's no big deal. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
iris219 Posted May 6, 2014 Share Posted May 6, 2014 I was undecided for awhile. Do I keep my name, change it, or hyphenate? I decided to change it. Our child will have his last name so I want to have that name too. Hyphenated names are so clunky, so I decided against it. Ultimately, it's a personal decision. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
sweetjasmine Posted May 6, 2014 Share Posted May 6, 2014 Kept mine. It hasn't caused any confusion yet. In official situations, I refer to H as my H and explicitly say we have different last names. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted May 6, 2014 Share Posted May 6, 2014 I kept my name. I own my own business & my brand is tied to me. Changing my name would be like starting over. Same with me! But also for me, I have two older sisters who changed their names and I am the last in my family with our father's name. Even though I don't have children, I wanted to honor my father by keeping his name alive - at least for a while - through me. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
SJS Posted May 6, 2014 Share Posted May 6, 2014 I took his last name. It wasn't a hassle changing it...part of the fun, and it took a day. No issues at my job or anything. Plus, my hubby wouldn't have married me if I wasn't going to take his last name. He felt strongly on it. My maiden name was long and German...hubby's name is short & English. A nice change Having the same last name comes in handy when you start having kids, but then again, that's all I know. No matter what you decide, it'll be right for you 1 Link to post Share on other sites
pink_sugar Posted May 6, 2014 Share Posted May 6, 2014 I'm not an extreme feminist or anything, but we are both individuals. I kept my maiden name and it hasn't changed anything about how we feel about one another. It didn't bother my husband either way. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Citizen Erased Posted May 6, 2014 Share Posted May 6, 2014 I took my husband's last name and I'm glad I did. My maiden name is now our son's middle name. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Radu Posted May 6, 2014 Share Posted May 6, 2014 (edited) Same with me! But also for me, I have two older sisters who changed their names and I am the last in my family with our father's name. Even though I don't have children, I wanted to honor my father by keeping his name alive - at least for a while - through me. I hope i have a daughter like you ! Seriously, my dad told me about the whole ancestry, what the name means, and i guess that i'll probably be one of those guys who will definitely want his kids to have his name, and dearly hope that his wife will take his name. I took my husband's last name and I'm glad I did. My maiden name is now our son's middle name. Congrats, is this the first LS baby ? Edited May 6, 2014 by Radu 3 Link to post Share on other sites
AnneT1985 Posted May 6, 2014 Share Posted May 6, 2014 It used to be legally assumed that the wife would take her husband's last name so it was an automatic change by my understanding. Now, you must go through all the work of legally changing your name as anyone else would and that can be a lot of work. Weighing that it is totally up to you. Best of luck! xx 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted May 6, 2014 Share Posted May 6, 2014 Now, you must go through all the work of legally changing your name as anyone else would and that can be a lot of work. xx Immediately after a marriage (or divorce) -- the time varies from state to state -- you can change your name by filling out some forms & paying a fee. After the expiration of that limited time frame if you want to change your name you have to file a whole complaint with the courts & have hearing after law enforcement confirms that you aren't changing your name to avoid prosecution. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted May 6, 2014 Share Posted May 6, 2014 i am a bit old fashioned i guess i think marriage is about a new beginning you are joining as a family, and that taking a last mans last name is a sign of commitment and the end of being a maiden...it might be a hassle but with commitment comes a little more work...i do understand why people dont and they hyphenate last names.....for me personally i have never married but i wouldnt question a guy who wanted me to have his last name i would probably question him if he didnt want me to have it, that would make me curious....and a little sad....deb 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Silly_Girl Posted May 6, 2014 Share Posted May 6, 2014 I married years ago, we double-barrelled the names and both of us used the 'new' surname [myname-hisname]. Our son has that surname. It was easy to revert back when we split. I married again last year and it suddenly mattered to me that he (husband) and I had the same surname and having changed name once I knew what a hassle it was so I didn't expect hubby to change too. I have his surname socially and bank accounts, but at work I have kept my maiden name (for networking etc). I like that I still exist as 'me', my old name, even if only at work and on Linked In Our new daughter has a double-barrelled surname. I really didn't want that but it would otherwise have left my son out as the only person without matching surname. So now both my children have my maiden name and their dad's surname. And they are linked through my surname. That meant so much to my son, and therefore to us. Messy, but there it is. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
dovegirl Posted May 6, 2014 Share Posted May 6, 2014 I took my husband's name. It mattered to me that I share a last name with any future children. Also, I knew my maiden name was "dying out" as it were, since there are only females on the paternal side of my family. Didn't make much sense to me to delay the inevitable. On social media I list my maiden name as a middle name (even though legally I kept my birth middle name) so that old friends can find me easier. The name-change process really did not take long. Just make sure you make plenty of copies of your marriage certificate, and get a couple "official" copies for those places that won't take the copied ones. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Viking-Liz Posted May 7, 2014 Share Posted May 7, 2014 I am not married, but I will keep my own surname, probably in combination with hubbys if we ever walk the isle. So will he. Will be a long one, so filling out forms will be a nightmare x) 2 Link to post Share on other sites
SolG Posted May 7, 2014 Share Posted May 7, 2014 I kept mine to start with. Which was news to my xH... who asked me shortly after marriage when I was going to change my name. I responded never. We argued about this until our daughter was born some years later. Our compromise was that I hyphenated my surname to include his as the add on, and he kept his own. Our daughter has his surname, and mine as a middle name. I personally don't see changing names with marriage as a necessity. And I wouldn't have changed a thing if it hadn't meant so much to my xH. When we separated, my daughter asked me not to change my name back. And strangely, that suits me just fine. It's grown to be 'my' name over the years. It may be a different story though if it weren't hyphenated! My advice would be talk it over seriously with your fiancee as well as part of your deliberations--he may have some strong views--before making a decision. Good luck! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SolG Posted May 7, 2014 Share Posted May 7, 2014 PS, As an aside, I know a couple who chose to adopt a completely different surname on marriage--as in neither of their own, hyphenated or otherwise. They wanted something uniquely their own to denote their new family. I thought it was pretty awesome... However, their respective families were both livid. Names can be very emotive! 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Noproblem Posted May 7, 2014 Share Posted May 7, 2014 Don't give up your name.. Can't you keep them both? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author jenkruger Posted May 7, 2014 Author Share Posted May 7, 2014 Wow thanks for all the feedback! I'm glad i got to hear from both those who kept their name and those who changed it. I was thinking another option would be to keep my maiden name as a middle name since I was never given a middle name. Although professionally, I would be Jen MarriedName. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
iris219 Posted May 7, 2014 Share Posted May 7, 2014 Wow thanks for all the feedback! I'm glad i got to hear from both those who kept their name and those who changed it. I was thinking another option would be to keep my maiden name as a middle name since I was never given a middle name. Although professionally, I would be Jen MarriedName. This is what I'm doing. My middle name is very generic and I'm in no way attached to it. My maiden name will become my middle name. On a daily basis, I will be Iris HisLastName. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
pink_sugar Posted May 7, 2014 Share Posted May 7, 2014 I kept mine to start with. Which was news to my xH... who asked me shortly after marriage when I was going to change my name. I responded never. We argued about this until our daughter was born some years later. Our compromise was that I hyphenated my surname to include his as the add on, and he kept his own. Our daughter has his surname, and mine as a middle name. I personally don't see changing names with marriage as a necessity. And I wouldn't have changed a thing if it hadn't meant so much to my xH. When we separated, my daughter asked me not to change my name back. And strangely, that suits me just fine. It's grown to be 'my' name over the years. It may be a different story though if it weren't hyphenated! My advice would be talk it over seriously with your fiancee as well as part of your deliberations--he may have some strong views--before making a decision. Good luck! I agree. I don't understand why name changing has to be a deal-breaker for some guys. It's really up to the individual. I like my name and it's me. I know some couples who both hyphenated their names, which is a nice change. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author jenkruger Posted May 7, 2014 Author Share Posted May 7, 2014 I agree! My fiance doesn't really care, to be honest. He said it would be great if we had the same name as a couple, but if I'm very attached to my family name, then I should keep it. He does insist our future children have his name though. If that's the case, then I would feel left out, being the only one with a different name LOL 2 Link to post Share on other sites
pink_sugar Posted May 7, 2014 Share Posted May 7, 2014 I agree! My fiance doesn't really care, to be honest. He said it would be great if we had the same name as a couple, but if I'm very attached to my family name, then I should keep it. He does insist our future children have his name though. If that's the case, then I would feel left out, being the only one with a different name LOL I don't really mind our kids having his name, but I know he suggested we could hyphenate the kids names, which I actually think would be a nice touch, but I don't want the kids to have super long names. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SJS Posted May 7, 2014 Share Posted May 7, 2014 I agree. I don't understand why name changing has to be a deal-breaker for some guys. It's really up to the individual. I like my name and it's me. I know some couples who both hyphenated their names, which is a nice change. My guy is very traditional, which is why it mattered to him. Our whole relationship is pretty traditional though. For me, if I wasn't going to change my name, I wouldn't have gotten married. But that's just us, and it works for us. Link to post Share on other sites
dovegirl Posted May 7, 2014 Share Posted May 7, 2014 Wow thanks for all the feedback! I'm glad i got to hear from both those who kept their name and those who changed it. I was thinking another option would be to keep my maiden name as a middle name since I was never given a middle name. Although professionally, I would be Jen MarriedName. My sister did this and it actually worked out really well for her because she never liked her middle name to begin with, haha. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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