Cocochai Posted May 7, 2014 Share Posted May 7, 2014 I'm not sure if We as the OW need to hear the truth when you already see the truth by how the MM shows it.. But in my case, I let my emotions, feelings, and caring for the MM cloud my better judgement and self worth. Basically MM reached out to me this past Monday.. After pretty much catching up, he tries to move in on me like he's done in the past. I pretty much pointed out to him at that point I wasn't having it and that when he stops talking to me it shows his true character. Now this is what he shoots back in his own words.. "It's not that I want to stop talking to you, but I'm afraid to lose my family and you have been dealing with me for awhile so I know your feelings are real but you deserve better and the only thing I can give you is D".. If you don't know what D is take a moment to think to yourselves quietly. I already knew this.. But to say it and then show your still going to bother me even tho you know I deserve better is pretty much cruel in itself. Shows you have no respect for yourself or your wife. So sometimes even tho we know the truth in their actions.. Hearing it truly is a wake up call.. Well in my case. I'd like to thank my XMM for being blunt and pretty much showing me that your everything I knew before with clarity. You guys should see no more topics being made about this dude after today. 8 Link to post Share on other sites
yellowmaverick Posted May 7, 2014 Share Posted May 7, 2014 Well, if "D" is what I think it is, your xMM is a capital D!! Tell him to take his tiny, shriveled d and shove it!! I think you know deep down that he was always a big D. After all, this is a guy who is betraying and hurting the family he can't stand to lose. 9 Link to post Share on other sites
SoleMate Posted May 7, 2014 Share Posted May 7, 2014 Sounds like you are on the road to recovery and clarity and I'm happy to hear it. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Cocochai Posted May 7, 2014 Author Share Posted May 7, 2014 Well, if "D" is what I think it is, your xMM is a capital D!! Tell him to take his tiny, shriveled d and shove it!! I think you know deep down that he was always a big D. After all, this is a guy who is betraying and hurting the family he can't stand to lose. I like that lol Then he offered to have one last lay for the last time.., That's how narssacitic he is to actually think I'd let him touch me with a ten foot pole after hearing what he showed all along. I wouldn't be surprised if he reaches out again. I hope the next AP he gets isn't as sane emotionally as I was and he also knows I am sane.. Even "Thanked" me for not throwing drama his way. Again I'd like to thank him for being blunt! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
gettingstronger Posted May 7, 2014 Share Posted May 7, 2014 Two things Love how you write ME. That's awesome and I'm stealing it for the day. Laughing that he thinks it special to have a D and be willing to share it with you. I mean really that's hard to come by right? Anyway, cheers to you and best of luck! 4 Link to post Share on other sites
bentleychic Posted May 7, 2014 Share Posted May 7, 2014 I'm curious and don't remember, but did he ever promise you more or future fake? (Again, I'm sorry for not remembering! My remembory sucks these days. ) Link to post Share on other sites
snappytomcat Posted May 7, 2014 Share Posted May 7, 2014 I like that lol Then he offered to have one last lay for the last time.., That's how narssacitic he is to actually think I'd let him touch me with a ten foot pole after hearing what he showed all along. I wouldn't be surprised if he reaches out again. I hope the next AP he gets isn't as sane emotionally as I was and he also knows I am sane.. Even "Thanked" me for not throwing drama his way. Again I'd like to thank him for being blunt! what a giant D,does he think hes so irresistible,that you would want to sleep with him one last time. im happy your kicking him to the curb,your way better off without him,and so is his wife,if she even knows 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Cocochai Posted May 7, 2014 Author Share Posted May 7, 2014 (edited) I'm curious and don't remember, but did he ever promise you more or future fake? (Again, I'm sorry for not remembering! My remembory sucks these days. ) Honestly Bentley I never asked for anything from him.., never to leave his M and as disgusting as it sounds.. The situation wasn't one where I never felt guilty about but it fit my schedule. He's always been open and honest about things... The problem I had with him was, knowing I caught feelings and using it to his advantage. Like they all do at some point. We spoke daily and knew everything going on in our lives and he even was there emotionally for me with a few date nights/sleep over. And although the sex was great... We really only had sex like once or twice a month over a two year period. It's almost like he have me just enough but, if I told him how I was feeling on disrespectful stuff he did... That was a "your getting to close" moment and I'm pulling away. Leaving me hurt and confused because we both know the deal. I told him catching feelings is something that's going to happen over time... Yet, He knows this. So he didn't make enough $$ to keep me happy completely so... But I genuinely like him. He uses the I'm here for a couple months then I'm gone until you get your feelings out of this.. It's a control tactics in a way. I respect MM who completely shut things down and never try to start an A again (although it hurts), then the cycle of coming back, and playing this emotional roller coaster game. He may not have meant to tell me that but it was truly a wake up for whatever reason. My friend thinks he's doing reverse psychology on me tho. And this point he's clearly proven what I've known all along. Daily conversation to get me to where he wanted me to be.. Edited May 7, 2014 by Cocochai Link to post Share on other sites
Friskyone4u Posted May 7, 2014 Share Posted May 7, 2014 Why would you expect that he would not try to start A again if the sex was great. For him, what was there not to like. You made no demands and were available to service his needs. It was an ******* move for him to put the request for one more lay to you that way, but why are you surprised? You were there before with no consequences as easy booty. Don't and him for accepting your offer. By the way he will ask again as long as you stay in any form of communication unless he finds another affair partner Link to post Share on other sites
Soverysad123 Posted May 7, 2014 Share Posted May 7, 2014 Stay strong x 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Cocochai Posted May 7, 2014 Author Share Posted May 7, 2014 (edited) Why would you expect that he would not try to start A again if the sex was great. For him, what was there not to like. You made no demands and were available to service his needs. It was an ******* move for him to put the request for one more lay to you that way, but why are you surprised? You were there before with no consequences as easy booty. Don't and him for accepting your offer. By the way he will ask again as long as you stay in any form of communication unless he finds another affair partner Go back and read where I said "my feelings got involved" that's the problem. So I'm a nice person who doesn't believe in using people who got got... At the bold, are you an expert at doing this yourself? And when he finds another AP, hopefully she won't be a bunny boiler because he can def take you there. At this point who cares? At this point I'm just easy booty right? No feelings, blood running through my body.. An sexual object. Right?? So why do you even care? Edited May 7, 2014 by Cocochai Link to post Share on other sites
sunburned Posted May 7, 2014 Share Posted May 7, 2014 cocochai, as an uninvolved outsider, I appreciate the humor in your post and a few that followed it so I thank you for that. but I just have to spoil the party and reiterate the "no contact" credo. it was only a few weeks ago you said you were going NC for good. If you'd stuck to it, there would have been one less insult injury. next time, don't answer. one poster had a quote that said "when the past texts, don't answer. it has nothing new to say." 2 Link to post Share on other sites
beach Posted May 7, 2014 Share Posted May 7, 2014 So he offered sex as his only option of what he has to offer you? And he knew you are the understanding type and would think that's good enough? Man, the guy is a real D. Stop being so "understanding" of this dickwad. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Cocochai Posted May 7, 2014 Author Share Posted May 7, 2014 (edited) cocochai, as an uninvolved outsider, I appreciate the humor in your post and a few that followed it so I thank you for that. but I just have to spoil the party and reiterate the "no contact" credo. it was only a few weeks ago you said you were going NC for good. If you'd stuck to it, there would have been one less insult injury. next time, don't answer. one poster had a quote that said "when the past texts, don't answer. it has nothing new to say." I agree with this! But I'm glad a YOU find the humor in this because I didn't to be honest. Everyone who is poking fun at this doesn't feel sorry for me and I'm not asking you too... I'm venting on here... Thanks for ALL that encouraged me to stay strong in this. End of thread for me.. Edited May 7, 2014 by Cocochai Link to post Share on other sites
beach Posted May 8, 2014 Share Posted May 8, 2014 I respect MM who completely shut things down and never try to start an A again (although it hurts), then the cycle of coming back, and playing this emotional roller coaster game. I can't understand respecting ANY married man who intends to cheat. How do YOU respect it? A married man has my respect when they NEVER cheat. THAT'S how they earn my respect. Link to post Share on other sites
Decipleoflove Posted May 8, 2014 Share Posted May 8, 2014 I Welcome you back on earth...with your both feet on the ground. Be happy, you finally see the light in this dark tunnel. Your MM doesnt deserve any bit of you. TC put yourself first, 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Cocochai Posted May 8, 2014 Author Share Posted May 8, 2014 I can't understand respecting ANY married man who intends to cheat. How do YOU respect it? A married man has my respect when they NEVER cheat. THAT'S how they earn my respect. That's not where I was going with that... This is a OtherWoman/Man forum... You are stating the obvious with your question. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Daisy2013 Posted May 8, 2014 Share Posted May 8, 2014 I just want to say I'm sorry for the hurt you are going through. I've heard nearly the same lines, minus the offer of "D." That was disgusting. I'm glad you are able to now see who he is and hopefully it will help you heal. Good luck to you! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
beach Posted May 8, 2014 Share Posted May 8, 2014 That's not where I was going with that... This is a OtherWoman/Man forum... You are stating the obvious with your question. I know. But I notice you didn't answer the question. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Cocochai Posted May 8, 2014 Author Share Posted May 8, 2014 I know. But I notice you didn't answer the question. We already know cheating with a MM is wrong..which is why I said your stating the obvious but out of respect for some posters who posted situations where the MM stops the A over a Dday or whatever... Carried on long term A with the OW/OM only to end it like it was nothing. Is a hurting situation for them. But what I meant that I think it's better (maybe I shouldn't use the word respect), when the A ends and stops when the MM/MW wants to truly end the A to do the right thing. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Cocochai Posted May 8, 2014 Author Share Posted May 8, 2014 I just want to say I'm sorry for the hurt you are going through. I've heard nearly the same lines, minus the offer of "D." That was disgusting. I'm glad you are able to now see who he is and hopefully it will help you heal. Good luck to you! Thank you. Should I be surprised at what he said... No but it still stings. Sometimes you just have to hear the truth to shock you lol Link to post Share on other sites
beach Posted May 8, 2014 Share Posted May 8, 2014 We already know cheating with a MM is wrong..which is why I said your stating the obvious but out of respect for some posters who posted situations where the MM stops the A over a Dday or whatever... Carried on long term A with the OW/OM only to end it like it was nothing. Is a hurting situation for them. But what I meant that I think it's better (maybe I shouldn't use the word respect), when the A ends and stops when the MM/MW wants to truly end the A to do the right thing. I understand. I'm glad you thought about it a little bit further. I really hope you will want more for yourself in your future. You deserve the best. Never settle. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
still_an_Angel Posted May 8, 2014 Share Posted May 8, 2014 I'm sorry for all your pain Cocochai. Being the OW is never easy, emotions get in the way and you can't get a clean break. He was brutally honest and what he said was really an ouch. Maybe another way of looking at this is that somewhere inside the good part of your MM is he knows this blow (from his lips) will push you to fall out of love for him and move on. He said it intentionally so you will get angry and will want nothing to do with him. And it seems to have worked. I wouldnt discount all the good times but maybe someday when you are truly over him, you can look back at the good times and all that you have learned from this relationship. And from one OW to another OW who is i pain, I wish you all the best. Angel 1 Link to post Share on other sites
movingon45 Posted May 8, 2014 Share Posted May 8, 2014 Cocochai, I hope that you'll be truly free after that wake up call. We have similarities in that there's no future faking and no promises. I also had my own wake up call after seeing a therapist. However my feeling of being out of the fog lasted only 2 weeks. Now I miss him. I know that there's no future and I don't even want him back but I guess I want the attention. I'll post my update soon. I have realized so much after 3 counseling sessions. I hope you stay in your resolve! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Cocochai Posted May 8, 2014 Author Share Posted May 8, 2014 I'm sorry for all your pain Cocochai. Being the OW is never easy, emotions get in the way and you can't get a clean break. He was brutally honest and what he said was really an ouch. Maybe another way of looking at this is that somewhere inside the good part of your MM is he knows this blow (from his lips) will push you to fall out of love for him and move on. He said it intentionally so you will get angry and will want nothing to do with him. And it seems to have worked. I wouldnt discount all the good times but maybe someday when you are truly over him, you can look back at the good times and all that you have learned from this relationship. And from one OW to another OW who is i pain, I wish you all the best. Angel Exactly... It's an insult and a slap to my face but it's what I needed to read from him. He has zero filters and confessed sometimes he says things without thinking but I'm glad he wasn't thinking this time. I'm already moving on and been talking to a really great guy, which is why I thought I could conversate and let him know how much he won't get me back in that cycle but... Got hurt even trying to take back my control. It was a low blow but something I needed to cut those feelings off. Link to post Share on other sites
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