Attention Seeking Behaviour

[feelinggood]

I realize that I'm always seeking for attention. I couldn't control it, I know I have to be responsible for my own happiness and everything but I tend to rely on others to give me the support and attention.

 

How do I become less attention seeking?

[carhill]

Where you are today is a path of intricacies unique to you from essentially the day you were born, and including the genetics you were created with. It's really impossible for another person, without substantial time and in-person contact, as well as training, to figure all that stuff out and help you work through it.

 

Generally, if you experienced marked trauma in the period of socialization and/or peer integration, that would be one area to start with. Snowballs start out small but grow over time and become increasingly difficult to deflect. They all start somewhere though and, like a snowball, an ingrained personality characteristic started somewhere, likely at one point in time, then grew from there. The task is finding it and processing it. One can't erase what is, but one can choose to process it differently in the here and now.

 

Do you fear being alone?

[feelinggood]

Hi carhill, I really don't know why am I like that. There was no obvious event in the past that made me like this, at least I couldn't think of any. Probably I was given much attention when I was younger?

 

And when I grow up I was always quiet until I was around 16 when I started opening up to people and are cheerful to everyone. People love talking and be friends with me. And I love how I can make people laugh.

 

Yes, I do fear being alone...

[Joyfirst]

I think, you need to learn to appreciate and love yourself. Treat yourself with approval and love you are seeking from others.

While for a while it feels flattering, when someone depends on you for their happiness, eventually it starts to feel like a stone under the neck. In my mind best relationships are not where two needy people come together and try as best as they can to plug each others insecurities up, but where two self loving secure people come together and can share joy of living and playing together. Of course, we are humans and no one can feel secure 100 percent of the time, but there is a difference between someone, who is just letting his or her thoughts and emotions go on autopilot and someone, who practices deliberate creating and thinking, and can move through negative emotions within minutes or hours instead of days or years.

[harrybrown]

How you view yourself is more important than how others see you.

 

You may want to make goals about yourself and your self-esteem should increase and that will help you to realize that you are a wonderful you.

 

Hope you see yourself in a very positive way. That could help with the attention seeking.

[feelinggood]

Thanks joyfirst and harrybrown for your advice.

 

What kind of goals should I make? Any examples that I could refer to?

 

I realise that I'm actually quite independent and positive when I'm at work. But in the past 2 relationships, I started off being the true me, and when I fell deeper into them, I became negative and dependent. I was always emo, I didn't know why at first but after that I realised it's because I wanted more attention from my ex. and guys tend to pay more attention when their gf is sad rather than happy, from my experience that is..I was really frustrated when I did that but I couldn't control... and I guess that has partially caused both BU... I don't want to bring this to my next rship..

[Tayla]

Your attribute to seek attention can work in your favor if it is toned down a wee bit.

 

In my growing years I was painfully shy, and I'm grateful for that time period of simply observing. Turns out when I broke out of my shell, became the so called life of the party with friends, I gained some confidence. What balanced it though was when I realized I could be quiet and observant and graciously allow others to take center stage, and I was content with that. Its hard work being the entertainer isn't it?? Give yourself a break, let others shine.. Be in the back ground sometimes, its okay to be supportive without the "instant" gratification.

Being able to balance the observer and outgoing person is a task that can be done.

[feelinggood]

Thanks Tayla, I understand what you mean. I'll try being the observant the next time I'm out with friends.

 

Just wondering, is this a low self esteem issue?

[Snagglepuss89]

In a way, yes. I would shy away from the specific term of "Low self esteem" and say you have insecurities. It sounds to me that you have a higher level of codependence than most people, you rely at least partly on others for your own happiness. While I will not go so far as to label this as a negative thing by nature, it does lead to excessive unhappiness, and moreover is seen as very unattractive, which scares away mates, which then has the effect of triggering the negative emotions from your codependency in an unhealthy negative cycle.

 

In my personal experience, this isn't something you can cure, being a part of your nature, but it is something you can control. You said you will be more observant of other people, I would counter that it is more important to be introspective, and observe yourself. Think on your insecurities and their sources, likely it isn't one event so much as a culmination of your experiences, and then in the future it will be easier to recognise when those insecurities are being triggered.

 

Then, when they begin to flare up, you can recognise it and take measures to prevent yourself from doing something, for lack of a better word, stupid. Once flaws are something you know you can manage, they cease to hold you back, and as a result your confidence will increase with your self control.

 

Just two cents from a local stoic.

[todreaminblue]

the keyword is you........

 

you need to be attentive to you.......that is the attention your heart desires......no one else can fill it but you ........

 

 

 

play a supporting role in you for a while......do things you love to do, that your heart has always wanted but havent had time to do ...... and when you have time to spare, fill the spaces eventually with you having unlimited attention for others.....and spread the attention around...pay forward always........you will get attention.......and it will be the right kind of attention given freely as you yourself will give freely.......attention given with love at heart level...best wishes.....deb

[Tayla]

Thanks Tayla, I understand what you mean. I'll try being the observant the next time I'm out with friends.

 

Just wondering, is this a low self esteem issue?

 

Not necessarily. Some folks receive valdiation through others, we all wish that deep down to be accepted in our group setting.

Being a Support to others has a boomerang effect. What you give out in support enhances your well being. I have found more graciousness in seeing another shine and watching them take center stage. Know your que when its time to shine and when its time to fade into the background. Its truly okay to find that balance and go with it. I truly think you can use your people skills and find a path that suits your environment without overshadowing those around you.

[mea_M]

I realize that I'm always seeking for attention. I couldn't control it, I know I have to be responsible for my own happiness and everything but I tend to rely on others to give me the support and attention.

 

How do I become less attention seeking?

 

How? Be happy with who you are 100 %. Because when you are, you won't be craving attention from others. You will just BE.. If that makes sense! And stay off Facebook! :laugh:Little side joke there. Not saying you have it but if you do that's like the premise if Fb lol!

 

Mea :-)