It's incredibly easy to cheat

[SweetClover]

All it takes is a cell phone or even a spare hour a day.

 

Some of the situations I've found myself in have really shocked me. His wife will go to work for two hours and we'll be able to be together. Or he'll decide to skip a trip for dinner to her parents house and we'll be together then.

 

It doesn't even matter to him if she's in the building as long as she's not in the same room.

 

When this all started I wasn't even asking him to leave her but now I need him too I think. The longer this goes on the more shocked I am. I know deep down this isn't who he wants to be, not even very deep because he says straight out says to me, he wants to stop the lies.

 

I'm doing the sane things he is I know someone will point that out. Big difference that my husband knows all about it.

Both guys seemed almost turned on by it if that's possible but they deny that.

 

I don't think this is a man vs woman issue either, I think they are both just becoming comfortable with the lie and don't think we need to rock the boat.

 

I don't even know what the point of this thread is. I just have no close friends right now except these two men and we don't always agree.

[yellowmaverick]

It's incredibly easy to cheat

 

I completely disagree. Sure, it's easy to call an AP or meet him for a booty call, but the amount of lies and deception it takes makes cheating very difficult. For a person who has a conscience and cares about hurting her partner and children, cheating would be impossible.

[Catwoman13]

All it takes is a cell phone or even a spare hour a day.

 

Some of the situations I've found myself in have really shocked me. His wife will go to work for two hours and we'll be able to be together. Or he'll decide to skip a trip for dinner to her parents house and we'll be together then.

 

It doesn't even matter to him if she's in the building as long as she's not in the same room.

 

When this all started I wasn't even asking him to leave her but now I need him too I think. The longer this goes on the more shocked I am. I know deep down this isn't who he wants to be, not even very deep because he says straight out says to me, he wants to stop the lies.

 

I'm doing the sane things he is I know someone will point that out. Big difference that my husband knows all about it.

Both guys seemed almost turned on by it if that's possible but they deny that.

 

I don't think this is a man vs woman issue either, I think they are both just becoming comfortable with the lie and don't think we need to rock the boat.

 

I don't even know what the point of this thread is. I just have no close friends right now except these two men and we don't always agree.

 

 

If this is your "easy" comfort zone then what you are posting here is a justification for your behaviour. He doesn't mind if she's in the house, just not the same room... etc etc., you seem to have made up your mind about what principles you are willing to invite into your life by matching his [or lack thereof]. My advice? Start making friends. Lose this guy. He's scum who shags another woman while his wife is in the next room??! Please... wake up. He can't stop the lies, he can't even be decent in the first place! And honestly, by the sounds of it neither can you. This isn't about who he's going to be with. This is about the kind of person you choose to be.

[Cocochai]

All it takes is a cell phone or even a spare hour a day.

 

Some of the situations I've found myself in have really shocked me. His wife will go to work for two hours and we'll be able to be together. Or he'll decide to skip a trip for dinner to her parents house and we'll be together then.

 

It doesn't even matter to him if she's in the building as long as she's not in the same room.

 

When this all started I wasn't even asking him to leave her but now I need him too I think. The longer this goes on the more shocked I am. I know deep down this isn't who he wants to be, not even very deep because he says straight out says to me, he wants to stop the lies.

 

I'm doing the sane things he is I know someone will point that out. Big difference that my husband knows all about it.

Both guys seemed almost turned on by it if that's possible but they deny that.

 

I don't think this is a man vs woman issue either, I think they are both just becoming comfortable with the lie and don't think we need to rock the boat.

 

I don't even know what the point of this thread is. I just have no close friends right now except these two men and we don't always agree.

 

It's all fun and games until someone gets their feelings hurt or caught up and starts demanding more.

[Keenly]

Very rarely is the right way the easy way.

[Lernaean_Hydra]

For the kind of affair you're having yes, it is incredibly easy. You make yourself sexually available to him whenever and do not scruple to engage in sex with his wife nearby and your BS at least knows about it.

 

In general, in an affair, someone feels guilty, they slip up or their BS gets suspicious OR the AP catches feelings and wants more, etc. But it appears sex is all either he or your are after so in your case, it is indeed very easy to readily find someone to engage in illicit sex with. Most people will tell you its not usually so easy, however.

[jonsnuh]

 

I completely disagree. Sure, it's easy to call an AP or meet him for a booty call, but the amount of lies and deception it takes makes cheating very difficult. For a person who has a conscience and cares about hurting her partner and children, cheating would be impossible.

 

But if that person only cares about the people she loves, hasn't she tricked herself into not having one? If say, she is living for that moment, or cheating for the enjoy enjoyment of cheating.

 

Sure she could say she might feel bad, but it's also up to the man to decide if he wants the cheater or the kids. That's his decision, and if the cheater accepts that it is his responsibility, hasn't the cheater's mind somewhat put away any sort of guilt?

 

Especially a person who lives on adrenaline? The type of person who would want invisibility as a superpower?

 

I have never cheated nor would I do it. I'm just asking out of theory and trying to understand what a cheater would do (my ex).

[harrybrown]

so does your H get an open marriage also?

 

It should not bother you if he gets some action without you, right?

[SweetClover]

so does your H get an open marriage also?

 

It should not bother you if he gets some action without you, right?

 

We've both been on both sides of the equation. It's been harder to find other women we both click with, this guy gets along with both of us equally, it's a balance thing.

[SweetClover]

For the kind of affair you're having yes, it is incredibly easy. You make yourself sexually available to him whenever and do not scruple to engage in sex with his wife nearby and your BS at least knows about it.

 

In general, in an affair, someone feels guilty, they slip up or their BS gets suspicious OR the AP catches feelings and wants more, etc. But it appears sex is all either he or your are after so in your case, it is indeed very easy to readily find someone to engage in illicit sex with. Most people will tell you its not usually so easy, however.

 

It's not just about sex though. If it was I think Id be over it.

[SweetClover]

I didn't mean 'easy' in the way it's come across. The lying isn't easy for me.

 

I do mean I'm surprised how easy the physical act of cheating has been, with a married man with kids. You would think there wouldn't be time! I guess I'm looking at it in a really screwed up way.

[cif]

It's def easy when you don't require much more than penis in vagina. Some APs however need a work up.

[ThatsJustHowIRoll]

Yeah, it was easy for my brother in law to cheat on my sister...all he needed was 30 minutes and a car. That easy. Never mind my sister found out AFTER she agreed to and gave birth to his baby. 3 weeks old. My sister is devastated, heartbroken and cant understand why.... and baby will never know what its like to live in a 2 parent home. Fallout

 

It's def easy when you don't require much more than penis in vagina

 

Yep. Conscience not required.

[purplesorrow]

I didn't mean 'easy' in the way it's come across. The lying isn't easy for me.

 

I do mean I'm surprised how easy the physical act of cheating has been, with a married man with kids. You would think there wouldn't be time! I guess I'm looking at it in a really screwed up way.

 

This part is easy when there is security in what they have at home. Very easy to fool someone who you know loves you. How was I to know or even dream that "I went to Burger King for lunch" meant I went to my side piece's house for a quicky to rip your heart out and ruin our marriage and shatter our lives? Nope, loving trusting me asked did you have a whopper or a chicken sandwich ?.

[DKT3]

I'm confused, your husband knows? If so then is it cheating?

 

I do like the way you avoided the question of the shoe being on the other foot.

 

Would you be ok if hubby was banging some young hottie a couple times a week? Then bring her around so you could all "get along". If so then I see no issue in your lifestyle nor a need for advice.

[WasOtherWoman]

I suppose cheating can be easy if you allow it to be so. A man will make time for that which is important to him. I was a very demanding mistress in that two hours of his time while his wife was busy doing something else didn't cut it for me. My goal was to make it as difficult as possible for my MM to be in an affair with me, lest he get too comfortable having both a wife and a mistress. In my humble opinion, easy is not good.

[Friskyone4u]

If your husband knows all about it, you are NOT cheating on your side of things. Your husband gets his jollies knowing you are having sex with OM so I don't see how that classifies as cheating.,your AP spouse is the one getting cheated on.

You are in a semi open Marraige with a H who likes the cuckold lifestyle.

Not judging it but it is what it is

[cozycottagelg]

I agree with the premise of the thread. I am not in an affair and neither is my husband, but it would be easy enough. Physically. Emotionally detrimental, but finding time is a piece of cake. I work in a male dominated field. I can come and go as I please at work and nobody would know if I was at lunch with my husband, a friend, or a "friend"... So yes, very easy. It happens all the time in my building.

[SweetClover]

I'm confused, your husband knows? If so then is it cheating?

 

I do like the way you avoided the question of the shoe being on the other foot.

 

Would you be ok if hubby was banging some young hottie a couple times a week? Then bring her around so you could all "get along". If so then I see no issue in your lifestyle nor a need for advice.

 

I don't think I avoided the question. I said we have both been on both sides of this, my husband has dated other people, with and without me there. I'm not only ok with it, it's encouraged. It's been harder to find a woman we both click with and currently we like how things are with just the three of us, but other women are very welcome should we meet the right one. I'm into other women more than my husband is to be honest.

 

My husband does know so we're not cheating on each other but my OM's wife is also a friend of mine, I'm definitely cheating on the friendship and I am the other woman. It's an affair.

[SweetClover]

I suppose cheating can be easy if you allow it to be so. A man will make time for that which is important to him. I was a very demanding mistress in that two hours of his time while his wife was busy doing something else didn't cut it for me. My goal was to make it as difficult as possible for my MM to be in an affair with me, lest he get too comfortable having both a wife and a mistress. In my humble opinion, easy is not good.

 

This is exactly what I think, it's become comfortable and everyone (husband and OM) wants to just keep things as they are.

 

I am not one to make things difficult or rock the boat, but I thought he would have left his house by now.

[SweetClover]

It's def easy when you don't require much more than penis in vagina. Some APs however need a work up.

 

It would be easier if it was just about sex. It's not. Sometimes we don't even have sex and just talk, it's still cheating.

[SweetClover]

If your husband knows all about it, you are NOT cheating on your side of things. Your husband gets his jollies knowing you are having sex with OM so I don't see how that classifies as cheating.,your AP spouse is the one getting cheated on.

You are in a semi open Marraige with a H who likes the cuckold lifestyle.

Not judging it but it is what it is

 

I'm the other woman in a couples marriage. Call it whatever you want.. I consider it cheating. I know his wife, kids and entire family and I've lied to them and my friends to cover the affair.

It's cheating.

Edited May 8, 2014 by SweetClover

[MissBee]

 

I completely disagree. Sure, it's easy to call an AP or meet him for a booty call, but the amount of lies and deception it takes makes cheating very difficult. For a person who has a conscience and cares about hurting her partner and children, cheating would be impossible.

 

I agree.

 

I think it's definitely easy to meet up with your affair partner but to carry on an ongoing affair, for people with a conscience, isn't easy.

 

I know that for me I would be a terrible cheater, simply because I haven't the strength or time to carry on with a charade. It would show on me, especially if my spouse/SO knows me well.

 

But some circumstances are different. Some logistics of people's lives can aid an A. My own A was able to go on so well, even for me, where it was less emotionally taxing, because it was long distance. Our lives didn't overlap, he also didn't live with his SO, so he had lots of space to do whatever he wanted without any alarm being raised. If they were different circumstances I don't think I'd have been able to do it. If it was like you describe OP, I know I couldn't. I managed because it was out of sight and out of mind and he had a lot more freedom hence I didn't always feel like the OW. But with the more active sneaking around, knowing his spouse, being in the same building, having the same circle etc, I could not handle that.

[odinseye]

Yes its easy to cheat, yes its easy to manipulate, but how do you like it when the worm turns, my wife is finding that out. I wanted 30 years of hurt paid back. I got into her journals and used them as part of that payback. I did not divorce her but looked up some old laws still on the books. Such as marital Fraud and extortion, that earned 2 years house arrest. Found an account she set up in another city and attached it as a marital asset. She asks how can you do these things to someone you love. I get the copy of her journal out and said how could you claim to love me but allow this and let other men have what you should have done with me.

She said everyone said it was for your own good, a humbling experience, I said only if I knew, but I did not. She said you do now but there is not anything that says humbling, in fact you have become a god of vengeance. A destroyer of families, all for what reason, I agreed you had to have controls and I did not let you have what others were sweet enough to give, Then she said you are a disgusting human being without understanding, compassion or compromise,

She is right, never again will I be sucked into this feeling. Have other things to think about now, I will not compromise, if she wants to leave that is her choice. We are a little old now, I stay in to much physical pain, to give a dam. but still feel I am owed thirty years.

[Michelle ma Belle]

When this all started I wasn't even asking him to leave her but now I need him too I think. The longer this goes on the more shocked I am. I know deep down this isn't who he wants to be, not even very deep because he says straight out says to me, he wants to stop the lies.

 

So...let me get this straight...you're married to a man that is both fully aware of your affair with a married man and encourages it. Then, not only is your married man cheating on his wife unbeknownst to her BUT just happens to be the husband of a supposed "good friend" of yours with whom you know well and socialize with her AND their family. AND you now want him to LEAVE his wife and family????

 

For what?? So the three of you can canoodle in a polyamorous relationship and live happily-ever-after?

 

Give me a break.

Edited May 8, 2014 by Michelle ma Belle