I wish my mother didn't hate me so much.

[love1336x]

I can understand why my mother hates me so much, but not my fault.

 

My father tricked her. He was putting holes into condoms to get her knocked up. 24 years later here I am.

 

She wanting to abort me, she told me many times over and over again for anything she ever gotten upset me. Regretting not being brave and doing so....

 

I dunno? She complains over every single thing I do. Nothing, and I mean NOTHING makes her happy.

I think I am a decent daughter. I mean, I try. What kid is perfect? I've never smoked, always got As & Bs in high school, and currently in college. I work for everything. I cook & clean. Never gotten in trouble with the law or school. I been a fairly easy daughter to raise. Paid bills. She been unemployed for the past 8 years! She was drinking heavily through out the last 3 years. She has changed that much at least, but none the less the verbal abuse haven't ended.

 

Sometimes I feel if I killed myself she would be a lot happier. :/ Maybe giving my life to her would make her happy, I dunno what to do anymore.

 

I am so tired honestly. It's like, "I get it... I am a mistake... I get it."

I am going to tried to moved, but since she does depend on me a lot... I feel guilty, but at the same time. I feel like I might go insane with her.

[Tayla]

I, in light of reading your post, would like to say you are not a mistake. You are a blessing that your mother cannot accept. Its Her inability , not yours.She has blinders on. Please know that you are not the problem, despite your mothers displays or rants. She is deflecting her faults.

 

I'm in awe that thru all this you feel guilt, that you are more mature in showing concern for her. How humbling to read your ability to care in spite of this reality you endure. Give yourself some cheerful thoughts, to most mothers youd be a wonderful daughter to have! I sincerely wish that your mom gets help and can repair herself, then in turn repair the harm she caused.

[Radu]

I can understand why my mother hates me so much, but not my fault.

You really shouldn't be so understanding.

 

My father tricked her. He was putting holes into condoms to get her knocked up. 24 years later here I am.

 

She wanting to abort me, she told me many times over and over again for anything she ever gotten upset me. Regretting not being brave and doing so....

If she told you this, this is abuse ... there is no doubt about this.

Maybe you have to put up with this because you live with her and are planning for your future, but you should not empathise with her at all.

 

I dunno? She complains over every single thing I do. Nothing, and I mean NOTHING makes her happy.

I think I am a decent daughter. I mean, I try. What kid is perfect? I've never smoked, always got As & Bs in high school, and currently in college. I work for everything. I cook & clean. Never gotten in trouble with the law or school. I been a fairly easy daughter to raise. Paid bills. She been unemployed for the past 8 years! She was drinking heavily through out the last 3 years. She has changed that much at least, but none the less the verbal abuse haven't ended.

I think that's the problem, jealousy.

She can't handle the fact that you turned out right, and in her messed up mind, you destroyed her chance for 'happiness'.

So the better you do, the worse she feels ... if you were a druggie dropout, she would probably accept you more, because you were a worst failure than her, she would actually get to feel smug and superior.

 

Sometimes I feel if I killed myself she would be a lot happier. :/ Maybe giving my life to her would make her happy, I dunno what to do anymore.

Maybe ... but DON'T DO IT !!!

 

I am so tired honestly. It's like, "I get it... I am a mistake... I get it."

I am going to tried to moved, but since she does depend on me a lot... I feel guilty, but at the same time. I feel like I might go insane with her.

You have nothing to feel guilty about, and you need to start accepting that your mother is horribly flawed by her own actions, not yours.

[Valen]

Like you said, your mom didn't want you in the first place so why do you care about staying with her? Why not give her what she wants and leave her by herself. Don't put the guilt on yourself. It's not your fault that your mom has problems. You are a good daughter to her and she didn't even appreciate it. It's time to pack your bags and leave her. Let he know what life would be like without you being here. Maybe, she will realize one day that you were not a mistake afterall.

 

I know it will be hard to leave your mom. Trust me, I did so myself. I left my parents and moved away. They made my life miserable by trying to control all that I do. It felt like I was in prison under their roof, wasn't allow to do anything and criticize me all the time. So I left as soon as I was financially able to. The time apart has help heal us both. It made them reflect on why I move so far away from them. My little brother also ran away. And he finally understand the reasons I left so long ago.

 

Really, you need to separate yourself from your mother for your own mental and spiritual health. Just because someone gave birth to you, doesn't make it their right to abuse you emotionally or psychically. And you are not obligated to stay with them. One of these days you will grow into a strong woman and have a child of your own. You will not be like your mother and you can love your child like they deserve.

 

Good luck!

[love1336x]

Like you said, your mom didn't want you in the first place so why do you care about staying with her? Why not give her what she wants and leave her by herself. Don't put the guilt on yourself. It's not your fault that your mom has problems. You are a good daughter to her and she didn't even appreciate it. It's time to pack your bags and leave her. Let he know what life would be like without you being here. Maybe, she will realize one day that you were not a mistake afterall.

 

I know it will be hard to leave your mom. Trust me, I did so myself. I left my parents and moved away. They made my life miserable by trying to control all that I do. It felt like I was in prison under their roof, wasn't allow to do anything and criticize me all the time. So I left as soon as I was financially able to. The time apart has help heal us both. It made them reflect on why I move so far away from them. My little brother also ran away. And he finally understand the reasons I left so long ago.

 

Really, you need to separate yourself from your mother for your own mental and spiritual health. Just because someone gave birth to you, doesn't make it their right to abuse you emotionally or psychically. And you are not obligated to stay with them. One of these days you will grow into a strong woman and have a child of your own. You will not be like your mother and you can love your child like they deserve.

 

Good luck!

 

Oh god. I will never be the type of mother is when I have children. I will always love & adore them. Even if somehow I got tricked by boyfriend to have children.

 

Thank you for your advise!

[love1336x]

Thank you everyone for your advise!

It made me cry!

Thank you so much. xoxo.

[Valen]

Thank you everyone for your advise!

It made me cry!

Thank you so much. xoxo.

 

You're welcome!

[Radu]

Oh god. I will never be the type of mother is when I have children. I will always love & adore them. Even if somehow I got tricked by boyfriend to have children.

 

Thank you for your advise!

 

Be careful you don't fall for the other big problem, too much -expressed- love for your children.