Sunshine2002 Posted May 8, 2014 Posted May 8, 2014 I left an abusive marriage months ago after many years after getting involved with a MM who is my best friend. He caught his wife cheating a couple weeks ago also. They are obviously miserable but I really don't think they will split in the near future. He sAys he's unhappy but is so wrapped up in her family and business and kids etc that I don't think he'll ever leave. Right now he is on a weeks vacation with all of them. I am vacillating between freedom, happiness, anger, everything. I'm all over the map here. He is a total future faker and I see he drip feeds me info so I don't bolt. I dunno what's wrong with me. I know deserve better! On paper I'm a catch. Attractive, wealthy, funny, a guys girl etc but I can't seem to break free from this guy. I've been happy since he is gone and taking care of myself but I go from happy to lonely to angry and it's only been a couple if days. I don't know what I will do when he comes back and if I can stick to it. I think at my breaking point but in my head I'm having conversations with him And I don't know if I should bother or just go NC. Sooo tired.
Speakingofwhich Posted May 8, 2014 Posted May 8, 2014 On paper I'm a catch. Attractive, wealthy, funny, a guys girl etc but I can't seem to break free from this guy. I've been happy since he is gone and taking care of myself but I go from happy to lonely to angry and it's only been a couple if days. I don't know what I will do when he comes back and if I can stick to it. I think at my breaking point but in my head I'm having conversations with him And I don't know if I should bother or just go NC. Sooo tired. Since he has an attractive, wealthy, funny GF; yet his wife cheats and he doesn't leave her, I'd advise you to keep on truckin'! Many men would leave a cheating wife even without having a GF. Make that an attractive GF and they'd be hustling out of there! Add wealth and fun to the equation and not much would stop them. It's going to be tough for a little while but you'll get over him and with all you have to offer I doubt you'll have a hard time replacing him. 1
MuddyRock Posted May 8, 2014 Posted May 8, 2014 You sure he actually did catch her cheating? Seems he would have to make up a pretty good story so you wouldn't feel bad about him taking a vacation with her. Kind of handy timing. I bet he never caught her cheating and just is trying to make you feel secure with him going. 4
Author Sunshine2002 Posted May 12, 2014 Author Posted May 12, 2014 Why would I want to continue something that makes me feel like s&!t 90 percent of the time!?! It doesn't make any sense.
Author Sunshine2002 Posted May 12, 2014 Author Posted May 12, 2014 Yes I'm positive she is cheating also. He was hurt but also said it was his way out. Hmm I don't see him doing anything about it though.
Poppy's sister Posted May 12, 2014 Posted May 12, 2014 What a very good question And one I ask myself a million times a day Because the what ifs....currently outweigh the oh this is awful feelings What if he does leave ? What if i do ? What if we do get happy ever after ? What if it just means waiting a bit longer ? Surely I can cope with a bit more pain for that....
OpenBook Posted May 12, 2014 Posted May 12, 2014 Studies of mice reveal that they try much MUCH harder to get the reward when it's delivered inconsistently with no rhyme or reason, than when they're rewarded predictably every time they do X (I think it was a bar they had to push to receive a pellet of food). Same is true of humans. Another theory I think is true - repeating the same behavior over and over again, even when it is self-destructive, is our way of trying to fix something that got broken in our past. Recreate the scenario, then try to make it have a different outcome. Neither approach gets you anywhere, IMO, except making you crazy!! Best advice I know to snap out of destructive patterns: Flip the script. Shake things up. Go down a different path. GET AWAY FROM the source of the pain. Just keep moving. 2
JL123 Posted May 13, 2014 Posted May 13, 2014 I am trying to figure out the answer to the same question....
Author Sunshine2002 Posted May 13, 2014 Author Posted May 13, 2014 Open book- I totally agree with recreating past scenarios and trying to fix them because people I've been in relationships with when I was younger were totally unavailable but I wonder why I was attracted to those people too in the first place and what the root of it all has been.
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