What just happened? !!

[C0nfused1980]

Hi guys! Please read and help me with this, I am so confused about my situation.

 

My ex and I broke up a few months ago and we took some time apart. Then we started hanging out again and talking etc. and in many ways it was like we were back together except we weren't. Finally, I asked him last week and he said he would like to just be friends which I said I am okay with as I made many, many mistakes (did not cheat) that caused the breakup which I now realize.

 

I sent him a long, heartfelt e-mail that day just saying that I realize where I went wrong and wanted to properly apologize for everything that I did and that I was e-mailing him as I wasn't sure that he would want to hear all this in person but that I would continue to remain his friend as he is one of the best people I have ever met and I did not expect a reply. He replied back almost straight away saying that he owes me a conversation and we will talk as soon as time allows and signed it with love and a 'xxx'.

 

The next day, we were hanging out again and we ended up making out (for the first time since the breakup) and I asked him if he is really done then why that? To which he said can we take it one step at a time and I said okay (in the past when he had said stuff like this, I hadn't listened and had tried to rush things and this time I really wanted him to see that I was okay with this).

 

He made a date on Monday which he had to change to Tuesday which he also had to cancel as he had a work thing come up. He never re-scheduled. I asked him if we could meet up tonight instead and he said he's busy (maybe true, I am not sure). While we were chatting (I am pretty sure if I actually do go over at some point, it will lead to sex and I don't want to go there unless we are actually together and I don't know what we are right now), I asked him if we still need to have that conversation? And he kind of blew up and said why do you do this, and it's too early in the morning for this, etc. and I said I didn't mean anything by it, just a question, not saying we need to talk right now!! And he said well I can't deal with it right now, too early in the morning and he got off the phone.

 

Did I push him?! Or is he just trying to use me? I'm so confused as to what is going on? Please help! Thanks!

[C0nfused1980]

Also I think I should add that on some days, his behavior clearly shows that he still cares about me very much and loves me - but then suddenly he will become a little distant and weird.

 

When I asked him about us last week, it took him 4 days to get back to me to say he wants to be done with it. And the next day what I described above happened.

 

He had a work thing on Tuesday as I mentioned, I called him to wish him luck and he answered his phone but was busy with it already. He later called me back but even though he made that effort, he barely spoke on the phone and when I got a little flirty he said he has to go.

 

This morning after that incident, I sent him a text and said I'm sorry, bad timing, didn't mean to corner him first thing in the morning to which he hasn't replied.

 

I don't know whether I just hurt him so badly last time that he is now scared? Or am I being optimistic about the situation and he is really done with the whole thing and is just getting what he can now?

[David87]

Look the situation is like this, you like this guy more than he likes you. Stop initiating the convos. Let him initiate and set dates and ask you out because you did your job. He knows what you want but he's not sure what to do.

 

If i were you I'd never speak to him again until he knows that he wants to build the relationship again.

[feelinggood]

I agree with David87. From what you described, he might still have interest in you but wants to take it slowly, maybe starting fresh again. What you are doing is pushing him away and adding stress to him. Slow it down or you may lose him forever.

[C0nfused1980]

Hi again!

 

Thanks for your insight, I think you are right and I need to calm down!

 

He called me and seemed perfectly fine and very chatty and friendly after that so I just need to learn to adjust my expectations and take things slow. Easier said than done but like you said, if I don't I will probably push him away forever.

 

Wish me luck and thanks again!!!

[Simon Phoenix]

One of two things is going on, he's either grooming you for a FWB situation (that's my hunch) or he's just toeing the water to see where things are at. Either way, it doesn't sound like you are in the state of mind to be able to handle this. I have a feeling this is going to end badly. Hope I'm wrong.

[flight E]

I don't totally agree with the last posters. I think he has started using you as a doormat. It's truly best if totally stop initiating contact or at worst initiate once for every three times he does. Also never again have sex with him until you know where you stand and even then take it real slow. Don't turn to his bootycal. Finally your best bet maybe to total no contact until he is ready to do something real. From what you posted he is more of treating you like a pest

[C0nfused1980]

Yikes - well, I certainly hope you guys are wrong! Anyway, if he is hoping for a FWB situation, then he is wasting his time but considering he has made zero physical advances towards me, I highly doubt it.

 

As for him treating me like a pest - I know that's what it sounded like in my post but honestly, it's not like that. Yes, he got very irritated when I brought up the 'big talk' but generally, he acts and sounds delighted to see me or hear from me. He also does initiate contact (more so these past few days) - in fact I didn't see a missed call from him and he called back 15 minutes later again and we talked - surely he wouldn't bother if I was a 'pest'?

 

Generally, things seem to be going well but I am really unsure where it is headed so we definitely need to have the talk at some point I guess? I'm just letting it be now and going with the flow for the time being and will see if he brings it up. Do you guys thing I should set a time limit on this? Or just carry on as I am and see what happens? Thanks

[BC1980]

Harsh truth here. He's stringing you along with no real intentions of being with you. He's keeping you around to hedge his bets if something better doesn't present itself. This entire situation is on his terms, as it's clear you want a relationship, and he doesn't. You don't need to chill out and tip toe around him. You need to drop this excess baggage and regain your dignity.