I hate when my mom touches me

[hotpotato]

I really do. I can't stand it! I wish she would never touch me again. When she touches me, it makes me very uncomfortable. I try to tell her to leave me alone, but she won't.

 

She is trying to be nice to me for the first time in nearly 30 years, but the thing is ive gone my life without her love. I sure as hell dont need or want it in my life.

 

And I dont want her touching me.

 

My mom is a serious BITCH, and I can only remotely stand her because she is on medication.

 

She is so fake and phony I dont know how much more i can take.

[Candy_Pants]

Well, why ARE you taking it?

[hotpotato]

Well, why ARE you taking it?

 

I tell her to leave me alone, but she won't quit. I try to stay away from her as much as possible.

 

She thinks we have a great relationship, but it's all in her head.

 

I dislike her to the point where i dont want nice touches from her.

[gaius]

I know the feeling.

[nescafe1982]

I cant relate, HotPotato. The best way I can describe what it feels like on the rare occasion that either of my parents touch me is "creeped out." Especially my dad. Like you, there is a long-term dynamic of neglect/abuse there.

 

Can you take steps to assert physical boundaries? Do you see her frequently?

[d0nnivain]

I had a tumultuous relationship with my mom growing up. As she aged, she mellowed & wanted to repair our relationship. I found her overtures insincere & had a hard time getting past all the residual hurt.

 

As she became sicker I relented & managed to have a nice relationship with her before she passed.

 

Take it at your pace but if you can find it in your heart not to write her off completely, you may end up in a better place when her time comes, rather than filled with regret.

[gaius]

I can't even stand when she gives me a compliment. I get a real dirty feeling in that case too. I think it's contributed to me not really enjoying most of the compliments I receive from anyone.

[hotpotato]

I cant relate, HotPotato. The best way I can describe what it feels like on the rare occasion that either of my parents touch me is "creeped out." Especially my dad. Like you, there is a long-term dynamic of neglect/abuse there.

 

Can you take steps to assert physical boundaries? Do you see her frequently?

 

I'm living with her right now (much of it to her benefit), but I travel a lot so most of the time I just don't see her. The time I see her is limited, but she won't stop with the nagging.

 

I understand that she is trying to be nice, but she's coming with a fakeness.

 

I'm trying to stay away from her. She will get in your face until you snap. People have attacked her because she just won't stop getting in people's faces.

[nescafe1982]

I understand that she is trying to be nice, but she's coming with a fakeness.

 

I can totally relate to that aspect of it too. Glad you're finding ways to insert distance! I couldn't imagine living my my parents (dad's NPD, mom is either BPD or just so totally engulfed by dad's personality that she might as well be).

 

But yeah.. I guess all I can offer is that I relate to your situation. I resolved my issue with my parents by moving 4000 miles away.

[hotpotato]

I can totally relate to that aspect of it too. Glad you're finding ways to insert distance! I couldn't imagine living my my parents (dad's NPD, mom is either BPD or just so totally engulfed by dad's personality that she might as well be).

 

But yeah.. I guess all I can offer is that I relate to your situation. I resolved my issue with my parents by moving 4000 miles away.

 

Ive envisioned myself jumping into a brand new car and moving to the other side of the country! Ive seriously thought about moving to Europe.

[Tayla]

Is this a medical skin condition or a soul that hasnt become receptive to physical acts of kindness? Its sad that you are given an opportunity as an adult to mend fences. Set all the boundaries you wish, she is your mom, that fact will remain. Stop the negativity and learn that you can be more stable in this relationship by being less judgmental. You have just as much to gain by improving a healthier perspective. Doesn't sound like years of negativity worked for either one of you. Try finding one thing good in her, its there. Then build upon it.

[hotpotato]

Is this a medical skin condition or a soul that hasnt become receptive to physical acts of kindness? Its sad that you are given an opportunity as an adult to mend fences. Set all the boundaries you wish, she is your mom, that fact will remain. Stop the negativity and learn that you can be more stable in this relationship by being less judgmental. You have just as much to gain by improving a healthier perspective. Doesn't sound like years of negativity worked for either one of you. Try finding one thing good in her, its there. Then build upon it.

 

Judgmental? Judgmental is calling your teen daughter a "woman of the night." Judgmental is accusing your daughter who just had a 2nd trimester miscarriage of having an abortion and saying it was a sign from God. That's judgmental. Judgmental is threatening to spank your 25 year old daughter.

 

She has never apologized for anything, she just wants things to be swept under the rug and forgotten.

 

At this point, I have learned to live without any warmth from her. I have nothing to gain. I dont miss it because I never had it. Now I just plain dont want it, and it seems FAKE.

 

She made her own bed, but can't deal with the consequences.

Edited May 11, 2014 by hotpotato

[gaius]

Judgmental? Judgmental is calling your teen daughter a "woman of the night." Judgmental is accusing your daughter who just had a 2nd trimester miscarriage of having an abortion and saying it was a sign from God. That's judgmental. Judgmental is threatening to spank your 25 year old daughter.

 

She has never apologized for anything, she just wants things to be swept under the rug and forgotten.

 

At this point, I have learned to live without any warmth from her. I have nothing to gain. I dont miss it because I never had it. Now I just plain dont want it, and it seems FAKE.

 

She made her own bed, but can't deal with the consequences.

I remember my mother basically ordering my step-father to beat the crap out of me. Today she goes around railing about what a bad guy he was because he hit his children... It definitely leaves a dirty feeling that's not easily shook. There's just something not right in their heads.

[ja123]

Sorry to hear about this situation - it's rough.

 

 

I actually moved 15 hours away from my family to put in some distance.

 

 

You might want to pick up the book "Toxic Parents" by Susan Forward.

[Tayla]

Judgmental? Judgmental is calling your teen daughter a "woman of the night." Judgmental is accusing your daughter who just had a 2nd trimester miscarriage of having an abortion and saying it was a sign from God. That's judgmental. Judgmental is threatening to spank your 25 year old daughter.

 

She has never apologized for anything, she just wants things to be swept under the rug and forgotten.

 

At this point, I have learned to live without any warmth from her. I have nothing to gain. I dont miss it because I never had it. Now I just plain dont want it, and it seems FAKE.

 

She made her own bed, but can't deal with the consequences.

My apologies. I can see that this post is about your injuries and not about mending matters. I make no apologies though to circumstances when both adults are carrying judgmental attributes. Thank you for clarifying the matter.

[hotpotato]

My apologies. I can see that this post is about your injuries and not about mending matters. I make no apologies though to circumstances when both adults are carrying judgmental attributes. Thank you for clarifying the matter.

 

I'm over trying to mend things. We can get along, and that's all I really care to do.

Me being judgmental? As if I am all of a sudden going to open my arms to an abusive bitch. It's normal not to want loving overtures from someone who is mean. Even when she tries to be nice, she makes things worse. It's not my fault she waited 27 years to decided she wanted to be remotely nice.

[hotpotato]

Sorry to hear about this situation - it's rough.

 

 

I actually moved 15 hours away from my family to put in some distance.

 

 

You might want to pick up the book "Toxic Parents" by Susan Forward.

 

That rings a bell! I think I read it about ten years ago. It's got to be somewhere around here!

[nescafe1982]

 

You might want to pick up the book "Toxic Parents" by Susan Forward.

 

Just want to +1 this book. Helped me gain some perspective and build appropriate boundaries with my family, too.

[nescafe1982]

I'm over trying to mend things. We can get along, and that's all I really care to do.

Me being judgmental? As if I am all of a sudden going to open my arms to an abusive bitch. It's normal not to want loving overtures from someone who is mean. Even when she tries to be nice, she makes things worse. It's not my fault she waited 27 years to decided she wanted to be remotely nice.

 

And I agree with HotPotato... adding only that sometimes anger is the voice of self-esteem. Dealing with that anger appropriately is not always, or even usually, about extending arms or "mending bridges." Oftentimes, its about recalibrating a previously abusive relationship to minimize how much you open yourself to continuing abuse.

[Baller25]

Ive envisioned myself jumping into a brand new car and moving to the other side of the country! Ive seriously thought about moving to Europe.

 

Why don't you? It's pretty easy to get an auto lease or hire-purchase, and if you give 6 months upfront you can pretty much move into any apartment rental without references when making it clear why your fronting the 6mo.

 

Don't move to Europe though brah. I live in the UK and it sucks, that's why they call it boring Britain; unfortunately I have too many obligations right now to just move back.

[preraph]

Look, you're living under her roof! That is YOUR choice. Stop acting like everything is out of your control! You had some reason for moving in with her and I seriously doubt, based on all you've said, it was for HER benefit. So do the adult thing and get out! I'm sure any roommate would be glad to take you on since you're gone most of the time.

[hotpotato]

Look, you're living under her roof! That is YOUR choice. Stop acting like everything is out of your control! You had some reason for moving in with her and I seriously doubt, based on all you've said, it was for HER benefit. So do the adult thing and get out! I'm sure any roommate would be glad to take you on since you're gone most of the time.

 

Its not her roof actually. I never moved in with her, we just happened to end up at the same place.

[hotpotato]

Why don't you? It's pretty easy to get an auto lease or hire-purchase, and if you give 6into a leasemonths upfront you can pretty much move into any apartment rental without references when making it clear why your fronting the 6mo.

 

Don't move to Europe though brah. I live in the UK and it sucks, that's why they call it boring Britain; unfortunately I have too many obligations right now to just move back.

 

I dont have a new car. I want a new car that I can keep for tge next 15 to 20 years. Id rather not put my money Iease. Right now im waiting on the 2015 colors.

 

Im a lady btw.

[Baller25]

"I hate when my mom touches me" — I was hoping for something ratchet, but then I realized that this was LS.

[hotpotato]

I guess I've stuck around this long because I'm worried about my brother.

 

My mom has coddled him badly.He runs all over her. This time his grades slipped because she lets him miss school for trivial reasons. When I was in school, she wouldn't let me miss school until I was sick. Many years I had perfect attendance. I pointed this out to her.

 

 

She lets him stay home if he has muscle cramps, misses the bus, has a little tummy ache. You get the picture.

He's almost 16, and often someone has to wake him up to go to school.

 

Discussion ends with her trying to invade my personal space. i was looking straight forward trying to ignore her, and she just kept moving her face closer to mine.

 

This is very triggery for me. She doesn't get or care that she is still be aggressive even if she has a sad puppy dog face. She doesn't understand attunement. Even if you are a parent, it doesn't give you the right to force yourself on your child. She doesn't read social cues.

 

She tried to touch me lovingly the other day, and I swatted her away. She said I won't do that because she's my mom. So basically, she can touch me how she wants because she's the momma.

 

 

My mom is just not a social person. In her job, she usually works alone. When she doesn't, she's very irritable. She complains about people looking at her wrong and speaking to her in the wrong tone. Now I understand why she was/is so abusive. Little things make her butthurt. She can't beat a coworker, but she could beat a little child.

 

What she really needed was a nice little docile child. Instead she got free spirited me. I'm convinced that if I had been born a few years later she would have put me on ritalin.

 

I think she read my diary again.Yep, time to get away from her.