Wife's affair with boss

[10thengineerharrison]

I don't understand what's going on with her. She doesn't seem to know what to do or where to be.

 

If she can't make this decision, make it for her.

 

-10th Engineer Harrison

[drifter777]

OP seems to be gone - what a shock!

[peruano99]

Get an attorney, record evidence, and divorce this woman if it is what you really want.

[atreides]

OP, stop trying to figure out what she is thinking or why, you are wasting your time doing so. Just take control, file for D and get control. Once you stop letting her gas-light you and take control, perhaps then you will find out the "why"

 

Why file? For many WS, a D is a wake up call and all of a sudden the picture is made crystal clear and most of all you have control to which you can actually go through with the D or put it on hold, either way... as the theme of this post is you have control.

[hoddenxg]

OP seems to be gone - what a shock!

 

I had other things to deal with.

 

Last night, she admitted to me the whole truth about the affair, said it was really about sexual things that I couldn't/wouldn't do, all about the hot sex, and she really regrets it now.

I felt low as she was telling me this, and decided to give her one last chance, she was mortified when I told her this, and promised never to find another AP again. I told her I would divorce her if she ever did anything like this again, and she promised never to repeat what she did.

I've decided I'll forgive her, but I want our son to have some sense of stability in his life.

 

As for leaving her job, won't it be hard for her to find another one, the way the economy is today?

I am grateful for your advice, I've had a fair bit of travel for work these past few weeks so thats why I've been gone. Guess it keeps me busy, I suppose.

[harrybrown]

Has she written out the timeline of her affair?

 

Has she stopped contacting her boss? I do not think so.

 

She needs to go NC with her boss the OM.

 

Expose her work, and sue her boss and the company for sexual harassment.

 

She is taking this underground. How can you stand to have her go to work with her boss?

[Buckeye2]

As for leaving her job, won't it be hard for her to find another one, the way the economy is today?

I am grateful for your advice, I've had a fair bit of travel for work these past few weeks so thats why I've been gone. Guess it keeps me busy, I suppose.

 

Your wife will be "busy" if she keeps her job.

 

Yes it will be difficult for her to get a new job. However you need to be honest with yourself about what will happen if she keeps her current job.

 

She had hot sex with her boss and all she had to do to fix things was say that she’s sorry. You travel for your work. Your wife will still be with her boss.

 

Why in the world would she give up the hot sex? Just know that they will be having sex. Divorce her when your son is 18.

[SD1000]

I felt low as she was telling me this, and decided to give her one last chance, she was mortified when I told her this, and promised never to find another AP again. I told her I would divorce her if she ever did anything like this again, and she promised never to repeat what she did.

I've decided I'll forgive her, but I want our son to have some sense of stability in his life.

 

 

 

Nothing personal, but this is way too soon to be making any decisions about forgiving and putting it behind you. I understand that you are still in shock about what happened and can't yet think very clearly. Now is the time to be strong and make your wife show you that she is willing to work hard to rebuild trust. If you take her back so easily, she will never respect you again or realize how devastating this must be for you.

[Running Man]

What a relief for her to have an easy resolution for her whoring around. She emasculated you and you quickly take her back because she promised to "never do it again". Your setting yourself up for failure.

[hoddenxg]

Whilst I've been working... well, my wife's taken some time off work, paid leave.

Our son told me, and I know because I've seen it last night, she spends hours watching The Real Housewives, Millionaire Matchmaker and CSI and eating Doritos and Lays, and sits in a T-shirt and her undies, and guzzles down Pepsi. He said to me "Mom ain't looking right, what's up with her?"

He said he's had to go out and buy the snack foods for her, her becoming angry if he didn't. He also told me how she just now watches reality TV and Lifetime-movie-of-the-week-type stuff, barely goes out, if at all.

As for me being away for a few weeks, well, not every single day, but travelling for like 2 hour drives some days.

My wife does seem to want forgiveness, I found a Microsoft Word document last night which was some sort of timeline containing dates / times of the affair.

It's true, I am in shock about it, but she does seem to want to change, as she has actually said to me she actually regrets the affair, not just being caught, she said they only really had sex twice, as it were, and that much of the time they just ate out in fancy Chinese, Italian and Thai restaurants, it was more of an EA than a sexual thing.

[road]

Whilst I've been working... well, my wife's taken some time off work, paid leave.

Our son told me, and I know because I've seen it last night, she spends hours watching The Real Housewives, Millionaire Matchmaker and CSI and eating Doritos and Lays, and sits in a T-shirt and her undies, and guzzles down Pepsi. He said to me "Mom ain't looking right, what's up with her?"

He said he's had to go out and buy the snack foods for her, her becoming angry if he didn't. He also told me how she just now watches reality TV and Lifetime-movie-of-the-week-type stuff, barely goes out, if at all.

As for me being away for a few weeks, well, not every single day, but travelling for like 2 hour drives some days.

My wife does seem to want forgiveness, I found a Microsoft Word document last night which was some sort of timeline containing dates / times of the affair.

It's true, I am in shock about it, but she does seem to want to change, as she has actually said to me she actually regrets the affair, not just being caught, she said they only really had sex twice, as it were, and that much of the time they just ate out in fancy Chinese, Italian and Thai restaurants, it was more of an EA than a sexual thing.

 

 

 

 

 

WW's always down play the PA. Nothing happened means made out. We just kissed means sex. We had sex once, means double digits, twice more then she can remember or wants to admit to.

[harrybrown]

so when is she going to get her act together? Your son is taking care of her.

 

That is not being responsible. Does she still work with her "boss" and I forget, but did you expose at work and to the OM's wife?

[Bryanp]

There is nobody as blind as one who refuses to see. You both need to get tested for STD's. You wife plays you for a fool. I guess she is correct.

[BeholdtheMan]

You haven't given your wife enough negative consequences. She won't have much incentive to stay faithful. You're wife disrespected you badly, and instead of showing her that you don't tolerate disrespect, you caved in and took her back almost immediately. Brother, you've lost your balls. Women don't respect doormats who tolerate utterly emasculating disrespect. Good luck to you, but in all truth, you've handled things terribly

[soccerrprp]

OP, you have to wake up and see that your wife, who is only a shell of one now, has little or no respect for you and your feelings. Certainly none for the marriage.

 

Too many people get played in relationships. Often times b/c they have been together for so long that they fear the unknown more than the crappy known and so tolerate all kinds of BS. This staying, is much more destructive.

[rns4lyfe]

Op, this situation is terrible and it's bring you and your son down in the process. Idk what's going on with your wife but it's not healthy for you or your son to be around. You got amazing advice in this thread and didn't listen to it. This seems like it's only going to get worse for everyone involved.

[2sunny]

It sounds like your cheating W is depressed. Probably sad because her A was outed and now she's trying to figure out how to keep her boss on board as her OM, her job and you as her H that will fall back in line with her plan.

 

Expose her to all - including your son and family.

[Spectre]

Wow that is some classy lady you married. I can get her being depressed over this, but why would she begin to treat her own child badly because of a mistake she made?

 

From the way she is acting, this might be one of the rare cases where the kid might benefit from a divorce.

[sidney2718]

I had other things to deal with.

 

Last night, she admitted to me the whole truth about the affair, said it was really about sexual things that I couldn't/wouldn't do, all about the hot sex, and she really regrets it now.

I felt low as she was telling me this, and decided to give her one last chance, she was mortified when I told her this, and promised never to find another AP again. I told her I would divorce her if she ever did anything like this again, and she promised never to repeat what she did.

I've decided I'll forgive her, but I want our son to have some sense of stability in his life.

 

As for leaving her job, won't it be hard for her to find another one, the way the economy is today?

I am grateful for your advice, I've had a fair bit of travel for work these past few weeks so thats why I've been gone. Guess it keeps me busy, I suppose.

 

You've gotten good advice even if some of it is contradictory.

 

I have no doubt that your wife is regretful, but regret, like love, can also fade. YOU have to be watchful that the affair doesn't simply get buried more deeply rather than stopped. This is hard on you, but you have to do it.

 

Also, she needs to work on limits. She cannot sit in front of the TV set all day while your son runs errands for her. That's OUT. She can use her time to look for another job. To be sure she may not find one, but she'll certainly not find one by watching TV.

 

Last, talk to a lawyer about a post-nuptual agreement that the two of you can make which lays out division of property, custody, etc., in case you divorce later. You are much more likely to get a better settlement now than you will if she cheats again.

 

I'm personally glad you've decided to attempt a reconciliation. Just remember that 95% of the work for that is on her, not you. Your job might be to consider trying to supply some of the "wild sex" that she seems to like. There is nothing wrong with that. It is just too bad that she couldn't simply communicate with you instead of having an affair.