Pikachoo Posted May 8, 2014 Share Posted May 8, 2014 I'm really worried. My boyfriend, who lives about 10,000 miles away, is depressed. I've known it for a while, and have tried to tell him he needs to talk to someone close about it. Recently he's been taking it out on me a lot, saying I'm The reason he's like that. I know sometimes I don't say the right thing to make him feel better but I have a lot going on at the moment too- I have exams at uni in the next week that are causing me a lot of stress. Last night he got really mad at me for little/no reason- he asked me how much something had cost a year ago and I didn't answer instantly and after that it all got out of hand. It resulted in me sitting for 5 hours, giving him some time to cool down then trying to call him (we talk on Skype). When I managed to speak to him he left on an unhappy note, he's 4hours ahead and ended up sleeping quite late. But I knew he was tired and needed to sleep and knew he wouldn't feel better unless he got some rest. I felt awful all night, slept for about 2 hours and have left him a lot of messages but now both his phones are off, he won't reply to me and I really don't know what to do. We've spoken every day for the past year and a half The only thing I can think to do is leave him nice messages so when he does decide to come back online he'll see them and know I've been here thinking of him. Because I'm not actually there beside him I don't know what else I can do Apologies for the rant, it seems to make me feel a bit better Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted May 8, 2014 Share Posted May 8, 2014 Even if you were right next to him you could not cure his depression, anymore than you could cure his cancer if that was his illness. That is for a doctor. At this point you have reached out enough. If you don't get a positive response & an apology soon, I'd revisit whether you want to stay in a relationship with someone who treats you so poorly & dismisses you so easily. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TAV Posted May 9, 2014 Share Posted May 9, 2014 I agree; you are not his punching bag. You did not sign up to be his mental coach. One thing when dealing with people with (temporary) mental illnesses is to try and protect yourself so you do not end up in a downward spiral yourself too. Do you have a real life history together or have you met online? Do you know his relatives and friends, can you contact them? He clearly needs to find some help but other people next to you need to convince him of that. Not much more you can do at this point. Meanwhile clearly give him your own boundaries and make him respect them. Blaming you for his depression is a very low thing to do and cannot be true; he is a grown person who makes his own decisions. Nobody put a gun to his head and forced him to be in a LDR with you. Take care of yourself first, OP. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
soccerrprp Posted May 9, 2014 Share Posted May 9, 2014 Have you ever met? How often? Link to post Share on other sites
Gavin_777 Posted May 9, 2014 Share Posted May 9, 2014 (edited) I empathise with your situation. I sometimes experience similar to this with my partner. It can be challenging when you love each other and one or both are suffering/struggling with the usual stresses plus the addition of having physical distance between each other & it sounds like you are doing the very best you can with a challenging situation which is about as much as can be expected of yourself. In my opinion, you did well to be thoughtful and leave positive messages for him as I believe it would do harm to leave anxious/panicking messages although it is difficult not to do this. In my experience being calm and supportive is important. Sometimes getting all the tough emotions out somewhere you trust or to someone you trust can help to relieve the build up which makes it easier to approach your partner with a calmer clearer frame of mind. If you think he is in need of professional help then my suggestion would be to get yourself in as clear and reassured a place as possible, then to try to approach from as caring and patient a mindframe as possible (to avoid him perceiving what you say as being threatening/critical) then to drop into a conversation some links/details of who/where he can contact to help. Easier said than done. The main thing is that you know yourself and what in you he reacts positively to & this is a great advantage. Focus on what you can do and be as positive as possible. Good luck and my thoughts are with you! Edited May 9, 2014 by Gavin_777 clarity Link to post Share on other sites
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