Anyone been Catfished?

[Michelle ma Belle]

I happen to love the new MTV series, Catfish Catfish: The TV Show (Series) | Season 3, Season 2 Episodes | MTV

 

I saw the movie a few years ago at a time when I was very suspicious of someone I was falling for online. It resonated with me and ultimately changed the way I viewed and conducted myself online ever since.

 

I'll share my story eventually.

 

I'm curious to find out if you've experienced being catfished OR perhaps you might currently suspect you're being catfished. Share your story

 

For those that haven't heard this term before:

CATFISH means "Individual Who Creates a False Online Identity"

[michellew]

I recently suspected I was being catfished, but after doing some google and Facebook 'research', I found the only identity he was hiding was that of his girlfriend! Ugh.

[Atticus9292012]

Not technically. What has happened to me more than once is a guy will portray themselves one way online and over the phone and when we meet its like I have no clue who this person is sitting across from me. You are not all who you were pretending to be behind a computer screen.

[gaius]

When I was playing world of warcraft one supposed female who hit on me and I flirted a little with ended up being a balding, overweight in his 40's freemason from somewhere in Oregon I think. But I got him back by kind of stealing one actual woman player that he was fond of.

[CarrieT]

Almost.

 

I was corresponding with a guy for several weeks when we started having phone calls.

 

He was All That And A Bag Of Chips as far as what I was looking for in a guy. We spent hours sending each other pictures back-and-forth and I saw images of his house, garden, family, etc.

 

Our phone calls went on all night long and there were a few things he said that just seemed odd. Example: He described how he hosted an anniversary party for his parents at a restaurant in New York and that he gave his father a case of '72 Lafitte Rothschild because it was the best and their favorite. I asked, "Don't you mean the '76?"

 

Well, he hadn't figured on the fact that I was a professional wine writer and knew my vintages... It was an obscure lie that raised a red flag to me that someone else might not have caught - the first of several.

 

After some digging, I learned that he was a serial narcissist who had been written up on a "don't-date-him-girl" website and that he had snared dozens of women with the same lies he had told me.

[Smilecharmer]

Almost.

 

I was corresponding with a guy for several weeks when we started having phone calls.

 

He was All That And A Bag Of Chips as far as what I was looking for in a guy. We spent hours sending each other pictures back-and-forth and I saw images of his house, garden, family, etc.

 

Our phone calls went on all night long and there were a few things he said that just seemed odd. Example: He described how he hosted an anniversary party for his parents at a restaurant in New York and that he gave his father a case of '72 Lafitte Rothschild because it was the best and their favorite. I asked, "Don't you mean the '76?"

 

Well, he hadn't figured on the fact that I was a professional wine writer and knew my vintages... It was an obscure lie that raised a red flag to me that someone else might not have caught - the first of several.

 

After some digging, I learned that he was a serial narcissist who had been written up on a "don't-date-him-girl" website and that he had snared dozens of women with the same lies he had told me.

 

Hilarious...pays to be cultured and knowledgeable.

[DArtagnan2]

not to the extreme that some of the episodes on that show have been, but I have been "played" so to say. Where they weren't what they portrayed themselves to be from how they looked to what they did in their daily lives, etc. But no major outlandish story, yet.

[Michelle ma Belle]

I agree that the show clearly vets it's submissions and airs those that will make for good television. But it DOES get this extreme and have witnessed some friends go through it unfortunately.

 

For me, I met a lovely guy online who lived about 4 hours from me. We connected immediately and would spend hours chatting online day after day about everything. Although we were aware of our profile pictures, we eventually started to exchange more pictures of various kinds - alone, with friends, on vacation etc.

 

Our online chats graduated to phone calls and we stayed in constant communication whether it was email, text or phone calls.

 

He was younger than me and GORGEOUS! Almost TOO good looking. It was hard to believe that someone that handsome AND a great communicator with similar interests and shared values could be true.

 

Having done the online thing for a little bit, I had heard of people setting up fake profiles so I asked him if he wanted to move on to Skyping.

 

As it turned out, he had all sorts of excuses for not being able to do it; old computer with no camera, saving up to buy a new one. When I pressed him to just buy a cheap camera that plugs into his computer, he said that it wouldn't work on his computer and that as soon as he gets his new work computer, we'll Skype.

 

Red flag.

 

We continued to talk. I noticed that our chats would get more flirty and suggestive. I wanted to play along but something inside me was telling me that this guy wasn't for real and couldn't bring myself to give into temptation until I had some "proof".

 

So I expressed my concerns and asked him to send me a picture of himself holding up a sign that said "Hi Michelle" and the date.

 

He did.

 

After that, we went hog wild. Not only did we have wonderful chats and talked about someday meeting, we dove head first into phone sex! And it was good.

 

But for some reason, I still had some doubts. Not sure how it came about or why but I did. It caused me to ask him to send me specific pictures; send me pic of you with your beard or show me your tattoo etc. He always had an excuse why he couldn't send them to me.

 

Then he started begging me to get on Skype with him but only with MY camera on so he could see and watch me. That started to creep me out and I was getting tired of all his excuses despite that one picture he sent me with my name on it and the date. Something wasn't right.

 

During this time, I saw the movie Catfish and learned how to drop his pictures into a photo search program where they all came up clean. It didn't reassure me.

 

Eventually, he could tell I was getting frustrated and pulling away. I'm not sure what caused him to or why but he called me up and confessed that he hasn't been completely honest with me.

 

I sat in silence and listened as he told me that it wasn't him in any of those pictures he sent me. That he is just a shy, insecure, hopeless romantic who was looking for love but felt that no one would ever think he's attractive enough.

 

I asked him who was the guy in the pictures and HOW the hell did you get him to write that note for me. He confessed that the guy who I THOUGHT I was talking to was his roommate and he paid him $50 to pose for the picture!

 

It all made sense now.

 

I asked to see what he looks like and given who was pretending to be, it was difficult to accept. He was very remorseful and begged me to believe that everything we shared and everything he told me was 100% HIM. Just not the picture.

 

I can't lie that I felt a bit dirty for a split second. Especially since I engaged sexually with someone who wasn't who he said he was. But then I got over it. I believed that he was sincere in the things he shared but that didn't change the fact that he lied and we can't just go back to the way things were...

 

I'm not going to go into detail describing what he looks like but if you've seen Catfish, you'll understand. I am far from shallow and think beauty is in the eye of the beholder BUT this was something else. If he had approached me as himself, I still would have chatted him up and enjoyed our company. Would we have gotten sexual on the phone? Probably not. It's just the way it goes.

 

We talked at great length about WHY he did this etc. I forgave him and we continued to talk on phone albeit less frequently to the point where we stopped altogether after he got angry with me for not wanting to engage in phone sex anymore.

 

Ugh.

 

C'est la vie! An important lesson learned. Even when you have 'evidence' and you think pics are in the clear, you just never know. All you have are those feelings in your gut that tell you something is right or something is wrong.

 

Listen to them. They are rarely wrong

Edited May 8, 2014 by Michelle ma Belle

[slizl]

I've been Catfished from every single girl I have met from OLD. They always look a few years older, around 10-20 pounds heavier and their perfect complexion isn't so perfect...

Angles and filters = smoke and mirrors

Edited May 8, 2014 by slizl

[SpringBaby]

I happen to love the new MTV series, Catfish Catfish: The TV Show (Series) | Season 3, Season 2 Episodes | MTV

 

I saw the movie a few years ago at a time when I was very suspicious of someone I was falling for online. It resonated with me and ultimately changed the way I viewed and conducted myself online ever since.

 

I'll share my story eventually.

 

I'm curious to find out if you've experienced being catfished OR perhaps you might currently suspect you're being catfished. Share your story

 

For those that haven't heard this term before:

CATFISH means "Individual Who Creates a False Online Identity"

 

Not really, I had a guy who claimed he was using his cousin's pic because of his job and church members...uh huh:rolleyes:, this wasn't OLD though. He emailed me his pics after a week of us talking and when I met him, it was him. I still felt like he was hiding something but I didn't waste my time trying to figure out what it was, next!

 

(Knock wood) I haven't had any real bait and switch situations thank God.

 

The key is never letting it go too far without something tangible. If I never get that then I drop 'em. Too many excuses is a dead giveaway too. Idk how people talk for years and tie up their whole lives for people they have never met. smh

 

Thanks for reminding me, I wanted to check out the new season.

[NYC-BigKat]

Not really, I had a guy who claimed he was using his cousin's pic because of his job and church members...uh huh:rolleyes:, this wasn't OLD though. He emailed me his pics after a week of us talking and when I met him, it was him. I still felt like he was hiding something but I didn't waste my time trying to figure out what it was, next!

 

(Knock wood) I haven't had any real bait and switch situations thank God.

 

The key is never letting it go too far without something tangible. If I never get that then I drop 'em. Too many excuses is a dead giveaway too. Idk how people talk for years and tie up their whole lives for people they have never met. smh

 

Thanks for reminding me, I wanted to check out the new season.

 

 

Um...back when I used to go into aol chatrooms & tried to meet girls they was never who they was supposed to be .

[FitChick]

As it turned out, he had all sorts of excuses for not being able to do it; old computer with no camera, saving up to buy a new one. When I pressed him to just buy a cheap camera that plugs into his computer, he said that it wouldn't work on his computer and that as soon as he gets his new work computer, we'll Skype.

 

Red flag.

All that is true for me. I won't be getting a computer for another month, probably. So I figure I shouldn't bother posting a profile with current photos until then since no one will believe it's me.

[gaius]

All that is true for me. I won't be getting a computer for another month, probably. So I figure I shouldn't bother posting a profile with current photos until then since no one will believe it's me.

Just have to pick a guy who's not used to getting women to skype for him.

[gaius]

I tried to get the freemason on voice chat one time and she was shy and didn't want to talk. My first girlfriend went wild for some guy she met online who claimed the same thing with his camera Michelle. He also claimed to be on the board of directors of some company and something always came up when he was driving to the airport to come see her. That ended up in him missing his flight .She didn't see it coming but I did. Turns out he was obese, unemployed and lived with his parents.

[L1ght]

Its too easy for people to hide who they actually are online so in my opinion an online relationship should never ever be taken seriously until Skype has become a regular part of the back and forth communication. Without Skype the relationship is just a fantasy and someone can easily falsify every aspect of their life just to keep you interested.

We are still in the early phases of online dating but I hope that in a few years time better methods will be in place for the people who want to start genuine and honest relationships but at the moment its generally too much of a shot in the dark and too many fake people get away with pretending to be something they are not.

[PegNosePete]

Nope, every woman I've met on OLD has been genuine, nice and interesting, and their profile has been an accurate representation of them.

 

Have I just been incredibly lucky? No I don't think so. I am very picky about who I message, I always have a phone call before arranging a meet, I am savvy to idiots messing around and move pretty quickly from message to phone call to RL meeting.

 

Using this strategy I've avoided any issues whatsoever.

[TAV]

I once blocked this guy on twitter because he got weird and rude. A few months later I had a new female follower. After being initially very nice her behaviour became very odd.

 

One evening I called her out on some of her strange remarks and what I got as a reply was a long rant that lasted several tweets. Turned out it was the guy who I blocked a few months before and obviously he did not take rejection very well (despite nothing romantic going on).

 

I was amazed at the energy some people can put into something like that! Scary...

[TAV]

I agree that the show clearly vets it's submissions and airs those that will make for good television. But it DOES get this extreme and have witnessed some friends go through it unfortunately.

 

For me, I met a lovely guy online who lived about 4 hours from me. We connected immediately and would spend hours chatting online day after day about everything. Although we were aware of our profile pictures, we eventually started to exchange more pictures of various kinds - alone, with friends, on vacation etc.

 

Our online chats graduated to phone calls and we stayed in constant communication whether it was email, text or phone calls.

 

He was younger than me and GORGEOUS! Almost TOO good looking. It was hard to believe that someone that handsome AND a great communicator with similar interests and shared values could be true.

 

Having done the online thing for a little bit, I had heard of people setting up fake profiles so I asked him if he wanted to move on to Skyping.

 

As it turned out, he had all sorts of excuses for not being able to do it; old computer with no camera, saving up to buy a new one. When I pressed him to just buy a cheap camera that plugs into his computer, he said that it wouldn't work on his computer and that as soon as he gets his new work computer, we'll Skype.

 

Red flag.

 

We continued to talk. I noticed that our chats would get more flirty and suggestive. I wanted to play along but something inside me was telling me that this guy wasn't for real and couldn't bring myself to give into temptation until I had some "proof".

 

So I expressed my concerns and asked him to send me a picture of himself holding up a sign that said "Hi Michelle" and the date.

 

He did.

 

After that, we went hog wild. Not only did we have wonderful chats and talked about someday meeting, we dove head first into phone sex! And it was good.

 

But for some reason, I still had some doubts. Not sure how it came about or why but I did. It caused me to ask him to send me specific pictures; send me pic of you with your beard or show me your tattoo etc. He always had an excuse why he couldn't send them to me.

 

Then he started begging me to get on Skype with him but only with MY camera on so he could see and watch me. That started to creep me out and I was getting tired of all his excuses despite that one picture he sent me with my name on it and the date. Something wasn't right.

 

During this time, I saw the movie Catfish and learned how to drop his pictures into a photo search program where they all came up clean. It didn't reassure me.

 

Eventually, he could tell I was getting frustrated and pulling away. I'm not sure what caused him to or why but he called me up and confessed that he hasn't been completely honest with me.

 

I sat in silence and listened as he told me that it wasn't him in any of those pictures he sent me. That he is just a shy, insecure, hopeless romantic who was looking for love but felt that no one would ever think he's attractive enough.

 

I asked him who was the guy in the pictures and HOW the hell did you get him to write that note for me. He confessed that the guy who I THOUGHT I was talking to was his roommate and he paid him $50 to pose for the picture!

 

It all made sense now.

 

I asked to see what he looks like and given who was pretending to be, it was difficult to accept. He was very remorseful and begged me to believe that everything we shared and everything he told me was 100% HIM. Just not the picture.

 

I can't lie that I felt a bit dirty for a split second. Especially since I engaged sexually with someone who wasn't who he said he was. But then I got over it. I believed that he was sincere in the things he shared but that didn't change the fact that he lied and we can't just go back to the way things were...

 

I'm not going to go into detail describing what he looks like but if you've seen Catfish, you'll understand. I am far from shallow and think beauty is in the eye of the beholder BUT this was something else. If he had approached me as himself, I still would have chatted him up and enjoyed our company. Would we have gotten sexual on the phone? Probably not. It's just the way it goes.

 

We talked at great length about WHY he did this etc. I forgave him and we continued to talk on phone albeit less frequently to the point where we stopped altogether after he got angry with me for not wanting to engage in phone sex anymore.

 

Ugh.

 

C'est la vie! An important lesson learned. Even when you have 'evidence' and you think pics are in the clear, you just never know. All you have are those feelings in your gut that tell you something is right or something is wrong.

 

Listen to them. They are rarely wrong

 

 

Nice thread with funny stories.

 

Michelle, why did you not simply meet up with this guy, early on in the relationship, especially when he indicated he saw you as more than a friend. 4 hrs is not such a long way away to make a weekend trip or something. Or you could have asked to meet halfway. Did you know deep down, early on, something was fishy?

[Michelle ma Belle]

Nope, every woman I've met on OLD has been genuine, nice and interesting, and their profile has been an accurate representation of them.

 

Have I just been incredibly lucky? No I don't think so. I am very picky about who I message, I always have a phone call before arranging a meet, I am savvy to idiots messing around and move pretty quickly from message to phone call to RL meeting.

 

Using this strategy I've avoided any issues whatsoever.

 

Good in theory but honestly, I think you might leaning more towards lucky though.

 

I'm not a stupid woman nor am I desperate for companionship. I too consider myself to be quite savvy and intuitive particularly when it comes to people and their bulls*t but clearly it doesn't always work.

 

When meeting on an OLD site, yes, I think moving quickly through messaging to phone to meeting is important and appreciated otherwise why are we on there in the first place?

 

The experience I am speaking of did not originate on a dating site and therefore there were no expectations or even thoughts (at least in the beginning) of meeting or taking things further. In fact, I was still actively dating in RL when all of this was happening. I just met a nice guy and enjoyed the conversation and the company.

 

It was very casual for months before it started to feel odd. The moment it got to that point is when I started asking for pictures, then Skype and then specific pictures and then began to cool things down because my gut was in knots.

 

I don't regret anything because like everything in life, I see it as a life experience, an interesting chapter to add in my book and something to learn from. He wasn't evil or malicious, just lonely and insecure.

 

Since that incident, if I wasn't "picky" or discerning BEFORE, man, I was a force to be reckoned with after that!! I probably chatted and/or dated with a third of the men that approached me online because my gut would kick in and start questioning the motives of most of them.

 

It's all good in the end

[StanMusial]

I've been Catfished from every single girl I have met from OLD. They always look a few years older, around 10-20 pounds heavier and their perfect complexion isn't so perfect...

Angles and filters = smoke and mirrors

 

LOL. Gd son. How many girls have you met from there?

[Frank2thepoint]

I was catfished once. When I did online dating years ago, I met a woman that claimed she was 5' 7" on her profile. I'm 5' 10". When I met her for the date she was sitting down. We had a good conversation, but nothing sparked. At the end of the date, she stood up, and towered over me. Well, maybe by a couple of inches. I initially didn't mind, but seeing the horror in her eyes concerning how much shorter I was then her, made me realize this wasn't going to continue anyway.

[L1ght]

Nope, every woman I've met on OLD has been genuine, nice and interesting, and their profile has been an accurate representation of them.

 

Have I just been incredibly lucky? No I don't think so. I am very picky about who I message, I always have a phone call before arranging a meet, I am savvy to idiots messing around and move pretty quickly from message to phone call to RL meeting.

 

Using this strategy I've avoided any issues whatsoever.

Sounds like a solid strategy though I think regular use of Skype is an absolute must before getting serious about things. The good thing about your strategy is that it seems like you don't waste any time arranging a real life meeting......I think too many people build relationships without Skype and without arranging meetings. As for "every woman" being genuine online? I'm not so sure about that especially if they are good looking. For starters if she is good looking then its completely foolish to think that she isn't giving attention to the other god knows how many men pursuing her and lets all be honest now.....when we start an online "relationship" with someone we don't just throw all our eggs in one basket do we? Personally any time I've flirted with women online I've also had other women who I was also flirting with at the same time because the sense of commitment online is not the same as what it should potentially be like once a real life relationship is formed. Also I find it shocking how many women that are in real life relationships like talking to guys online. It seems that every other woman I talk to online is already with someone yet they still like to flirt with guys who show interest. All the women I have got to know online had one secret or another to various degrees that only come to light after they come clean or slip up about something. So no I don't agree with your sentiment that every woman online is honest....not in the slightest and I'm sure the same can be said for most men online too.

Edited May 9, 2014 by L1ght

[Michelle ma Belle]

Nice thread with funny stories.

 

Michelle, why did you not simply meet up with this guy, early on in the relationship, especially when he indicated he saw you as more than a friend. 4 hrs is not such a long way away to make a weekend trip or something. Or you could have asked to meet halfway. Did you know deep down, early on, something was fishy?

 

Oh I did! That was yet another red flag. Believe me, I threw a ton of options at him to see what, if anything, would stick. He never said "no" but rather delayed our meet and greets with a plethora excuses why it couldn't happen "right now".

 

At first, I didn't have any concerns because it was just an online chat. Nothing was to come of it and therefore I had no need to over think things. When we started spending more and more time together, especially when we moved to phone, things got a little bit more "serious" (and I use that term loosely now). That's when I started to become suspicious AND the main reason why I asked for the picture of him with a personalized sign!! That picture squelch some of my initial concerns, at least for the time being. Obviously I would be proven wrong.

 

[SpringBaby]

Its too easy for people to hide who they actually are online so in my opinion an online relationship should never ever be taken seriously until Skype has become a regular part of the back and forth communication. Without Skype the relationship is just a fantasy and someone can easily falsify every aspect of their life just to keep you interested.

We are still in the early phases of online dating but I hope that in a few years time better methods will be in place for the people who want to start genuine and honest relationships but at the moment its generally too much of a shot in the dark and too many fake people get away with pretending to be something they are not.

 

So true...I'd rather meet though to see if there's chemistry before I get more invested. And really the only thing people can fake online that they can't fake in real life is what they look like. I have heard plenty of hellish stories about dates who were no where near the internet when they met. Some even went to grade school with some of the people they went out with. Nothing is guaranteed, you always have to do your research and trust your gut (if your gut is trustworthy ).

[MissBee]

Back in the Myspace days and when I was around 18/19 I began communicating with this guy who had up a picture of a very handsome football player as his profile picture and had several other pictures of this guy as his pics.

 

While we were communicating though some things felt off and I felt the pictures looked a bit too professional and not any casual looking pictures. We talked for a while and then I remember one day out of the blue he asked me to take a look at his "friend's profile" and asked what I thought of his friend....his friend was unfortunately one of the more unfortunate looking people I've seen. I mean that sincerely. He was very overweight and didn't carry it well, he had huge bumps all over his face, messed up teeth...the works. Right then and there I knew his "friend" was really him and I asked him and he first tried to deny it then confessed but then never contacted me again lol...which saved me the trouble.

 

I haven't a clue what he thought would have happened....like if we ever met I'd have somehow not realized that he was NOT this other handsome guy.