So Guilty... s

[lostnlovely]

Let me tell you all a story.

 

Well I have been in a long distance relationship with someone for over a year now , I am so in love with him there's no denying that. I know i want to spend forever with him and have his children and all of that fairytale stuff.

 

I have not seen him in person yet at all , we met online and neither one of us has been able to leave where we live and visit each other due to a bunch of things going on in our lives..

 

We are planning on moving in together later this year because his job is relocating him to where i stay.

 

Let me get to the guilty part.

 

I recently cheated on him with an ex .. we did not have sex nor did i perform any serious sexual acts, but kissing , touching , rubbing .. regardless it was cheating . I feel so bad about it , and even though I have not even seen my boyfriend yet , i feel like a jerk .

 

I'm usually a very honest person . I feel like you should be honest with your partner . I have told previous boyfriends when i wasnt happy .. and years ago when i was really young i had a similar situation happen and i told him about it . But this time i feel like i have so much to lose , i love him so much .. and i really dont think he would forgive me .Cheating is such a big deal to him and even though i didnt have sex i dont know if he would forgive me.

 

I keep trying to tell myself that i should just deal with my guilt , instead of hurt him , i know there is no way he would find out about it .. so why go through all that especially when i know its never going to happen again. It was a mistake .. bad judgement .. and i let my hormones get the best of me .. seeing as how i have not been touched in over a year.. it all just happened so fast. But i stopped it from going to far... at least thats how i look at it.

 

 

Can i have some opinions on this please.... without harsh judgment. believe me i feel soo damn bad , i cant stop thinking about it.

[TMichaels]

Let me tell you all a story. {snip}

 

Yep, that's some story all right. Left me speechless in fact...

 

 

Best,

TMichaels

[CherryT]

Let me tell you all a story.

 

Well I have been in a long distance relationship with someone for over a year now , I am so in love with him there's no denying that. I know i want to spend forever with him and have his children and all of that fairytale stuff.

 

I have not seen him in person yet at all , we met online and neither one of us has been able to leave where we live and visit each other due to a bunch of things going on in our lives..

 

We are planning on moving in together later this year because his job is relocating him to where i stay.

 

Let me get to the guilty part.

 

I recently cheated on him with an ex .. we did not have sex nor did i perform any serious sexual acts, but kissing , touching , rubbing .. regardless it was cheating . I feel so bad about it , and even though I have not even seen my boyfriend yet , i feel like a jerk .

 

I'm usually a very honest person . I feel like you should be honest with your partner . I have told previous boyfriends when i wasnt happy .. and years ago when i was really young i had a similar situation happen and i told him about it . But this time i feel like i have so much to lose , i love him so much .. and i really dont think he would forgive me .Cheating is such a big deal to him and even though i didnt have sex i dont know if he would forgive me.

 

I keep trying to tell myself that i should just deal with my guilt , instead of hurt him , i know there is no way he would find out about it .. so why go through all that especially when i know its never going to happen again. It was a mistake .. bad judgement .. and i let my hormones get the best of me .. seeing as how i have not been touched in over a year.. it all just happened so fast. But i stopped it from going to far... at least thats how i look at it.

 

 

Can i have some opinions on this please.... without harsh judgment. believe me i feel soo damn bad , i cant stop thinking about it.

 

It's hard for me to understand how someone can fall deeply in love with another person, when they haven't met. I think you definitely need to meet and see if who they are is exactly how you picture it in your head before you start fantasizing about all that "fairytale" stuff.

 

But, with your guilt. He deserves to know. The way you are looking at it shows you don't want to take responsibility for your actions and that's really hard to forgive. If you know what you did is wrong, you owe it to the person to make their decisions. If you love them as much as you say, your love for them should outshine your selfishness for yourself. Just because you "didn't have sex" or you "stopped it from getting far... BUT you haven't been touched for a year and just couldn't help yourself" isn't a good reason to cheat. How would he trust you knowing that you give into temptations?

 

If you love him as much as you say, tell him. It's not your decision to make whether he forgives you or not. If you lose him, you deserve to lose him. I'm not giving you harsh judgement, that's just my opinion. Actions have consequences and sometimes you do things you regret. Even though he has a job where you are at, I'm sure he is looking in your area because he wants to be with you. It's not fair for him to move all that way for someone who isn't honest with him.

 

Tell him and let him decide.

[lostnlovely]

Yep, that's some story all right. Left me speechless in fact...

 

 

Best,

TMichaels

 

.. that's cute.

[TAV]

If you are talking to each other for over a year and you cannot find the time, resources or whatever is keeping you from meeting then maybe you should ask yourself if this relationship has any chance to be real and survive.

 

Ask yourself if this is an escape from real life for you, if you are seeing a possible relationship realistically or if you are living in fantasy/fairytale land.

 

If you haven't even met and think you can just move in together like that and live happily ever after, I think you are not being realistic about that part of the story at least.

 

Re the 'cheating'. You have not met this person, you have been saving yourself for him for over a year, you know it will be a good while yet before you get to kiss him (if you connect in real life at all) then you meet a real person and you do some hanky panky with this person. It does not make you a monster.

 

However, if your online friend, for some reason does not move closer within a year, you have to ask yourself if you are the right person to be in a LDR.

[TMichaels]

.. that's cute.

 

No, not cute at all. You wanted people's take on your "story" but didn't want them to "be harsh" which is basically asking people to see things your way and have them tell you what you want to hear.

 

I refrained from telling you what I really think, but since a neutral response isn't good enough for you (big surprise), fine... I'll throw in my two cents.

 

Like other posters, I don't agree with how you are viewing your "relationship" or what's been going on. Quite frankly, your story is so ridiculous that it makes one wonder if it's a send up -- or if you need to see a mental health professional.

 

You're not in a serious, exclusive relationship with anyone. As others have pointed out, it's been a year and you haven't even met this guy in person, yet you're fantasizing left and right about the rest of your life together and now have thrown in some extra drama by "cheating on your LD boyfriend" in real life with someone else who's local.

 

Again, as others have suggested, honesty is always the best policy even though you run the risk of losing this guy's virtual interest in you. As the saying goes, "you made your bed, now lie in it." Maybe he'll dump you, maybe he won't, but I sincerely hope you get a grip on yourself or get help in doing so. You clearly have a tendency or prefer to live in fantasy-land rather than dealing with the realities and responsibilities of real life.

 

The sooner you understand that and stop doing what you've been doing, the better off *all involved* will be.

 

Best,

TMichaels

[lostnlovely]

No, not cute at all. You wanted people's take on your "story" but didn't want them to "be harsh" which is basically asking people to see things your way and have them tell you what you want to hear.

 

I refrained from telling you what I really think, but since a neutral response isn't good enough for you (big surprise), fine... I'll throw in my two cents.

 

Like other posters, I don't agree with how you are viewing your "relationship" or what's been going on. Quite frankly, your story is so ridiculous that it makes one wonder if it's a send up -- or if you need to see a mental health professional.

 

You're not in a serious, exclusive relationship with anyone. As others have pointed out, it's been a year and you haven't even met this guy in person, yet you're fantasizing left and right about the rest of your life together and now have thrown in some extra drama by "cheating on your LD boyfriend" in real life with someone else who's local.

 

Again, as others have suggested, honesty is always the best policy even though you run the risk of losing this guy's virtual interest in you. As the saying goes, "you made your bed, now lie in it." Maybe he'll dump you, maybe he won't, but I sincerely hope you get a grip on yourself or get help in doing so. You clearly have a tendency or prefer to live in fantasy-land rather than dealing with the realities and responsibilities of real life.

 

The sooner you understand that and stop doing what you've been doing, the better off *all involved* will be.

 

Best,

TMichaels

 

Now if only you said this before , i'm not a child so do not speak to me like one. I'm actually a very blunt person as well and if you would have stated your opinion from jump i would have accepted it. I do not need anyone to agree with me .. i wanted opinions as i stated before. When I said don't be harsh I meant it as don't be ignorant or call names & place judgement because no one knows me on that level.

 

With that being said , I do appreciate your opinion .. even if the delivery was ****ty. Good day to you.

[lostnlovely]

It's hard for me to understand how someone can fall deeply in love with another person, when they haven't met. I think you definitely need to meet and see if who they are is exactly how you picture it in your head before you start fantasizing about all that "fairytale" stuff.

 

But, with your guilt. He deserves to know. The way you are looking at it shows you don't want to take responsibility for your actions and that's really hard to forgive. If you know what you did is wrong, you owe it to the person to make their decisions. If you love them as much as you say, your love for them should outshine your selfishness for yourself. Just because you "didn't have sex" or you "stopped it from getting far... BUT you haven't been touched for a year and just couldn't help yourself" isn't a good reason to cheat. How would he trust you knowing that you give into temptations?

 

If you love him as much as you say, tell him. It's not your decision to make whether he forgives you or not. If you lose him, you deserve to lose him. I'm not giving you harsh judgement, that's just my opinion. Actions have consequences and sometimes you do things you regret. Even though he has a job where you are at, I'm sure he is looking in your area because he wants to be with you. It's not fair for him to move all that way for someone who isn't honest with him.

 

Tell him and let him decide.

 

Thank you , very well said.

[justwhoiam]

Can i have some opinions on this please...

My opinion is as follows:

1) Refrain from committing to the boyfriend level until when you meet him in person.

2) Let it be clear you are looking forward to that moment and you firmly believe in it, but you would be a fool to just commit without not even any interaction with him in person.

3) The deal is (put it in your own words), whatever is in the past is in the past. And your commitment starts from day X (day you meet him and things click between the two of you.

4) Even if he says, he doesn't need that, because he already knows his feelings for you, you can admit you need that though. You said you're blunt, so no harm done by that.

5) I know you feel guilty because to you it was some arrangement that included commitment. But seriously, think of it: as other people already said, it's foolish to commit to someone you've never met. It doesn't even have to do with his looks, but there must be special chemistry between the two of you and you need to like him as a man, the way he moves, behaves, talks to other people and treat them, and there's a lot more than just that.

6) If you do the above, you will prove your maturity making such decisions.

 

That said, how old are you both? And how many miles away from each other? Because if you're 200 miles away from one another and you've never met, not once in 12 months, then something is definitely wrong. I hope you also got some info about him that is not just what he's telling you. We've had a number of cases here, and unsuspected ones too. And couples who were meeting a real soulmate and got home to see their never-ending love break up in less than 3 months from that first meeting.

 

So be prepared and cautious.