Guilt is killing me.

[lostnlovely]

Let me tell you all a story.

 

Well I have been in a long distance relationship with someone for over a year now , I am so in love with him there's no denying that. I know i want to spend forever with him and have his children and all of that fairytale stuff.

 

I have not seen him in person yet at all , we met online and neither one of us has been able to leave where we live and visit each other due to a bunch of things going on in our lives..

 

We are planning on moving in together later this year because his job is relocating him to where i stay.

 

Let me get to the guilty part.

 

I recently cheated on him with an ex .. we did not have sex nor did i perform any serious sexual acts, but kissing , touching , rubbing .. regardless it was cheating . I feel so bad about it , and even though I have not even seen my boyfriend yet , i feel like a jerk .

 

I'm usually a very honest person . I feel like you should be honest with your partner . I have told previous boyfriends when i wasnt happy .. and years ago when i was really young i had a similar situation happen and i told him about it . But this time i feel like i have so much to lose , i love him so much .. and i really dont think he would forgive me .Cheating is such a big deal to him and even though i didnt have sex i dont know if he would forgive me.

 

I keep trying to tell myself that i should just deal with my guilt , instead of hurt him , i know there is no way he would find out about it .. so why go through all that especially when i know its never going to happen again. It was a mistake .. bad judgement .. and i let my hormones get the best of me .. seeing as how i have not been touched in over a year.. it all just happened so fast. But i stopped it from going to far... at least thats how i look at it.

 

 

Can i have some opinions on this please.... without harsh judgment. believe me i feel soo damn bad , i cant stop thinking about it.

[lostnlovely]

I know it seems crazy , but when you build an emotional relationship with someone for over a year .. its the same thing .. at least i feel like it is.

[No Limit]

If you won't tell him, you'll have to live with the guilt. Enjoy the fruits of your 'labor'.

[lostnlovely]

If you won't tell him, you'll have to live with the guilt. Enjoy the fruits of your 'labor'.

 

True , i guess.

[bubbaganoosh]

Have to ask. How old are you? Reason being is I can't understand how your planning a life with a guy you never met. It doesn't matter if you talk over the computer every day, you still don't know this guy.

 

IMO, think hard on what your doing because your buying a pig in a poke.

[lostnlovely]

Have to ask. How old are you? Reason being is I can't understand how your planning a life with a guy you never met. It doesn't matter if you talk over the computer every day, you still don't know this guy.

 

IMO, think hard on what your doing because your buying a pig in a poke.

 

Im in my early twenties .. I understand where you're coming from, but it feels so right . I mean i've talked to his family, .. gotten close with his Godson .. i mean oovoo & skype have made online relationships a lot easier. & im new to this , whats IMO ?

[lostnlovely]

• How old is your cyber boyfriend ?
   
  
• Does he live with his parents ?
   
  
• How is it that you speak with his family (why) ?
   
  
• How old is his godson?
   
  
• Have you ever seen him lose his temper and get into a fight ?
   
  
• Do you know if he watches porn regularly ?
   
  
• Has he been in trouble where he lives (at school, with the law, with others) ?
   
  
• Does he throw tantrums when he doesn't get his way (and when you are not watching) ?
   
  
• Is he obsessive about anything ?
   
  
• Did he have many girl friends before you ?
   
  
• Does he have or has he had a healthy sex life ?
  

At least you know the ex you hooked up with personally. Do you really know this guy ?

 

I must admit, my morbid curiosity would say tell him and lets see how he reacts.

 

He's in his late twenties .

I talk to his family because he tells them about me a lot so they want to get to know me as well.

His godson is a little boy.

He has gotten into a fight , trying to protect his sister after her bf hit her.

He does not watch porn , he thinks im a perv for watching it .

Only been in trouble when he was protecting his sister.

Not obsessive.

Only had three long term gf before me. ( were not long distance)

Yes he had a healthy sex life , before we decided to do this long distance thing.

 

I feel like i know him . Although i'm sure when we're finally together i'll learn a lot more . Everything about him screams normal guy , usually i'm right about these types of things. He is very very open , doesnt keep secrets with me , always telling me how he feels , or if he's upset. He's not an angry guy , very calm and patient. But very stuck on his beliefs .

 

& part of me wants to see his reaction as well , but i dont know.

[Chi townD]

Let me tell you all a story.

 

Well I have been in a long distance relationship with someone for over a year now , I am so in love with him there's no denying that. I know i want to spend forever with him and have his children and all of that fairytale stuff.

 

 

 

Then you should have safeguarded what was most important to you!!!!

 

 

Well, here's the thing. You're going to have to tell him what happened. If you don't; well, he's going to know anyway. There's always going to be that big elephant in the room and he's not going to know why other than something is off. You're going to start to distance yourself from him because hearing from him and seeing him will constantly remind you of the thing you did behind his back. The next time he does something nice for you, or compliments you, you're going to push him away because you're going to think that you don't deserve his kindness or love. To the point? He's going to notice the changes in you and that something is wrong.

 

 

So, one way or another, the truth is going to come out. Do you stand the chance of losing him? I'll be honest, yeah. But, that's the chance you're going to have to take. He deserves the truth so he can make an informed decision on what he wants to do with the relationship.

[bubbaganoosh]

Im in my early twenties .. I understand where you're coming from, but it feels so right . I mean i've talked to his family, .. gotten close with his Godson .. i mean oovoo & skype have made online relationships a lot easier. & im new to this , whats IMO ?

 

IMO= In my opinion.

[d0nnivain]

I'm not a big believer in OLRs (on line relationships) with no beginning in reality or at least meaningful IRL interations. To me they feel like a fantasy. More importantly, it's really easy to fool people over a computer. You know nothing about genuine compatibility & can't figure that out until you have lived near each other for a while.

 

 

I was in an LDR for about 1.5 years. I got to see him quarterly & it was hard. It would have been so much nicer to have a BF close by to date regularly & to have a date to weddings & other events.

 

 

Despite the romance novel you are weaving in your head, your actions say you want a man who is here.

 

 

Confess to your OL BF & let the chips fall where they may. Take along hard look at yourself & determine if it wouldn't be easier to give up the illusion. Moreover, unless you have a meaningful way of closing the distance or at least meeting in the short term, what is the end game here?

[lostnlovely]

I'm not a big believer in OLRs (on line relationships) with no beginning in reality or at least meaningful IRL interations. To me they feel like a fantasy. More importantly, it's really easy to fool people over a computer. You know nothing about genuine compatibility & can't figure that out until you have lived near each other for a while.

 

 

I was in an LDR for about 1.5 years. I got to see him quarterly & it was hard. It would have been so much nicer to have a BF close by to date regularly & to have a date to weddings & other events.

 

 

Despite the romance novel you are weaving in your head, your actions say you want a man who is here.

 

 

Confess to your OL BF & let the chips fall where they may. Take along hard look at yourself & determine if it wouldn't be easier to give up the illusion. Moreover, unless you have a meaningful way of closing the distance or at least meeting in the short term, what is the end game here?

 

You make a lot of sense . . . thank you.

[rare]

If the guilt is killing you and you think you can "deal with it", you can't. It's a feeling that can eat you alive. I think its better to tell him.

[mangetout]

Good grief! Girl you need some shaking!! You have never met this man. its not a real relationship!!

 

 

People like you are the ones who get conned because your naivety.

 

 

You are in love with a fantasy relationship as far as I am concerned so there is no need to say anything to him. How do you know he hasn't had sex with anyone? Maybe he is doing just that

[MissionPossible]

I second the above. Why tell him? I literally cannot fathom the concept of owing monogamy to a person you've never met. Until you meet in person and decide at THAT point that you want to date exclusively, this is merely a POSSIBILITY, not an actual relationship.

 

What if he smells awful?

[mangetout]

I second the above. Why tell him? I literally cannot fathom the concept of owing monogamy to a person you've never met. Until you meet in person and decide at THAT point that you want to date exclusively, this is merely a POSSIBILITY, not an actual relationship.

 

What if he smells awful?

 

 

Or he picks his nose?? Or eats with his mouth open ..and other irritating habits one finds out when having a real relationship with someone

[BeholdtheMan]

OP you still breathing?