I'm here for . Im a 43 year old divorced man that is screwing up my relationship.

[jeredmitchell]

Hi there, I was recently divorced after finding out that my ex wife was living a double life cheating on me for like a year. It screwed me up bad. Im in a relationship with the woman of my dreams and Im screwing it up bad. I need help now. Something is seriously wrong with me. Im all over her, controlling now, heavy pda, i'm so insecure now, i'm like a 6ft5in boy in a mans body. Im serious. Im telling her I love her 80 times a day. I know its a turn off for her. Seriously, I need help today. Im a changed person. I'm sometimes volatile and when i do lame insecure stuff it's so embarrassing. I have a huge chip on my shoulder.

 

My girlfriend has been hurt a lot before. She is so sensitive and I'm like a train now going 100 miles an hour. I need advice. I feel like someone else now. We have a deep cool love so there should be NO insecurity. I even read her email the other night that she forgot to sign out. I need advice. I need to let this go, get it out of me. I have serious trust issues and its not fair. Thanks Jere

[M30USA]

Hi there, I was recently divorced after finding out that my ex wife was living a double life cheating on me for like a year. It screwed me up bad. Im in a relationship with the woman of my dreams and Im screwing it up bad. I need help now. Something is seriously wrong with me. Im all over her, controlling now, heavy pda, i'm so insecure now, i'm like a 6ft5in boy in a mans body. Im serious. Im telling her I love her 80 times a day. I know its a turn off for her. Seriously, I need help today. Im a changed person. I'm sometimes volatile and when i do lame insecure stuff it's so embarrassing. I have a huge chip on my shoulder.

 

My girlfriend has been hurt a lot before. She is so sensitive and I'm like a train now going 100 miles an hour. I need advice. I feel like someone else now. We have a deep cool love so there should be NO insecurity. I even read her email the other night that she forgot to sign out. I need advice. I need to let this go, get it out of me. I have serious trust issues and its not fair. Thanks Jere

 

How much time was there between your divorce and dating this new woman?

[d0nnivain]

Sadly, I suspect this woman of your dreams may be a rebound. You weren't ready to date but you weren't ready to be alone either.

 

 

This can be fixed but it takes will power. You simply have to stop.

 

 

You need to adjust your self-talk (the little voice in your head making you insecure). First your GF is not your EXW. Just because your EX cheated doesn't mean your GF will. Repeat that to yourself multiple times every day.

 

 

Now you are going to play a game of sorts with yourself. You are allowed 1-3 ILY's per day with this new woman: You can send 1 via technology (text, FB, e-mail, whatever) and 1-2 when you are physically together. That's it. When you feel compelled to say it 80x per day, redirect your impulse. Take a walk, go to the men's room, take a sip of water . . . do anything except say it.

 

 

Knock off the excessive PDA. Handholding is fine. Sitting with your arm across the back of her chair is also fine. Nobody wants to see grown adult making out like school kids in public. A few kisses go a long way. behind closed doors -- is all up to you. Have fun. Go crazy.

 

 

If you think your relationship is strong enough, talk to your GF. Tell her that you recognize that some of your behavior is born from a dark place. Ask her to be patient. When she agrees & tells you she cares, believe her.

[RonaldS]

Trying to infer the timeline here....

 

So, you're recently divorced after finding out about the affair. Is it safe to assume that this discovery was in the last year, or maybe 2 years at most?

 

If so, honestly, a new relationship is probably not the healthiest thing in the world right now....for you or your girlfriend. It sounds like you were hurt pretty badly in the ordeal. Where was the time for healing? Where was the time to hurt, bottom out, begin to recover and rediscover yourself?

 

Getting into a relationship soon after a traumatic event like yours is just not a good idea. You probably are a mess right now, and you probably have no idea what you're feeling and, more importantly, why. That's why rebounds rarely work out...you look for salvation in another person rather than go through the healing process authentically, and by that, I mean alone. The relationship is a band-aid, and we all know what happens when we've had a band-aid on too long....it gets limp and full of puss and bacteria and won't stay on.

 

I'm not saying that you have no chance or hope with the new girl, but it doesn't sound like you're ready for that kind if relationship yet. Time to take a step back and re-evaluate everything in your life before you make any decisions moving forward.

 

Good luck, buddy.

[FredJones80]

it gets limp and full of puss and bacteria and won't stay on.

 

Lovely

 

But true.