VanessaVanessa Posted May 9, 2014 Share Posted May 9, 2014 I will try to be as concise as possible.. So I am almost 20 years old and I live with my two younger sisters and my mum. My dad lived with us up until three weeks ago but we discovered that he was having an affair (second time). This time I am pretty sure he won't be forgiven but I cannot predict the future and how my mum will feel in the near future because she has always come up with reasons for what he used to do - I won't get into that now unless someone asks. So I begun university this year and I have been going 'okay' but because of the whole situation with my dad I have been a bit behind in my work. My younger sister is 17 and I love her but we are not really that close. I am still dealing with my heartache issues (hence why I am on LS) but I also have been feeling a little under pressure or frustrated, I'm not sure exactly what it is. My 17 year old sister who I will call G is at home most days with her boyfriend. They are both not currently in school and haven't been for over a year now. I will admit I was pretty close to dropping out of school too but (somehow) I managed to finish it. My older sister became pregnant at 18 and she didn't finish school and I felt very much obligated by my dad to finish high-school, especially because he would always belittle her in some ways but not to her face, so I just didn't want to be spoken about that way (not the best reasons, but yeah.) Well, my parents weren't able to convince G to continue school and they thought she would get into some course instead but she hasn't completed any as of now. Her boyfriend comes over to our house almost every single day from the early afternoon and stays until about 10pm. I get home at around 6pm and sometimes I feel so frustrated because I see them hanging in the living room and my sister doesn't help in washing dishes or just cleaning up the house a bit and I can't stand to see the house overly messy so I sometimes end up doing it myself. When they aren't in the living room they will shut themselves in G's bedroom and stay there the rest of the night. It has been a habit for almost two years now (they have been dating for over three years). Of course, at the moment my mum is dealing with the stuff about my dad being an ******* and so now she has even less to ask of G. I have anxiety and honestly I don't feel like continuing Uni sometimes because I feel it gets aggravated some days, but at the same time I do want to finish. But I am getting really close to just not being in it anymore. There is a whole lot more to the situation, but I just want to know how does this seem like it will fold out? I guess I just feel like venting right now.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author VanessaVanessa Posted May 10, 2014 Author Share Posted May 10, 2014 ............Anything? Link to post Share on other sites
mrs rubble Posted May 10, 2014 Share Posted May 10, 2014 I don't know what I can say to you that may help, I do want to say that you are one strong, sensible & capable sounding young person. I hope someone here has the right words to help you through this. My dad's best advice has been " worry about only what you can change ". You can't change what's happening between your parents, your best bet is refocusing on your own success. What will be will be. Hugs to you. Stay strong. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author VanessaVanessa Posted May 25, 2014 Author Share Posted May 25, 2014 Damn this thread has reached the bottom of the page :/ Link to post Share on other sites
littleplanet Posted May 25, 2014 Share Posted May 25, 2014 How close are you with your dad? Sounds like a home life filled with a lot of resentment. There you are - trying to further a higher education and the home life / sibling situation sounds pretty stressful. On top of this some personal heartache of your own? It all kind of sounds like a recipe for lack of motivation.....but that appears to mainly come from the home environment you're in. (This is why many do well when they leave home for college.) I can imagine there is a whole lot more to this situation than what you've described - but I get the basic picture. Your siblings seem to be pretty unmotivated. Your dad is gone. Who is there in your life that provides something positive? It is not easy to perform well academically when surrounded by dysfunction. Yet school can be a welcome escape. Connects you to a different sort of world. So is the big issue whether your dad comes back?........or is he gone for good? Link to post Share on other sites
Author VanessaVanessa Posted May 27, 2014 Author Share Posted May 27, 2014 I was never exactly close with my dad. I am not hoping he will come back because I don't think he should. Even though it may seem like an issue that should be just about the parents, that's not the way it has ever been. My sisters and I basically caught up with my dad's true character sooner than my mother did (or maybe ever will), she has overlooked many things when it has come to him. And obviously this is the second time it happens. My concern now isn't particularly where my dad sits because I think he is a manipulator. It's just that I feel frustration or whatever it is when I get home sometimes and my sister and her bf are up to anything for the day, and for some reason my mother doesn't seem to mind so much, but when my older sister did things alike it would be a huge deal (fights with dad). I was basically bombarded by my mother with concern and criticism when it came to even just telling the news about my (ex) bf to my mother and I was 18 at the time. But my younger sister is 17 and has been with her bf for several years. This probably sounds really trivial idk.. Link to post Share on other sites
Survivor12 Posted May 27, 2014 Share Posted May 27, 2014 The best thing you can do for yourself is to realize that the only person you are responsible for is you. It's up to your Mom to decide if she wants to take her husband back. It's not your choice to make. Likewise, regardless of what you may think of how your sisters choose to live their lives (and what your mother will allow in her home) makes no difference. What does matter is that you do what's best for you. For you to consider dropping out of college because you are upset with your family is foolish. Think about it--since you disagree with their choices & lifestyle wouldn't you rather have the means to escape the kind of lives they are leading? Instead of emeshing yourself in their drama, focus on your life and the choices you can make for yourself. Start looking in to what you need to do to get your OWN place. It will take some extra effort, but if you're not happy at home, it will be worth it. Yes, I know, you're in school...but there are a lot of students who put themselves through school--undergrad & graduate--working full time and sacrificing to make a better life for themselves. It can be done. Talk to a counselor at your school for guidance. Above all else, you need to understand that whether you choose to succeed or fail in life is all dependent upon the choices YOU make. Your family's choices are their own responsibilities--not yours. Let it go and focus on you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
pink_sugar Posted May 27, 2014 Share Posted May 27, 2014 It sounds like you would be best away from this dysfunctional environment if it's keeping you from your studies. Can you find a job and look into moving out with roommates? In the meantime, study at Starbucks, the Library or etc. Link to post Share on other sites
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