Racist mother

[Jedi]

I feel like I am more mature than my mother. I am 18, she is 40, and she always says racist remarks about dark/black people. Never in public though.

We are a white family, but I am quarter Indian from my dads side.

 

She brings up the N word jokingly at times, and it's starting to influence my 13 yr old brother, who has bad language. My wise little 11 yr old sister is very smart and knows it's wrong.

When I say "stop being racist" she says "oh stop acting like a anti-racist"

But im not acting like anything, just doing the right thing.

 

Also today she said she saw a black person put something in his bag in the store & stole, and she says "Black scum" but doesn't she realize that everybody/every race has good or bad people, and she could she a white person do it another day, and wouldn't bat an eyelid.

 

She luckily doesn't have the nerve to say these remarks to people in public.

 

Just wanted to let off some steam, because I feel like the only grown up one here.

[Jedi]

I guess the only thing you can do is to call her out on those comments, and hopefully your siblings will not adopt her views if they get the messages from you that racist attitudes are wrong and not to be tolerated in silence.

 

That's only the thing to do really. She is a good person though & has cared for us greatly.

It's like having a friend being racist & feel make you feel awkward.

 

If she was an uncaring mother and didn't give a crap about her kids, then id probably distance myself.

[nescafe1982]

She's accuses you of anti-racism like that's a bad thing?

 

Interesting.

 

Seriously, though, OP... racism is awful and not one of the older generation's most endearing traits. All you can really do is point it out... if she is unwilling to reform, then that's that, sadly.

 

You do sound more mature than her on this front. Perhaps countering her racism will help you to begin developing that "grin and bear it" muscle... the one where she says something ignorant and it rolls off your back like water on a duck. In your shoes, I would continue to counter ignorant statements like that but also expect that she will buckle down in her ignorance even more. It's what people with irrational beliefs do.

 

I relate to the annoyance, though. My folks are the same way... and it's gotten to the point where it's hard to communicate with them.

[bluegreen]

Interesting

Wonder how would she feel if you fell in love with someone "different"

I imagine her mask would fall of completely and ugly beast behind it would be reviled.

Your frowning or commenting will not change her this is who she is flawed person with perverse twisted look on others in time it will become worse trust me on this.

 

 

And of course she is coward at top of it all cause even as ugly her behavior is people at least can "try" to or do respect those who say it out loud OK I HATE .....

 

 

 

Racism is one of few things that chill my blood and make my skin crawl and one of the things I would be going to combat for any day any hour ...

[snappytomcat]

ignorance

my mom was too,but she thought she was being funny,when she made jokes about black people,i hated it,it was embarrassing,but those were her views not mine,and like I said she didn't see anything wrong with it,cause as she put it,she wasn't hurting anyone.

also my dad is Mexican,and my mom is white,but I look Mexican,and she would always make Mexican jokes too,that used to tick me off,or she would say please don't marry a Mexican,a white man would treat you better,and they have more money,all I can say is she was ignorant.

that's why when I was a rebellious teenager,i only dated black,or Mexican men,i made her believe I did just to make her mad,but the truth was I was just more attracted to them,always have been always will be

[bluegreen]

In ones like her I won't say in people like her cause they are not worth being consider people this is just beginning.

More ugliness will be come am sure of it and we will read about it watch my words ...

[gaius]

If she had you with a guy that's half Indian how can she really hate dark people?

[Quiet Storm]

If she had you with a guy that's half Indian how can she really hate dark people?

 

Irs illogical but pretty common. My dads half Cherokee but my mom sees him as white. Even he doesn't really embrace that part of himself. Plus, minorites can still be racist against.each other and think they're superior.

[Tressugar]

Let her know that she is a descendant of an African woman. Let her chew on that! We all are! The first person originated out of Africa.

[Bumpin in My Trunk]

We are a white family, but I am quarter Indian from my dads side.

 

 

You do sound tons more mature on this subject than your mom but do you really have to mention that you're .25 indian from your dad's side? Like it makes any difference you're white/American

 

But more on topic...I would ignore her remarks and try to protect your little sister from her influence. Racism is pretty bad.

[gaius]

Irs illogical but pretty common. My dads half Cherokee but my mom sees him as white. Even he doesn't really embrace that part of himself. Plus, minorites can still be racist against.each other and think they're superior.

Maybe it all just means at their core nobody is really racist. If they can look at someone who's half Indian and see them as white. No matter how much racial nonsense they tend to babble.

[StudentWiz]

Honestly my parents and most of my cousins parents are all a bit racist but once someone in our family says your taking it to far they usually stop. Maybe you should try showing her the imporatance of equality, that we shouldn't be that racist

[soccerrprp]

If she had you with a guy that's half Indian how can she really hate dark people?

 

Shade-based/ethnic racism. An interesting form of bigotry where people rationalize their wicked views by practicing prejudice based on ethnicity or the "shade" of darkness of one's skin. Many people can claim that they are not racists by showing you that, hey, see, I have a Mexican friend or Indian friend...of course, no black friends in sight.

[littleplanet]

Well, best you can probably do is look out for your kid sister, and work on your kid brother as best you can.

You're plenty old enough to hang on to your own core values - even if they don't reflect favorably with your mom's.

 

When I was a teenager, my dad was raging anti-gay. Never changed his point of view. I just learned how to avoid that topic. The issue didn't even come up until after I left home. Nothing to do directly with me - I'm straight. But I have gay friends.

 

This could really take a turn though - if your younger siblings happen to make friends with non-white people. That could ultimately result in a real war between them and your mom.

 

Interesting....that you're one-quarter native. Does your mom have issues with that?

 

But yeah. Obviously - you are more mature than your mother. Its a damned shame she can't be proud of you for that. Whatever she did that has anything to do with how you turned out.....I'd hang on to that - and leave the other stuff behind.

You (along with anyone else) are probably not going to change her mind......

but she's still your mom. You know she's wrong.

So keep your own goodness, your spirit, your truth......that's probably the best you can do.

[Baller25]

As someone said before, the best solution is ignorance.

 

When I was around 15 years old I remember my dad being fairly racist (or at least very racial in a bad way), homophobic, elitist and for some reason considered all Americans as dumb people despite most of his colleagues and friends being American. I'm 25 now and I can honestly say that he is very anti-racist, has no problem with gays, considers anything that isn't invented by an American as half-baked and thinks it's dumb if you live outside the USA. Actually, I currently live in the UK and when he visits he always asks why I would want to live with rejects (i.e. the ones that weren't good enough to migrate to the states), so he's still elitist but that's something I can live with .

 

My point is that you need to let things like this diminish over time on their own, especially because all the information is already out there. If I argued with my dad over my disapproval over these years then I think he'd still be racist today. Your mom is 40, it's not like she's 80; she's eventually come around.

 

Booyah

[pteromom]

I feel like I am more mature than my mother. I am 18, she is 40, and she always says racist remarks about dark/black people. Never in public though.

We are a white family, but I am quarter Indian from my dads side.

 

She brings up the N word jokingly at times, and it's starting to influence my 13 yr old brother, who has bad language. My wise little 11 yr old sister is very smart and knows it's wrong.

When I say "stop being racist" she says "oh stop acting like a anti-racist"

But im not acting like anything, just doing the right thing.

 

Also today she said she saw a black person put something in his bag in the store & stole, and she says "Black scum" but doesn't she realize that everybody/every race has good or bad people, and she could she a white person do it another day, and wouldn't bat an eyelid.

 

She luckily doesn't have the nerve to say these remarks to people in public.

 

Just wanted to let off some steam, because I feel like the only grown up one here.

 

You aren't going to change HER, but you can talk to your siblings.

 

Talk to your brother. Say "You know how Mom doesn't like black people and says mean things?" and talk to him about it. Tell him it is cruel to be mean to people. Find a good video to watch about racism and being kind to people. Keep talking to him. Show him through your example.

 

Take him to the park to play basketball somewhere there are mixed races, so he can get to know some black guys and learn that they are just like him.

 

You can't help HER, but you have a lot of power to help him. As an 18 year old brother, you are probably his hero, and you have a lot of power here!

[amaysngrace]

Plus, minorites can still be racist against.each other and think they're superior.

 

I'm guilty of this myself whenever I call someone a yahoo or a honey boo boo which I admit is pretty ignorant of me.

 

People are people.

[michellew]

I can totally relate. My mom is racist and embarrassing as well. She doesn't shut up about Obama and constantly calls Michelle Obama "Mooshell". She says she hates him because he's a bad president, but I know it's because he's black.

 

Just today, she was telling a story about an encounter she saw at Walmart and right away she began with "there was this white customer and a black cashier...". That frustrates me too!

 

I try telling her she's racist and she says things like "oh you know I'm just kidding" or "you're no fun. You think you're so much better than me."

 

It's just plain ignorance. I've learned to ignore it. The more I argue, the worse it becomes.

[kart180]

I can relate too, My mother being Sri Lankan (an island under India), she says dont trust your friends from university which are mostly white. She is so anti white. I do understand that as I was bullied in high school for a long time but I try to be friendly with everyone.

[jbelle6]

My Mom tries to be extra nice to anyone of a different ethnicity or culture but it comes off absolutely ridiculous.

An Asian guy had to come and pick something up and she asked if he knew her friend that owns a Chinese restaurant (guy was so not Chinese) cause you know, all Asian people EVER know each other.

 

When she went to go get the paper he was picking up I was like, I'm sorry man and we laughed and laughed.

 

We can only raise our children to be better. That's all you can do.