here is Ron again RE: Girlfriends Past

[Rob]

Yeah I read your replies, especially the UNNAMED ones, came close to my situation. It's like I have fallen in love with this girl, but since I found out about her past, the idea of marrying her, and her being the mother of my kids, is scaring me. It's like how would you cope with the fact, that the mother of your child has had sex in a public bathroom, and gave oral sex to her EX in the car, while he was driving, and in some public parking???

 

I thought I would marry this girl one day, but now I seriously doubt that! However, she is the sweetest person I met!

 

Go figure!

 

WHAT THE HELL SHOULD I DO???

 

AAAGHHH!!!

 

I am going to go eat something

 

Later guys

[ashesmum]

How old are you? Sounds like to me you never lived your life with a little fun. When I was young, I did crazy things. No I didn't give bj's, but I would've if it came up when I was younger. Doesn't have to do with being dirty or slutty. It has to do with how much excitement you like in your life. Obviously you don't like too many risky, sexy, adventures. When is the last time she's done any of these things? People grow up and get into a more plain relationship though. Don't think of her negative. And as for you having so many doubts about seeing you married to her or having children with her, get it over with. There's no reason to linger the situation you're feeling and her putting so much effort into a relationship she thinks is fine. Sit down and talk to her about how you feel and figure out if you should really be together with the way you feel. Good luck.

Yeah I read your replies, especially the UNNAMED ones, came close to my situation. It's like I have fallen in love with this girl, but since I found out about her past, the idea of marrying her, and her being the mother of my kids, is scaring me. It's like how would you cope with the fact, that the mother of your child has had sex in a public bathroom, and gave oral sex to her EX in the car, while he was driving, and in some public parking??? I thought I would marry this girl one day, but now I seriously doubt that! However, she is the sweetest person I met! Go figure! WHAT THE HELL SHOULD I DO??? AAAGHHH!!! I am going to go eat something Later guys

[sparkle]

is scaring me. It's like how would you cope with the fact, that the mother of your child has had sex in a public bathroom, and gave oral sex to her EX in the car, while he was driving, and in some public parking???

Hi Ron,

 

Not much advice for you, just some bits/pieces I'd like to share:

 

One of my good friends used to be a male escort. He's done it in many places in many positions with MANY women. Nearly all of them were successful, college-educated, middle-to-upper-class careerwomen.

 

Many were mothers. A few had grandchildren.

 

Some were married, many divorced. Some liked to have sex with him while their husband watched.

 

One was the wife of the CEO of a major internet company around here. Some were the daughters of some of the successful managers/presidents of some companies.

 

One of my professors had sex with him in her office on campus, while she used to be his professor. And she is married.

 

Another professor took him to her house and had sex while her husband was out of town--and her kids walked in. Yes, she's a mother.

 

(These 2 professors have PhD's, prestigious jobs, and are admired by their colleagues.)

 

He's had women who wanted him to dress up as a police officer, a fireman, a schoolboy, a biker, a businessman, etc.

 

He had experiences with these women which involved whips, chains, leather, whipped cream, edible underwear, and handcuffs.

 

Again, some of these women were mothers or sisters or aunts or cousins or wives. And all of these 200+ women are daughters. They are N-O-R-M-A-L.

 

And this is just a tiny glimpse of the adventures of ONE guy in one city in a world of 6 billion.

 

You said: "It's like how would you cope with the fact..."

 

You cope by understanding that this kind of stuff happens A LOT MORE than you know or realize. And the people you least expect to be doing it may be the exact ones that are. And these women weren't scumbags or filth or the "town whores" in their community. Many were just lonely and needed someone to be there and to make them feel good. Many are totally happy and confident and just want to try a new experience and have a great time.

 

Whatever the case may be, you have to accept her past. You can't change it, there is absolutely no use thinking about it anymore or feeling grossed out about her being the mother of your children. If you still feel this way, do her a BIG favor and break up with her. I know many guys that aren't bothered by this.

[catt]

Since I wrote that message, among other things, I think you are a manipulative jerk. Making her suffer for her past, a past that SHE CHOSE! You are truly sick. Stop punishing her for what she did in the past. She had every right to do whatever she wanted. It was and still is her life. If you can't deal with other's having a past then you are going to be sadly disappointed in everyone you meet. Get on with your own life and grow up!

[unnamed]

Manipulative jerk, eh?

 

Might I exhibit some insight into this intense problem for you? I think that might change your views. Otherwise, I could stoop to your level and rant on your lack of insight and intellect. But I will choose not to. Be thankful, indeed.

 

Do you have any understanding how much suffering one can go through because of a sexual past? For some people, a sexual history means a lot. For others, it simply means nothing, or very little. To me, and to Rob, it means a lot. We try to deal with it, but we cannot. Everything is overwhelming; the feelings, the details, the hurt, and so much more.

 

Do you know what its like to be heartbroken? Well, I do. I knew from a previous relationship, but I also again feel the same from this relationship. And what brought it on? Her past.

 

I cannot punish my girlfriend (ex-girlfriend now, I just broke with her) for her past, and I never have. I accepted the fact that she was involved sexually with other men, but I tried dealing with the pain afterwards. Its not about letting go or accepting, its about dealing with a problem that suffocates you -- sometimes literally.

 

I think you are underestimating the power of a sexual past, and how devastating it can be to anyone.

[catt]

You claim that I have underestimated the effect that someone's sexual past might have on their partner. Interesting . . . . However, in my opinion, I believe that the two of you are compelely over exaggerating the whole thing. Everyone you will ever meet from this point on in life, everyone, will have a sexual past. If you let this stand in your way, you will be lonely and unhappy men.

 

I guess that I am one of those for whom someone's sexual past means very little. Unless, of course, it affects my own health.