Anyone else turned off by preferences that favor them?

[kaylan]

Just had this girl offer me her number online, but I decided not to pursue because I found out she has a marked preference for black dudes. (Plus I am trying to stick to my no dating objective...which means I shouldnt be responding to anything online)

 

However, like Ive mentioned to some of you before, I find the preference to be a turn off. Id rather a girl who's got a taste for variety but happens to like me. I find that more appealing than a girl who gives me brownie points because of my race. Plus in the past the girls Ive met with black guy preferences in the past have kinda negatively colored my perception of these kinda girls.

 

I dunno, it just makes me feel like Im fetishized. And while some guys may love that...I find it off putting. Anyone else feel similar?

Edited May 10, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[carhill]

IMO, one can find a general human aspect that 'floats their boat' from a attraction POV and still value and find a specific person attractive and unique. I don't see it as either/or.

 

Hence, if a lady commented that she found balding, middle aged men 'hot', my next thought might be 'well, does that apply to *this* balding, middle-aged man?' and it would be a potentially humorous point of interaction but not a deal-maker or deal-breaker, more like something which perhaps caused two otherwise strangers to interact. After that, who knows?

[Assasda]

I totally understand what youre saying dude.

 

If there is a dating profile and the girl says she doesnt like short guys, I never contact them, even though i'm not short.

Or if they have some other preference that is dismissive of other people for no apparent reason, I never persue.

 

I think its just the shallowness

[Ruby Slippers]

All my boyfriends pretty much have favored tall, blonde, blue-eyed girls who look Irish. I'm their "type", so why not go with it? But I can understand feeling fetishized for a racial preference. If it feels wrong, it's wrong for you.

[Anela]

I understand, hence my annoyance when I repeatedly had men out of preferred age bracket, contacting me online. Mrs. Robinson to the youngsters, and the younger woman to the grandfathers.

[Anela]

That actually goes for my accent, too. I remember someone contacting me, solely because I was from England, and I thought, "there's more to me than my accent. What if they don't like the rest of me?"

 

There has to be something they find attractive in the first place, though, so I stopped worrying so much about that one.

[somedude81]

Hell no.

 

If a girl had a thing for short white guys I'd be all over her.

[irc333]

I pretty much would seriously take advantage for liking me for things they are in favor of. I guess it's because it rarely happens and I would think it would be just plain stupid to turn down such an opportunity. If a woman is attracted to shorter men is attracted to me, yes....it definitely be stupid. LOL

 

 

Just had this girl offer me her number online, but I decided not to pursue because I found out she has a marked preference for black dudes. (Plus I am trying to stick to my no dating objective...which means I shouldnt be responding to anything online)And she was South Asian btw (Indian to be exact). Thats the first time Ive come across a brown girl with a black dude preference. Was kinda tempted because Ive never really dated an Indian or any kind of brown gal before.

 

However, like Ive mentioned to some of you before, I find the preference to be a turn off. Id rather a girl who's got a taste for variety but happens to like me. I find that more appealing than a girl who gives me brownie points because of my race. Plus in the past the girls Ive met with black guy preferences in the past have kinda negatively colored my perception of these kinda girls.

 

I dunno, it just makes me feel like Im fetishized. And while some guys may love that...I find it off putting. Anyone else feel similar?

[Robert]

The topic:

 

Anyone else turned off by preferences that favor them?

 

 

Even though the thread starter mentioned his race as being the preference that turned him off that doesn't mean RACE is the topic, but rather a sideline to the topic.

 

Let's keep this about the topic please.

 

ETA: and let's keep the personal attacks off this thread, the thread starter would like to hear your points of view on his topic but that doesn't mean he is to be attacked for his views.

 

Thanks

Edited May 10, 2014 by Robert

[FitChick]

I'm turned off by preferences that don't favor me.

[Lernaean_Hydra]

Just had this girl offer me her number online, but I decided not to pursue because I found out she has a marked preference for black dudes. (Plus I am trying to stick to my no dating objective...which means I shouldnt be responding to anything online)

 

However, like Ive mentioned to some of you before, I find the preference to be a turn off. Id rather a girl who's got a taste for variety but happens to like me. I find that more appealing than a girl who gives me brownie points because of my race. Plus in the past the girls Ive met with black guy preferences in the past have kinda negatively colored my perception of these kinda girls.

 

I dunno, it just makes me feel like Im fetishized. And while some guys may love that...I find it off putting. Anyone else feel similar?

 

 

I know that feel bro. I'm a black chick with a preference for non black dudes, but when I come across a white/hispanic/indian/whatever guy who has a stated preference for black girls, I find it to be kind of turn off tbh.

 

But this is probably due to the fact that in the past, I found guys with such a decided preference usually tended to fetishize my ethnicity. I mean, like who you like and if you like me great but not because you want to play out some sort of slave and master/Mandingo fantasy.

[todreaminblue]

i think everyone has their preferences....i like guys who are generous of heart and spirit dont care what skin they are wrapped in ...i look a bit deeper and i normally hear something first.....like look up now....lol...... but i understand there are people who are attracted to looks.......just as there are guys who would look me over and go yuck...so what can you do......i dont care about guys who dont like me for the way i look or what color my skin is ...like i dont normally care for guys who look at me and like what they see on the surface or think in their small mindedness i am a desperate walking vagina because i am a big girl....i am none of those things.....i expect them not to be that way if i like them and they actually like me..i cant change perceptions or preferences so i dont worry about them....deb

[ThaWholigan]

It can be unerring sometimes, but not a big deal for me really - it would depend on why the attraction exists for me. There are worse reasons for someone to be attracted to me ....

[Els]

Sure. The most common one is probably the guys who specifically only go for much younger women - huge turnoff, even if I'm in the demographic.

 

Second one would be the stereotype of Asian women, especially that which is propagated on LS. It's probably not a coincidence that despite being Asian, I find their raving about Asian women to be slightly repulsive. We're not all the same, and I'm skeptical of their reasoning for preferring Asian women in the first place, which is usually based on rather untrue stereotypes.

 

Back when I lived in Asia, there was a fetish for Caucasian women - apparently the stereotype was that they were hot, so very easy to please, and easy to get into bed. Obviously, I find that offensive as well (and still would if I were Caucasian).

[Eggplant]

Some people imagine their ideal mate, and they are auditioning people to play that role they already created.

[Candy_Pants]

I kinda get this. I'm "alternative" looking (tattoos, colored hair, piercings/body modifications) and I've experienced men and women who have fetishes about women who look like me. Some of the assumptions are turn offs.

 

The attraction itself isn't a turn off.

[gaius]

I don't get turned off by any woman who prefers white guys. I might get turned off if she was into something about me I wasn't thrilled with though.

 

Maybe on some level you buy into that whole women who date black guys are lower status mindset. Them having dated white guys before makes you feel better. Oddly enough there's a ton of black guys that think like that.

[mickleb]

All my boyfriends pretty much have favored tall, blonde, blue-eyed girls who look Irish. I'm their "type", so why not go with it? But I can understand feeling fetishized for a racial preference. If it feels wrong, it's wrong for you.

 

I guess this illustrates the wider point Kaylan is making, but what do 'girls who look Irish' look like?

 

Regarding the OP, in OLD especially, the whole concept of preferences is shot to bits, anyway. The worst thing about online dating is the notion that you simply tick/ chat about who you are and who you want and they magically appear, gift-wrapped.

 

Sites like eHarmony are such hokum. They charge a fortune and claim to match you with people who speak directly to your soul. In reality, they match you up with an unending list of zero-chemistry randoms you could pass on any street, at any time. For this reason, my current preferred site is Tastebuds. Mostly because it's free and less like a cattle-market than POF. The idea of finding a soulmate via music preferences is absurd, but no more absurd than most other sets of on-paper criteria. I will agree that age, and distance are useful, but they're still only guidelines. Let's face it, plenty of 'straight' people have been surprised to find someone of their own gender to be preferable when it comes down to what really matters, which is chemistry.

 

If a girl approached you, OP, who you found as hot as hell and as brilliant as the sun, and the feeling was clearly mutual, would you reject her soley because she had a little 'thing' for black guys? (Be honest. )

[kaylan]

I don't get turned off by any woman who prefers white guys. I might get turned off if she was into something about me I wasn't thrilled with though.

 

Maybe on some level you buy into that whole women who date black guys are lower status mindset. Them having dated white guys before makes you feel better. Oddly enough there's a ton of black guys that think like that.

Its not that at all. Ive dated women in the past whove never dated a white guy. Like I said, I dont like the idea of being fetishized. Especially given how theres a history in our country of certain types of men and women being fetishized for one reason of another.

 

Its very similar to how many Asian women roll eyes when a white guy tells her how much he loves Asians and goes overboard on appropriating the culture.

If a girl approached you, OP, who you found as hot as hell and as brilliant as the sun, and the feeling was clearly mutual, would you reject her soley because she had a little 'thing' for black guys? (Be honest. )

Depends how she makes her preference come off. I much prefer that a woman likes me and that my background is a bonus. Im not much a fan of the "I only date *insert type of guy*" mindset.

Edited May 10, 2014 by kaylan

[Keenly]

Damn, I'm not even sure that I have a niche that I fall into, nor have I ever experienced this.

 

 

I actually want to experience it now.

[somedude81]

Damn, I'm not even sure that I have a niche that I fall into, nor have I ever experienced this.

 

 

I actually want to experience it now.

 

What if you meet a girl who is really into ordinary guys? Would that turn you off?

[Keenly]

What if you meet a girl who is really into ordinary guys? Would that turn you off?

 

That's a little oddly specific, but no it wouldn't.

[Bruce Leigh]

Had a one night stand with a woman a few years ago because she said i looked like a rugby player that played for her country. We were the home side, she was an away fan that had a ferry over to watch the game.

 

Not sure if that counts but i wasn't complaining

[On All Fours]

Like I said, I dont like the idea of being fetishized. Especially given how theres a history in our country of certain types of men and women being fetishized for one reason of another.

 

There are women who are attracted to confident men, there are women who are attracted to men that are blue collar and work with their hands, there are women who are attracted men with money, there are women who attracted to men with tattoos, there are women who are attracted to creative / artsy / musicians, etc.

 

Using your logic, you can say those men are "fetishzed" too. I do not see why your ethnicity or color of the color of ones skin gets sole exclusivity on "fetishzed" as you call it.

 

Many of those women want those type of men for the right / nobel reasons and some for wrong one. I focus on the good ones myself and don't bother or worry about bad one.

 

People like what they like and want what they want. It has always been that way and will always remain that way.

 

Its very similar to how many Asian women roll eyes when a white guy tells her how much he loves Asians and goes overboard on appropriating the culture.

 

I have a few friends that go bonkers over Asian women. Me however, they do nothing for me. They are good guys and many have dated and been in awesome long term relationships with them. They do not objectify Asians it just so happens to be what does it for them. What would you have them do, date people they are not attracted too and desire as to not offend Asian women?

 

Depends how she makes her preference come off. I much prefer that a woman likes me and that my background is a bonus. Im not much a fan of the "I only date *insert type of guy*" mindset.

 

Sounds great on paper not sure how practical that is on a dating site. They steer you through setting up your own profile and finding others through preferences. I suspect there isn't a large dating pool of people who check the "whatever anything goes" box.

[kaylan]

^It might serve you well to actually speak to several Asian women and ask them how they feel about guys who appropriate their culture and put them on this weird pedestal.

 

I wouldnt expect someone whos not used to being objectified to understand why some people are put off by it. That said, Im not going to get into a back and forth with a newly created sock account.

 

Im pretty sure I know whos posting too. And since I dont want mods to end up sweeping through my thread again, I stand by my earlier statements.

I guess you hate yourself??

 

Most healthy people I know have standards and preferences in who they want to date. So someone likes/wants to date black guy and it annoys you enough to come post here and is a turn off? to you

 

Might want to look into therapy, this is definitely not healthy

 

My $0.02...

Reading comprehension sure is a problem for some people here.

 

Where did I say I have a problem with women attracted to black men? I said I dislike how certain women who ONLY date black men fetishize us.

Edited May 10, 2014 by kaylan