Anyone else turned off by preferences that favor them?

[Speakingofwhich]

No I don't feel this way. I'm a white, nerdy, wear glasses, of European descent. If a woman liked me because I was Caucasian, nerdy, have glasses, European, or any combination thereof, it would not be off putting for me. I'd feel I have an advantage, and desirable, because the woman has a preference that I meet. Such preferences play into the role of attraction. Just like there are women that have the hots for guys that wear baseball caps (yes they exist). The guys that sport such apparel regularly, are at an advantage. In addition, I have a preference for a certain type of a woman, but it is not absolute, nor inflexible. My preference is a brown eyed, curly haired brunette. But if I met a curly blond, or curly red head, or wavy blond, or blue eyed, straight brunette, I would not disqualify her if we had a connection, because as a default, I am a man that likes women.

 

Well said. This I can identify with. Any advantage I have, I'll be glad to capitalize on it.

[bubbaganoosh]

I've been good friends with a buddy of mine for over 35 years and he's a really big guy. 6ft 5inches and weighs around 250-60- and way back when we were younger (lots younger) he was always with a girl who were kind of on the taller side 5'8" and taller.

 

Then one day out of the blue he met a girl who is his wife now for 30 years and talk about a miss match. She's 4' 10" and weighs 90 pounds. She was never into big guys and he always had tall girl friends and somehow, they just were what each other needed and neither of them cared who laughed or who stared or who made the jokes about the size difference.

 

When asked he said that she was all he could want in a wife plus a whole lot more and they have a really good marriage and the fun part about it is when she has a point to make, all she does is stick her hands in her pocket and look straight up at his face and she hold her ground like a champ and doesn't let 18 inches of height or 170 pounds difference sway anything. The odd couple if there ever was one but their happy.

[SpiralOut]

I had a situation where this guy was very into me. We tried dating a couple of times and it didn't work out at all. I felt like he didn't care about who I actually am. I felt like he just liked me because I'm vegetarian and so is he, and finding a girl who is single and veg isn't always easy. I was just a woman who matched his basic criteria so he chased me based on that.

 

That said, I wouldn't be turned-off by a guy who likes my lifestyle, but I would be on the lookout for signs. I can usually tell if a guy genuinely likes me or not.

[jbelle6]

I do have an Asian girl friend who HATES this, so if a guy only just dates Asian girls she is turned off. She feels that it's not about him liking her at that point and they tend to think they know all about her culture yet they have no clue. She does feel like a fetish and a trend in those cases. I can see her point, there is having a preference and then it can go to a creepy level in my opinion.

 

I have the opposite, I find most guys don't prefer blonds now days so I'm not the typical preference of the guys I date. Oh well! lol

[Taramere]

I have the opposite, I find most guys don't prefer blonds now days so I'm not the typical preference of the guys I date.

 

Yeah, not liking blondes raises the IQ by 10 points don't you know? Never fear, there are still a few blonde fans in Italy. That's where I go when I want to get my bottom pinched.

[Woggle]

I briefly dated a black woman that only wanted white guys and it was just a turn off. The way she bashed men of her own race displayed some major issues.

[Trane]

I'm turned off by preferences that don't favor me.

 

A big time AND HOW!!!

[moys]

Fetishizing is definitely an issue. As a Black woman, I run into it quite often. Many white dudes have low-key Black woman fetishes and some of them have really freaked me out. Racial fetishization is very different from fetishizing someone because of hair colour or occupation or whatever. There exists a history surrounding the representations of racialized people, this includes discourses that have informed people how to perceive race and how to treat people of colour. For Black women, we are hypersexualized, seen as either Mammies, Jezebels, or Sapphires (well documented media stereotypes and representations). I've had some guys say some utterly degrading and disgusting things to me. Luckily I don't take crap, I'm fully aware of fetishization functions and I love myself; so I've steered clear of getting involved with such guys.

[SoleMate]

Kaylan, I think you want to be seen and treated and responded to as an individual, not as a generic representative of the Group Known As Black Men. This is normal....every thinking person will feel the same.

 

Also, for someone to go on and on about how she adores black men generically, then grab your arm and say "you're black so I want you" underscores the problem.

 

IOW, it may be OK for her to think/feel that way, but it's rude for her to diminish you to a generic example instead of the unique individual that you are.