Anyone else turned off by preferences that favor them?

[On All Fours]

^It might serve you well to actually speak to several Asian women and ask them how they feel about guys who appropriate their culture and put them on this weird pedestal.

 

I do not care what women think or who they decide to date or not. It's not often that I meet a woman who isn't strong, smart and able to take care of herself. I leave that where it belongs, with them.

 

They can date who they want. If they do not want to date a man who finds them attractive and likes their culture, they can go date men who do not find them attractive and do not have a apprication of their culuture.

 

I wouldnt expect someone whos not used to being objectified to understand why some people are put off by it.

 

Why is a guy who who works outdoors or with hands that a lot of women are attracted too and want to date not being objectified?

 

Why are Police Officers and Fireman that a lot of women are attracted too and want to date not being objectified?

 

You will not answer that because it is the same thing as singling out someone based on religion, ethneity, annual income, age range, etc. and your arguement falls apart.

 

Are there women who single out and date men who are only black for the wrong reasons?

 

Are there women who single out and date men who are white, weathly, tall, good looking, the car they drive, where they live, religion, education level, musican in a band, etc. for the wrong reasons?

 

The answer to both questions is yes.

 

In regards to your OP, she checked a box on her dating profile with her perference and you are dimissing her and went so far as to imply / say she only wants you because she has a "fetish". You do not know why that paticular women perfers only to date men that are black. Maybe she is from a bi-racial home and has a black father. A lot of women are attracted too and date men like their fathers.

 

What I find ironic, you are allowed to dismiss her for her perference(s) and think it is a "fetish" but when it comes to your preference(s) it's not a "fetish". I don't see how you can separate the two in my mind or yours.

[kaylan]

^Stop trying to compare those things to ethnicity buddy. Being objectified based on ethnicity is a very different situation. Especially if the objectification comes with a lot of preconceived notions.

 

EDIT - No she didnt just check a dating box on a profile. She explicitly stated her preference, along with other things I noticed. So no...I didnt just make assumptions and jumped to conclusions. The girl has a clear marked preference for black dudes.

Edited May 10, 2014 by kaylan

[EasyHeart]

I don't think anyone likes being objectified.

 

We've had long threads with respect to men who objectify women based on age and I've said that if a man dates a woman who happens to be significantly younger than him, that's fine. But if he dates a woman because she's young, that's a problem. Personally, I'm always on the lookout for gold-diggers. That's less of a problem now than when I was younger because most older women have their own money, but it's still something I'm wary about.

 

With respect to race, though, I think it's fairly common (and perfectly normal) for people to date within their own race. And if you're dating within your race, I suspect that race never even gets mentioned or thought about. But I've known white women who only want to date black men and white men who only want to date Asian women, and I think that sort of thing rises to fetishization because it has to be based on some sort of stereotypical assumptions about the other person, and I think most of us would find that offensive.

[hotpotato]

I wouldnt necessarily be turned off by it.

I do get turned off if a man wants to keep me as a side item.

Ive known plenty of people with a racial or some type of preference for a phenotype. At this stage I can usually tell when a man is serious or if he has a fetish.

[Shepp]

What so if a girl was really into white blonde guys would it turn me off?

 

No. In short. If she has a type she has a type - i have a type!

 

 

But then i guess, its hardly like a known fetish or a minortiy where i live or anything.

 

 

THAT SAID to further kaylan and On all fours points - if a girl i was seeing has a thing for my ethnicity i wouldn't be bothered at all if she had a thing for firefighters.......i think maybe i would be a little turned off - like maybe she wasnt seeing me past my job/uniform!

[jay1983]

Just go for it, what's the worst thing that could happen.

[jay1983]

I get a lot of girls thinking I'm mixed with black or Puerto Rican, Dominican or something like that. I think it's weird cause I'm none of the above, but not weird enough to turn me off.

[SpiralOut]

Well I had one guy get excited when he found out I like fantasy, because he thought I would make a hot cosplay girl. I am not even THAT into fantasy but he was enthralled by the idea that I might be. It was a turn-off.

[bluegreen]

Really shocking that all the preferences main talk is about LOOKS only

:rolleyes::rolleyes:

[Els]

Really shocking that all the preferences main talk is about LOOKS only

:rolleyes::rolleyes:

 

Probably because it's extremely unlikely for someone to be turned off by being liked for their intellect, personality, and charming nature?

[iiiii]

Sure. The most common one is probably the guys who specifically only go for much younger women - huge turnoff, even if I'm in the demographic.

 

Me too. To me, there's a difference between a guy who is dating a younger woman, and a guy who only ever considers dating much younger women. Nothing "wrong" with the later, but it's a huge turn off to me... I'm more than an age group.

[topaMAXX]

Just had this girl offer me her number online, but I decided not to pursue because I found out she has a marked preference for black dudes. (Plus I am trying to stick to my no dating objective...which means I shouldnt be responding to anything online)

 

However, like Ive mentioned to some of you before, I find the preference to be a turn off. Id rather a girl who's got a taste for variety but happens to like me. I find that more appealing than a girl who gives me brownie points because of my race. Plus in the past the girls Ive met with black guy preferences in the past have kinda negatively colored my perception of these kinda girls.

 

I dunno, it just makes me feel like Im fetishized. And while some guys may love that...I find it off putting. Anyone else feel similar?

 

No...............!!!!

[Els]

Me too. To me, there's a difference between a guy who is dating a younger woman, and a guy who only ever considers dating much younger women. Nothing "wrong" with the later, but it's a huge turn off to me... I'm more than an age group.

 

Yep. A common corollary that I see, are the successful men who want to make sure that a woman isn't with them solely for their money. They understand that while success is a normal and perfectly fine attraction, if she is ONLY interested in men who make above a certain $$ bracket, chances are she isn't good news.

[Emilia]

Just had this girl offer me her number online, but I decided not to pursue because I found out she has a marked preference for black dudes. (Plus I am trying to stick to my no dating objective...which means I shouldnt be responding to anything online)

 

However, like Ive mentioned to some of you before, I find the preference to be a turn off. Id rather a girl who's got a taste for variety but happens to like me. I find that more appealing than a girl who gives me brownie points because of my race. Plus in the past the girls Ive met with black guy preferences in the past have kinda negatively colored my perception of these kinda girls.

 

I dunno, it just makes me feel like Im fetishized. And while some guys may love that...I find it off putting. Anyone else feel similar?

Lighten up man, it just means she likes a big c**k, no big deal. At this rate you will write off the whole female population of the planet. No wonder you are struggling if you have this mindset.

[halfcrazed_i]

While I understand that people have preferences... I dislike it when guys like me first for being Asian, then second for being myself. I have no problems with people having preferences (hell, I do too) but when they start missing the forest for the trees, it becomes an issue.

 

When I used to live in the US, the girls I used to hang out with would give crude comments like "You won't have problems tonight with the guys... You're Asian after all." I mean, seriously? That was supposed to make me feel good about myself?

 

So yes, I understand where the OP is coming from.

[RedRobin]

 

I dunno, it just makes me feel like Im fetishized. And while some guys may love that...I find it off putting. Anyone else feel similar?

 

 

Within reason, yes, I do find it off putting.

 

 

For instance, I find it off putting when an older man (especially a much older man) with a preference for younger women hits on me.

 

 

OTOH, I don't especially find it off putting if a guy has a preference for nice butts and legs... or long blonde hair... finds me attractive. Now, if that is ALL they dated... then yes, I'd feel a bit like a freak...

 

 

Edited: one more thing... before I (briefly) considered dating Mr. Sexy Talk, I'd never dated a non-white guy. I can't really claim to be just into white guys. I just felt that I'd never come across an ethnic guy I found attractive. Didn't really feel like a preference or a type or a fetish for white guys.

 

 

Good thing for black guys that I consider Mr. Sexy Talk to just be a jerk... that has nothing to do with him being black. It's too bad he was a scary douche, because he was a very hot (looking) piece of man-meat.

Edited May 13, 2014 by RedRobin

[ascendotum]

I have dated a couple of foreign women that I subsequently found out had only ever dated anglo guys. It perturbed me a little to think that they might have thought lowly of men of their own ethnicity. They both denied it, and just said they had a preference for white guys, that's all. As for these women, it never really made any difference to the relationship as far as I was concerned. I agree with OAF that I don't see it being much different from women who have preferences for guys of certain height or career, or talent.

 

There is a doco on tv this week where I am that deals with this subject. On the ad there was a pretty African girl complaining that she does not want to be some guy's fantasy. I thought how can her beauty of no relevance to a white guy and what is so bad about being someone's fantasy and have them treat you so well because they adore you for you (skin/body/face) & your cultural background and the influence that has on your nature, with the outcome being that they think they got their ideal partner and treat you really well.

 

You worry about being 'fetishized'. I'm curious how do you think this is going to manifest itself in the relationship to your detriment?

 

I can understand you maybe being a little perturbed by the reasons of the girl, but it seems you and your friends have not had bad experiences with such women and you are not worried about the ghetto surfer rep, so I don't so why you cant give her a go if she otherwise is a good thing for you. I don't see why cant it just be another case of 'preferences'. At the same time I have to admit I do find women who insist only on dating men in uniform or only guys 6+ or only earning $120k+ as shallow. For such guys who land these these women, probably for many the greater desire for them is a good thing when it comes to getting laid easy + also greater devotion from a gf/wife.

[Phoe]

I'm definitely the opposite, I am definitely happy when I am someone's preference.

 

I do understand your viewpoint, but I don't feel that way.

[guest572]

When I read the topic I immediately thought about things like personality, hobbies etc, and if their preferences favour me then its "tick, tick!" But the example you provided OP would make me feel a bit uncomfortable. Once approached online by a guy who just wanted me cause i had red hair. I think its strange.

[kaylan]

Lighten up man, it just means she likes a big c**k, no big deal. At this rate you will write off the whole female population of the planet. No wonder you are struggling if you have this mindset.

lol wut? You have to be joshin' me here.

 

I dont like a chick stereotyping me as a reason to date me...even if some folks think its a positive stereotype. And no, Im not super hung BBC. I fill up women nice, but Im no porn star...and wouldnt want a girl who sexually fetishizes me.

 

The whole BBC fetishism is played out. And from what some women tell me...plenty of brothers arent packing a thing down there lol

Edited May 21, 2014 by kaylan

[Taramere]

Id rather a girl who's got a taste for variety but happens to like me. I find that more appealing than a girl who gives me brownie points because of my race. Plus in the past the girls Ive met with black guy preferences in the past have kinda negatively colored my perception of these kinda girls.

 

I dunno, it just makes me feel like Im fetishized. And while some guys may love that...I find it off putting. Anyone else feel similar?

 

Well, if somebody must have a marked preference for a type then all other things being equal, romantically I'd prefer the guy whose type I was over the one whose type I wasn't. How much passion is there ever going to be with somebody who likes you, but doesn't really consider you to be their type? Probably very little - and, if their preference borders on a fetish, none at all.

 

It sounds as though the issue isn't so much with women who have a mild preference for your physical type (whether that's down to race, physique or whatever), but with women who have such a fixed preference for a particular type that it borders on a fetish whereby they can't be turned on by anybody other than ideal fetish objects. That objectifying approach would probably turn off a lot of people whether or not they tick the fetishist's boxes. I would venture that men objectifying women in that way is more common than women objectifying or fetishising men...but yeah, I have definitely heard some women talking lasciviously about black men = big dick, and I don't think they're women that I would be attracted to if I were a guy. I'm talking about personality type there (or intelligence level, perhaps) rather than physical type.

Edited May 21, 2014 by Taramere

[Imajerk17]

Just had this girl offer me her number online, but I decided not to pursue because I found out she has a marked preference for black dudes. (Plus I am trying to stick to my no dating objective...which means I shouldnt be responding to anything online)

 

However, like Ive mentioned to some of you before, I find the preference to be a turn off. Id rather a girl who's got a taste for variety but happens to like me. I find that more appealing than a girl who gives me brownie points because of my race. Plus in the past the girls Ive met with black guy preferences in the past have kinda negatively colored my perception of these kinda girls.

 

I dunno, it just makes me feel like Im fetishized. And while some guys may love that...I find it off putting. Anyone else feel similar?

 

Yes. Very often, it would make me feel objectified. I don't want a woman attracted to me for the reason that I'm Italian, have a career in x-field, I have a certain color eyes, or whatever. I want a woman attracted to me because of "me".

 

I realize that this is somewhat illogical on my part. Chances are a big part of a woman's attraction is going to be because I'm her type or my career success or whatever. I don't want her to be so obvious about that though.

 

To this end, even though I have a physical type, when I did OLD, I put in my profile mostly personality types. I didn't want the women I was interested in to be turned off as discussed above.

[Speakingofwhich]

The more qualities (physical, personality, whatever) I have that are included in a guy's list of preferences the more I consider it to be an advantage.

 

I just figure it puts me that much farther ahead to be appreciated by him!

 

I have a particular hair/eye color combo I think of on my ideal guy. But, if I date a guy with a different hair/eye color combo I'm fine with it.

[stillafool]

Lighten up man, it just means she likes a big c**k, no big deal. At this rate you will write off the whole female population of the planet. No wonder you are struggling if you have this mindset.

 

But not all black guys have big c**ks. It's only a myth.

[Frank2thepoint]

I dunno, it just makes me feel like Im fetishized. And while some guys may love that...I find it off putting. Anyone else feel similar?

 

No I don't feel this way. I'm a white, nerdy, wear glasses, of European descent. If a woman liked me because I was Caucasian, nerdy, have glasses, European, or any combination thereof, it would not be off putting for me. I'd feel I have an advantage, and desirable, because the woman has a preference that I meet. Such preferences play into the role of attraction. Just like there are women that have the hots for guys that wear baseball caps (yes they exist). The guys that sport such apparel regularly, are at an advantage. In addition, I have a preference for a certain type of a woman, but it is not absolute, nor inflexible. My preference is a brown eyed, curly haired brunette. But if I met a curly blond, or curly red head, or wavy blond, or blue eyed, straight brunette, I would not disqualify her if we had a connection, because as a default, I am a man that likes women.