Need advice, 7 months and get letter from ex!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

[kodiak]

clynn-

 

Thank you for your reply to my post. You are right it was selfish of her and i just dont understand it. It is so hard for me and i still think about this girl everyday. I have dated others but yet nine months later and my heart still belongs to her. I hate the feeling. Im sure she had her resons why she wrote the letter but i doubt i will ever find out. I just wish she would call me and say hi. Thats all i ask for these days. I came to the cocncluison that she forgot about me but then i got that letter. It made me feel great but as time went by it hurt more than it felt good in the first place. I dont know. I just have been trying to live my life each day and think less and lesss about her, but its so hard. Well i have to get going. im going to visit my grandparents in montan for a couple days. Any more advice i can use it from anyone....Thanks

[SoleMate]

Very tough situation. Normally I advise NC, but is it possible that you are both pining for each other and the crossed wires have kept you from finding that out? For all she knows, you never responded to her letter.

 

If you can think of any way to contact her that won't cause you excessive pain, I would recommend doing it. Do you have a friend that you share who could give her a ring and ask how she is, possibly saying "Kodiak said he was thinking of you and hoping that you were doing well."?

 

If you do have a chance to talk to her again, let her know that you were WRONG WRONG WRONG to pile your jealousy and insecurity on her head. Good luck with your life, with her or without her.

[kodiak]

solemate-

 

what you said about a crossed wire scares me so much. You know i switched cell phone companies about a month ago and i had a voicemail on my old phone that i could not retrieve. Maybe she called and left a message and since i will never know, she just figured that i have moved on. What if she is pinning for me but figures that i have moved on? It just seems a little weird to get a letter like I did, saying what it said. Right now there is no way to conatct her. Do you feel that if in the end we are meant to be together, somehow are paths will cross. What do you think soulmate? Thanks again for your advice. What you said really hit home because it is somthing that I have thought about since I got the letter and I havt heard from her. A crossed wire keeping us apart, that would suck.

[kodiak]

hey everyone-

 

 

Has anyone else gone through what i have with a letter from a ex. If so please tell me about it or give me some advice. Im having a hardtime with it all. If you dont know the story, just read the first couple post, or I will tell you all about it. Thanks i really need some advice.

[head/heels]

long time no talk...

 

i would suggest (i havent read on here lately) a. calling her.... if cant reach her... b. call her parents.....c. call a mutual friend....d. write her another letter and say that you just wanted to make sure she got your last letter and that you wanted to know the reasons behind the sending of the letter......and if so, what....dont be embarrased or scared...this is life...you have to know or you dont seem to get over it....so, just write her...and dont be mushy, but say....i am confused by the reasons for your letter.

 

another thing.......write her or her parents and simply say....got your letter...interested in talking to you....leave your address and your new number....then let her contact you...leave it up to her....so then, she will have the ball in her court!

 

ok

thats it

derek

goooooodddddddd luck... it sucks i know

hurts soooo badly

[kodiak]

Hey Everybody-

 

Well i looking from some help today from all my brothers and sisters here at the shack. The last couple days I have been going through a real tough time. As you all might know and for those who dont please read this post, i got a letter from my ex about 2 1/2 months ago. I tried calling her no response, wrote a letter, no response. Sure i never will know if she got the letter because she moved but who knows. anyways it has been 10 months sine our breakup and three months since last contact. However I still pine over this girl and miss her so much. I dream about her all the time so I hate sleeping. I have been over-tired the last couple months because when I do sleep I always dream about her. i wasnt with this girl that long but it kills me still. i feel that maybe it is making me depressed. I dont know though. I dont know if it is depression or im just so tired. Anyways i mean what is wrong with me, why cant i just get over her. Sure she was an amazing girl and in the time we were togther we did alot and had a great time but im still having a very hardtime. I guess it has gotten worse since i got that letter. I mean why did she have to do that to me.She knew how broken hearted i was when she left me and it was like ripping off a scab on a wound that is trying to heal. So anyways lately it has been very tough for me. I have been so tired and all i do is think about her. Somebody please give me some help, im hurting..

[kodiak]

head/heels-

 

Hey man i have been so down lately with all this crap and it just brought a smile to my face getting a reply from one of the oldies here at the shack. Not that your old but i mean someone from the beggining of all the crap we have gone through. man i wish i could do something with the advice that you gave me, but i cant. I have no conatct info, nothing. I mean there is a chance that she never got the letter because i sent it to her old adress, but i doubt it. God i only wih that i would be able to hear from her. My b-day is in march and i thought i would here from her but i never did, that kinda sucked. I sent her a b-day card. Anyways someone wrote her that just maybe a crossed wire is keeping us from geeting in touch with each other. Maybe she is pinning to conatct me too!!!!! Maybe she tried to call me like she said in the letter and i never go it so she gave up. I dont know how much you believe in fate but do you feel that if we our soulmates and our meant to be with each other that someone we will come in conatct again? I like to think that is the case but its been 10 months. Sure it has happened to people before but those our the lucky ones. I dont know my brother, i just dont know. Please keep in touch. I wish we could track down all the others too. Thanks again for the advice

[clynn]

All the very best.

 

I hope that it gets easier.

 

Did you try her parents?

[strange love]

Look, instead of sitting around wondering you have to either

Move on which doesnt seem like an option at this point

 

or

 

get in touch with her.. This could mean going for a trip to where she lives. Calling. Trying to reach her through friends or family. Its that simple. Actions speak louder then words bro-ski , and now since I have filled my quota for the day its off to get possibly some yummy fattening ice cream which I dont have to share with anyone HA HA HA!!

Think of it if you could get back with her you have to share ice cream with her(unless your lactose intolerent, then I guess sherbet or perhaps soy ice cream)

 

So thats it.. get off your ass and locate her.. and duh yeah maybe that was a voice mail from her.. if u changed phone numbers, how would she know right?

Have fun playing detective

[crazydawg]

Hey Kodiak, been a while, sorry to hear that your still down in this troublesome situation, i just want to let you know that there is light at the end of the tunnel. I have met new girls and i'm currently seeing a new girl who is smart and sweet. Not dating just seeing =) i sometimes think of my ex, like last week would have been 2 yrs if we didn't break up. I'm glad though that i'm not sufferning anymore. The last time i spoke to her was on her birthday in october she didn't seem to care that i called so i vowed never to call her again. I haven't spoken to her since. It doesn't really bother me either, i blocked her on aol, and that's been like 4 months now.

 

Kodiak, we all have to move on man. We broke got out heart broken relatively around the same time.

You have to push yourself and move on, cry it out, go out, and tell yourself that you can live without her. We all can and we all have. I feel sorry for you man because i thought i was never gonna give up that pain but it went away for me and you still have it. Just thinking about it makes the pain come back a bit. I wish you realize that this girl, DOESN"T care about you. If she did she would contact you. Get back into the dating game, read some david deangelo and learn what works and what doesn't. Anyway man i'm glad that your doing fine, even tho you have your moments. Everyone here would give you hope to keep on waiting. I want to give you the opposite advice and let it go. Whatever and however you can.

[ConfusedInOC]

Originally posted by TequilaSunrise

Hi Kodiak

 

I have almost the exact situation as yours except the ex contacted me after 4 months and it was by telephone. What she said was very similar to what your ex said in the letter.

 

I'm not trying to second guess what it means. I would suggest that you don't do the same as it could mean any number of things and you will just drive yourself crazy wondering.

 

My ex also sent me an email thanking me for listening so I responded the next day with an email saying "Not a problem". However, I will never contact her again unless she instigates it.

 

I think you should respond to her letter with a brief call to thank her for the letter. Keep the conversation short by saying that you got to go as you have plans. Don't say you will call back later or give any indication that you wish to maintain contact. Keep things light and breezy. After the call go no contact. if you think you are likely to start babbling, crying, pleading, begging or saying anything emotional if you speak to her on the phone, send her an email or letter instead . But definately the phone would be the better response as there is a powerful message in the tone of the voice if you can keep it together. Also she will start second guessing everything you said.

 

If your ex has interest, she will make further contact down the track.

 

It is hard to take a blase attitude, but by doing so you:

 

1. Intrigue her - The ex wants to know more about what you are up to. Mysterious people attract interest.

 

2. Make yourself scarce - People by nature chase rarity;

 

3. Show self confidence - Girls are attracted to confident guys.

 

4. A changed person - By not enquiring after her, it shows that you have overcome your insecurity issues

 

5. Inspire jealousy - If she has any interest she will likely get a bit jealous if she thinks you may be seeing someone else.

 

6. Make yourself interesting - If you don't have the time to chase her, you must be doing some interesting things. Girls are attracted to guys who are fun;

 

Your natural instinct will be to start pursuing her again. But don't do this under any circumstance.

 

Hope it works out well for you.

 

Filing this one in the brain cavity. GREAT advice for my situation as well...

[kodiak]

Hey Everybody-

 

Thanks for everyone who replied to my post and offered me the advice they gave. I have felt a little better the last few days but its still hard. I just wish all the memories would wash away. As great as they are, it hurts to much to think aabout them. When I do think about her and our memeories it just makes me sad. Everyonce in awhile i will get a smile on my face when I think about her and its a good smile not a sad kinda smile, if you know what i mean. I know that i need to stop being such a sissy and move on. Except the fact that maybe she didnt love me like she sad and has moved on to find better. I need to realize that the letter i got from her was meaningless and that her intentions behind it were probably only so she could feel better about things and move on. I have to realize that after 10 months if she hasnt wanted me back yet then it most likely will never happen.

Its hard to understand how you could be so close to someone, share so many memories with them and their family and then its over. A few phone calls her and their, a sappy kinda letter telling you that she relaizes how great yopu were now, etcc.. and all that other stuff. I dont. I just dont know. I guess there is a reason for the letter, for her leaving me and all that stuff. I just dont know what that reason is yet. I know that for right now its not because there is someone better for me out there because so far i have dated and found no one that can come close to her. I just miss her. Thanks again for all the advice, I can use whatever I can get.

[Stringfellow]

Hey, you sound like me, it has been since last August since she broke up with me via email. And yet i sill think about her, some good thoughts and some bad. See she took something from me when she broke up with me, something I will never get back, never replace. I cant help but think she has found another, afterall she is a very beautiful woman and has a nice body as well. All this while I still sit and struggle with the pain and hurt of why, what did I do that was so bad that she needed to replace me, all I did was love her, did many things for her, spent over $5,000.00 in fuel driving back and forth to her place each day, and for what, to get dumped and left for dead.

 

Are relationships worth the pain that follows?

 

String