A good woman is harder to find than a better man. ?

[mixeypixey]

A lot of my friends are getting divorced.. because of the guys financial setbacks.. and a friend is also getting divorced because despite of his financial stability, he's not exactly a millionaire yet..

 

Do women who stick around and support their man to the bitter end actually exist? Or is it just in the movies? I'm interested to see how people answer this..

[Priv]

That is my experience. Going from publisher to jobless due to the crises I lost my gf within 5 months. Even in unemployement I still paid for everything...

 

 

I think a woman has a lot harder time dealing with her guy's problems than the other way around. Whatever got her attracted to you; status, being a good provider, confidence, being a 'rock', whatever is all lost quickly in her eyes once you hit trouble. I guess in that sense a woman's love is less altruistic than a man's who has different things that attract him to her. Being more keenly aware of possibilities outside the relationship breaking up is the path of least resistance.

 

 

But I try not to dwell on it. I am waaaaay too young to become bitter.

Edited May 11, 2014 by Priv

[acrosstheuniverse]

It's too easy to blame their divorces on the fact that the guy isn't earning enough money anymore. It will go way, WAY deeper than that. Even if one of the couple's primary problems was related to money, it's more likely that they both have very different financial styles, different ways of managing money, different priorities for what money needs to be spent on, different aspirations regarding where they should be in their careers by whatever stage.

 

I doubt that the majority of these cases involve the woman waking up one day next to her kind, caring, loving, supportive, attentive husband who's a great father, a wonderful lover and intellectually stimulates her on a daily basis and decides that because he's several thousand short of her 'ideal' wage for a husband, she's going to end it all.

 

Remember, you have absolutely no idea what actually goes on within another person's marriage. It might be quite easy for a man to play the 'she's a bitch who's leaving me because I don't finance her lifestyle' card, when in fact there's all kinds of problems going on beneath the surface... infidelity, abuse, simply 'the spark' wearing off, arguments about how to rear kids or whether to have them or not, family wars with the in laws, disagreements over housework or how to spend leisure time... you get the picture.

[M30USA]

Women are more likely to leave a man for financial problems than adultery or even abuse. They will deny this and argue its not true, but just look around. The proof is in the pudding.

[SoleMate]

Do women who stick around and support their man to the bitter end actually exist?

Just how bitter are we talking about?

 

Also, did you ask the women in question why they were getting divorced? I question the financial motive due to absence of facts.

 

and a friend is also getting divorced because despite of his financial stability, he's not exactly a millionaire yet..

So....."A woman marries a man. He is financially stable but not a millionaire at a certain point in time. The woman unilaterally initiates a divorce because she expected a different trajectory to her husband's finances." Well, I guess that's possible, but it's more likely that the husband neglected her or mistreated her.

[KathyM]

I've stuck by my husband throughout both good times and bad times financially. I didn't marry him for his money. We were both college students with no money when we got married. We've been through major financial bonanzas and major financial setbacks due to a fluke health crisis he had, and being laid off from a job. I don't put a lot of importance on money. I believe in marriage being for better or for worse, through sickness and in health. I would not tolerate infidelity, however. That is a dealbreaker for me, and my husband knows this. I imagine he would not tolerate that from me as well. I value trust and respect in a marriage partner. Something a marriage cannot survive without.

[Weezy1973]

Actually arguments about money are one, if not the top reason for divorce. Quite a bit of research on it as well (ex. Researcher finds correlation between financial arguments, decreased relationship satisfaction | Kansas State University | News and Editorial Services).

 

That being said - it doesn't really say anything about sudden shifts in financial status - and I suspect it has more to do with couples having different values about money / finances than the actual earnings of the husband.

 

As an FYI, I remember seeing awhile ago that a man having a sudden gain in financial status is also a good predictor of divorce, as he will want to "trade up."

[todreaminblue]

a lot of women would support their husbands....the vows include for richer or poorer i think the question is how many women will honor their vows and put them into action and not just use them as pretty words on a pretty day

 

 

in my mind

 

 

if they choose to say them they should honor them...if they dont choose to do the honor thing why marry in the first place....i really dont understand anyway...makes me feel retarded because it seems so simple to me i must be retarded or wrong to see so clearly...i must be deluded or a simpleton to believe in vows.............but i also know this withoput oen doubt whther i am simple or not

 

 

 

yes there are women who in a marriage believe and honor the vows they make and love and stand by the one they love regardless of what their partners wage is..... i am one simpleton who would choose to....and then....there are some who wont which is how they choose to live their life.....its not the way i would be happy to be though........deb

[BetrayedH]

a lot of women would support their husbands....the vows include for richer or poorer i think the question is how many women will honor their vows and put them into action and not just use them as pretty words on a pretty day

 

 

in my mind

 

 

if they choose to say them they should honor them...if they dont choose to do the honor thing why marry in the first place....i really dont understand anyway...makes me feel retarded because it seems so simple to me i must be retarded or wrong to see so clearly...i must be deluded or a simpleton to believe in vows.............but i also know this withoput oen doubt whther i am simple or not

 

 

 

yes there are women who in a marriage believe and honor the vows they make and love and stand by the one they love regardless of what their partners wage is..... i am one simpleton who would choose to....and then....there are some who wont which is how they choose to live their life.....its not the way i would be happy to be though........deb

 

Sometimes I just wanna reach out and hug you, deb.

 

"Pretty words on a pretty day." That one hit home.

[janedoe67]

I hate to say it, but I think it depends.

 

A GOOD woman will stick by when a man loses A job and has a tough time finding another one due to tough times. That is part of supporting each other. She'll even take on being the breadwinner without resentment because they are a team.

 

BUT

 

If he loses job after job after job, and it is always someone else's fault, and he blows through the severance/savings/etc, and runs up the credit cards gaming instead of looking for work....

 

THAT is the sign of some serious issues. And when it happens over and over on top of already existing serious marriage problems....

 

I'm not sure it't the woman who needs to look in the mirror.

[serial muse]

I'm sure there are people who do leave over money. But as acrosstheuniverse says, OP, how do you know that's really why all of these relationships you mention ended? Is that what both sides say?

 

Anyway. People on LS will tend to post things like this:

 

Women are more likely to leave a man for financial problems than adultery or even abuse.

 

But that implies that some aspect of responsibility lies with the woman who stays under those circumstances. So I'd counter with: Why should a man stay with someone who's just with him for his money? There are probably early warning signs, as there might be in situations of abuse.

 

In either case, perhaps it's the people-picker that's off, correct? Is that what we're saying?

[jay1983]

Do women who stick around and support their man to the bitter end actually exist? Or is it just in the movies? I'm interested to see how people answer this..

 

Yes but chances of finding one are slim. When financial problems come, other problems come with them, so it's not that simple.

[central]

Women leave men more often over financial issues than vice versa. Men leave women more often over severe/chronic illness than vice versa. These are statistical facts.

 

A lot depends on the severity and potential for recovery in any marital stressor that can lead to divorce. It's sometimes better to abandon a sinking ship, but smarter to start bailing one with a fixable leak.

[Phoe]

I've stuck with my boyfriend through his financial problems. Periods of unemployment, getting fired, bouncing from workplace to workplace. His field of work makes it very unpredictable. I'm still here. I've even helped him pay bills when he's struggling to get through the week.

 

Leaving him based on finances has never even crossed my mind. We'd live in a tent together with nothing but the clothes on our backs rather than break up over something silly like finances.

[mixeypixey]

So....."A woman marries a man. He is financially stable but not a millionaire at a certain point in time. The woman unilaterally initiates a divorce because she expected a different trajectory to her husband's finances." Well, I guess that's possible, but it's more likely that the husband neglected her or mistreated her.

 

She went back to him when his business improved. He's a good guy, it's just that he has a business amidst stiff competition...

 

I dunno wives are supposed to support their husbands and push their potential...

[mixeypixey]

So....."A woman marries a man. He is financially stable but not a millionaire at a certain point in time. The woman unilaterally initiates a divorce because she expected a different trajectory to her husband's finances." Well, I guess that's possible, but it's more likely that the husband neglected her or mistreated her.

 

She went back to him when his business improved. He's a good guy, it's just that he has a business amidst stiff competition...

 

I dunno wives are supposed to support their husbands and push their potential...