averis Posted February 8, 2005 Share Posted February 8, 2005 Hello, Well i pasted on here a few months ago, regarding the ex girlfriend and me and our rocky and violent relationship, well the last time i spoke to her was just after new year when we were back in work, and we agreed that it was best that we wouldnt speak, Its been 1 month today of no contact with each other, and 5 months since the breakup! I apprecite that this is a really long time and i should be over her and with someone else by now and especially as the way she treated me and got with someone 2 weeks after splitting with me, ( whom she fancied before!) My question is like i said its been 5 months, i know its a long time, shes 4 months down the road in a new relationship, shes happy, i know she aint coming back, i wanna move on as well it wasnt fair on me, her or her daughter and to be honest she was a bit of a psycho! Ive done writing lists of the bad points and everyday i focus on her faults and let downs and getting myself better and moving on, but i just cant STOP THINKING OF HER!!! I dont want to, but shes constantly in my head and im worried that now its an obsession or an addiction that i just cant let go of, i know she wont mail or wanna come back, but my head keeps thinking she will, i dont wanna know i just wanna move on but like i said im worried because this is getting beyond a joke shes constantly in my head, so please help come out of this stupid obsession! Any points will be greatly appreciated! Link to post Share on other sites
AndrewJ Posted February 8, 2005 Share Posted February 8, 2005 I know the situation or too well. I made abet with amate not to see her or contct her for 6 months. If i lose the bet i loose money. better than losing my mind i think. Plenty more fish in the sea Link to post Share on other sites
No Foolin Posted February 8, 2005 Share Posted February 8, 2005 Brother, I hear what your saying. I'm going through something similar. From what I've been told and from what I am trying to understand is: You can't save her, you can't make sense of what happended (logic doesn't apply). Your tainted because you got involved with someone who is a professional mind warrior. People like this are trying to satisfy needs; so, in effect you were used. Kind of like how a vampire needs blood. As long as you hold on to even a glimmer of hope that she will return your going to be wasted on pain. I know, its been 8 months for me, and just now, with the help of objective advice on loveshack, I realized that its not her its me who is keeping this pain of loss fresh. You can't contact her brother. She is like a drug (have to think of it that way), and were all recovering addicts. The key is that recovery is a lifetime commitment, not a destination. Avoid contact at all costs, search the web for any "how tos" on closure and apply it like mad, work on yourself (any time spent with a emotional vampire is devestating to ones self-esteem), treat yourself like you would treat someone you were in love with, get out with friends, date and fill up your time with things you want to do. MOST IMPORTANT: keep communicating with others who have been through the same situation. With dedication and time you will be in a better place. Link to post Share on other sites
Author averis Posted February 9, 2005 Author Share Posted February 9, 2005 No Foolin, Nice one bro, you are absolutely spot on with that, thats what ive been thinking but sometimes it takes someone else to open your eyes, ur right she is like a drug and ive got tot get over her and go cold turkey as quick as possible, As long as i keep thinking of her its always going to be the same,and it is me THATS KEEPING THE PAIN FRESH! Tell you what happens to me though and i dont know wether its the same for you, but i tend to go ok, like today for example i feel good about myself, i feel good about life and i really feel like im moving on, this will last a few days and then bang shes back in my head and im feeling like s**t again for a couple of weeks, back to focusing on bad points, listing her faults, like a vicious circle! Cheers for the advice if anybody has a magic cure to stop people popping up in your head please forward to me!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Devildog Posted February 9, 2005 Share Posted February 9, 2005 no foolin, Ah grasshopper, you learn quickly. Is the advice helping you? averis, It's what is commonly refered to around here as the emotional rollercoaster. You have your ups and downs. As time goes on things will level off. Link to post Share on other sites
newby Posted February 13, 2005 Share Posted February 13, 2005 we all have things we beat ourselves up with from time to time, i'm thinking this is just the stick youre using. these 'weak points' are what we focus on when we are down. this happens so subconsciously that we dont even realise that this is what is happening the reason i know this so well is because i have had so many of them and they change according to most recent big blow. it is like an obsession but you are not obsessed with her exactly i think its a form of depression you have to just keep saying 'F OFF BRAIN I AM NOT TAKING THIS FROM YOU' but dont struggle with it just say no as if you were talking to somebody who verbally bullies you and you decided youve had enough, thats it Link to post Share on other sites
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