How Often Do Taken Men Turn Down Propositions?

[Grumpybutfun]

I don't think it's a matter of whether some men are strong, honorable, loyal or whatever. I think it's a matter of where they draw the line. Look at it as a scale. On the far left side, a man won't initiate flirting, nor will he reciprocate flirting. As you move closer and closer to the right side of the scale, the stakes increase. For example the next point on this scale might be that flirting is okay, but their line is at that point on the scale. And then keep moving over to the right. You pass kissing. You pass a one might stand. You pass a long term affair. Then at the far right of the scale is the man leaves his wife. I don't think morals have much to do with where a man ends on this scale. Yes, morals have an influence, but the are the voice of reason rather than the driving force as to where they land on the scale. So for example, maybe a man wants to land on the one night stand point. But his morals are tugging against his desire so they ultimately keep him from moving beyond a kiss. It's not how loyal they are, rather it's how happy are they in their marriage? How happy are they with only one partner? It's their level of happiness that determines where they "want" to stop on that scale. It's their morals which may cut their progression on that scale to land closer to the left. I believe many men stop at leaving. They may want to, but the logic they've used to do the things on the rest of the scale was probably "I want this bad and not hurting anyone because what my wife doesn't know won't hurt her". However they can't say that about leaving. All the more reason to give into their desires. They want something else, but they often can't bring themselves to leave. So it's a balance between desires and obligations.

 

Also, men who are in positions to "turn women down" have somehow played a role in escalating to get to that point. Maybe it was flirting. Maybe it was obvious chemistry. But most often, women don't come on to men without some sort of signals that the men themselves are sending. So if someone's husband is turning women down a lot, you'd have to wonder what that man was putting out there to be getting hit on so much.

 

 

Not true, I do not flirt, wouldn't know how except with my wife, nor send signals...I'm very professional (it is a point of pride for me to be the best in any field I am in) or distracted by other things when out and this has always happened to me, from the moment I turned twelve. In fact, I have become downright surly to prevent it to the point where I have a really standoffish personality with women. It still happens from time to time. Sometimes women can be very aggressive even when a man doesn't want any attention from them. Nice to generalize that we are somehow culpable for women's actions just for standing there though. Some men aren't receiving the signals and they take it as a challenge, or something. Trust me, I don't find this flattering, but annoying. I don't send signals because I really dislike this kind of attention. People tease me about it, because they know it irritates me...not all men need negative attention from women. My wife is a good sport about it but I'm not. I'm not trying to be cocky, it really is a point of contention with me because I find cheating so egregious.

G

[Strength in Healing]

I've been propositioned by girls and guys, most recently by a guy who messaged me and asked if I wanted to have sex "NSA". I had to google what NSA meant because I thought he was referring to the national security agency, which obviously wouldn't make sense in that context.

 

I am straight so I obviously declined that, but it would have been no different if it were a girl. I would have declined.

 

To be perfectly honest, though, when in a relationship I would decline 100% of the time.

 

When single, I would decline 100% of the time unless the woman was very, very hot. Just saying.

[Raven3321]

I've been hit on lots of times over the years......turning it down is never fun. I don't think the male psyche is made to do that. But it can be done. The first girl I ever turned down, I was 19 and in college. She started coming to our dorm bible study. One day she called me crying because she was homesick and generally just having a hard time. I came to her dorm (with my bible) and talked with her. She felt better after a while and thanked me. I got up to leave, and she suddenly stripped off her leotard and sweats and said "I want you to make love to me". To this day I have no idea how I got out of that room without hitting that. But it was tough. I wanted to so bad, I went outside and literally cried for an hour. And before you say she was probably ugly, think again. She was a dead-ringer for Katherine Webb only a black version. She could've been a Victoria Secret model easy. It's been 30 years and I'm still bugged.

[RedRobin]

Not true, I do not flirt, wouldn't know how except with my wife, nor send signals...I'm very professional (it is a point of pride for me to be the best in any field I am in) or distracted by other things when out and this has always happened to me, from the moment I turned twelve. In fact, I have become downright surly to prevent it to the point where I have a really standoffish personality with women. It still happens from time to time. Sometimes women can be very aggressive even when a man doesn't want any attention from them. Nice to generalize that we are somehow culpable for women's actions just for standing there though. Some men aren't receiving the signals and they take it as a challenge, or something. Trust me, I don't find this flattering, but annoying. I don't send signals because I really dislike this kind of attention. People tease me about it, because they know it irritates me...not all men need negative attention from women. My wife is a good sport about it but I'm not. I'm not trying to be cocky, it really is a point of contention with me because I find cheating so egregious.

G

 

 

I'm glad you mention this from a man's point of view.

 

 

I work around men who fit your description very well. It is always a pleasure working with them, because I can get the job done and interact like a fellow professional without worrying about anything being misconstrued.

 

 

You are fortunate in one sense... since you are a guy, you can get away with being 'grumpy' and surly in your rejection. Women who do that get a reputation as being a b*tch. That's ok. I've embraced that label when needed.

 

 

... to answer the question... do taken men turn down propositions? My observation is that it is about half. No real correlation between the health of their relationship, how great the wife is or isn't... some men seem to need that validation more than others and are opportunistic. This is why I recommend women make sure their bf's can show proper restraint prior to marriage... if they can't, they likely won't show it afterwards.

 

 

I agree it's an ego thing most of the time. Almost never to do with the wife. I should know. I've been hit on many times by MM who had lovely, sweet wives.... and no... I wasn't doing anything to invite that attention either. Just happen to be in proximity.

[Shepp]

Are there any loyal men here who have turned down a woman who wanted to seduce him, or do you know of any such cases?

Of course!! The massive majority!!

 

I've done it loads of times! Ive done it when I wasn't even officially taken, just chasing!

 

 

What is your take on how people behave?

That most people on this planet are still honourable - surely!!!

[gaius]

Not true, I do not flirt, wouldn't know how except with my wife, nor send signals...I'm very professional (it is a point of pride for me to be the best in any field I am in)

You're the guy that was in the sexual forum asking Ophelia all about her orgasm after she visited that prostitute. Who are you trying to kid?

 

You'll get a ton of nonsense from guys but in general we're all dogs. Lying dogs. Some have low testosterone and others just aren't into one girl or another but turning someone down on moral grounds, total horsesht excuse. Doesn't happen in reality. Only in stories guys tell women to try and show how studly they are. So they can cheat on their wives with them.

[RedRobin]

You're the guy that was in the sexual forum asking Ophelia all about her orgasm after she visited that prostitute. Who are you trying to kid?

 

You'll get a ton of nonsense from guys but in general we're all dogs. Lying dogs. Some have low testosterone and others just aren't into one girl or another but turning someone down on moral grounds, total horsesht excuse. Doesn't happen in reality. Only in stories guys tell women to try and show how studly they are. So they can cheat on their wives with them.

 

 

Oopsie! Maybe you have a point...

 

 

Not sure about the last paragraph... and not sure about the high testosterone part either. Seems to me it is more about one's ethics and ability to delay gratification. Two big indicators of emotional intelligence. Surely, men are definitely encouraged to be opportunists by society. Those who are relatively unaffected by the opinions of others could just as easily reject advances as accept them... even with the most attractive woman.

 

 

I have a high sex drive and don't take all offers... even when I can get away with it. One could argue it is because of the potential 'slut' label... but it isn't. I just find sex without commitment to be boring and unsatisfying. I know of men who feel the same way.

[Anela]

You're the guy that was in the sexual forum asking Ophelia all about her orgasm after she visited that prostitute. Who are you trying to kid?

 

You'll get a ton of nonsense from guys but in general we're all dogs. Lying dogs. Some have low testosterone and others just aren't into one girl or another but turning someone down on moral grounds, total horsesht excuse. Doesn't happen in reality. Only in stories guys tell women to try and show how studly they are. So they can cheat on their wives with them.

 

Now you know why I sometimes feel like all men are *******s. You say it yourself, right here. I'm really surprised at hearing this from you.

[RedRobin]

Now you know why I sometimes feel like all men are *******s. You say it yourself, right here. I'm really surprised at hearing this from you.

 

It's ok Anela. It's sounding like a couple of my male co-workers. Can't be faithful or don't want to.... so that means everyone else must act the same way.

 

 

If all men are dogs, then we might as well settle for guys who cheat (maybe them!!).... is the train of thought there. Don't let it get to you... It's not true.

[Strength in Healing]

I don't cheat. I suck at flirting, even.

 

For example, there was a cute girl about a month after my ex left me. She was ringing people out at a local restaurant and it was Valentine's day. I said to her with a smile "Oh wow, they're making you work on Valentine's day? That sucks, huh?" to which she replied "Not like I have anyone to spend it with!". I replied "Yeah, me either."

 

She stared at me with big eyes, and it wasn't until way later that I realized my mistake. I still regret it.

 

 

 

 

If I am in a committed relationship then no girl has a damn chance, even if there's no way my girlfriend could find out.

Edited May 11, 2014 by Strength in Healing

[Candy_Pants]

My H isn't the "casual sex" type. He's had offers, and turns them down. It seems to make him upset that women (who know he's married) try to proposition him. One in particular that I'll have a word with when I'm back on that coast.

[Grumpybutfun]

You're the guy that was in the sexual forum asking Ophelia all about her orgasm after she visited that prostitute. Who are you trying to kid?

 

You'll get a ton of nonsense from guys but in general we're all dogs. Lying dogs. Some have low testosterone and others just aren't into one girl or another but turning someone down on moral grounds, total horsesht excuse. Doesn't happen in reality. Only in stories guys tell women to try and show how studly they are. So they can cheat on their wives with them.

 

And Gaius goes back on Ignore...

 

Here is the post he is referring to...curiosity, not flirting and my wife was just as curious as I was about how it changed her view on things.

 

"I was thinking because we heard nothing about it that you didn't go through with it. Glad you had a great experience. Also glad you didn't let some judgmental posters run you off from here.

I am interested in how Yuki taught you things about your body, and am wondering if you ever had an orgasm before since you seem over the moon about that aspect of it? Glad you are safe and all is well.

Big smiles for your adventure,

Grumps"

 

My wife pretty much reads everything I write here so..... she thought that experience was interesting as did a lot of people. This is a relationship forum so I will write about sex occasionally.

I shouldn't even bother, people who read my stuff knows I'm not chasing teenagers. Especially in the context of everything else I wrote to her.

G

Edited May 11, 2014 by Grumpybutfun

[Smilecharmer]

Grumps your such a heel! But i can imagine you not even noticing when a stunning raven haired beauty is checking you out.

 

But OP, as a youngster of course i accepted being joined at the bar by a bevvy of fit and eager girlies and warded of all advances bar a few.

 

As a man in his early 30`s and has fatherhood tattooed on his forehead. If i am hit on, then i politely make my excuses.

 

 

Haydn, what is a heel?

[bubbaganoosh]

Every single time I turn them down....I find it annoying especially since stating matter of factly that I am married seems to invite more flirting so I have to get major grumpy with no fun. I get teased unmercifully about it at work too which really messes with my chi. Women can be very aggressive. It just makes me angry because I find it insulting to my integrity and to my wife.

I know very few men who cheat on their wives, actually, and the ones who do are a$$e$ in almost all other aspects of their lives. I have a really healthy ego. I sowed enough wild oats when single to know that I was ready for monogamy and commitment.

Not interested,

Grumpywhenpropositioned

 

Grumps. Maybe you should tell the story over about the the lady who was interested in your underwear again. That was a doozy!

[joystickd]

(Well first of all, how often do women go after married men?)

A good man is hard to find.

^

That mindset promotes women to go after taken men.

[Smilecharmer]

I've never went after one. I just never saw them as a possibility. My conscience isn't cut out for being a cheater.

[jay1983]

For some reason women seem to come on to more often than not when I'm involved with somebody. I'll go months being lonely, then 1 comes along, then 2 or 3 shortly after. I can't figure it out, do women have a sense for guys that are taken?

 

To answer your question, in the past I've refused because I was seeing somebody, then that relationship comes to a quick end, sometimes they reveal they're psycho, sometimes they all the sudden tell me they just want to be friends and later I find out they've found someone else. I've had a couple of chicks leave their guy for me, then leave me for someone else. One chick's best friend broke us up. And I regret not keeping these other women on the back burner.

[bubbaganoosh]

When I was self employed, I did a lot of work in residential areas and many times when we were working around houses, the lady of the house would ask if we wanted something cold to drink which is a nice gesture on their part and shows nice manners too.

 

But, I have had quite a few house wives that would let me know that more could be had besides a drink of water if I desired it.

 

Some were subtle but good grief some went way out of their way to give you the high sign. One lady came to the door and her bath robe "just happened to open up and one lady called me over to ask a question and when I got to the door she was naked and her little two year old son was standing behind her.

 

Yeah I was tempted but I had too much to lose. My self respect, my wife and my business. Although little did I know that my wife was screwing her friends husband at the time. None the less, I kept it zipped.

 

But I know of one real dilly of a story. Two guys working construction met up with two women. All four were married and all four were on the prowl.

 

One thing leads to another, and they wind up at one of the ladies house. One couple in the living room doing their thing and the the other down stairs in the family room doing the same thing.

 

When all is said and done, the two women go to the bathroom to freshen up and to the kitchen to make coffee.

 

The two guys in the family room start snooping around in the laundry room, spot a freezer, lift the lid and decide to help themselves and they got a couple of boxes, stole all the meat and left through the back door. God honest truth. I knew both guys.

[bluegreen]

I don't cheat. I suck at flirting, even.

 

For example, there was a cute girl about a month after my ex left me. She was ringing people out at a local restaurant and it was Valentine's day. I said to her with a smile "Oh wow, they're making you work on Valentine's day? That sucks, huh?" to which she replied "Not like I have anyone to spend it with!". I replied "Yeah, me either."

 

She stared at me with big eyes, and it wasn't until way later that I realized my mistake. I still regret it.

 

 

 

 

If I am in a committed relationship then no girl has a damn chance, even if there's no way my girlfriend could find out.

 

 

 

Awww this is really cute : )))) who would have said hm ....

But good news is flirting can be taught skill

[Grumpybutfun]

Grumps. Maybe you should tell the story over about the the lady who was interested in your underwear again. That was a doozy!

 

Trying to forget that one.....

G

[thefooloftheyear]

So much bullshyt in this thread, forget the shovel...get the Cat365...

 

 

Anyway....

 

Here is a question..

 

Why do women so aggressively pursue known taken/married, men???

 

 

TFY

[Ninjainpajamas]

How often does it happen that a woman propositions a taken man who turns her down onmoral grounds?

 

Now that is funny! I wouldn't say the rejection comes out of "moral grounds", I think you're actually asking the wrong kind of question here about this.

 

It's really about risk vs. reward and their own personal behavior/attitude/feelings.

 

What is the risk level of me taking a chance at this opportunity (family, job, reputation, etc)? is it even worth it? am I the type of man to take that risk? am I capable of realistically going through with this? what happens or are the consequences if I were to get caught? how much do I fear or have to lose in being caught?

 

Those are the types of things that will prevent men from pursuing these options...other than the woman in question, and these all vary between men, as they don't all attain the same desirability level with women, in fact in most cases the situation is simply not an easily accessible option for many men other than the one or two opportunities that drift by every once in a blue moon, most will have to pursue it.

 

So unless they're religious, I wouldn't say men are necessarily "morally" opposed to being with other women...they're just aware of the consequences.

 

I am very curious about the distribution of men who are honorable that way. Are most men who seem reasonably good-hearted going to of course reject a woman who offers herself to him? Or are most men unable to resist?

 

Men can reject women without being good-hearted and honor is not really what's in question here...good-hearted men cheat, good husbands cheat, good fathers cheat, good men cheat. If everyone who cheated had a big red arrow magically appear above their heads pointing down at them, you'd be surprised and shocked who it is, it would just shatter everything you've ever believed about what you knew about good men and the men who have represented and stood for all of this and that like the pinnacle of loyalty and honor would lay their heads in shame, and you'd see a lot of them, not all but a lot because a lot of men haven't been caught and without hard evidence most wouldn't believe it anyway....not to even mention who and where they cheated. So don't fool yourself into thinking you can tell the good guys from the bad, save yourself the trouble and don't take people at face value or what they tell you, you won't ever know for sure.

 

Resisting the temptation is the easy part, chances are you're not going to be forced into a situation that merits a room full of hot naked women blocking the exit as they wrestle you down with their mouths...being flirted with or "hit on" especially in a work environment where people know you is an easy situation to avoid, plus personally "homie don't play that"...it's very transparent with obvious consequences, doesn't mean men won't take the risk just means it's kind of a stupid idea to begin with.

 

Are there any loyal men here who have turned down a woman who wanted to seduce him, or do you know of any such cases?

 

I've cheated in my past but I've also turned down a hell of a lot of propositions for sex and just general flirtation/interest which I attribute to the situation not attraction/desirability if I'm being realistic, you have no idea why this woman is propositioning you, you could simply be the right guy at the right time or she's after something she wants/needs for some other reason, and honestly that's mostly what I've taken it as...and I wouldn't have been proud of myself or called myself loyal for simply rejecting a woman that was trying to "seduce" me, it had nothing to do with loyalty in every situation, it could have been for a variety of reasons. And the situations I have cheated in were situations where I was absolutely not looking for it, the other simple generic situations were very easy to avoid.

 

There are plenty of women in my life that I have met that were married and in relationships that would have clearly cheated and if not cheated left their SO to pursue something greater if the situation arose, but some of them did not in the end but I wouldn't necessarily call them "loyal" or "disloyal".

People are not often together out of loyalty or love.

 

(Well first of all, how often do women go after married men?)

 

 

What is your take on how people behave?

 

It depends on the man, desirable men get attention and pursued it doesn't matter what their status is, these women don't all care in fact a lot don't. I've never seen the fact that a man was in a relationship or married have any affect on that, if anything it's increased his desirability and attractiveness for being committed.

 

Women often test men and see how far they can get, they like the attention of desirable men especially if other women are interested, it even becomes a competition to a degree so the best way to get the attention of other women is to get one and the rest usually fall like domino's. The fact that they're interested in the man interest other women.

 

Some women also get off on being able to control or seduce men, others take it as a ego boost to pull a man away from his committed partner.

 

With that being said I would say in general the average man gets hit on very rarely, the average married man not so different...sure they might think or feel in their head they're getting flirted with and exaggerate this great rejection that they're so proud of themselves for, but most women won't press and press if you're firm about not being interested they stop, but they can tell if you give out a little thread so you can't really blame them for pulling on it just to see where it goes IMO...that's your fault as the committed man, her fault as well but she's not responsible for your behavior and until she crosses that line not as culpable.

 

I'm a woman, and somewhat young still, and I have trouble getting any gut feeling about the reality of behavior because it's not the kind of thing I ever observe.

 

To generalize a bit, women tend to be focused on their own world with tunnel vision not necessarily what's going on around them with other people, ask another woman about another woman and often times they don't know. That's why you get such a redundancy in topics by women with men that are essentially doing the exact same things over and over but in slightly different ways, but they can't bridge that connection because it's impersonal and they don't know that particular man, they individualize everything even when men act out in the same behavior.

 

And that's how generally it works for women, so until you start taking in what's going on around you and observing others and being objective about it, connecting the dots a bit....chances are you're not going to really notice anything beyond the surface unless a woman is behaving in a way you can interpret or you hear about something and that will draw your attention. It's just not going to happen very often outside of that, every experience with a man, married or not, will feel unique and you'll be confused as if it hasn't been done 100 times before right next to you, you just won't make the connection.

[Anela]

So much bullshyt in this thread, forget the shovel...get the Cat365...

 

 

Anyway....

 

Here is a question..

 

Why do women so aggressively pursue known taken/married, men???

 

 

TFY

 

Maybe you should ask this in the infidelity section. Some women do this, not all.

[RonaldS]

Despite the things that happened at the very end of my marriage, I was very loyal and devoted to my XW. Not sure about the overall 'morality' involved, but in general, I just didn't want to hurt her.

 

I turned down tons of women. Many knew I was married, many were married themselves, some were even friends of my XW.

 

Looking back, had I known how the marriage would end up falling apart, I kind of wish I had taken up some of those offers.

[gaius]

And Gaius goes back on Ignore...

 

Here is the post he is referring to...curiosity, not flirting and my wife was just as curious as I was about how it changed her view on things.

 

"I was thinking because we heard nothing about it that you didn't go through with it. Glad you had a great experience. Also glad you didn't let some judgmental posters run you off from here.

I am interested in how Yuki taught you things about your body, and am wondering if you ever had an orgasm before since you seem over the moon about that aspect of it? Glad you are safe and all is well.

Big smiles for your adventure,

Grumps"

 

My wife pretty much reads everything I write here so..... she thought that experience was interesting as did a lot of people. This is a relationship forum so I will write about sex occasionally.

I shouldn't even bother, people who read my stuff knows I'm not chasing teenagers. Especially in the context of everything else I wrote to her.

G

Right grumpy... Whatever you say. Yay I made someone's ignore list!

 

Anela, if it makes you feel better maybe about 1 in 50 guys is actually decent. But it's such a small percentage it wasn't even worth mentioning.