jay1983 Posted May 12, 2014 Share Posted May 12, 2014 A good man is hard to find. ^ That mindset promotes women to go after taken men. Well if he cheats and leaves his woman, then he's not all that good, right? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Candy_Pants Posted May 12, 2014 Share Posted May 12, 2014 Maybe you should ask this in the infidelity section. Some women do this, not all. Exactly. I've never done this. They've pursued me and I declined and reprimanded their awful choices. I put myself in the wife's position, and now that I'm married I hope other women (like Anela ) have the morality to do so themselves. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Candy_Pants Posted May 12, 2014 Share Posted May 12, 2014 Anela, if it makes you feel better maybe about 1 in 50 guys is actually decent. But it's such a small percentage it wasn't even worth mentioning. If that's how YOU are, just say it. But don't insult the majority of married men by comparing them to yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
gaius Posted May 12, 2014 Share Posted May 12, 2014 Oopsie! Maybe you have a point... Not sure about the last paragraph... and not sure about the high testosterone part either. Seems to me it is more about one's ethics and ability to delay gratification. Two big indicators of emotional intelligence. Surely, men are definitely encouraged to be opportunists by society. Those who are relatively unaffected by the opinions of others could just as easily reject advances as accept them... even with the most attractive woman. I have a high sex drive and don't take all offers... even when I can get away with it. One could argue it is because of the potential 'slut' label... but it isn't. I just find sex without commitment to be boring and unsatisfying. I know of men who feel the same way. Trust me, it has nothing to do with ethics. When you really want something your brain makes it seem perfectly fine. Warps all reality to get what it wants. No matter what ethical code has been instilled. The only difference between a guy who cheats and one who doesn't is the strength of the desire to do so. Same with women. I don't know about the ability to delay gratification thing. I waited a year for one woman and still came on to others when we started going through a rough patch. But I didn't have sex with them! Only because I didn't want to though. The attention and knowing I could was enough. I have to get up in 5 hours so I'm going to bed. I'm sure I'll be back tomorrow regretting I admitted that. =/ Link to post Share on other sites
gaius Posted May 12, 2014 Share Posted May 12, 2014 If that's how YOU are, just say it. But don't insult the majority of married men by comparing them to yourself. It's the truth Candy. Sorry you don't like it. Link to post Share on other sites
Candy_Pants Posted May 12, 2014 Share Posted May 12, 2014 It's the truth Candy. Sorry you don't like it. Sorry you think so little of your fellow men . Have you ever heard the saying, "We see the world as we truly are"? Link to post Share on other sites
RedRobin Posted May 12, 2014 Share Posted May 12, 2014 Trust me, it has nothing to do with ethics. When you really want something your brain makes it seem perfectly fine. Warps all reality to get what it wants. No matter what ethical code has been instilled. The only difference between a guy who cheats and one who doesn't is the strength of the desire to do so. Same with women. I don't know about the ability to delay gratification thing. I waited a year for one woman and still came on to others when we started going through a rough patch. But I didn't have sex with them! Only because I didn't want to though. The attention and knowing I could was enough. I have to get up in 5 hours so I'm going to bed. I'm sure I'll be back tomorrow regretting I admitted that. =/ Right. That's when self-awareness comes in handy. Knowing the tricks the mind plays. ... and I hear you about the "knowing I could" being enough. Perhaps having worked around all men my entire adult life.... I know that any passing fancy is just that. Part is parts 99% of the time with most guys. It's why I often joke about their d*cks not being gold plated. It all gets routine pretty quick once the mental/emotional part wears off... if it ever was there to begin with. Best to just fast forward to the ending and save oneself the trouble.... Link to post Share on other sites
gaius Posted May 12, 2014 Share Posted May 12, 2014 Sorry you think so little of your fellow men . Have you ever heard the saying, "We see the world as we truly are"? The only thing I think little of them for is the dishonesty about it all. Especially in a safe and anonymous environment like this when you can actually be honest about who and what you are. I have all the respect in the world for the small amount of guys that aren't up to any shenanigans and I have all the respect in the world for the guys who do and are willing to admit it. That saying is true but I'm not seeing things that aren't there due to my own experiences if that's what you're suggesting. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Candy_Pants Posted May 12, 2014 Share Posted May 12, 2014 Yet you think only 2% of married men are faithful... What, in your experience, has made you believe that? Link to post Share on other sites
dichotomy Posted May 12, 2014 Share Posted May 12, 2014 I've been propositioned by girls and guys, most recently by a guy who messaged me and asked if I wanted to have sex "NSA". I had to google what NSA meant because I thought he was referring to the national security agency, which obviously wouldn't make sense in that context. I am straight so I obviously declined that, but it would have been no different if it were a girl. I would have declined. We did not even touch gay men - that was the subject of another old thread. For some reason over my many years of my life there have been a few gay men passes or comments towards me....once or twice in front of my wife. As you mention no chance there ! (but still nice to get a complement!) 2 Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted May 12, 2014 Share Posted May 12, 2014 Exactly. I've never done this. They've pursued me and I declined and reprimanded their awful choices. I put myself in the wife's position, and now that I'm married I hope other women (like Anela ) have the morality to do so themselves. Well, good for you two.... But please dont think you represent your entire gender..... It happens every single day and it directly ties into the intent of the original post... TFY 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Candy_Pants Posted May 12, 2014 Share Posted May 12, 2014 Well, good for you two.... But please dont think you represent your entire gender..... It happens every single day and it directly ties into the intent of the original post... TFY Dear TFY, where did I say I represented my entire gender? I know it happens, often. Luckily I know that's one thing I don't have to worry about. My H is many things, a cheater isn't one of them. Link to post Share on other sites
jay1983 Posted May 12, 2014 Share Posted May 12, 2014 The only thing I think little of them for is the dishonesty about it all. Especially in a safe and anonymous environment like this when you can actually be honest about who and what you are. That's what gets me, the dishonesty of people even on here where they're anonymous. Link to post Share on other sites
Grumpybutfun Posted May 12, 2014 Share Posted May 12, 2014 When I was in the military, cheating was more rampant, but I'm starting to see that was one of the challenges of long deployments. It was epidemic....I had a front seat to it growing up too since my dad cheated continuously until he abandoned us. I think both of those experiences made me very aware that infidelity led to a quality of life I just don't want. Also, I know men and women cheat but for people to have that baggage before cheating seems like riding a horse in sunshine with dust blinders on. Trust should be earned and people should be cautious giving their heart away but not everyone has that mentality or needs their ego stroked for whatever reason. My wife's opinion and respect mean more than anyone else's, so why would I sabotage my own happiness for sex with strangers? I also don't think good men cheat, good men divorce then have sex. Duplicity and secrets aren't good traits to me. G 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Grumpybutfun Posted May 12, 2014 Share Posted May 12, 2014 That's what gets me, the dishonesty of people even on here where they're anonymous. Who is being dishonest? We are anonymous, no one has to be dishonest. Maybe some of us just don't believe in cheating on our wives.... G 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Candy_Pants Posted May 12, 2014 Share Posted May 12, 2014 Who is being dishonest? We are anonymous, no one has to be dishonest. Maybe some of us just don't believe in cheating on our wives.... G Nooooooo, that simply can't be . 3 Link to post Share on other sites
joystickd Posted May 12, 2014 Share Posted May 12, 2014 Well if he cheats and leaves his woman, then he's not all that good, right? What can you say about the woman that would go after taken men? Link to post Share on other sites
gaius Posted May 12, 2014 Share Posted May 12, 2014 Right. That's when self-awareness comes in handy. Knowing the tricks the mind plays. ... and I hear you about the "knowing I could" being enough. Perhaps having worked around all men my entire adult life.... I know that any passing fancy is just that. Part is parts 99% of the time with most guys. It's why I often joke about their d*cks not being gold plated. It all gets routine pretty quick once the mental/emotional part wears off... if it ever was there to begin with. Best to just fast forward to the ending and save oneself the trouble.... Another thing we can agree on. I wish I had more to argue with you about sometimes. I enjoy talking to you but it feels wrong agreeing most of the time. Candy, just growing up and observing men. I guess I'm drifting slightly off topic but I'm talking about guys who aren't up to any kind of shenanigans. Not just those who don't have full blown penetrative sex. But does it really matter that much at the end of the day? They're not that far separated in my mind. I knew if I read grumpys reply I'd be up late and sure enough here I am an hour later. Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted May 12, 2014 Share Posted May 12, 2014 Dear TFY, where did I say I represented my entire gender? I know it happens, often. Luckily I know that's one thing I don't have to worry about. My H is many things, a cheater isn't one of them. Fair enough....but no one answered my question... Why do they(women) knowingly pursue taken/married men?....These are mostly single/divorced women that are free to date/pursue all the single men they want yet they want to go after guys that they know are taken?? Its not like a lot of married women are doing it...And I dont think there are all that many single guys wasting their time with married women..It happens, but it seems to be less frequent... TFY Link to post Share on other sites
Anela Posted May 12, 2014 Share Posted May 12, 2014 Exactly. I've never done this. They've pursued me and I declined and reprimanded their awful choices. I put myself in the wife's position, and now that I'm married I hope other women (like Anela ) have the morality to do so themselves. I did the same thing - I told that one guy off, for jeopardizing my friendship with his now-ex girlfriend. She and I are still friends and she's happily engaged to a new man. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Candy_Pants Posted May 12, 2014 Share Posted May 12, 2014 Can you reiterate your posts? Both make no sense. I guess I'm drifting slightly off topic but I'm talking about guys who aren't up to any kind of shenanigans. Not just those who don't have full blown penetrative sex. I thought I was on ignore? Liar. Grumps wasn't replying to you . 1 Link to post Share on other sites
jay1983 Posted May 12, 2014 Share Posted May 12, 2014 Who is being dishonest? We are anonymous, no one has to be dishonest. Maybe some of us just don't believe in cheating on our wives.... G G I've only been on this forum for a couple of months and I quickly recognized you as a very good commenter. I believe you speak from the heart. I don't know WHO'S not being dishonest, but it seems like all the good people are on HERE and not so much in the real world. I've only seen a couple of threads on here were people people admit things that I've witnessed. There was one girl that made a thread about how she wanted to break it off with her guy because although he was decent looking, he wasn't really good looking. Once in a while I'll see a thread from a new member. One was a married woman admitting she had strong feeling and fantasies about some guy she worked with and wanted to run off with that guy. That's about it, I haven't seen a whole lot of "I flaked on a guy for no reason, I flaked because I think I can do better" "I got bored with a guy a left him after a month for someone new" or "I divorced my husband and took half his stuff because I was physically attracted to another man" I for one tell the truth, people here don't have to like me, if they don't it makes no difference in my real life. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
D-Lish Posted May 12, 2014 Share Posted May 12, 2014 I'm a woman, and I've been turned down before because the guy had a conscience. I had crazy chemistry with an acquaintance in my social circle, it was one of those situations when we were around one another- you could cut the tension with a knife. I thought he was too shy to ask me out, so I asked him. Turned out him and his wife were thinking about reconciling and he didn't want to complicate things. I had nothing but respect for both his restraint and honesty. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Smilecharmer Posted May 12, 2014 Share Posted May 12, 2014 We did not even touch gay men - that was the subject of another old thread. For some reason over my many years of my life there have been a few gay men passes or comments towards me....once or twice in front of my wife. As you mention no chance there ! (but still nice to get a complement!) I can't imagine actually getting hit on in front of my husband....what did your wife say? I would have said, Sorry, but he's up to bat for me. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Smilecharmer Posted May 12, 2014 Share Posted May 12, 2014 G I've only been on this forum for a couple of months and I quickly recognized you as a very good commenter. I believe you speak from the heart. I don't know WHO'S not being dishonest, but it seems like all the good people are on HERE and not so much in the real world. I've only seen a couple of threads on here were people people admit things that I've witnessed. There was one girl that made a thread about how she wanted to break it off with her guy because although he was decent looking, he wasn't really good looking. Once in a while I'll see a thread from a new member. One was a married woman admitting she had strong feeling and fantasies about some guy she worked with and wanted to run off with that guy. That's about it, I haven't seen a whole lot of "I flaked on a guy for no reason, I flaked because I think I can do better" "I got bored with a guy a left him after a month for someone new" or "I divorced my husband and took half his stuff because I was physically attracted to another man" I for one tell the truth, people here don't have to like me, if they don't it makes no difference in my real life. Hi jay, are you saying you think the answers here are disproportionate to what you have observed in your social circles? I can see that. I think it goes back to what we were discussing about how women behave where you are from seemed different than to my son? I think sometimes it is about whom you are around or where you are in your life. I'm a little older than you so I think people my age are a bit more settled. Regardless, I've seen cheaters, even had my family members cheat and have been cheated on each other. I think it is so sad. I just couldn't do that, but I really don't feel interested in other men either. Maybe I'm odd. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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