hotpotato Posted May 17, 2014 Share Posted May 17, 2014 Kudos to you Phoe, though I would imagine some are only saying "I'm completely happy being single, because I have an F-buddy down the block I can always go see". ALways a catch. lol I can go without sex or boyfriend for years and be happy. Sometimes its like men arent even there. Besides, we all know there is a big difference between being in a relationship and casual sex. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
gaius Posted May 17, 2014 Share Posted May 17, 2014 I can go without sex or boyfriend for years and be happy. Sometimes its like men arent even there. Besides, we all know there is a big difference between being in a relationship and casual sex. Missing out on one of the greatest things life has to offer. =/ And life is short. Don't really blame you though after your mother. Link to post Share on other sites
Phoe Posted May 17, 2014 Share Posted May 17, 2014 Kudos to you Phoe, though I would imagine some are only saying "I'm completely happy being single, because I have an F-buddy down the block I can always go see". ALways a catch. lol There's a part of me that wonders if having an f buddy while single would only serve to magnify that loneliness. Sure, physical desires might be taken care of, but emotionally I would see myself feeling even worse. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Eternal Sunshine Posted May 17, 2014 Share Posted May 17, 2014 WHat's kind of funny is, I've talked to several married people and one most recently said, "Man, after hanging out with my single gal pals, I don't want to EVER go back to being single again! That whole dating scene seems to be just a nightmare!" Apparently, she doesn't miss being single at all and is totally happy in marriage and VERY glad she's NOT single. The nightmare of going back to "that scene" again is appalling. That's a different perspective. People that are truly happy being single are not really on the dating scene. Certainly not having a string of dates/stressing if the guy texts etc. They go about their lives that are filled with other activities and sure, if they end up connecting/being attracted to someone they may chose to go on a date. This probably happens once a year or so..... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
somedude81 Posted May 17, 2014 Share Posted May 17, 2014 Kudos to you Phoe, though I would imagine some are only saying "I'm completely happy being single, because I have an F-buddy down the block I can always go see". ALways a catch. lol It's always irked me when I hear women talk about how they are single, and having regular sex. If you are having sex with somebody you are in a type of relationship. Nobody can have regular sex with somebody and remain completely unattached. Link to post Share on other sites
johnpatric Posted May 17, 2014 Share Posted May 17, 2014 I am single now and I am happy because I can save more money now in this days rather then when I was in relationship.. LoL.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author irc333 Posted May 17, 2014 Author Share Posted May 17, 2014 There's a part of me that wonders if having an f buddy while single would only serve to magnify that loneliness. Sure, physical desires might be taken care of, but emotionally I would see myself feeling even worse. Yeah, I actually avoided that opportunity with a woman that wanted to do that with me only because she "felt lonely" at the time. She was going through some things in her life, and I think she felt somehow obligated to reward me with sex just because I hung around. I asked her if she would actually date me, but she said that she wouldn't because she felt we had nothing in common. Thus me having turned that down, and I think I would've been worse if I did if she said, "Okay, I'm over my 'thing' now, it was nice knowing you". Link to post Share on other sites
Author irc333 Posted May 17, 2014 Author Share Posted May 17, 2014 It's always irked me when I hear women talk about how they are single, and having regular sex. If you are having sex with somebody you are in a type of relationship. Nobody can have regular sex with somebody and remain completely unattached. Right, I get the feeling that most say, "I'm happy being single and proud of it" are probably getting no strings sex consistently. I recall this one single guy in my backwater area a while back, he has an F-buddy, an actual heavy set, unattractive woman down the road he does sexual things with, but then hits the dating sites for the women he DOES want to date. lol Link to post Share on other sites
hotpotato Posted May 17, 2014 Share Posted May 17, 2014 People that are truly happy being single are not really on the dating scene. Certainly not having a string of dates/stressing if the guy texts etc. They go about their lives that are filled with other activities and sure, if they end up connecting/being attracted to someone they may chose to go on a date. This probably happens once a year or so..... I've tried to date a couple times, but for them it's like pulling teeth of a chicken. They text me, I text back 5 hours later. I dont answer when they call. Honestly, I just forget about them. I've been single, and Ive gotten used to not having to answer to anyone. I have to be in a particular mood to date seriously, and this only happens every few years. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
hotpotato Posted May 17, 2014 Share Posted May 17, 2014 Right, I get the feeling that most say, "I'm happy being single and proud of it" are probably getting no strings sex consistently. I recall this one single guy in my backwater area a while back, he has an F-buddy, an actual heavy set, unattractive woman down the road he does sexual things with, but then hits the dating sites for the women he DOES want to date. lol Nowadays most anyone can find someone to have sex with. This is the modern era with CL, Bp, etc. Missing out on one of the greatest things life has to offer. =/ And life is short. Don't really blame you though after your mother. I dont really feel that way. I wish I could say that I did. I'ts more about my experience with men, it's like I'm some kind of placeholder. Oh well. Link to post Share on other sites
nomadic_butterfly Posted May 17, 2014 Share Posted May 17, 2014 I am content with where I am and who I am at this point. Would it be nice to have a partner? Sure. Would I want to live the rest of my life solo? No, because I want a family and someone to share my successes with! Am I content being single right now? Yes, in the sense that is the lesser of two evils when compared to being with someone just for the sake of, and not being true to self. I am marriage minded at this point in my life, know exactly what I have to offer as well as the kind of man that would work for me long term. I know tons of people in relationships for years where they knew from the start it was going nowhere. I could never lie to myself for that long or waste my time. I could also not put up with a lot of the stuff I've seen friends/family/acquaintances put up with just for the sake of saying "they have someone." The fear of loneliness is a dangerous premise to make decisions off as, as when the smoke clears, the dysfunction rises. I think emotional independence is a strength and I will just focus on advancing my career/business and in due time, I will encounter the man I will marry. Quality over quantity. Link to post Share on other sites
Eternal Sunshine Posted May 17, 2014 Share Posted May 17, 2014 I've tried to date a couple times, but for them it's like pulling teeth of a chicken. They text me, I text back 5 hours later. I dont answer when they call. Honestly, I just forget about them. I've been single, and Ive gotten used to not having to answer to anyone. I have to be in a particular mood to date seriously, and this only happens every few years. Exactly. I haven't replied to a text in 12 hours now. I am not in the mood to date and it feels like a chore. I only found serious relationships when I felt I wanted it and was ready for it. It's like I had to make a concious decision "Yes, I want a relationship right now" and then I put myself out there and it didn't take long. Right now, forget it :/ Link to post Share on other sites
Author irc333 Posted May 17, 2014 Author Share Posted May 17, 2014 Nowadays most anyone can find someone to have sex with. This is the modern era with CL, Bp, etc. Yep...it's a shame. Link to post Share on other sites
Author irc333 Posted May 17, 2014 Author Share Posted May 17, 2014 People that are truly happy being single are not really on the dating scene. Certainly not having a string of dates/stressing if the guy texts etc. They go about their lives that are filled with other activities and sure, if they end up connecting/being attracted to someone they may chose to go on a date. This probably happens once a year or so..... Who does this happen to once a year? Are you just speaking for yourself? Link to post Share on other sites
somedude81 Posted May 17, 2014 Share Posted May 17, 2014 Exactly. I haven't replied to a text in 12 hours now. I am not in the mood to date and it feels like a chore. I only found serious relationships when I felt I wanted it and was ready for it. It's like I had to make a concious decision "Yes, I want a relationship right now" and then I put myself out there and it didn't take long. Right now, forget it :/ Sounds like you should just text the guy, "Sorry, I'm not in the mood to date and it feels like a chore." At least that way he won't be wondering why you haven't replied to him. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted May 17, 2014 Share Posted May 17, 2014 Yeah, if a woman I asked out on a date told me that, I'd laugh and exclaim 'I know exactly what you mean, and good luck!' 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author irc333 Posted May 17, 2014 Author Share Posted May 17, 2014 Sounds like you should just text the guy, "Sorry, I'm not in the mood to date and it feels like a chore." At least that way he won't be wondering why you haven't replied to him. True....kind of selfish way to be. Respond to him, just tell him/her you're just not up for dating. Link to post Share on other sites
hotpotato Posted May 17, 2014 Share Posted May 17, 2014 Yep...it's a shame. Im fine with it. I wish more men would be honest with themselves and get a hooker. *shrug* Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted May 17, 2014 Share Posted May 17, 2014 (edited) But that really isn't the question is it. Ofcourse relationships come with their own set of issues a single person doesn't have to deal with, and the other way around. Even so, I am honest enough to myself to admit I rather deal with the issues within a relationship than the issues being single. Taking the question at face value, am I truly happy being single: no. And there is nothing wrong with that. But no doubt a lot of people are. But those people tend not to post on relationship forums. If you aren't in a relationship I thought it would be less likely you'd have anything to post about on a relationship forum but end up on one usually when you're in a relationship and are having issues...or one just ended and you are trying to get over it or fix it. That's how I initially came to LS anyway, because of a breakup. It seems bizarre that single people would seek relationship forums out just 'cause...but that's besides the point. My point was that it's one thing to prefer to be partnered, which I also said I preferred, but another to live to be in a relationship or act like you can't be happy or complete without it. Then I gave some reasons why people who lived to be in relationships might have it twisted, as often it's this belief that relationships will give them things they don't have or complete them in some way or would make them happy etc. (and I've seen people post thread after thread idealizing some relationship they don't as yet have or worse staying in a bad one because it beats being alone) when it simply isn't true. Edited May 17, 2014 by MissBee Link to post Share on other sites
Lokie Posted May 17, 2014 Share Posted May 17, 2014 It took me a long time and several long-term back-to-back relationships to truly believe that happiness is an inside job. No one else can make me happy, nor can a relationship, if I am not internally happy already. I never would have believed this in my 20s, 30s or even 40s. It took experience for me to see that being single (after thinking I would die being single and "alone") and being truly content with myself and my own company is the greatest gift in my life so far. There are benefits to both being single and being attached. But now that I am not longer afraid of being alone, the scale is strongly tilted toward being single. And this is not the norm in our society. We are urged from outside and inside (biologically) to bond and breed. When we are not part of the norm, I believe it is disconcerting to others who have chosen the "normal" way of life, whether they are happy or not. This discussion would not even be considered 50-60 years ago. If you were single then, you were considered damaged goods. Women today can choose to be single. Women do not need a man to survive today. Although some on this thread may not believe you that you are happy being single, whether you are getting laid or not, but I do. It's an amazing freedom. Link to post Share on other sites
Author irc333 Posted May 17, 2014 Author Share Posted May 17, 2014 It's kind of interesting hearing from one of my female married friends, she's been married almost 20 years, actually surprised she stuck with the same man as people in my age bracket at least have been divorced one time. She has a lot of single female friends that constantly complain about the jerks they've met, and the dating horrors. She said, "As a married women, I do NOT miss that all' and is "Thankful not to be a part of the dating scene anymore!" Link to post Share on other sites
FrostBlaze Posted May 17, 2014 Share Posted May 17, 2014 (edited) Ofc people can be happy being single, you don't have to suffer about it. However all of these people that are happy/content being single would still wish for a partner. I have my doubts there is anyone out there that would like to go solo. Trully happy being single???? Doubt it. Happy? Yes. That's how i see it . WHy? Because if you were trully happy, you wouldn't be longing for a partner. Edited May 17, 2014 by FrostBlaze Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted May 18, 2014 Share Posted May 18, 2014 I have been single my entire long life and I realized sometime in my 40s that was how I was supposed to be. Early, I had a passionate focus on a great career I wouldn't have placed anyone in front of. After that, I gradually came to get that living with a person is just not right for me. Not saying a miracle couldn't happen but I'm not prepared to compromise, so it's highly unlikely. I don't really see the downside of doing every damn thing you want to do when you want to do it on a day-in-day-out basis. And I've always loved animals more than people, so I have a couple of pets. I will miss them very much when I'm too old to replace them, too, but I'll live, as I did for many years before I was settled down enough to properly care for a pet. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
newmoon Posted May 18, 2014 Share Posted May 18, 2014 (edited) I have been single my entire long life and I realized sometime in my 40s that was how I was supposed to be. Early, I had a passionate focus on a great career I wouldn't have placed anyone in front of. .... this is me, and I am sooooo happy single. i go on dates, but for the socializing more than anything, and the company, at times. but would i ever consider not being single? probably not. i think people who are highly independent and have always been that way (from very early on in youth) have a much greater willingness/desire to stay single and be happy in their own company. if you were the type of girl who needed to go to the bathroom in a group or never goes to a movie theater alone or out to a fancy restaurant alone... you'd probably not be happy single. you have to love your own company and be self-motivated and be a bit of a go-getter. certain personalities handle singlehood very well, certain ones don't, and certain ones are in denial that they are ok single when they are not. Edited May 12, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator 1 Link to post Share on other sites
bubbaganoosh Posted May 18, 2014 Share Posted May 18, 2014 I've been single now for 22 years. I'm also retired and have health problems but none the less happy. I can't do much since I have emphysema but still, I enjoy my life and have no interest even 22years ago of going through any more heartache. I had my share and finally learned my lesson. Yeah I dated but never anything serious and preferred to keep it that way. Before I got sick 6 years ago, I liked the idea of always having control of the remote, eating when I wanted, what I wanted and not having to answer to anyone but me. If I wanted to sit on the couch in my underwear and scratch myself without getting a dirty look I did it. Many times I was asked if I was lonely and I said no, there's a difference between being lonely and alone and I believed back then and believe it now. Besides, I had a cat so I wasn't lonely 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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