Are there single people TRULY happy they are single?

[hotpotato]

Im that girl...

I go to the movies alone

 

out to eat alone

 

the beach alone

 

I am fine without company in general.

 

 

This is very unusual for a female.

[irc333]

Wow that IS unusual, you'll never see a woman do such things unless she has ONE other female friend in tow. I say may hats off to you. :-)

 

I think most women tend to at least bring another female friend due to feeling protected.

Edited May 12, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[irc333]

Before I got sick 6 years ago, I liked the idea of always having control of the remote, eating when I wanted, what I wanted and not having to answer to anyone but me

 

Okay, no offense, but let's stop right here for a moment.

 

First of all, you say it like "anyone in a relationship is never ever going to be able to eat what they want or be able to ever use the remote control" once they are in a relationship.

 

Quite frankly, I would say this is less often an issue.

 

Now if you had said, "I don't have to worry about a guy cheating on me, bringing home diseases to me from other women, beating me, etc"

 

THEN I could understand your desire to be single, but....you say as if having to be able to eat what you want or having full usage of the remote control is a 'big deal".

 

When I hear someone say, "Yay, I get to have full use of the remote control as a single person" My initial reaction is ..*shrug* yeah...so? What's your point?

 

Or if someone says, "Yay, I'm single....I get to eat what I want" and I think, "Um....you mean you couldn't eat what you want in your last relationship?" That 2nd statement makes me think that it's an overgeneralized statement where people aren't allowed to eat what you want in a relationship. "HEY< stay away from that box of donuts, I do NOT want you eating that!!" You say that as if that's true in all relationships.

 

Wait..well...toxic relationships.

 

THAT being said, one is ONLY happy being single as a reaction to having been in bad/toxic relationships.

Edited May 18, 2014 by irc333

[hotpotato]

Wow that IS unusual, you'll never see a woman do such things unless she has ONE other female friend in tow. I say may hats off to you. :-)

 

I think most women tend to at least bring another female friend due to feeling protected.

 

Thank you! Hopefully, soon ill be adding overseas traveling alone to the list.

[irc333]

Thank you! Hopefully, soon ill be adding overseas traveling alone to the list.

 

I dunno about that, you don't want to wind up missing or being abducted. Why not bring at least one gal pal?

[iris219]

I've been single now for 22 years. I'm also retired and have health problems but none the less happy. I can't do much since I have emphysema but still, I enjoy my life and have no interest even 22years ago of going through any more heartache. I had my share and finally learned my lesson. Yeah I dated but never anything serious and preferred to keep it that way.

 

Before I got sick 6 years ago, I liked the idea of always having control of the remote, eating when I wanted, what I wanted and not having to answer to anyone but me.

 

If I wanted to sit on the couch in my underwear and scratch myself without getting a dirty look I did it. Many times I was asked if I was lonely and I said no, there's a difference between being lonely and alone and I believed back then and believe it now. Besides, I had a cat so I wasn't lonely

 

This is pretty much my mom (minus the scratching her private parts ).

 

She has been single for over 30 years. She hated being married and having someone there all the time. Some people don't need or want companionship like others do.

 

She doesn't date and doesn't want to. She likes her life the way it is.

[hotpotato]

I dunno about that, you don't want to wind up missing or being abducted. Why not bring at least one gal pal?

 

I'll be fine.

[preraph]

this is me, and I am sooooo happy single. i go on dates, but for the socializing more than anything, and the company, at times. but would i ever consider not being single? probably not. i think people who are highly independent and have always been that way (from very early on in youth) have a much greater willingness/desire to stay single and be happy in their own company. if you were the type of girl who needed to go to the bathroom in a group or never goes to a movie theater alone or out to a fancy restaurant alone... you'd probably not be happy single. you have to love your own company and be self-motivated and be a bit of a go-getter. certain personalities handle singlehood very well, certain ones don't, and certain ones are in denial that they are ok single when they are not.

 

You are right about how I ended up independent. I had a lot of autonomy when young and no siblings close in age and no neighbor kid to play with until I was 12. I entertained myself and loved my animals. Even at age 12, I was mostly off riding horses or dirt bikes and very mobile and though my parents took good care of me, they didn't worry too much and I could be gone a good part of the day out riding. I always had a handful of friends, so it's not like I'm asocial. I could just be fine alone as well. When I was still a high school teen, during vacation, my parents would let me take the boat out across the lake and I'd go alone and dock at a lakeside restaurant and have breakfast or a sundae. At home, I'd take my dirt bike and sometimes go by myself to have a sundae or Coke.

 

As a college-age girl, I hung out with friends more but we were extremely adventurous, lived in a commune, hitch-hiked, just lived outside the box. Then I did my dream career (music business) for 20 years, which is a very unconventional lifestyle as well. Now I'm in a more "normal" job but I work more for myself at home than for someone, though I do that too. I've made my own choices, and really, there's no one I'd want to change lives with.

[newmoon]

This is pretty much my mom (minus the scratching her private parts ).

 

She has been single for over 30 years. She hated being married and having someone there all the time. Some people don't need or want companionship like others do.

 

She doesn't date and doesn't want to. She likes her life the way it is.

 

this is interesting because I wouldn't classify these women as "happy alone." they are more "resigned to circumstances." the fact that they were once deeply involved with another person shows they can and do (on some level) want that companionship with another person. it is much more telling when a woman can live out her life completely free and happy and independent of any binding relationship with another person. those are the truly independent women who are happy single, and far fewer are in that category.

[hotpotato]

You are right about how I ended up independent. I had a lot of autonomy when young and no siblings close in age and no neighbor kid to play with until I was 12. I entertained myself and loved my animals. Even at age 12, I was mostly off riding horses or dirt bikes and very mobile and though my parents took good care of me, they didn't worry too much and I could be gone a good part of the day out riding. I always had a handful of friends, so it's not like I'm asocial. I could just be fine alone as well. When I was still a high school teen, during vacation, my parents would let me take the boat out across the lake and I'd go alone and dock at a lakeside restaurant and have breakfast or a sundae. At home, I'd take my dirt bike and sometimes go by myself to have a sundae or Coke.

 

As a college-age girl, I hung out with friends more but we were extremely adventurous, lived in a commune, hitch-hiked, just lived outside the box. Then I did my dream career (music business) for 20 years, which is a very unconventional lifestyle as well. Now I'm in a more "normal" job but I work more for myself at home than for someone, though I do that too. I've made my own choices, and really, there's no one I'd want to change lives with.

 

Me, too!

 

 

I've been single now for 22 years. I'm also retired and have health problems but none the less happy. I can't do much since I have emphysema but still, I enjoy my life and have no interest even 22years ago of going through any more heartache. I had my share and finally learned my lesson. Yeah I dated but never anything serious and preferred to keep it that way.

 

Before I got sick 6 years ago, I liked the idea of always having control of the remote, eating when I wanted, what I wanted and not having to answer to anyone but me.

 

If I wanted to sit on the couch in my underwear and scratch myself without getting a dirty look I did it. Many times I was asked if I was lonely and I said no, there's a difference between being lonely and alone and I believed back then and believe it now. Besides, I had a cat so I wasn't lonely

 

Doing what you want when you want is the best part of being single! I can spend all night by the water if I want. I don't have anyone preventing me from doing so.

 

I have a weenie dog that I really love. My dobie mix died, so my weenie and I became closer. He's always happy to see me.

[iris219]

this is interesting because I wouldn't classify these women as "happy alone." they are more "resigned to circumstances." the fact that they were once deeply involved with another person shows they can and do (on some level) want that companionship with another person. it is much more telling when a woman can live out her life completely free and happy and independent of any binding relationship with another person. those are the truly independent women who are happy single, and far fewer are in that category.

 

My mother married at 19, in the early 1960s. She married because that's what you did.

 

She has told me how, soon after she was married, her parents came to visit her and she almost cried to my grandmother (her mother) to take her home. She didn't want to be married, even though the marriage wasn't necessarily bad.

 

She could have dated over the years, but chose not to. Having a man around was not something that brought her pleasure. She swore she'd never get married again.

 

She likes living alone and spending time on her own or with me or her friends.

 

Once the desire for sex is gone (which she says it is for her), I'm sure it's easy for some people to be alone.

[bubbaganoosh]

This is pretty much my mom (minus the scratching her private parts ).

 

She has been single for over 30 years. She hated being married and having someone there all the time. Some people don't need or want companionship like others do.

 

She doesn't date and doesn't want to. She likes her life the way it is.

 

How do you know that she doesn't scratch her private parts? You there all the time? Huh? Are you? We all get itchy sometimes and in some pretty damn and dark areas. Nothing wrong with scratching yourself, unless you don't wash your hands before you have your late night snack.

[bubbaganoosh]

Okay, no offense, but let's stop right here for a moment.

 

First of all, you say it like "anyone in a relationship is never ever going to be able to eat what they want or be able to ever use the remote control" once they are in a relationship.

 

When I was married to my first wife, I would get up and it didn't matter what time it was if I was hungry and go grab a bowl, milk and a box of cereal and have a midnight snack. I did it often when I was younger and still do.

 

My wife couldn't understand why and would come in the kitchen and start biotching at me because I wasn't in bed and she can't sleep without me. I was hungry. What do people do when their hungry, they eat. That's what I did. It got to be a pain in the ass when she complained and after a while, to make a point....................I poured another bowl of those sugary sweet little morsals of wheat, rice or oats.

 

Did the same thing with wife#2. No problems there because I could hire a heavy metal band to set up and play a concert in our bedroom and it wouldn't wake her up.

 

Been single since June of 92 and today is May 18 and around two this morning I was watching a movie on TV and eating four pieces of cold chicken and a bottle of Gatorade. Movie. Bad. Chicken Good.

[newmoon]

My mother married at 19, in the early 1960s. She married because that's what you did.

 

She has told me how, soon after she was married, her parents came to visit her and she almost cried to my grandmother (her mother) to take her home. She didn't want to be married, even though the marriage wasn't necessarily bad.

 

She could have dated over the years, but chose not to. Having a man around was not something that brought her pleasure. She swore she'd never get married again.

 

She likes living alone and spending time on her own or with me or her friends.

 

Once the desire for sex is gone (which she says it is for her), I'm sure it's easy for some people to be alone.

 

 

so your mom and mine are the same age, and my mom waited until age 38 to get married. so, saying it's what women did (early marriage) isn't a valid argument because, even in that time women had significant choice. it's just a handful of years ago anyway, not like centuries back where women truly were forced to marry. it rather proves the point anyway that most women are not independent, even if that independence is from their family. bowing to others' wishes... is not an independent-minded person. but yeah, most divorced women are much happier off alone, my mom has been single longer than she was married and seems happy. I think it makes the case that marriage isn't exactly ideal for everyone and many people find happiness without it, and after it. and the desire for sex may be gone, but I once remember my mom crying because she wasn't getting enough hugs. I would imagine almost everyone desires human touch even after the desire for sex has faded

[thelastunicorn]

I'd say I'm truly happy single. Even though my parents have been married for over 30 years and I grew up in a loving household I'm pretty "meh" about settling down/serious relationships/marriage. It just doesn't appeal to me. I do date because I like to go out and meet knew people but I don't turn into a giddy little girl getting her hopes up over guys. Other people are more concerned about my singleness than I am.

[InnocentMan]

People in couples hate to see happy single people. They want us all to suffer equally. If we're honest, the only good time in most relationships is the first 2 years or so. After that it's mostly downhill. There are exceptions I'm sure, but even those are mostly a front.

[potsticker]

People in couples hate to see happy single people. They want us all to suffer equally. If we're honest, the only good time in most relationships is the first 2 years or so. After that it's mostly downhill. There are exceptions I'm sure, but even those are mostly a front.

 

not quite true I think. First two years are just the easiest because of the rampant chemicals rushing around in our bodies. Then our bodies decide to tone it down so that we need to put in the work ourselves. Hopefully by then there's a good foundation and willingness on both sides to put in effort to continue building something that may last a lifetime.

[iris219]

so your mom and mine are the same age, and my mom waited until age 38 to get married. so, saying it's what women did (early marriage) isn't a valid argument because, even in that time women had significant choice. it's just a handful of years ago anyway, not like centuries back where women truly were forced to marry. it rather proves the point anyway that most women are not independent, even if that independence is from their family. bowing to others' wishes... is not an independent-minded person. but yeah, most divorced women are much happier off alone, my mom has been single longer than she was married and seems happy. I think it makes the case that marriage isn't exactly ideal for everyone and many people find happiness without it, and after it. and the desire for sex may be gone, but I once remember my mom crying because she wasn't getting enough hugs. I would imagine almost everyone desires human touch even after the desire for sex has faded

 

Some people desire it less. My mother doesn't like touching. We rarely hug now or when I was a child. She has rules about this as well--never touch her hair, for example. Touching makes her uncomfortable.

 

Some people are simply not meant to be in relationships and I believe my mother is one of them, but I'd say these people are rare. Most people need/want human connection, some more than others.

[thelastunicorn]

People in couples hate to see happy single people. They want us all to suffer equally. If we're honest, the only good time in most relationships is the first 2 years or so. After that it's mostly downhill. There are exceptions I'm sure, but even those are mostly a front.

 

Since many people are looking to settle down with only one person for the rest of their lives but will end up dating many people there will always be more examples of failed relationships than successful ones.

 

People that usually have a huge problem with other people being single have an overwhelming need to be in a relationship and want others to justify their obsession with relationships. Unhappy single women do this all the time. You don't have to be in a relationship to have a problem with single people

[learning_slowly]

Also my grandad said the best thing he ever did was have children.

So while possible alone, it would be a much harder task, and the child will more likely grow up with less input on how to live a good life.

 

I know my views will need a contrast to help them think for themselves, and I like to think most other people realise their views on life are not always perfect either.

[Els]

Happy being single for a period of time? Plenty of people. Happy being single all their lives? Much rarer, I would imagine.

 

Personally, I could be the former, probably not the latter. My LTR isn't the entirety of my world, but I'd be lying if I said it wasn't a big part of my happiness. There's just something about having someone with whom you connect mentally, emotionally, and sexually - and knowing they feel the same way about you.

 

But that's just me. I'm sure there are people who really don't care about having that.

 

Also, despite the importance of a R to me, I'd still rather be single than in a bad relationship. I've left relationships for that reason, and never regretted it.

[Eternal Sunshine]

Happy being single for a period of time? Plenty of people. Happy being single all their lives? Much rarer, I would imagine.

 

Personally, I could be the former, probably not the latter. My LTR isn't the entirety of my world, but I'd be lying if I said it wasn't a big part of my happiness. There's just something about having someone with whom you connect mentally, emotionally, and sexually - and knowing they feel the same way about you.

 

But that's just me. I'm sure there are people who really don't care about having that.

 

Also, despite the importance of a R to me, I'd still rather be single than in a bad relationship. I've left relationships for that reason, and never regretted it.

 

Totally get the bolded and it is appealing. But say you were not lucky enough to find that. You can at most find 2 out of 3 those things. Would you go for that or stay single?

[Els]

Totally get the bolded and it is appealing. But say you were not lucky enough to find that. You can at most find 2 out of 3 those things. Would you go for that or stay single?

 

Honestly? That's an incredibly difficult question that I hope to never have to answer in reality.

[Eternal Sunshine]

Honestly? That's an incredibly difficult question that I hope to never have to answer in reality.

 

Yep. That's exactly where I am at - and I keep going back and forth, not happy with either decision.

[Els]

Yep. That's exactly where I am at - and I keep going back and forth, not happy with either decision.

 

I empathize with that. I don't think there is really a 'right' decision, to be honest, it all depends on where your priorities lie (and where you think they will lie 10 years from now, which is always a can of worms to open).