cleo27 Posted May 11, 2014 Share Posted May 11, 2014 Hi all. First time poster here. I'm a single OW seeing my MM for 6 months now. Yes I know it's wrong and I don't feel particularly good about the situation. I know we should stop as so many people could get hurt but each time I try to walk away I always end up going back I guess I'm not looking for advice or any one to tell me get out now as if I really wanted to end it I would have by now. It would be nice to talk about it as none of my friends or family know Link to post Share on other sites
Michelle ma Belle Posted May 11, 2014 Share Posted May 11, 2014 Hello and welcome Cleo27. It indeed helps to talk about things on here so go ahead and give it a go! Everyone (or most everyone) on here is friendly and their advice is meant to help but that doesn't mean you'll like some of their responses. Just be honest about things (no one likes a liar), try to remain as open as possible to the things that are being said and above all else try to have a good attitude when visiting here Good luck!!!!! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author cleo27 Posted May 11, 2014 Author Share Posted May 11, 2014 Thanks Michelle. I think I just need somewhere to vent on times as the situation is so frustrating. After lurking a little while one here I know there are going to be people who completely disagree with what I'm doing but that's just natural as it's not a very good situation to be in at all Link to post Share on other sites
sameoldthing Posted May 11, 2014 Share Posted May 11, 2014 Sorry to hear this. It's always difficult. Can you tell us more about your story? Link to post Share on other sites
SoleMate Posted May 11, 2014 Share Posted May 11, 2014 The best way to get some perspective is to follow some historical OW threads. You can see the common trajectories. Is this the first time you've been in a r/s you don't feel good about? Link to post Share on other sites
Author cleo27 Posted May 11, 2014 Author Share Posted May 11, 2014 The best way to get some perspective is to follow some historical OW threads. You can see the common trajectories. Is this the first time you've been in a r/s you don't feel good about? It is but I think that's due to the fact that he is married with 2 young children Link to post Share on other sites
Author cleo27 Posted May 11, 2014 Author Share Posted May 11, 2014 Sorry to hear this. It's always difficult. Can you tell us more about your story? Thanks same. Well I'm 30, a single mum and he's 40 married with 2 young children. We met 6 months ago in a funeral of all places and I was instantly attracted. He was chatting to my son as MM is a sports coach. We talked a lot and as we we were leaving he gave me his number to contact him about my son starting sports. I thought nothing of it. Just thought he was being friendly, knew he was married. A few days later I text him to see about the coaching and he started flirting. I'm naturally a flirty person and even knowing he was married I did nothing to discourage him. I think I was enjoying the attention. I've been single for quite some time and can get lonely being a single mum. It doesn't excuse my behaviour I know but it felt good at,the time. We met soon after and eventually started a physical affair. He's funny, sweet, handsome and so loving. I have a few family issues and I can call him anytime and he'll listen to me vent. The frustrating part is that he's married. We don't talk about his W as it's not something I want to know about. He's only ever said that while his children are young he would not leave her. It's never going to go anywhere but I can't seem to walk away from him. Link to post Share on other sites
SoleMate Posted May 11, 2014 Share Posted May 11, 2014 So, it's a textbook cake eating affair, complete with flirty prowling MM who doesn't want to leave his marriage ("for the kids' sake" of course) and lonely single mother as OW. Well, you can read the same story on Loveshack going back for 10+ years of archived history. Hopefully the sex is good. Please don't make the mistake of thinking you have a friend in this MM, because you don't. He'll almost certainly throw you under the bus in a heartbeat when it becomes necessary. That will be even more shocking and painful to the extent that you've relied on him emotionally and learned to place (unmerited) trust in him. My advice has nothing to do with whether As are wrong. It's all about the danger it holds for you. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author cleo27 Posted May 11, 2014 Author Share Posted May 11, 2014 So, it's a textbook cake eating affair, complete with flirty prowling MM who doesn't want to leave his marriage ("for the kids' sake" of course) and lonely single mother as OW. Well, you can read the same story on Loveshack going back for 10+ years of archived history. Hopefully the sex is good. Please don't make the mistake of thinking you have a friend in this MM, because you don't. He'll almost certainly throw you under the bus in a heartbeat when it becomes necessary. That will be even more shocking and painful to the extent that you've relied on him emotionally and learned to place (unmerited) trust in him. My advice has nothing to do with whether As are wrong. It's all about the danger it holds for you. I know how it's going to end and it won't be good. Even knowing this I'm still here. Your right I have put too much trust in him. That's just me I always have with anyone I meet. You've certainly given me some thinks to think about sole Link to post Share on other sites
Baby123 Posted May 11, 2014 Share Posted May 11, 2014 Trust me- being an other woman just isn't worth it. I know you just want a place to vent your frustrations rather then people encouraging you to end it but before either of you guys get to deep get out. Even if he left it wouldn't be easy! Leave before you fall in love. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Hope Shimmers Posted May 11, 2014 Share Posted May 11, 2014 I know how it's going to end and it won't be good. Even knowing this I'm still here. Your right I have put too much trust in him. That's just me I always have with anyone I meet. You've certainly given me some thinks to think about sole If you know how it's going to end, why prolong it? I can tell you from experience that the longer it goes on, the worse it hurts in the end and the more of your own life you have wasted. I know you won't end it because of what I'm saying, but at some point down the line you will wish you would have. Hope it's not too far off in the future and you don't waste all of your 30's on this man. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted May 12, 2014 Share Posted May 12, 2014 Hi all. First time poster here. I'm a single OW seeing my MM for 6 months now. Yes I know it's wrong and I don't feel particularly good about the situation. I know we should stop as so many people could get hurt but each time I try to walk away I always end up going back I guess I'm not looking for advice or any one to tell me get out now as if I really wanted to end it I would have by now. It would be nice to talk about it as none of my friends or family know What is your goal here? To just enjoy the affair for what it is and however long it lasts? If you plan on staying with him, then don't make him your number one focus. He has a wife and a life which he is still actively living - He does family outings, family things, sees friends and in laws. I say live your life, don't put him first. Focus on you, your friends, hobbies and don't rely on him for your own happiness and self worth. Too many OW (and even OM) rely on their MM/MW to provide complete happiness -and become way too emotionally attached. Accept that he isn't leaving, accept that there will be times you will want to see him but he's too busy with his wife and kids (if he has them) to be make time for you. Accept that you won't spend any holidays with him. By doing that though, you'll be settling for less..For a married man you've had an A with for only 6 months. Is he worth it? Please just think about what it is you want and what your end goal is. For him to leave his wife, divorce and be yours? IF that is an expectation or hope, you'll be sadly disappointed. Rarely do MM leave, and if they do it's only because they were ready to leave their wives even before an affair. Good luck, whatever path you choose. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted May 12, 2014 Share Posted May 12, 2014 I know how it's going to end and it won't be good. Even knowing this I'm still here. Your right I have put too much trust in him. That's just me I always have with anyone I meet. You've certainly given me some thinks to think about sole 6 months, it'll hurt to leave. It'll take time for you to work through the pain and get over him.. But imagine your A lasting a year or two more? Think about how much harder it'll be to walk away then? especially if his wife finds out and there's a D day (discovery day of the affair.) Link to post Share on other sites
movingon45 Posted May 12, 2014 Share Posted May 12, 2014 So, it's a textbook cake eating affair, complete with flirty prowling MM who doesn't want to leave his marriage ("for the kids' sake" of course) and lonely single mother as OW. Well, you can read the same story on Loveshack going back for 10+ years of archived history. Hopefully the sex is good. Please don't make the mistake of thinking you have a friend in this MM, because you don't. He'll almost certainly throw you under the bus in a heartbeat when it becomes necessary. That will be even more shocking and painful to the extent that you've relied on him emotionally and learned to place (unmerited) trust in him. My advice has nothing to do with whether As are wrong. It's all about the danger it holds for you. Good point about not thinking of him as your friend! My therapist said the same thing. He's a friend while you're in the A but not when it's over! I have also invested in my ExMM so it's harder to continue NC after several attempts of on and off and on and off again. The longer the A is the harder it gets to move on. Link to post Share on other sites
still_an_Angel Posted May 12, 2014 Share Posted May 12, 2014 Hi all. First time poster here. I'm a single OW seeing my MM for 6 months now. Yes I know it's wrong and I don't feel particularly good about the situation. I know we should stop as so many people could get hurt but each time I try to walk away I always end up going back I guess I'm not looking for advice or any one to tell me get out now as if I really wanted to end it I would have by now. It would be nice to talk about it as none of my friends or family know I understand how you feel. Being the OW somehow isolates you from family and friends. Your secret must be kept under strict wraps. You can't share the relationship with everyone for fear of being judged so you keep a lot bottled up (your 'happiness' and sadness, etc). From what you have written, it appears your MM is not going anywhere. Most affairs don't develop beyond that, there is no next step. But being in long-term affairs do happen too. You are too young to hang around and wait for something to progress, your MM has very young kids, what is the probability that he will leave his W? Where do you want this relationship to go? Sadly, all that I have written is everything I am/should be telling myself (sigh). So post away Cleo, there are people here who may be able to offer you support (and count those ones who wouldn't or couldn't) but listening to other people's thoughts might change your perspective. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts