BaselineLeaner Posted May 11, 2014 Share Posted May 11, 2014 Is this a good idea or no if I was the dumpee? We broke ups out a month ago and I have been full no contact since. Link to post Share on other sites
Strength in Healing Posted May 11, 2014 Share Posted May 11, 2014 Hell no. Don't even think of doing it. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted May 11, 2014 Share Posted May 11, 2014 I'm pretty old-fashioned in this regard so YMMV - I would send a card to *my* mother on mother's day or would join my children in honoring their mother today. As an example, when married, I never sent a card to my then-wife's mother; she did. Of course, we might both take mom's out for brunch or something similar, together. When someone is an ex, the general rule of thumb is to disconnect, presuming there is no familial connection via children. I'd recommend sending your mother, if alive and in your life, a card, calling her, or texting her, as appropriate. Your ex'es mother has her own family, the one she 'mothered', to take care of her. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
STM206 Posted May 11, 2014 Share Posted May 11, 2014 I did and she replied with a nice text saying the text meant a lot and to wish my own mother a happy Mother's Day as well. In my opinion you form bonds with not only your ex but often times their family as well. Just because my ex called it quits doesn't mean I have to disregard the whole family. It's just a happy Mother's Day text, nothing more nothing less. However everyone perceives this differently. Link to post Share on other sites
TylerDurdenn Posted May 11, 2014 Share Posted May 11, 2014 Why the hell would you send your exes mother a happy Mother's Day text? Am I the only one that thinks this is a bit creepy? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
sooshi Posted May 11, 2014 Share Posted May 11, 2014 I e-mailed her to wish her a Happy Mother's Day because she's a mother and a great one, too. Link to post Share on other sites
Strength in Healing Posted May 11, 2014 Share Posted May 11, 2014 (edited) Just because my ex called it quits doesn't mean I have to disregard the whole family. Yep, that's true. Also, with all due respect, just because someone abuses someone, doesn't mean they need to abandon the abuser. And just because NC is the best way to heal, doesn't mean someone has to do NC. And just because an avalanche is coming, doesn't mean you have to get the hell out of there as fast as you can. And just because a tornado is coming, doesn't mean you have to seek shelter. And... And... Edited May 11, 2014 by Strength in Healing 1 Link to post Share on other sites
STM206 Posted May 11, 2014 Share Posted May 11, 2014 Yep, that's true. Also, with all due respect, just because someone abuses someone, doesn't mean they need to abandon the abuser. And just because NC is the best way to heal, doesn't mean someone has to do NC. And just because an avalanche is coming, doesn't mean you have to get the hell out of there as fast as you can. And just because a tornado is coming, doesn't mean you have to seek shelter. And... And... That's the thing though, I didn't contact my ex. I contacted his mother, there's a huge difference. Will I hear from my ex because I texted his mom? No, will this set me back to square one? No. I actually texted a few different mothers today wishing them the same thing. However, like I stated everyone approaches it differently. For me it's a simple happy Mother's Day text, it's not like I opened Pandora's box or anything. . Link to post Share on other sites
Mr.Pine Posted May 11, 2014 Share Posted May 11, 2014 Is this a good idea or no if I was the dumpee? We broke ups out a month ago and I have been full no contact since. It's a fooking horrible idea. But let's be honest here...you're doing it to get to your ex. It's what we call a passive-aggressive move. You're not fooling anyone. Your "full no contact" will be obliterated and you will be back to square one. Continue NC and move along. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Strength in Healing Posted May 11, 2014 Share Posted May 11, 2014 That's the thing though, I didn't contact my ex. I contacted his mother, there's a huge difference. Will I hear from my ex because I texted his mom? No, will this set me back to square one? No. I actually texted a few different mothers today wishing them the same thing. However, like I stated everyone approaches it differently. For me it's a simple happy Mother's Day text, it's not like I opened Pandora's box or anything. . I was like you before, brother. When my ex and me broke up, it was her mom who cried the most. Did I contact her after that, though? Hell no. That's HER family, and it's not my place to interject within it anymore, and it does nothing except keep me attached on some level to them all. Look deep within yourself and be honest, I feel that you will see what I'm saying is true, brother. Link to post Share on other sites
Lifegoezon Posted May 11, 2014 Share Posted May 11, 2014 So no need to ask the question. It's fine if it's not a way of keeping communication with your ex open. Keeping contact with his family long term is not healthy for your healing and will send him a message you might not intend. Link to post Share on other sites
Zapbasket Posted May 11, 2014 Share Posted May 11, 2014 I'm opting to not contact my ex's mother today, as well, and it's hard. But I know now that it is the right thing to do. It just makes it look like I'm hanging on, otherwise, and ultimately even SHE will put a cessation to that once it's clear to her that her son intends to move on. I suspect she has had that conversation with him in the past month but even if she hasn't, the writing is very much on the wall. Link to post Share on other sites
STM206 Posted May 11, 2014 Share Posted May 11, 2014 I was like you before, brother. When my ex and me broke up, it was her mom who cried the most. Did I contact her after that, though? Hell no. That's HER family, and it's not my place to interject within it anymore, and it does nothing except keep me attached on some level to them all. Look deep within yourself and be honest, I feel that you will see what I'm saying is true, brother. You have a point. I guess I honestly wasn't thinking too much of it when I sent it. I don't expect anything more from this except what it was. She replied asking how I was doing and I didn't reply back, I'm not trying to feed her any information nor am I fishing for any, when I could very well dive right into that pool of pain. Had this been 3 months ago, I would've jumped right on the opportunity to find out more but I know deep down it won't do me any good. Link to post Share on other sites
Strength in Healing Posted May 11, 2014 Share Posted May 11, 2014 Well that's good, STM. You did it as a nice gesture, and you can remember it as such. But next year, make sure you aren't wishing her any happy mother's day. And also, don't wish her ANY happy holiday from now on. Let the mother's day be the final well wish! Link to post Share on other sites
STM206 Posted May 11, 2014 Share Posted May 11, 2014 Well that's good, STM. You did it as a nice gesture, and you can remember it as such. But next year, make sure you aren't wishing her any happy mother's day. And also, don't wish her ANY happy holiday from now on. Let the mother's day be the final well wish! I'm sure by next year I won't even remember to text her. Unless my ex and I are back together (just kidding!). Link to post Share on other sites
BC1980 Posted May 11, 2014 Share Posted May 11, 2014 I'm sure by next year I won't even remember to text her. Unless my ex and I are back together (just kidding!). You're not kidding. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
STM206 Posted May 11, 2014 Share Posted May 11, 2014 You're not kidding. I guess we can't utilize humor on LS. Sorry, only serious depressing responses from here on out. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
sooshi Posted May 11, 2014 Share Posted May 11, 2014 I e-mailed my ex-fiance's mom to wish her a Happy Mother's Day. I've wished her a happy birthday, etc. even after my ex and I had broken up the first time. My contacting her has NOTHING to do with wanting to get to my ex. I simply wanted to wish her a happy day. Last year, I contacted all of the mothers on my Facebook to wish them a Happy Mother's Day, whether or not I'd ever met them in person. They're mothers, and this is their "day." There's no need to get our former partners involved if we truly have no intention of involving them. <3 I just e-mailed a friend who I've never met in person who serves as a human mother to a baby horse to wish her a Happy Mother's Day. So, if you're a mother. Happy Mother's Day to you. And even if you're not a mother: Have a happy day. Link to post Share on other sites
BC1980 Posted May 11, 2014 Share Posted May 11, 2014 I actually think it can go either way. I sent my ex's sister a birthday card because we were close when my ex and I were together. We don't speak nearly as much, but we do talk still. I consider her my friend, and I don't think it hinders my healing. We never talk about my ex, and she was always encouraging me to move on, even right after we broke up. I don't feel that I need to loose her friendship if I don't have to. It's not like I'm visiting her all the time, and we aren't super close anymore. I think that would be difficult, but I don't want to sever the bond completely. We talk once every few months, so I've been able to manage it thus far. To each his own, but you have to look at your motivations for keeping in contact with family members of exes. I think the answer to this question is going to vary, but, as a rule, I wouldn't advocate keeping in close contact. I think it's more beneficial to take some space, at least in the beginning if it's really a trigger for memories. I also think it changes over time because your ex's family isn't going to be as relevant to your life as time passes. Link to post Share on other sites
FredJones80 Posted May 11, 2014 Share Posted May 11, 2014 No. I actually texted a few different mothers today wishing them the same thing. You didn't text mine! Link to post Share on other sites
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