Fuzzymuzzy Posted February 8, 2005 Share Posted February 8, 2005 Please click on my history if you want background info.... Well I'm taking my ex to court for joint custody. she told me she feels its not as important for me to see my son as it is for her and her daughter to be with him. All I want is an equal amount of time to spend raising him and being with him. I have tried to negotiate a resolution to the issue with no luck. I wanted to ask your opinion on the subject and see what you think. I do not want to sling mud but tell me who you think is in the right. I have a stable home I have lived in for almost three years ( a house I bought on a deadend street). I have a girlfriend who does not live with me or stay with me when my son is over. I have never missed 1 day with my son when I had a chance to see him ( he is 11 mo old). I have paid her support even against the advice of my lawyer because I want my son to have the things he needs. I have since stopped support payments until our despute is resolved because the prosecutor said these are gifts and will not help me. I have worked the same job for 5 yrs.I make more money than she does. she on the other hand moved in with another man within 2 mo. of our breakup. Together they rent a trailer around the block from me. She has worked at her job about a year. Since her other childs birth she has lived with 5 other people ( boyfriends & family). she works late hours and then stays out till all hours of the night. She claimed she made about $3,000 last year. She feels her enviroment is the best for our child. If you were making a decsion in a case like this do you think I'm wrong asking that my son live with me half the time? I want to know what I'm doing is right. She thinks I'm doing this so I can pay her less money. I just want an equal amount of time with my child. Your thoughts please. Link to post Share on other sites
WalkingTall Posted February 8, 2005 Share Posted February 8, 2005 There are things we do for the best interest of the child and things we do out of spite for an ex. I really believe from what you have said you are just wanting to have a strong influence in your child's life and have the best intentions. I would think that what you are asking is fair and just. I made mistakes in a situation similar to that, trying to prevent any emotional harm to my son when custody came up and do regret it everyday... Fight for the best interest of your child as you are doing. Link to post Share on other sites
Merin Posted February 8, 2005 Share Posted February 8, 2005 Most courts now are recommending and imposing SHARED CUSTODY.. This is what My BF has with his 2 little people.. they are with him 50% of the time and with thier Mom 50% of the time.. however he still pays her support (not a whole lot since it's shared custody) but it was still imposed as he makes more money than she does. In my situation I have 2 little people as well, but when I filed for divorce my EXH didn't want shared custody.. I am the custodial parent which means my kiddo's live with me full time and see their Dad every other weekend and for a few hours one day a week.. he was given 2 weeks of summer time as well, but has NEVER asked for the time. IF you know in your heart you're doing whats right for your little guy, and it isn't about getting back at her or whatever.. then yeah.. you can't go wrong. ONE THING.. regardless if giving extra money for your son is or isn't going to "help you" in court.. it will help him, and thats all that matters.. IF you don't want to give HER the money.. then just buy what he needs and give it to her.. like diapers, formula.. that kind of thing.. Best wishes Link to post Share on other sites
tiki Posted February 8, 2005 Share Posted February 8, 2005 I've heard that too - that they're really pushing joint custody. I have joint custody of my son with my ex. It goes to full custody at school-age (this August). He pays $200.00 a month CS. I think you can get it. You sound like a good, stable parent to me. Fight for it. Good luck. PS, Merin...are your b/f's kids school-aged? Link to post Share on other sites
Merin Posted February 8, 2005 Share Posted February 8, 2005 Originally posted by tiki I've heard that too - that they're really pushing joint custody. I have joint custody of my son with my ex. It goes to full custody at school-age (this August). He pays $200.00 a month CS. I think you can get it. You sound like a good, stable parent to me. Fight for it. Good luck. PS, Merin...are your b/f's kids school-aged? His daughter is, but not his son. Link to post Share on other sites
tiki Posted February 8, 2005 Share Posted February 8, 2005 Does he take him to school, or how's that work. I want to look into joint custody of my step-daughter, but she's school age. I know that's hard on the kids though. Link to post Share on other sites
Merin Posted February 8, 2005 Share Posted February 8, 2005 Originally posted by tiki Does he take him to school, or how's that work. I want to look into joint custody of my step-daughter, but she's school age. I know that's hard on the kids though. His schedule with his kid's works like this.. His daughter is 9 and his son is 2.. His EXW has the kid's on Monday, Tuesday and Wednsday.. she drops them off at my BF's Mom's house and she (Gma) takes his daughter to school and then she either takes care of his son during the day or she drops him at daycare.. Then my BF has his little people on Thursdays and Fridays.. he does the same.. he takes them to his Moms in the morning and his Mom takes his daughter to school and his son to daycare.. On Saturday he usually drives them to his EXW's house around 11 or 12.. and they stay over night with her, then on Sunday, she brings the kids back to his house or he goes and picks them up around 10 or 11.. For my Little people, this would't work.. but I've always had my kiddo's know what I mean? So staying with thier Dad that often would trip them out.. not to mention the fact (that I'm about to mention LOL) He really doesn't want the responsibility of them.. Link to post Share on other sites
tiki Posted February 8, 2005 Share Posted February 8, 2005 So isn't it hard for the kids to not have one home? The same routine every day for going to school? That's what I'm afraid of, that it'd be too unstable. How does the 9 y/o do with this? Link to post Share on other sites
Merin Posted February 8, 2005 Share Posted February 8, 2005 Originally posted by tiki So isn't it hard for the kids to not have one home? The same routine every day for going to school? That's what I'm afraid of, that it'd be too unstable. How does the 9 y/o do with this? She seems really well adjusted to it.. his son seems to be thriving and doing well also. His daughter is very tight with her Dad.. and his little boy.. he loves Dad, but because of his age.. yeah.. I think he would flip out if he didn't see Mom as often as he does now.. This is/was a reason I didn't really want shared custody (but of course I didn't have to worry about it as my EXH didn't want our little people much) I did have the same concerns as you Tiki.. about it not seeming as stable or routine.. but his kiddo's have pretty much always had it this way for 2 years.. and my little people have always lived with me and only see thier Dad every other weekend.. so I guess it's a matter of what they "get used to" and the adjust? Link to post Share on other sites
brashgal Posted February 8, 2005 Share Posted February 8, 2005 I'd think that having the routine of going to gramma's house every school morning must help too as a constant. Most arrangements here lately are every other week - really only works well if you live in the same neighborhood. Link to post Share on other sites
Fuzzy Chickens Posted February 13, 2005 Share Posted February 13, 2005 As one fuzzy to another, I wish to inform you that you are absolutely right in this matter. You are the more capable parent. If the decision was mine, I'd grant you full custody, not just half. Link to post Share on other sites
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