His wife called me and told me I was NOT going to speak to her husband again!

[Tressugar]

Your co worker's wife may not be jealous of you. It seems that you are jealous of her.

[cocorico]

I am sorry you are hurting. Unfortunately, I think most wives would react the same way.

 

Nope - only the insecure ones.

 

If my H was close to a female friend - M or S - at work, it wouldn't bother me in the slightest. Nor would a flirty text. He's my partner, not my puppy. He's with me because he chooses to be, not because I keep him on a leash.

 

I'm sorry you had to deal with this. Here are flakey, insecure women out there who treat every other woman as a threat, and she's clearly one. I hope your friend learns from this how controlling she is, and uses the opportunity to wean himself away from her apron strings, and I hope your work situation normalises soon so that you don't have to feel the fall-out on an ongoing basis.

 

Please recognise that she is the one with the problem here, not you. Her life will always be unhappy with such high levels of insecurity, whereas you are free to find other friends and not be tied to such craziness.

[K.K.]

Your co worker's wife may not be jealous of you. It seems that you are jealous of her.

 

I wasn't the one on the phone freaking out. She was. But whatev. I guess if I actually strived to be a ball busting monster I would be jealous of her. ??

[K.K.]

Nope - only the insecure ones.

 

If my H was close to a female friend - M or S - at work, it wouldn't bother me in the slightest. Nor would a flirty text. He's my partner, not my puppy. He's with me because he chooses to be, not because I keep him on a leash.

 

I'm sorry you had to deal with this. Here are flakey, insecure women out there who treat every other woman as a threat, and she's clearly one. I hope your friend learns from this how controlling she is, and uses the opportunity to wean himself away from her apron strings, and I hope your work situation normalises soon so that you don't have to feel the fall-out on an ongoing basis.

 

Please recognise that she is the one with the problem here, not you. Her life will always be unhappy with such high levels of insecurity, whereas you are free to find other friends and not be tied to such craziness.

 

See this!!! This right here!! You have just restored my faith in womanhood!! This is what I'm talking about!! This is how it should be!! What you just said says everything and then some about you! A loving kind secure woman!! omg Thank you so much I thought I was going crazy. Where's the feel like crying happy tears smiley.

[Candy_Pants]

The wife was protecting her marriage. After reading your posts, I can see why. She was correct in thinking you were trying to weasel your way into his life (beyond "friends").

[Poppyolive]

I think it's sad you don't see your role in this, it's sad you can't see how you contributed to this mess and its sad you won't see it from his wife's point of view.

 

Sure she overreacted but you crossed boundaries and hubby there is a mess.

 

Instead of seeing it as wifey is a nut case and hubby is this and that....look at what you have done? If you open up all sides maybe you'll understand things better and respect the way it is now instead of poor me.

 

From your posts above you only want to hear certain things, everything else gets bashed. So from that chances of things getting through to you are slim. Other people will always be to blame.

[jellybean89]

Why are you so angry at his wife?

 

She did nothing wrong. Why would you ask a MM to take you places? He's not your boyfriend. To get pissy that his wife allegedly said no that he was not to take you places is strange.

 

Maybe he told his wife that YOU were trying to start an affair with him? Maybe he told his wife that you wouldn't take NO for an answer so she had to take control? Stop calling his wife names and demeaning her and take a look at your behavior. Family friend? Really? So you were close with his wife? You hung out with her?

 

You have no idea what goes on in their home. He has made it clear to you that he doesn't want a "friendship" with you. Accept it, mourn it and then let it go and move on. Having all this hatred for a woman who chose to tell you to back away from her husband is not good for you.

[Darren Steez]

Man sends flirty text to wife meant for another woman. Wife puts the hammer down. Man complies like the good husband he is.

 

A round of applause for the wife.

[K.K.]

The wife was protecting her marriage. After reading your posts, I can see why. She was correct in thinking you were trying to weasel your way into his life (beyond "friends").

 

Ahhh jeezuz. I was trying to do no such thing. I was already in his life. As his friend. That was good enough for me. But it doesn't matter now. This has been very hard for me to come here for advice. It was scary. Ill think about everything that was said. It's going to be very hard to get through work. I don't plan on talking to him or bothering him in any way. I actually kinda pity him.

 

I don't know what else to say.

[mammasita]

Nope - only the insecure ones.

 

If my H was close to a female friend - M or S - at work, it wouldn't bother me in the slightest. Nor would a flirty text. He's my partner, not my puppy. He's with me because he chooses to be, not because I keep him on a leash.

 

I'm sorry you had to deal with this. Here are flakey, insecure women out there who treat every other woman as a threat, and she's clearly one. I hope your friend learns from this how controlling she is, and uses the opportunity to wean himself away from her apron strings, and I hope your work situation normalises soon so that you don't have to feel the fall-out on an ongoing basis.

 

Please recognise that she is the one with the problem here, not you. Her life will always be unhappy with such high levels of insecurity, whereas you are free to find other friends and not be tied to such craziness.

MEH. It's not about security or insecurity or threats to relationships. It's about boundaries and respect and transparency.

 

I'd venture to say this husbands relationship with OP was far from transparent. I highly doubt he said "hey honey look at this text I just sent OP.....it's hilarious"

 

....because guess what, this thread wouldn't exist.

[Candy_Pants]

See this!!! This right here!! You have just restored my faith in womanhood!! This is what I'm talking about!! This is how it should be!! What you just said says everything and then some about you! A loving kind secure woman!! omg Thank you so much I thought I was going crazy. Where's the feel like crying happy tears smiley.

 

It's about boundaries. He over stepped theirs. As did you.

 

I don't have a problem with my H having female friends. Unless their conversations went like the ones you told us about. Then I'd lay the smack-down on both of you.

 

Have you ever had a healthy relationship?

[Candy_Pants]

Ahhh jeezuz. I was trying to do no such thing. I was already in his life. As his friend. That was good enough for me. But it doesn't matter now. This has been very hard for me to come here for advice. It was scary. Ill think about everything that was said. It's going to be very hard to get through work. I don't plan on talking to him or bothering him in any way. I actually kinda pity him.

 

I don't know what else to say.

No. Friends don't talk about "if I were single we'd be together":rolleyes:.

[A.Moscote]

He should be more careful with his message, what a poor guy.

 

Don't worry too much K.K., I'm sure he has to act like this for a while to save his marriage. As a friend you have to understand that.

 

Both of you have all the time later to mend this relationship. You have to help him be more careful and to learn how to buckle up when under pressure.

 

At the moment, please be patience and change your number. (((K.K.)))

[darkmoon]

the wife's side of the story.... it would be what I would do if I was his wife, I would want to tell you where to go too, I would want that power over you too, to tell you whatever I felt like in fact and to call the Police if needs be, jealousy hurts, the remedy can be revenge

 

 

keep your dignity KK and leave things alone, we have seen the talons of a wife here, play smart, be dignified, silence, and moving on please

[uneek74]

Anne, I think alluding to someone as sociopath (Antisocial personality Disorder) is a bit presumptuous , seeing as how this is her first post. We have no idea what her life is like after one incident that she has shared with us.

 

 

I believe she came for support. She clearly needs it.

[anne1707]

Anne, I think alluding to someone as sociopath (Antisocial personality Disorder) is a bit presumptuous , seeing as how this is her first post. We have no idea what her life is like after one incident that she has shared with us.

 

 

I believe she came for support. She clearly needs it.

 

I did not say the OP was a sociopath at all.

[uneek74]

Anne, duly noted. I just went back to read your post. I believe I honed in on the word because of it's negative connotation.

[Anela]

No. Friends don't talk about "if I were single we'd be together":rolleyes:.

 

Right. I had a guy do that to me, and he was sort of obsessed with me for a few years - only because I had no interest in him.

 

Least I don't call myself candy pants. Good grief.

 

It's a lighthearted name. People used to refer to me as "bunny" around here.

[thecharade]

I am sorry for what you've been through. You didn't understand the dynamics.

 

It is very, VERY common for conflict avoidant men to seek out inappropriate relationships when they are unhappy. This type of man will never divorce--can't stand the thought of so many people against him--and so he simply finds a happy diversion. Divorce is very difficult. Even properly confronting marriage problems openly and honestly is difficult. Most people don't know how. It is clear that this friend of yours has no clue how to be heard in his marriage. When it comes to his wife, on a good day he is only a little wrong, and on a bad day everything about him is wrong; he has no idea how to feel better.

 

You are not responsible for their dishonest communication habits, but the crying mess you saw? That IS him. He is conflict avoidant. It would take a lot of counseling for him to learn any other way, and you don't need that. Yes, pity him and move on. They have much bigger problems than you.

 

But you have seen how needy married men can be, and it often shows in the workplace. Steer clear. A strong man only needs one close relationship at a time, even if it's not sexual.

 

The attack your suffering from other posters? They are mostly betrayed spouses who read here from the infidelity section. Take what you believe is fair and accurate, and leave the rest.

 

Good luck at work.

[delight]

"I have never seen him outside

Of work. I've tried to get him to take me to yard sales and various

Things we both find interesting but he says his wife won't allow it. Um ok"

So, first of all I do understand that you were friends and it was wrong of him to cut off something that he had been as much part of as you. But, you do say you were the one pushing to see him outside work to go to yard sales for example. Why did you feel the need to see him outside of work? Wasn't being at work together sufficient? I mean work colleagues generally see eachother more than they see their own spouses ! Maybe you grew more attached to him than appropriate and deep down, you should examine if you liked the idea of having a relationship as such but one that couldn't fully materialize because he was taken.

[Tressugar]

I'm not a betrayed spouse. Right is right and wrong is wrong.

[purplesorrow]

Nope - only the insecure ones.

 

If my H was close to a female friend - M or S - at work, it wouldn't bother me in the slightest. Nor would a flirty text. He's my partner, not my puppy. He's with me because he chooses to be, not because I keep him on a leash.

 

I'm sorry you had to deal with this. Here are flakey, insecure women out there who treat every other woman as a threat, and she's clearly one. I hope your friend learns from this how controlling she is, and uses the opportunity to wean himself away from her apron strings, and I hope your work situation normalises soon so that you don't have to feel the fall-out on an ongoing basis.

 

Please recognise that she is the one with the problem here, not you. Her life will always be unhappy with such high levels of insecurity, whereas you are free to find other friends and not be tied to such craziness.

I never had any problems with my husband having female friends. But a secret 3 year friendship is a red flag. If she were just a 'friend', why not tell his wife about her? My husband knew about all of my friends, and I he....except the one he cheated with.

[Hope Shimmers]

Nope - only the insecure ones.

 

If my H was close to a female friend - M or S - at work, it wouldn't bother me in the slightest. Nor would a flirty text. He's my partner, not my puppy. He's with me because he chooses to be, not because I keep him on a leash.

 

I'm sorry you had to deal with this. Here are flakey, insecure women out there who treat every other woman as a threat, and she's clearly one. I hope your friend learns from this how controlling she is, and uses the opportunity to wean himself away from her apron strings, and I hope your work situation normalises soon so that you don't have to feel the fall-out on an ongoing basis.

 

Please recognise that she is the one with the problem here, not you. Her life will always be unhappy with such high levels of insecurity, whereas you are free to find other friends and not be tied to such craziness.

 

So a spouse is insecure if they don't like friendships that involve flirtatious texts and statements about how he would be with her if he were single? With a woman who he was 'extremely close to' for several years but that she didn't know about? I wouldn't call it 'insecurity'; I would call it being smart.

 

You wouldn't have a problem with your husband flirting behind your back and making such statements to another woman? That is not a 'friendship'. Friendships are gender-neutral, and this is anything but.

[Bootsie]

I did not say the OP was a sociopath at all.

 

xxxxxxxxxx

[Bootsie]

K.K. was the friendship a secret from his wife, did she know the nature of your communications with each other, did she know how much time you spent together when he was at work, and was he truthful with her about everything to do with his friendship with you?

 

 

If not, it means he was deceiving her, and from his perspective (and therefore hers) he was having what is called an emotional affair (EA) with you.

 

 

Her reaction is understandable and "normal" in the context of him being in an EA with you, as is yours by the way. You certainly don't write like it was just a platonic friendship as many platonic friends are "friends of the marriage" ie they support their friends in their chosen life partnerships even if they do not know or even like the wife very well.

 

 

The way you write is as if you are an "other woman" and this is after all the OW/OM forum. You just haven't got physical yet. It's great for you that you can now see where his choice would be if you actually had got physical. It's obvious you find this all very painful but there are plenty here to tell you it's probably much less painful for you to be thrown under the bus before it get physical.

Edited May 12, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator