To forgive or not to forgive?

[Taeyang]

I am so confused right now.

 

I just broke up yesterday with my boyfriend because I caught him right before cheating.

 

We were planning on taking a break just to be away from each other for a bit since we spent a whole month together on vacation, and we decided it would be a break from seeing each other but we would still be together and I specifically told him that hence there was no "we were on a break and I got into another girls pants" because we were still together. At this point I found out he was talking to another girl, I told him to please stop talking to her that way and if he wanted to do something with her to at least respect me enough to wait until we break up. We went for the break anyway, and then it was killing me because I had a hunch he was gonna do something with this girl. He was being so secretive, he gave me his facebook password since we've been dating and now he changed it because all of a sudden he felt like he has no privacy. But I got to see messages and he kept talking to her, they sent each other pictures, they were talking about kissing and other things, and they were gonna meet up soon. And the worst part for me was this: I sent the girl messages and a friend request, she told him and he said "don't accept her she's my crazy ex girlfriend".

 

So I gave him a chance to tell me the truth, and I told him if he didn't want to fix things and he just wanted to end it it was fine with me and he told me he needed his time and wanted to fix things after that, that right now he just wanted to be alone and that after he had his time, even if i ignored him, he would beg me if necessary to fix things and give him another chance. So basically he wanted to take a break, go crazy drinking with buddies and i guess getting with that hoe, and then try to fix things with me. I confronted him about it and he didn't even say anything the whole time until the end he said "I'm sorry". The whole time I was the most calm and collected.

 

Right before I confronted him I was feeling sick and I told him I couldn't drive and he rushed over and looked after me the whole night. This confuses me even more.

 

I broke up with him and it's like he thought I was just exaggerating, that I'd be back. He kept saying that everything was gonna work out. And he messaged me a couple of times to say he was sorry. I took our relationship status off facebook and later he messaged me through there "Babe please, don't do this to me" and I didn't answer and I guess he tried reverse psychology and said "oh ok it's gonna be like that" and I answered "you still dare to say that" and he started ignoring me. I found out through a friend he started blocking his recent posts from me and she showed me and it was a song about the breakup that said something like "this is how you say it has to be, our feet will no longer walk together" and stuff like that. He is hurting because I broke up with him even his mom said he saw him and he's been really sad and mopey. All this time I've only been posting things that show how happy I am, and I have not let him even slightly see that I'm sad.

 

 

Yesterday I was just pissed off the whole day, I was thinking about how I never wanted to see him again and I would never forgive him. Then today I cried my eyes out. And now I started feeling empty. I started missing him, and I even started thinking, what if I just let him get it out of his system and when he comes trying to win me back actually let him? I feel like I really want him in my life but after what he did I just don't know what to feel.

 

This guy was so amazing with me, he was romantic and sweet and he proved his love to me so much. I was a bit insecure, and I gave him crap about a lot of things that in retrospect aren't even that bad it was just common courtesy but it came off as insecure from my part. I.e. him liking a bunch of suicide girls like pages and pictures on fb and me not wanting to see that, him talking to his girl friends in a flirtatious manner as always and me telling him not to talk to them that way, etc. I feel to an extent that my jealousy made him feel like I wouldn't let him be himself and pushed him away. And I'd like to talk to him about it. But I know he wants his space, and should I even bother talking about it at this point? Should I just delete him off facebook and off my life? Should I even consider forgiving him or is this something that says straight out that he doesn't care about me anymore? Should I just not talk to him at all or hint that I might want to still talk later?

 

Please help alleviate my concerns, please, I can't stop going through this in my head.

[d0nnivain]

I'm not a big believer in breaks. You are either together or you are broken up. There is no middle ground. If you are broken up by definition there is no cheating.

 

I can also understand the need for space after being together for a month long vacation but that is more of a few hours -- I'm going home to do laundry, sleep in my own bed & just enjoy being alone.

 

If you want to heal this relationship, talk to him. Hash it all out & move forward together. If you aren't both on the same page, let it go already. FWIW, it sounds like you might not be on the same page. You don't like the way he interacts with other women yet his behavior doesn't change. He wants to get drunk with his buddies. You are both pretty hung up on your FB status. Perhaps it's time to move on.

[PegNosePete]

He treated you amazingly and proved his love so much, that is why you had to tell him to stop talking to other girls about kissing them? Hmm.

He is rude and disrespectful to you and your relationship. I would dump him and not look back.

He obviously doesn't give a carp about your feelings.

[jay1983]

Not to forgive, he betrayed you and he"ll most likely do it again.

[No Limit]

He initiated the cheating long before you caught it, that's what the break was for. To benefit him. Stay away from this guy.